"Come on Tony… time to get up" Gibbs took Tony's arm gently trying to get him up. "You need to clean yourself up and get to the hospital. You should be there. She needs you to be there when.. when she wakes up" Gibbs voice was now nothing but a whisper.
"I should… I should have told her when I had the time to" he said with his raspy voice as he stared into the dark space of the cold and empty autopsy . "all this time I was so close to admitting it. All this time I was so torn inside. I was scared. I was scared that if I would have thrown myself out there for her, I was scared that she would not choose me back. Love me back. I was scared that she'd break my heart. When mom died I told myself that no one would ever break my heart like that. And then Ziva came into my life...and I started shaping my life around her...and now.. Now I'm falling apart…" he said as he shook his head.
"My heart is broken", and with that he broke down into sobs , making Gibbs sit down beside him in the pool of blood he was in, taking him in his arms. "I won't survive this. I won't survive the pain if she dies. I can't lose her Gibbs." He said desperately grabbing Gibbs' shirt with the little strength he had back.
"Look at me Tony" Gibbs tried as Tony kept crying. "Special agent DiNozzo, I am ordering you to look at me!" Gibbs firmly ordered him, seeing it was the only way he could shake Tony out of the state of shock he was in. "She is not dead. She is fighting! But she can't do it alone. She needs you Tony. Without you, that's it. She's as good as dead. So stop mourning and put on your A game. Because she's fighting, but she's trusting you to have her back."
Eventually Gibbs helped Tony up from the cold and bloody autopsy floor and was ready to drive Tony home to take a bath so he could get the blood of his hands and face and get rid of his shirt that was now stained with Ziva's blood. But Tony refused to go anywhere but straight the hospital, where the rest of the team were waiting, not even wanting to clean himself up.
During the whole ride to the hospital Gibbs swore that Tony did not blink once as he was sitting and staring at Ziva's blood on his hands. Gibbs knew the look Tony had on his face too well from when he had lost his own wife and daughter a long time ago: guilt.
When they arrived to the hospital Tony was the first one to run up to the desk and with fear clearly shaking his voice he asked "Ziva David?".
A moment went by followed by the lady's eyes looking at Tony with sympathy, "The bullets missed all major arteries but it still damaged enough for us to be prepared for the bad outcome. It will be a long way to recovery for her if she does make it. Her heart is very weak".
They found the team in the waiting room. Abby was the first one to run into Tony's arms. "Oh, Tony" she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him, not caring about the blood he had on his shirt. Ducky made his way beside Gibbs as he whispered "Why didn't you get that poor boy out of that shirt?". Gibbs sighed defied "I didn't know how to Duck. He is drowning in guilt. And I… I just don't know what to say".
"Anthony my dear, why don't you go wash up?" Tony started shaking his head so Ducky tried to talk to him in a calming voice "look, they won't finish the operation for the next couple of hours and the bathroom is only around the corner. Just wash yourself up for a few minutes and come back again". Tony was now looking down on the floor trying to avoid everybody's worried stares. "Ziva would not want you to do this to yourself Tony and you know it" McGee said from across the room. "Come on, let's go" he said as he guided the now willing Tony out of the waiting room and to the bathroom.
Abby was now in Gibbs' embrace and Ducky walked forth and back in the room.
After a couple of minutes Tony and McGee were back. Away from the fact that Tony had washed the blood away from his hands and face, he still looked miserable.
"After three hours of waiting the doctor finally came out. She had now had an emergency surgery and she will remain in a medically-induced coma." As soon as the word 'coma' came out of the doctors mouth Tony put his head in his shaking hands. "No my dear boy, just listen to the doctor" Ducky calmly said to Tony and the rest of the team who was growing very scared.
The doctor continued: "This type of coma is used to protect the brain from swelling by reducing the metabolic rate of brain tissue, as well as the cerebral blood flow. Throughout the medically induced coma, her currently critical life functions will constantly be monitored….. Look, medically induced comas are only used when other options are lacking" The doctor tried to explain. "It only occurs in cases of extreme trauma…" Ducky tried to explain the team. "Her heart is very weak. But if everything goes well, she'll wake up by tomorrow evening. No longer. So I think you should get a good night sleep because tomorrow will be a long day." The doctor said.
The team all sighed as Tony was the first one to say "I want to see her". The doctor replied "She got moved to ICU. Only immediate family is allowed to see her". Gibbs answered her "She has no blood-related family.". The doctor stared in disbelieve "No family? No mother, father, sister, brother? Nobody?".
"No" Tony was growing angry at the doctor. "Okay then. But only two visitors at a time".
Tony was already following the doctor and the team quickly decided that Gibbs should go with him. "We can see her tomorrow Abigal and Timothy." Ducky said in an assuring voice. But no one had any bad feelings about it; they all knew Tony would be sitting at Ziva's side until she woke up… if she woke up.