Monster that I am
Chapter 2
Warning: Extreme language below and disturbing images. Read at your own risk.
Summary: Axel said, "Look, kid. It was nice knowing you, but I'm afraid your 'Getting-to-Know-Your-Neighborhood-Killer' thing has to stop."
He found a job at a nearby auto shop. They were looking for someone who didn't mind the low pay and he seemed decent enough. He'd done the math and given that he's got such a low-maintenance lifestyle to keep, he'd be able to get his own car in about three months. Demyx had understood without needing Axel to tell him that Axel just wasn't going back to school. That was what Axel liked about their friendship – they don't have to spell everything out loud and could still understand each other. Axel'd also seen the little one; Demyx was right, he was adorable.
It was looking to be a good restart. The only nuisance was that the gas station the auto shop belonged to happened to be a block away from the strip mall that contained the Safeway at which the blond kid worked at. There was already a couple times when they passed each other on their opposite ways, Axel on the sidewalk and the kid on a skateboard. His fucking glare just gets right under Axel's skin.
Just disregard him, Axel would tell himself.
"You figure he wants something?" His colleagues loved lunchtime gossip, even if the blind would see them as big macho muscle dudes.
"Don't know, man. He's been hanging around during lunch everyday since Tuesday, ya?"
"If he wanted something, he woulda came up, no?" A third one said.
"Maybe we should go talk to him." The first one said back.
Another car with a busted muffler… how do people manage to do these damages?
"I don't wanna do it. I get mistaken as the bad guy every time!"
"So do I."
"Ditto."
"Hey, make the new guy go do it." The second one said, peering over at the working man, half of his body slid under a car.
"Hey, freshie!" The first one yelled. "I think someone's here to see you!"
Axel was halfway swearing at the car and had also wanted to swear at the three slackers, but they were his seniors and that would be bad. He let down the wrench in his hand and slid out from under the car. Picking up a towel as he stood up, he walked over to where his colleagues thrust their thumbs to a hooded figure sitting behind the bushes that lined the gas station.
"You got somethin' broken you need fixin'?" Sweat was dripping down his nose. It was ridiculously hot out here. The hooded person turned around in shock.
It was little Blondie.
"I…"
"What you doing here?" Axel frowned.
Roxas turned his eyes away from Axel's. He didn't really have anything, except a question. And he didn't expect to see Axel like this, all greased up with dirt and sweat. Well, he didn't expect Axel to come up to him at all.
"I couldn't forget what you said last time." Roxas said, an equally deep frown on his face. "What did you mean? I had to find out."
"What did I say?" Axel made a face that meant he clearly didn't give enough of a fuck about their last conversation to remember.
"You said… 'That's a shame.' What did you mean?"
"Oh… that." Axel nodded halfheartedly. "It didn't mean anything, so just forget it, okay?" He just wanted to go back to work.
"No." Roxas followed him. "There's more to it than that, isn't there? What really happened five years ago?"
"Look, kid!" Axel snapped. "I don't have the time to fulfill your own little fucking curiosity, and I've got not one single reason to tell you anything about what happened, so fuck off, alright?"
It was bad enough that when in prison there had been visits from reporters who were still keen on finding out the truth of it all. Now that he's out he has to deal with some fucking teenager with too much curiosity put into the wrong use. Just what did the world had against him?
A crowd had gathered outside with the arrival of the cops. The head detective, a bald man, came up to him with some papers in his hand.
"I'm going to explain what's going to happen in the next few moments, alright?" He asked. Axel slowly nodded. "Under this court warranty I have here, you are hereby arrested for charges related to the recent death of late Mrs. Denzil. You have the right to remain silent, but anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, the State will provide you with one. Do you understand your rights?"
He nodded again. The officers locked the handcuffs in place and led him outside the house. Everyone's eyes remained wide open. There was nothing but silence in the air. Were they just shocked? Were they trying to figure out what was going on, why he was being arrested?
"Axel, you didn't do it, right?" Mrs. Caloure was leaning against the KEEP OUT tape, looking for an answer from the nineteen-year-old teenager. "You can tell me, boy. Tell us the truth."
"You're wrong, Mrs. Caloure." He said, feeling the last drop of evil trickling down his heart. When she heard his answer, the look she had on her face was one of those impossible to be described with words. Shock is understating; disbelief—maybe; horror would be the closest.
The little one had woken up in the middle of the night crying. Axel wondered if he should go check up on it. Usually Demyx or his wife would be at it pretty soon. Maybe it'd peed or something.
Axel crawled out of his bed after the crying hasn't stopped for five minutes. He'd never been in their room with them in it before. It felt wrong just going in even if he'd knocked lightly. The dim blue moonlight outlined two naked people in the bed, well covered by the sheets. He tried hardest not to make any sound, and picked up the baby from its cradle.
He doesn't know how to deal with crying babies, but at least it didn't feel or smell like pee or shit.
"It's just hungry…" He mumbled to himself, putting the baby in the high chair. When he'd figured out how to get the milk thing work right, he let the little one just grab the bottle and suck the hell out of it on its own. It has tiny fingers—so tiny Axel could easily crush them with his palm. The eyes were huge for a baby and they were seagreen, just like its father's. Just a fair and soft tuft of hair on the fragile skull.
An eight-pound embodiment of life. It fascinated Axel.
Someone trod down the stairs with a drunken rhythm. Axel turned and saw a groggy Demyx in nothing but boxers.
"Lucky night?" Axel asked with a smirk.
"Yeaoh." Demyx slurred, and became a little more awake when he saw his baby. "Hey, buddy. How'd you get down here, huh? Huh?" He tickled the baby, who was done with the bottle already and was just wanting some attention.
"I'm glad it wasn't diaper change." Axel shook his head with a grin and grabbed a coke from the fridge.
"Yeah." Demyx picked the baby up into his arms and turned to his friend. "Thanks for doing this. Feeding him, I mean."
"It's nothing." Axel waved a hand at him. "You guys deserve a little rest from this little monster from time to time."
Demyx chuckled at the comment. Axel's eyes were downcast and they traced the pattern outline on the kitchen tiles. He felt a question coming on.
"Say, you ever think you'd be able to do this ever again?" Demyx asked.
"Do what?" Axel sipped from his coke, his eyes not leaving the tiles. "Babysitting?"
"No." Demyx said. "I meant sex. Would you ever be able to?"
"The fuck kind of question is that?" Axel meant it seriously and yet he couldn't help laughing. "And how the fuck should I know?"
"There wasn't anything that happened… in jail? I mean, I heard it's…"
"There were attempts, yes." Axel nodded. "But I learned how to deal with problems in there."
"So it's cool?"
"I don't know, man." Axel shrugged. "Maybe if I meet someone hot enough. Why do you want to know anyway?"
"Just wondering." Demyx shrugged too. "Thought it'd help if you could understand what it's like to make love."
"I think I learned a little too much about it." Axel downed the last of his soda and rinsed the empty can, shooting it into the recycle bin. "'Night."
"Good night."
The sun blinded half of his vision through the blinds. Riku was taller than him by two whole inches. He'd always poked fun at him for that. But Axel firmly believed that one day he'd outgrow Riku.
For the moment, however, Riku was still taller than him.
"You know, you're not cute when you try to be taller than me." Riku whispered. "Especially not when I'm trying to kiss you."
"But I hate it!" He said, letting out a laugh that really more resembled a giggle and was so girly it embarrassed him to no end. "God, I hate you."
"I love you too." Riku chuckled and planted a light kiss on his lips. They laughed, then they made out. Riku was ridiculously good at kissing. It felt completely different, even if it was physically the same thing. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe their love had changed the meaning of it so deep that it wasn't even the same thing.
In Arizona there's never anywhere that you could go without needing a car. But on the other hand, the weather was always clear enough for a walk. Sometimes it would be too hot, but today was exceptionally cool. Axel felt like getting out of the house to get away from the people and the noise, so he went for a walk on his own. It felt already like a privilege to be able to walk the streets alone without anyone staring at him.
It was when he strolled in a park that his lawyer decided to return his call from three days ago.
"I'm so sorry about this." The man said. "I'm in the area; would you be available to meet up in a little while?"
"Yeah." He said. "I'll be at the house in about half an hour."
"Sounds good."
Finally, he could put an end to it all. He stepped off the cobblestone-paved walkway of the park and onto the rough sidewalk. But even as he thought so, when he walked into the neighborhood the mood in the air immediately changed. Some children got called back into their houses. He ignored this and went on to his house.
"How are you, Axel?" His lawyer greeted him. His lawyer was one of those kinds of people that understood a lot of things even if they never said anything about it.
"I've been worse." He murmured.
"I really…" His lawyer started, but forwent it. "Let's do this, shall we? Put an end to it, finally."
"Yeah." Axel was glad to know that they were on the same page.
"Well, I've done some research before coming out here today." His lawyer said, "Honestly, though, this place isn't looking too good unless you do a complete renovation. From scrap."
"You know I don't have the money for that." Axel shrugged.
"Yeah." His lawyer sighed, and continued, "What I'd suggest you to do is just sell the land to a developer instead and let them take care of the mess. If you do that though, you'd get less money, first of all; second, they might tear the house down, I can't guarantee anything."
To be completely frank, he thought that would be even better.
"I don't care." Axel gave another shrug of his shoulders, "Sooner I'm rid of this place, the better."
"I thought so." His lawyer replied. "I'll go ahead and get the paperwork started, then."
"Thanks." Axel said. They stood up from the chairs in the small dining space.
"So… have you got any plans for yourself in the future?" His lawyer asked out of curiosity.
"I got a job." Axel gave a flat grin. "I'll get my own car once I've settled into my job, and then hopefully a place for myself."
"Sounds like a great start." His lawyer nodded with relief. "Get something to do. Keep everything straight and simple."
"Yeah." Axel said. For a moment he looked so fragile his lawyer wished there was more he could've done for him.
"Well, I should get going now."
Axel nodded silently and followed him out. Amidst the neighbor's stares, his lawyer headed towards his car. Axel saw someone approach them and put his face into his palm when he recognized who it was.
"Are you Axel's lawyer?" Roxas asked.
"Yes." His lawyer eyed the boy and then turned back to Axel. "Someone you know?"
"Unfortunately, yes." Axel rolled his eyes up to the blue sky. "Don't mind him; just ignore his questions."
"Wait, I just wanna ask why he only got five years if he was responsible for someone's death?" Roxas asked boldly. "You're a lawyer; how can murder charges get such a low sentence?"
"I'm sorry, young man, I have a confidentiality policy to protect." The lawyer shrugged.
"Well, okay, then I'm just asking a purely law-related question;" Roxas paused to rephrase, "Under Arizona State Law, what is the minimal sentence for a murder conviction? And what charges can result in a five-year sentence? Please, I'm interested in studying law." Liar.
"For your first question," The lawyer said. "Twenty-five years in prison. Your second question is too broad, son. There are so many that would fit as an answer to your question."
"Just give me some examples." Roxas insisted, eyeing Axel out the corner of his eyes. He was clearly annoyed.
"So many… Arson or theft, for example." He shrugged.
"Leonhart!" Axel grumbled.
"Child abuse-related charges, too." The lawyer said, his eyes not leaving his client. Axel went silent. "And involuntary manslaughter."
There was something about the way air stood still in the atmosphere that made Roxas stop questioning. The lawyer climbed into his car and drove off. Axel wanted to make a face at him but instead just sighed and walked. Snapping out of a deep-thought haze, Roxas followed close behind the ex-convict.
"You've got to testify this in front of the judge and jury in court!" His lawyer said. "It'll help you get a much lower sentence, if not anything else…"
"No." He said monotonously with a slight shake of his head. He had sinned—dipped his hands in Satan's pool of blood—and nothing that he does could ever erase his crime. He deserves the worst sentence, whatever it is. Drips of evil had completely trickled away from his heart and now he was starting to feel the pain of guilt. To testify was to further desecrate her, or what was remained of her after he'd stepped onto her.
"Axel…" His lawyer frowned. "I know you feel guilty about it, but it's not your fault. You're the victim."
"No." He knew in his heart that he wasn't the victim. Or at least if he was, then he was as much the perpetrator as the victim.
Axel had almost considered filing for a restraining order against the damn kid. What was he thinking following a formerly convicted murderer? The only thing that stopped him from actually making the call was seeing his father at the door of Demyx's townhouse.
Neither of them had pleasant expressions on their faces.
"I just received a call about the house." His father said. Time had etched onto his features the evidence of age. "My lawyer said you're trying to sell it without my permission."
"What do I need your permission for?" Axel asked. Something about the way he glares at his father made the latter feel weaker, somehow.
"This was our house!" The elder man said.
"You left it seven years ago when you left me with her." Axel retorted. "You have some face coming back claiming it as your own."
"I'm going to sue you for property breach." His father said. Loathing was seeping through his words.
Axel sighed. There was a lump forming behind his throat, making it harder to talk. He wondered if his father and Roxas could tell the change in his voice. "Yeah, nice to know you were there for me the whole time, Pop. Five years in prison wasn't enough for your fucking good-for-nothing son. You know what? You can go ahead and try to sue me. I really don't give a fuck anymore."
"You…!"
"Word of advice: if you're going to sue me, you better talk to my lawyer rather than me. You know lawyers are stringent about that kind of stuff." Axel said, shrugging off his father's anger in disregard. His father, baffled with no better retort, turned away to leave, only to bump his way out of Roxas' shoulder. Roxas didn't know how to react to the situation, and he had no way of; he was an outsider.