Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. I have fun playing with them.
Thank you to my lovely friend Mari. You Rock, big time.
Please read A/N at the end.
Out With the Old, In With the Not So New.
"The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere."
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I wake up at 6:00 am and start getting ready with heavy limbs. I am never in the mood for school, but today I am dreading it like never before. Not being myself is hard enough, but not being able to be myself next to a person that knows the real me is even harder. Never mind the fact that said person has managed to get a hold on my heart with both hands.
I shower and get dressed in fitted jeans, ballerinas and some cute, new blouse I bought last weekend. I start doing my make up at 6:30 and by the time I'm done I hear the sound of Edward's car coming down the street. It's still early so I know he will park the car on my entryway. I start making my way down the stairs and when I get to the kitchen Edward is already sitting on the counter eating a pop tart. He must've used the key I keep hidden in a flower pot outside. He's been using it since I showed it to him a few years ago.
When he sees me his eyes sparkle with a bright glow that could blind me. He whistles and smirks at me.
"Looking hot Swan." He says with his mouth full. He's already on character, treating me with a fake affection that I've started to notice just how much annoys me. I see his long legs swinging; he touches the chair in front of him with his Nike sneakers each time. He's wearing normal jeans, not too loose, not too tight, and a dark blue t-shirt that is a perfect contrast to his white skin. Dear God, I am such a girl.
I don't exactly remember when I started to feel like this about him. Maybe it was when I realized just how green his eyes are, or how captivating his stare is. Or maybe it was when his arms grew stronger, or when I noticed his broad back.
Perhaps it was when his hair grew long and its' soft texture became an intriguing thing to me. It might have been when his innocent touch started to send little waves of shock straight to my heart. And other parts of my body.
Growing up with someone like him should've made me immune to his charms. I thought I was, but then I started paying attention to how handsome he truly is. Foolish of me. His sharp jaw, his piercing eyes, his straight nose; his hair, his height, his long eyelashes; his cheekbones, his arms, his fingers; his crooked smile, his timid smile, his real smile…
All of a sudden he's not "Cullen" or "Champ", or "E", he's Edward; the hottest guy, the smartest person I know, the most interesting human being on the planet…my stupid best friend.
Since when being friends with someone became such a curse? Since you fall in love with them. The little irritating voice inside my head reminds me. It's like you're on the verge of being something, but nothing pushes you to the side you want to be. So you just stand there, on the very edge, having someone without really having them.
I know girls envy me. They want to be in my shoes. They want to be the person I am to him. If only they knew…
If only they knew I sometimes wish I was one of them. The girls he sees, the girls he flirts with, the girls who end up on his bed, or his couch, or his backseat, or under the bleachers; the girls who turn him on. Not me, plain old me; his best friend.
I ignore his compliment because I know he doesn't really mean it. I open the fridge and pull out a milk carton. I need a glass, so I go to open the cabinets that are behind Edward's head. He moves to the side, knowing what I am going to do, without me having to say anything. After I find the glass and pour my milk, I take the pop tarts box out of his hands, only to find it empty.
"Jeez, make yourself at home, why don't you?" I tell him, giving him a glare and throwing the empty box back at him. He catches it and shrugs with an apologetic look on his face.
"Don't be mad. I was hungry." He says while I gulp down my milk, just to have something to do.
"Don't they feed you in the Cullen residence?" I ask him with the residual annoyance from him eating my breakfast.
"Ah, you know Mom is always making that healthy crap. That is no real food for a real man." He says in a whining voice. I do know this. I've eaten so many meals in the Cullen house along the years, that I've lost count. I don't particularly enjoy all the healthy eating either, but I pretend out of politeness. However, Edward and his brother Emmett are always complaining, which always lead to the healthy food crap speech from their father, Doctor Carlisle Almighty Cullen. I don't blame Edward's mom from trying to please her husband with her cooking. I mean, if I had to listen to all that constant babble about how a serving from a certain food can lead you to your grave, I would have gone mad by now. So, anything to shut him up is good, even if that means cooking non appealing food.
I gasp in mock surprise, returning my thoughts to my conversation with Edward. "What would Esme say if she found out about this? I'm sure she'll have your head." He just smiles at me.
"Are you quite done with that milk? We need to get going." He says jumping from the counter, landing right in front of me where I can smell his cologne. I turn around and put some space between us before my stupid brain sends any stupid ideas to my stupid body and I end up licking his stupid perfect face.
"I just need to grab my bag." I say walking away from him, towards my room.
"Hurry up! I'll wait in the car!" He yells at me in a chirp voice. So exasperating. Why does he have to be so happy all the time? You're just bitter. My inner voice says. I mean, I know I would be happy all the time if I looked like him, if I had his life. Shut up, bitch, you know better than that. My brain argues with me. It's true, I do know better. I know to everyone looking from the outside, his life seems perfect. He's the living example of someone who has it all. Except he really doesn't. It's all a make believe.
I drag my feet, not wanting to ever reach that car and the destination it'll take us. I lock the door behind me and make my way to the car. I get in and fiddle with my seat belt.
"Do we really have to go?" I ask like a petulant child once we start moving. He chuckles and shakes his head before answering me.
"Yes, Bella, we have to go." He says slowly, using my favorite nickname.
I huff loudly and cross my arms in front of me. No wonder he treats you like his sister. You're acting as a five year old. I roll my eyes at myself. Stupid inner voice, always scolding me.
"You know, you might want to start pulling yourself together. You've been out of practice. You might slip." He tells me after my small tantrum.
"Oh, you are so right E! I am so sorry. Let's get this started. It's going to be so awesome!" I say in my high pitch voice clapping my hands at the end, like a cheerleader. I wish I was really being sarcastic, but this is who I'll have to be for the next months. He smiles and pushes my shoulder.
"That's more like it, Swan."
The rest of the drive is filled with talk about music and gossip about our friends. We need to be in constant reminder of what we can really talk about once we get to school.
He moves into one of the far spots. Once parked, we stay on the car for a little while finishing our conversation.
"Okay, so Irina and Kate spent their summer in LA, where they did a photo shoot for an upcoming magazine. Tyler had a thing with one of the cheerleaders named Jessica, but Kate doesn't know about it. Peter and Ben met an important agent from a football team who is supposed to come watch us play this year." He recalls the news we need to know, to have something to talk about with our friends.
Irina and Kate Denali are sisters. They are beautiful girls with a killing sense of style and a nonexistent sense of morality. They've been whoring themselves around since I met them in freshman year. And I am pretty sure they also have been consuming some illegal stuff since then. It's a pity really. If they continue on this rode, I don't know how they'll end up.
Tyler Crowley is Kate's boyfriend, for all intents and purposes, but everyone knows they spend more time with someone else's partner than together. He is the ultimate cars fan. He knows everything about expensive automobiles and he plans to be a car dealer like his father. Peter Withlock and Ben Cheney are in the football team like all the guys on the popular group. Peter is kind of layback and has hooked up with Kate on occasions, but nothing serious. He doesn't really talk much, he's kind of mysterious and very cryptic, but I guess that makes him cool or whatever.
Ben is the geek out of the bunch. If he wasn't in our group, he'd be with the nerds. I swear he is too damn smart. He can jack computers and stuff and is always fixing our electronics devices. I don't know how he ended up being one of us, but then again, I don't know how Edward and I did it either.
Yes, he is the captain of the football team and yes I am a cheerleader, but we did those things, after we were in with the cool kids.
"Alice went to some cruise or whatever and met a guy, I don't remember his name, and anyway, Emmett didn't approve, and ended up getting into a fight with him." He continues on, sharing information about his siblings and bringing me out of my thoughts. I know he doesn't really like betraying their trust like that, but it's all part of who we are inside this place.
"What about Tanya?" I ask timidly. Tanya Her Highness Denali, cousin of Kate and Irina, head of the cheerleaders' squad, blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect body, perfect face, perfect clothes…. and above all, Edward's on and off girlfriend. They've been together since 9th grade, but in between break ups and their so called time off, I don't know how many months they've actually been together since then. All I know is they always manage to get back together in time for the school dances and Valentine's Day. They are always a couple when it matters the most. Besides everyone knows they'll end up back together anyway. It's stated in some kind of invisible law that the captain of the football team and the principal cheerleader must be together.
"I don't know about her. We decided to take a break before summer started. I haven't heard from her ever since." He replies.
I know he said "we" but I'm sure he was the one who suggested the break. It's usually him. Whenever he gets too tired of playing perfect boyfriend, they take a break and he has his fun for a while. Tanya pretends it doesn't bother her to see him with other girls until she admits it does and they get together again.
I give him a sad smile, not knowing what to say. We get out of the car and make our way to the building. Everyone is already going inside; I guess we took too much time. I say my goodbyes to Edward, and start walking the opposite way from him. Making my way to my first class, I bump into Alice who squeals like she usually does when she's excited.
"Oh My God B! I missed you so much!" She kind of yells in my ear while hugging me. "We have so much to talk about!" She says eagerly, hooking her arm with mine. I smile at her before replying.
"You arrived so late yesterday. Edw—E, said you were tired so I left you alone." I answer her, mentally slapping myself for almost saying Edward's name. He was right. I am out of practice. Alice nods and doesn't comment on my almost mistake before talking again.
"Yes, I was. It was such a great trip! I met this guy, his name is Jasper, but we can talk about that later." She whispers at the end. We make it to our classroom just in time to sit before the teacher closes the door. I make eye contact with Irina and Kate who take this class with us and smile at them. They respond with a bright smile and a gracious wave. Thank God we don't have time to talk right away. That gives me time to compose myself and remember my fake self.
The day goes by surprisingly busy for a first day. I managed to get in time to all my classes, but without minutes to spare. I've been walking slowly and on a dazed from class to class feeling particularly out of place. People have waved, winked and yelled at me on the hallways and I have responded in the way I was supposed to. Still, I feel weirder than usual.
AP Calculus is the only class I have without any of the group and it's the period before lunch. Therefore, I get to walk to lunch by myself. I make a detour to the bathroom to reapply my makeup. Lunch is where we're all going to be together for the first time in a couple of months. I know I have to look my best.
When I open the bathroom door, I am met with the Blondie-Bunch. Tanya, Kate, and Irina are all there checking themselves out in the mirror. I have already seen them today, but we haven't been able to talk. I take notice for the first time of their outfits. Kate and Irina are wearing short but classy dresses with some platforms shoes, looking very much like models out of a magazine. Tanya is wearing tight skinny jeans with some flat knee-high boots and a sweater that screams European. She looks so effortlessly put together. Their makeup is impeccable as usual, perfectly fitting for this time of day, and making them stand out from the rest of the girls in school. Their hair is shiny and soft looking. It would almost make me jealous and insecure if I didn't know that my hair is one of my greatest traits.
"O-M-G! Look who it is girls, it's B!" Kate screams making Tanya and Irina turn around to face me. They encircle me in a group hug, murmuring how great it is to finally get to talk. They all let go of me at the same time, always in sync, to take a look at me. Irina is the first to give her opinion.
"I kind of like that blouse B." She says giving me a nod of approval while looking at her sister and cousin for reassurance. Three long seconds of silence pass before they nod back at her.
"I would've liked to see you with some height Izzy." Kate says referring to my ballerinas.
"Oh hush, you guys, flats are super cute." Tanya finally comments, winking at me and pointing to her flat boots. I could almost fly with the relief that overwhelms me.
"Thanks girls, you all look amazing… as always." I say giving them a smile. They smile back without thanking me, because there's no need. They don't need my approval.
After pleasantries are exchanged, I get in front of the mirror next to them and start retouching my makeup before heading out together.
Kate and Irina are leading the way while Tanya and I fall behind them. Tanya never enters the cafeteria first. She lets us walk in front of her to capture the attention of everybody and then she takes five seconds, building the anticipation, before walking in like the star she is.
When we reach the cafeteria, Kate and Irina go inside right away. I start to follow them quickly so that Tanya can be the last one to enter, but she grabs me, pulling me back, letting the doors close before I reach it. She walks us to the side of the hallway so that we don't disturb anyone.
"Tell me everything!" She says with an expectant look on her face.
"About what?" I ask completely lost. Oh my God, what did I miss? What is she talking about?
"Duh, silly B, about E! Did he miss me much?" She asks me before I get all paranoid. Of course she would ask me of all people, if Edw—E missed her. I am his best friend after all. That is not a secret. Our true selves might be a secret but our friendship is not.
"Um, I actually couldn't tell you T, we didn't hang out much this summer." That answer earns me a skeptical look. She raises an eyebrow in question. "I mean, he traveled back and forth with his Dad, so…we didn't…really talk much." I explain. It's not a lie either. Doctor Almighty spent all summer traveling to various cities to give some lectures about important surgical procedures. Obviously he dragged Edward along, since he wants him to become a doctor and all that.
"Mmm," she contemplates the truth to my answer before smiling her one hundred watts smile. "Well of course he did! He already texted me to meet him after school." She says with a dreamy yet smug look on her face. I smile back at her pretending to be happy for her.
"There you have it. That's great!" I tell her in an excited tone. She nods at me but then a determined look settles on her face.
"By the way B, you should find yourself a ride home. I plan to get E to drive me so that we can spend as much time together as we can. We need to reconnect." She says seriously, leaving no room for argument.
"Of course T, I'll talk to Ali." I say with a false smile plastered on my face. This is not the first time I am left without a ride, especially at the hands of Tanya. Alice and Emmett have always ridden together while Edward designated himself as my personal driver. Despite my insistence that he lets me drive with his brother and sister, he always says no. He always picks me up in the mornings and drives me back home in the afternoons. Unless something comes up, like Tanya claiming her ownership to him, seducing him into doing whatever she wants.
"Sure you will…now let's go to lunch." She says giving me no time to argue and encouraging me to walk ahead of her. I get to the cafeteria and all eyes turn to look at me for a moment. Guys take appreciative looks at me while girls give me glares of jealousy. I make my way to our table where the girls are eating and chatting. The boys are in the table next to them eating their food. Just when I am about to sit, the cafeteria doors open once again. Tanya makes her way towards us walking as if she is floating. Her hair sways around her with the movement of her body. I could swear everyone has stopped talking and moving just to watch her, myself included.
Instead of sitting with us girls, she sits on the boy's table, next to Edward. She ruffles his hair and kisses his cheek. I look away.
"Hey Ali," I whisper. She looks at me expectantly. "I need a ride home." I tell her, pointing with my head to Tanya and Edward. He has his arm draped around her and is hanging unto every word coming from her lips. Alice nods her head, understanding evident on her face. I think our little exchange has gone unnoticed but then Kate leans in to prove me otherwise.
"Isn't it great B? T and E are going to get back together." She murmurs in my ear. I smile and nod, taking a grape from her tray and chewing slowly to keep my mouth busy. My feelings are all over the place and I don't like it. It's getting harder by the second to pretend to be who I'm not, to pretend that I'm happy for them. I sigh and keep taking fruits from the girls' trays. Any other day, I would've bought my own food, but today I know it'd go to waste. I am eating just to do something with myself.
"Did you guys hear?" Irina asks excitedly, getting the attention from both ours and the boys' table. I chance a look at Edward, afraid that I missed out on some important information. The look of confusion on his face tells me he knows nothing so I breathe a sigh of relief. No one asks Irina what she's talking about, but she answers anyway. "We are getting fresh meat! Two new students will be joining us tomorrow, a girl and a boy. They are siblings."
"How is this exciting Inna?" Tanya asks looking bored, placing her fingers in Edward's hair. For a moment I let myself day dream about her fingers falling off one by one in a painful way.
Irina shrugs and with that the conversation is over. Lunch is over all too soon, thankfully, and everyone stands up to go their merry way. I linger behind giving them time to leave without me. When I exit the cafeteria, I am met with Edward, looking very much like a teenage dream resting his body against the wall. His left leg is propped up and his arms are crossed in front of him. I sigh and start walking towards him. When I get close to him I keep walking and he starts walking next to me.
"What's up B?" He asks me, pushing my shoulder like he usually does. I shrug.
"Not much." But then I remember. "I got myself a ride home, so you have nothing to worry about." I say, surprising myself by how bitter my voice sounds. He looks at me with a weird expression on his face.
"What are you talking about? Why would you need a ride?" He says when just when we get to our classroom. We enter the classroom and take our sits quietly, because the teacher is watching us intently. We are the last ones to arrive, so after we are seated, he begins the standard lecture that's given on the first day.
Edward looks at me in confusion, asking me with his eyes to explain what I said outside. I just shake my head. I hear the huff of annoyance he makes, before he searches a blank sheet, writes a message and passes it to me. I sigh. We've always done this. It doesn't matter how old we get, it's like middle school, when we used to have endless conversations on little pieces of paper. I take the paper to read it.
Bella, what did you mean? Why do you need a ride home? Is something wrong?
I take my time looking for a pen or a pencil to write him back, and when he realizes I am wasting time, he passes me his pen, muttering under his breath.
E, I meant exactly what I said, I needed a ride home and I got it. Nothing's wrong. You can go to T's house without having to worry about me.
I pass it back to him. For a moment I regret being so cold to him and letting my feelings get the best of me, but I can't help feeling a little thrown back that he plans to be with Tanya and I got to hear it from her. He usually tells me where his mind is regarding her. This morning when I asked about her, he seemed so aloof, like he really didn't care about her whereabouts. I guess one look at her changed all that. Her beauty must have that much power.
He stares silently at the paper and when I chance a look at him, I can't decipher the look in his face. It resembles anger but before I can figure it out, he crumples the paper and looks up. Mr. Banner is looking at us, knowing we weren't paying attention. He gives us a severe look and continues talking. After that, Edward doesn't write and I don't look back at him.
I spend the rest of the class coming up with a plan to exit the room before Edward gets to talk to me.
I don't think I can pretend anymore.
Thank you so much for reading and for adding me to your alert list. It means a lot.
I hope you liked this chap, and please, if you come up with a better short for Tanya, let me know :)
If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them.
Till next time, xo.