A/N: Yay, chapter two of If One Never Left! Important news: This chapter will be split up with B and J POVs! THE AN AT THE BOTTOM IS IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ IT! I don't know what else to say at the moment, so here the disclaimer is (No wait, I do: what's the important difference between 'So here's the disclaimer' and 'So here the disclaimer is'? Sorry for the long A/N, too):
DISCLAIMER: Is this necessary? If I owned Twilight, I SO wouldn't be writing this. Duh! But I don't want to get sued either. Err.
JPOV
Bella's jaw dropped. "You never left? Why didn't you show yourself?!" She gasped. Bella was devastated, angry, and sad. "Bella, darlin', I'm sorry. It was really the best thing to do." I tried to soothe her, even used my gift. "Stop it, Jasper!" She shrieked as I sent her a very strong wave of calm. I immediately pulled it back, and she gave me a slightly puzzled look, but didn't really care. That much I could tell. "But why did you stay? Why did you leave your family, your mate, for me, a pathetic human?" Bella asked, starting to cry.
I barely thought before I was pulling Bella into my lap, rocking her and stroking her hair. "Shh, Bella, no voy a dejar que nada te haga daño, te lo prometo. Estoy aquí, no te voy a dejar o esconderme, de ti nunca más, cariño.*" I murmured, not realizing I'd slipped into Spanish again until I'd finished speaking. It came easily to me, almost more so than English. The result of that was that I often spoke Spanish when upset, agitated, or extremely busy or stressed.
"You spoke Spanish again," Bella noticed, "Oh, I'm so sorry! Jasper, you really shouldn't try to help me. It only makes it worse for you." She started to move away again. "Bella, don't you dare worry about me. If you need something from me, you will get it – No matter how much it may suck for me." I scolded, but letting her slip away anyways. I wasn't going to force Bella to do anything she didn't want unless necessary; I was no Edward. "Jasper? Jasper!" Bella's panicked voice broke into my thoughts. "I'm sorry, darlin'," I said as I shook my head trying to get rid of my unpleasant thoughts. "Didja say sumthin'?" Bella stared at me, shocked. I cringed into the chair as I realized I'd let my accent slip – Alice had hated it, so I'd always made a point of 'talking properly,' as she called it. To me that had always sounded like utter nonsense –It was the other way around. Running words together and dropping my G's and D's was talking properly, to me at least.
Bella was still staring at me like I'd sprouted another head, and I realized I'd been scrunched into the back of the chair and muttering "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" over and over again. Depositing her in another chair, I stood up, "I'll be back in an hour, Bella." I paused when I felt her hurt emotions. "I just need to think, I promise I will come back. I will answer any question you want me to then, okay? Try not to hurt yourself." I said with a smile. "Okay." Bella whispered, slowly wrapping her arms around herself. I hesitated a moment before reaching down and giving her a swift hug. "I'll be back as soon as I can." I murmured before quickly running through the door.
After I found a nice old oak tree to sit under, I sighed as I leaned my head back against the tree. It appeared Alice had left a more lasting mark than I'd thought if I found myself instinctively trying to hide when I let my Southern accent slip. And it wasn't really just that, either; I'd found myself automatically reaching for those ridiculous loafers this morning, instead of the cowboy boots I preferred. Well, I reasoned with myself, she was my wife for how many years? Some of her prodding and pushing was bound to rub off. Besides, Alice really isn't all that bad. . . She just tried to do what she thought best and messed up royally. I do miss her. . . My mouth twitched up into a wry smile. Yes, I did miss Alice, with all her quirks. So she messed up a few times. Well, that was okay. I'd messed up a few times myself.
Standing up, I checked my watch; it was ten after three. Plenty of time to get back to Bella in the promised time frame, so I set off at a human pace, watching the animals. Two squirrels raced each other up a tree, chattering to each other. It was nice just being alone with my thoughts, I hadn't had a chance to be like this for quite some time; I'd been too busy watching over Bella. Speaking of which, I'd probably better get a move on.
When I got close to the house, I noticed that there were two mixes of emotions instead of just one. I smiled – Charlie must be back, then. I veered into the woods and jumped quietly into what I called my 'lookout' tree. I had a perfect view of Bella's window, an okay view of the front door, and it was just far enough away for me to 'taste' the occupants emotions without being incapacitated by them. Indeed, it was a very happy Charlie and an anxious Bella that were inside. Glancing at my watch again, I realized why – 3:25. I had five minutes to get back before my hour was up.
Biting my lip, I considered the situation: I had to let Bella know I was here without alerting Charlie, but Bella's window was closed and I couldn't very well walk in the front door. After all the time spent protecting Charlie as well as Bella I definitely didn't want him to have a heart attack – That would most definitely defeat the purpose. Just then, Bella's window opened. "Jasper? If you're out there, please, let me know." Bella whispered. I felt a twist of anguish and disappointment coming from her as she backed away from the window.
I jumped out of the tree and moved to one much closer, gritting my teeth at the strength of Bella's emotions. Quickly hopping into the closer tree, I checked to make sure Bella was far enough away from the window, then launched from the tree, landing neatly right inside Bella's windowsill. She smiled, relief coloring her emotions. "You came back!" She breathed, hopping off her bed and wrapping her arms around me. I tensed for a moment, and then carefully hugged her back.
"What, are you already so tired of my company?" I teased. "No," Bella replied as she lifted her chin. "I just wasn't sure if you would come back." Bella really hadn't been sure, I realized as I stared at her sadly. What on earth did Edward tell her? I wondered for the millionth time as I said, "I promised, didn't I?" Her only response was a hesitant smile. I smiled back before I mischievously swooped down and picked her up bridal style. Bella squealed then giggled as I carried her over to the bed. "So, what do you want to know?" I asked, setting her down.
Her emotions became more sober as she thought for a moment. "Well, won't you sit down?" She asked after a minute. I blinked, and then carefully sat at the edge of her bed. "First, I want to know. . . Oh, will you relax!" She snapped. "There's no need to be so careful, Jasper. I'm not a doll!" I blinked. "I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't realize you felt that way. You're anything but a doll, Bella." I said slowly. She raised an eyebrow, curious, but dropped the subject. "So why did you come back?" Bella asked. "I already told you, remember? I wanted to apologize for trying to kill you on your birthday." I reminded her.
"Oh yeah, you did. But Jasper, there was nothing to forgive." Bella said quickly. I snorted. "Nothing? Please, Bella, I tried to kill you, and would have succeeded if a small part of me hadn't held onto sanity. I'm honestly still surprised that that small part of me didn't give up as well. Not only was I dealing with everyone else's bloodlust on top of my own, but what happened earlier didn't help. . ." I trailed off as I remembered that day and the night before. I realized I was starting to zone out when Bella sneezed. "Bless you," I said politely, mentally kicking myself.
"What do you mean?" Bella asked with her brow furrowing. "Bella, please, I really don't want to talk about it. I promise I'll tell you when it's less painful, okay? I know I'm not giving you very many answers, but please bear with me." I said, taking one of her hands and giving it a quick squeeze. "Okay. . . Question two, why did you stay? I mean, I'm just a pathetic, worthless, weak, stupid human-" I cut Bella off then. "Bella, enough with the self-loathing. I'm pretty sure I have enough of that for the two of us. Rather ironic that I can't stand it, don't you think?" I asked with a sarcastic smirk, "Anyways, you are definitely not pathetic, and anyone who has told you that doesn't know the Bella that I do. The sweet, kind, generous, always thinking of others first Bella. Darlin', let me ask you something: If I thought you worthless, would I have stuck around for months, going far longer than I should have without hunting, kept you safe, if you were worthless? No. You are strong. Stronger than any other human I know. Perhaps not physically, but mentally is a different story. You're not stupid either. Quite the opposite, really. You got that? You are a strong, smart, beautiful young woman."
Bella blinked as my words sunk in. "Do I really seem that way to you, Jasper?" She asked. I nodded, carefully putting a palm on each of her cheeks, cradling her head. "Yes, darlin', I do. No matter what, you remember that." I ordered. Bella nodded, happy. "Of course, Jasper," She replied. She was radiating trust, and I felt shocked. I knew Edward had continually warned her that I was dangerous – And I am, very much so – and yet, Bella wasn't even the slightest bit scared of me. Dropping my palms, I leaned away from her slowly, assessing her hesitance. "What is it, Bella?" Bella blushed, "I was just wondering. . . Jasper, you just seem so in control of yourself. Even his eyes would darken when I hugged him, or I sat in his lap. Yet yours don't." She told me, hugging her knees.
"Bella, sometimes you're far too observant for your own good." I sighed. "Yet you deserve an answer. . . Your blood is appealing, sure – whose isn't? But I think that it certainly has something to do with the fact that I've been so close to you and Charlie for so long now, protected you both for so long, that it doesn't really bother me as much as it could." I said slowly, carefully, picking my phrasing. That was certainly part of the truth – The other part I just couldn't tell her yet. I had no idea how she would react right now if I told the whole truth. Probably she'd laugh. It was a risk I wasn't willing to take, not right now.
"Okay, questions four. What did you mean when you said that you have enough self-loathing for two of us a few minutes ago?" Bella asked, yet again breaking me out of my thoughts. I really should stop that. "Ah, you caught that, hmm?" I asked. "Well, Bella, do you know anything at all about my background?" She shook her head, and I resisted an urge to roll my eyes. "No, of course he wouldn't tell you my story. It's hardly something to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. But I think it's something that's better left for a nice sunny day. In a meadow. Preferably the center of said meadow. Anyways, Bella, the answer to your question has to do with my past, which I will tell you. . . Sooner or later. Anything else?"
BELLA POV
Well, that was weird. What would be so bad about Jasper's past that he would only tell me in the middle of a meadow on a sunny day? It couldn't be that bad, could it? Hmm, questions. . . . . . Which one now? "Where's everyone else?" I asked after a moment of deliberation. "Georgia. Alice says it's really nice there, although really sunny." He grinned. "Rosalie's not too thrilled about night school, either, although Emmett's thrilled. Carlisle's teaching medical classes – at night – and Esme is the perfect picture of a stay-at-home mother. I think Rose is going for another mechanics major – Diesel this time, though. Emmett is trying to get an engineering degree. That'll be interesting – I don't think he's ever tried engineering before. Alice is majoring in dance for the first time. She loves it. . . Be prepared. When they get back, she may try to sucker you into dance classes." Jasper joked. "Oh, yes, and the other member of the family is taking the easy way out and majoring in psychology. Honestly, I don't think he's ever tried for anything new. Everyone else is doing something new this year, but him? Noo."
Jasper made a disgusted sound in his throat while casually reaching over and putting an arm around my shoulders and squeezing, maybe sending a little calm. I wasn't sure. The hole in my chest was starting to throb at the mention of Edward. But strangely, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I expected it to be. Jasper's phone must have vibrated then, since he made a face and brought the dinky silver cell out of his pocket, flipping it open. "Yes, Alice?" he asked, his nose wrinkling. It almost made me want to giggle – He looked kinda funny, really. "Oh, Alice, you've got to be joking!" he groaned after a moment. "Isn't that pushing it a little? I mean-" Jasper said quietly, sounding frustrated. "Fine. I'll ask her. But if she says no, Alice, that is that. No arguments." Jasper took the phone away from his ear and covered the speaker with his hand. "Bella, Alice would like to talk to you. Do you want to talk to her?" He asked, studying my face, and, no doubt, my emotions. "If you think you can't handle it, Alice will understand."
"Give me the phone." I said, holding out my hand. After he handed it to me, I brought it to my ear and said, "Alice?" I was half afraid that this was all a joke, but I felt that Jasper wouldn't do that to me. Surely Alice wouldn't, either? "Bella? I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I know we shouldn't have left you. It was a truly rotten and selfish thing to do. Can you ever forgive me?" Alice asked, her voice subdued, nothing like what I was used to. "Alice, of course I forgive you. I always have." I replied, starting to tear up. "Oh, Bella, don't cry! Thank you so much. You don't realize just how heavily this has weighed on my mind." She said.
After that, we talked and giggled about the silly things, catching up. She wanted to know how Ang and Ben were doing, and sounded thrilled to the tips of her toes when I told her they were still together. Fifteen minutes later, I heard someone interrupt Alice, asking who she was talking to. "Hey, Em. I'm talking to Bella." I heard a bellow of "Bella?! Give me the phone, Pixie!" It made me giggle. Yes, that was the Emmett I'd known and loved. "In a minute," Alice scolded. "Listen, Bella, Emmett wants on the phone. But I was thinking – We all have a break from school coming up. . . . Do you think it would be okay if we came down to Forks?" If I hadn't been sitting down already, I would have then. "Of course, Alice! I don't think I'd like anything better. . . If it's okay with Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper and as long as I don't have to see Edward." I admitted. "Great! We'll see you in a week! Now, I'm putting you on speakerphone." Alice chirped.
~~~~ HOUR TIME SKIP ~~~~~
Finally handing Jasper back his phone, I smiled. I'd gotten to talk to all the Cullens – Except one – and I was happy. "Darlin', are you sure you want the family to come here so soon? Are you sure you're ready for that?" Jasper asked. I smiled. "I'm positive. Yes, I agree it does seem a little soon, but I have a week, don't I?" I smiled, reaching over to give Jasper a hug. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to give me a little privacy. . ." I hinted. Jasper smirked. "I'll be around somewhere. If you need me, just call." Then he disappeared out my window. I smiled again and started gathering my things for a shower.
I wasn't okay, and I wouldn't be for a long time, but I was finally starting to heal.
A/N: So. . . I'm alive! Yay for that! I've had this chappie started for a really long time, I just haven't finished it. So, a few questions: What did you think of it? Like it, love it, hate it? Do you want me to just time skip to the day the Cullens arrive, with a little bit of glossing over
I'll probably be back, but I'm not totally sure. . . So please don't give up on me yet! There was a family tragedy, and since that, I just haven't felt like writing or have been too busy. . . . Dance is kinda takin' over my life at the moment. Recital was, after all, on May 16th, and plus I've a graduating sister. So, yeah. Oooh, I also have this REALLY COOL plot twist planned for the day the Cullens arrive! *Cackles evilly*
*EDIT: Crap, I just realized I hadn't put the Spanish translation! Here y'all go, with my apologies:
I will not let anything hurt you, I promise. I'm here, I'm not going to leave or hide from you anymore, darling.
See ya for now - Corn