Thank you for the reviews! Wow. Lovely.
Really they mean a lot!
I hope you all don't mind the stream of consciousness type thing that's going on, I 'aint used to the writing malarkey, I'm still nervous! Please enjoy:
Tits, tits, tits, tits, shit and tits!
Normally, usually, generally whenever Katie would happen to bump into Him on University campus (No. Not God) or around town, she wouldn't feel so on edge.
Fuck! Loughborough's a teeny tiny fucking place with no fucking where to hide and now I'm a sitting fucking duck that hasn't ACTUALLY done ANY fucking-fucking in weeks! Balls!
Normally, usually, generally she'd say "Hi" graciously and with genuine warmth to her ex-boyfriend whom she broke up with sixty-four days before Christmas, before New Years. And why not? She'd think. Doesn't understand why most people who break up suddenly have to hate one another. It's just unnecessary. Hurtful and just doesn't feel good.
That was until a couple of months ago, Katie vividly recollects…
Katie announces to her course-mates with a tired smile and a wave that she's leaving and has had enough of revision today, sourly noting she's probably not done enough revision today, and "ctrl + alt + deletes" her way out of the library computer rooms.
She shoulders her bag and clutches her files and books to her chest, walks down the stairs and pads softly across the fake marble floor, as softly as Uggs do. Approaching the glass doors to the exit, she shakes her head and frowns at her reflection before yawning, physical conformation that she does indeed look tired. Tired Katie's reflection disappears as Tired Katie steps outside and takes a breath of non-recycled air through her cute button nose.
She sets off in the direction of home, thinks about her evening and possibilities for dinner to distract her for the 15 minute walk back to her flat and TV.
But before she can immerse herself in thoughts of Big Fat Gypsies and their weddings, or academies filled with Tools; she spots her ex boyfriend, "speak of the devil" she muses, shyly walk towards her, and frowning in the way she knows that means he's hurting. Emotionally. Still.
"Alrigh' Babe?" the hurting man chances,
"Hi Cook," she manages. She's tired this time, "You ok?"
"Ahm fine. You look tired Katie" he looks concerned for her, Katie is aware that this fact annoys her.
"Thanks, January exams though y'know, final year, it counts" she scowls at him, tries not to make it obvious to him how little she thinks of his work ethic, or lack thereof. Never understood how he managed to keep a place at Uni and pass his exams when all he ever did (and probably still does) is drink and drink and drink every night.
"Well let me buy you a coffee then, perk you up a bit!" he nearly shouts, whilst blatantly, on purpose, nods towards her breasts and stares at them.
"No I'm fine don't trouble yourself! I'm worn out I just wanna go home" feels like she's pleading to him.
"C'mon it's only a little wiggle away, an' besides I wanna talk to ya, 'ant talked in ages!"
She closes her brown eyes briefly opens them to find his frown and hurting eyes again, feels guilty. She agrees to coffee and she turns around and walks with him. She feels like she owes him.
…
"'ere ya go Babe" Cook sets a bitter-sweet Mocha down next to her books and file on the table they are sat at in the Library Café. Stop that. I'm not your "Babe" anymore she inwardly sighs.
"Come out with me tomorrow"
"what? No!" Stop it Cook, I can't give you what you want, forget me for fuck's sake.
"C'mon few drinks and a laugh, good times you know"
"I've got too much work Cook,"
"No you don't, a night off'll relax ya" he's smiling what he thinks is cheekily but Katie can't help but think is a little menacing.
"I really don't think it's a good idea" double meaning.
"Fuck's sake Katie It's not like ahm askin' the world 'ere, 'sides it's the least you can do."
And then it hits her like ton of bricks, the strength and the realization, the self-worth, to not give a fuck about this man who is clearly not helping himself. It's not her job anymore. Remembers all the times before now, when they'd bump into each other, him acting like they're still together, like he doesn't hear her, yet will still play the guilt card when it suited him.
Katie was so willing to not have any bad blood between them, didn't want or need the drama. For a while it was easier to play her role of sorry-for-him, guilty-but-ultimately-happier dumper. She'd reply to texts with a smiley face and just one kiss instead of her usual three, she'd smile politely whenever she saw him around, sometimes a quick hug when Cook would insist and even the occasional round of shots with him whenever she'd be out with her mates and he'd suddenly appear more off his face than she'd ever seen him when they were going out, "12 tequila shots Babe" he'd shout in her ear, shove money down her dress and slap her arse, pushing her towards the bar.
And you put up with it because you felt bad and like you owed him.
Well she's sick of acting nice if he's just going to take advantage of her guilt and willingness to make him feel as good about it all as possible, not after he's spun around all her best intentions and has been making her feel for weeks like it's all her fault he's hurting this much. He's being selfish and he's using you, feels like every time she sees him she submits to him, let's him have his way. He's controlling you she realizes, you're letting him. Feels worse now. The passive aggressive prick!
She's assertive with her reply and is stopping his games,
"No, we broke up I don't have to have anything to do with you anymore."
Cook looks like he can't decide whether to laugh or spit at her.
"Oh 'ere we go, what the fuck Katie, you wiggle your way into my life all tits and arse, decide you've 'ad your fill, break my heart and then for weeks after you act like nuffin's happened, like you're doing me a favor hanging round with me! Why the fuck are you leadin' me on? Everyone was right y'know, you are a desperate slag!"
Cook is flailing and trying to do as much damage as he seems is only fair.
"Fuck you, you selfish childish Wanker, I did you a favor breaking up with you, I could never love you so what was the fucking point, I'd only hurt myself and you more if I let us carry on, if I carried on lying to us both."
She's standing up now, voice raised, things collected, "Don't call me or my friends, We're finished Cook, get over it."
She storms away, leaving a furious Cook, she vaguely registers people clapping.
Katie has decided now that she doesn't want to see him again. Like most couples do when they break up. She can hate him, feels she's allowed to hate him.
Remembers walking home with more enthusiasm than when she had left her friends in the computer room. Now full of adrenaline and passion. That felt VERY good.
So today instead of being polite to please him, Katie ignores Cook as they walk passed each other towards their respective destinations, she expects a confrontation.
It's been three months since New Years, why can't I bump into The One instead of my horrific exes? She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.
They get closer and Katie curses the lack of street girth or shop door to avoid him with, doesn't want or need the drama.
They pass each other and he chugs on a can of special brew.
"Slag!" he calls.
Katie whips around "Drinking I see, shock fucking horror, 11am, well that must be your sixth can of corner shop piss of the day!" she tries to inject as much superiority into that jibe as much as humanly possible.
"Never used to mind my drinking Katie-Kins!" he taunts whilst grabbing his own balls.
"I drank as much as you did when we were going out 'cos it was the only way I'd let you come anywhere near me with your Crayola Dick!"
Again Cook is left in Katie's dust as she walks off triumphant, if not a little exasperated. Gimme a break from the crazy people she says to no one in particular.
She takes out her phone, inspired and phones Effy. After the third ring she picks up,
"Hey" Effy husks.
"We never celebrated before, so we're celebrating tonight 'cos I've been a good, brave, self-aware little girl twice in two months now, and that deserves a fucking night out. Yes?"
Effy smiles down the phone while her front teeth tuck her bottom lip under, "Yes. My playground or yours?"
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