DISCLAIMER: I do not own Three's Company or any of the characters involved in this story.
Jack comes rushing into the apartment from outside, having just taken a taxi from the airport back to the apartment. He comes rushing in, carrying one suit case which he immediately takes back to his room and puts on his bed. He then comes back out and checks to see if the girls are home.
"Janet?" Jack calls out. "Terri?" he yells after there is no answer from Janet. After checking both the kitchen and the girl's bedroom, he realizes that Janet and Terri aren't there. He assumes they went down to the Regal Beagle for a drink. But unbeknownst to him, they went out to look at bridesmaid dresses for Janet's wedding.
Jack figures it's just as well. He was pretty anxious to get down to his bistro and didn't really want to get caught up in chit chat. He just wanted to change clothes and get down to the restaurant, hoping with all hope that Chrissy would decide to take him up on his offer to have dinner there.
As Jack starts to walk to his bedroom, Larry comes rushing in. Jack left the door wide open so Larry just walked in from upstairs seeming really eager to talk to Jack.
"Hey Jacko, your home." Larry says, his black silk shirt with one button un-buttoned exposing the chest hair and gold chains around his neck.
"Oh, hey Lar." Jack says. "Have you seen Janet or Terri around?"
"Uhm yeah. I saw them leaving a little while ago. You know, Janet seemed really giddy." Larry says.
"Really? Well, who can blame her? After all, she knew I was coming home today." Jack says with a chuckle as Larry chuckles along. "So, what can I do for you, Larry?"
Larry grins devilishly as he looks at Jack and puts both his hands on Jack's shoulders. "It's not what you can do for me. Jack, baby, I've done something for you that's going to make your head spin."
Jack looks at Larry. He's seen this look before and has heard this tone in Larry's voice. He knows it can only mean one thing, trouble for him. "I don't think I want to hear this, Larry." Jack says as he darts past Larry and goes into the kitchen. Larry quickly follows him in.
"Jack, come on." Larry begs.
"Larry, every time I 'come on' to one of your suggestions it always winds up with me getting either a drink or someone's dinner dumped over my head. Now, enough is enough. I'm serious." Jack says as he goes into the refrigerator and grabs two beers. He hands one to Larry and opens up the other one as he sits down.
"Jack, just hear me out, okay. This isn't just another blind date I've set you up on. In fact, it's a double date." Larry says.
"I told you, I'm not listening." Jack says as he closes his eyes and turns away from Larry in a childlike manner.
"Well try not listening to this. Tonight, I have fixed us up on a double date with the Swedish Johansson twins. You know, those two ski bunnies that sometimes come into the Regal Beagle still wearing those fur coats and black tights?" Larry says as he nudges Jack on the shoulder and purrs.
"Inga and Tyra?" asks Jack as he turns around to look at Larry.
"See, you know who I'm talking about. I got it all set up. Tonight, you and I pick them up at their penthouse apartment. We take them out for a night of dinner, dancing, maybe a little moonlight stroll on the beach, then after a few glasses of wine, we go back to their place where they have two bedrooms and from there we just let the night run itself. What do you say, huh?" Larry says as he wiggles his eyebrows at Jack in an encouraging manner.
"I say no. I have to be at the Bistro. I got something very important going on there tonight." Jack says. At this point, unbeknownst to either Jack or Larry, Mr. Furley comes into the apartment. He is there to fix the thermostat, as the roommates have noticed there has been a heating problem lately. But he overhears Jack and Larry in the kitchen and can't help but eavesdrop.
"Jack, baby, you're breaking my heart here. I've been planning out this night for us for weeks now." Larry says. At this point, Mr. Furley who already thinks Jack is gay immediately starts to jump to conclusions and his eyes start to grow wide.
"Larry, I'm sorry. But I just can't. Not tonight." Jack says. Mr. Furley continues to listen in.
"Come on, Jack. I thought you liked romantic, candle lit dinners." Larry replies. Mr. Furley's eyeballs grow wider.
"Look, I'm telling you, Larry. Tonight is just not the night for this to happen. I'm not in the mood." Jack replies.
"Oh, I think you'll start to feel a little differently after dinner when we're out on the beach, with the gentle breeze in your hair, the bright moonlight glowing over the water, and the feel of that soft moist hand holding, the smell of that perfume you love while having your ear nibbled." Larry replies. Mr. Furley's eyeballs look as if they are about to pop out of his head at this point as he has really taken this entire conversation out of context and thinks that Jack and Larry are talking about themselves and not about a possible date with two Swedish girl twins.
"Okay, I'll admit. It's a tempting offer, Larry, but I just can't. I mean sure it would give me temporary satisfaction, but I'd wind up hating myself it in the morning." Jack says. Mr. Furley begins looking around the apartment in panic, his wide eyeballs and panicked look says it all.
"Come on, Jack. You know you want it. You've wanted this for so long, and now here it is. Why would you say no now?" Larry asks. At this point, Mr. Furley goes into one of his phases where his eyes are wide and his cheeks begin to pucker and it looks as if he's about to hyperventilate. Jack, meanwhile finishes his beer, throws his can away and heads out into the living room.
"Larry, the answer is no. And that's final." Jack says as he walks into the living room and Larry follows him. They both spot Mr. Furley.
"Oh, hi Mr. Furley." Larry says. When he doesn't respond, Jack and Larry look over at him.
"Mr. Furley, are you all right?" Jack asks. He then notices that Mr. Furley is twitching. "Oh my God, he's hyperventilating." Jack says as he and Larry rush over to Mr. Furley. "Mr. Furley, come on. BREATHE, MR. FURLEY!" screams Jack as Mr. Furley twitches with his wide eyeballs showing.
"Jack, we better get him on the couch." Larry says. Jack grabs Mr. Furley by one arm and Larry grabs him by the other as they escort him over to the couch in the middle of the living room.
"Come on, Mr. Furley. Inhale, exhale, through the nose, into the lungs." Jack says, trying to reassure Mr. Furley who slowly but surely begins to start breathing normally. Eventually, after regaining his composure, he looks up at Jack and Larry. "Mr. Furley, are you all right?"
"Am I all right?" Mr. Furley screams in disbelief. "Forget about me. What about you?"
"Huh?" mutters Larry.
"Mr. Furley, what are you talking about?" Jack asks.
"Don't play dumb with me, Jack. I know what the two of you are up to. And I should have seen it coming a long time ago. With as much time as you two spend together, this sort of thing spreads like the plague." Mr. Furley says as he slowly gets to his feet.
"Mr. Furley, come on, now." Jack says as he reaches out toward him.
"Don't touch me." Mr. Furley says as he karate chops down to his waist. "I'm warning you. I'm like a caged tiger when backed into a corner." Mr. Furley cries, with his adrenaline running and his eyeballs flaring. He slowly backs away from Jack and Larry, not turning his back to them at any point. "Now, whatever's floating around the air up here, I don't want it.
"Well, what did you come up here for in the first place?" Jack asks.
"I came up to fix your thermostat. But I think it's a hot enough up here." Mr. Furley says as he darts for the door. "Now I run a respectable apartment building. So this thing you two got going, you better keep to yourselves. Otherwise, out you go!"
"Mr. Furley." Jack cries out.
"Don't toy with me, Jack. I'm the building manager, and I'm putting my foot down." Mr. Furley says assertively as he picks up his foot and stomps it on the floor, not realizing that he stomped his foot down right no top of the other one. He starts hopping around as a look of pain goes across his face as he hops out of the apartment. Jack and Larry just look at each other in bewilderment as Jack closes the door.
"What's with him?" Jack asks.
"I don't know. I think the pressure of the job is getting to him." Larry replies.
"What pressure?" Jack asks. Larry shakes his head.
"Never mind. So listen, Jack, about tonight?" Larry asks.
"Look, I already told you. The answer is no. Now, if you don't mind, I got to get ready for my date….." Jack says, instantly realizing he made a Freudian slip of the tongue. "ehhh, I mean work, I got to get ready to go to work."
At this point, Larry begins to grin like the Cheshire cat. "Ahh, the clouds begin to lift." Larry says.
"No Larry, it was a slip. I meant to say." Jack says.
"Who is she, Jack?" Larry asks insistently.
"Out, Larry." Jack says as he begins to shoe Larry out the door.
"Come on, buddy, I went through all this trouble to set us up with the Johansson twins. The least you can do is level with me." Larry says as Jack continues to shoe him out the door.
"Goodbye, Larry." Jack says insistently.
"Well, all right Jack. But if things don't work out, you can still catch up with Inga and Tyra. Will be at….?" Larry starts to say, but Jack closes the door in his face before Larry can finish his thought.
With Larry gone, Jack begins to get ready for what he hopes will be his second encounter of the day with Chrissy. He goes to his room and picks out his best suit. After he showers, shaves, puts on his best cologne, and spends a good ten minutes grooming himself, he goes to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of champagne from the refrigerator, an expensive bottle that he's been saving for a special occasion.
As he glances over himself in the mirror one more time to make sure everything is in place, he begins to feel nervous, so nervous that he can almost feel himself trembling. He has no idea what is making him this nervous. He just knows he desperately hopes that Chrissy will show up tonight. And if she doesn't show up, that may mean he'll never see her again. Not a thought he wants to entertain at this moment.
He doesn't know why, but something about his time with her on the airplane has made Jack see Chrissy in a whole new light. The patience she showed toward him, even when he was acting like a crazy guy, was something he thought was very sweet. Most girls would have been ready to kill him after getting locked in the bathroom, but not Chrissy. She just smiled and laughed that Chrissy Snow laugh as they reminisced about all the fun they had back when they were roommates. But now, that seems like so long ago.
With one last glance, Jack grabs the bottle of Champagne, straightens his tie and starts to dart out the door, until he remembers that he should probably bring flowers if he really wants to impress her. He doesn't have time to stop off at a flower shop. So instead he just goes to the kitchen and grabs the flowers that are sitting in a vase in the middle of the table and starts to dart out the door. Only this time, he runs into Janet and Terri who are coming in just as he's going out.
"Hi Jack." greets Terri. "How was San Francisco?"
"Uhm great. Listen Terri, I can't talk now, I'm…." Jack starts
"Oh hi, Jack." Janet greets as she walks in behind Terri with excitement in her voice. "Oh Jack, I have got to tell you something. I got the most exciting news..."
"That's great, Janet. Listen, you can tell me tomorrow. Right now, I'm late." Jack says.
"Late? For what? You just got home." says Janet who notices that Jack is dressed up extra spiffy. "Jack, where are you going all dressed up like that?"
"Uhm…." Jack stutters as he tries to think of the quickest lie he can think of. "To church." he blurts out.
"Church? On a Friday night?" asks Terri.
"Jack, come on, you haven't been to church in how many years?" Janet asks.
"Well Janet, now's as good a time as any to start. So, ta ta." Jack says as he tries to get out the door, but Janet grabs him by the arm as she notices the flowers and the bottle of champagne he's carrying.
"Aren't those the flowers I brought home from the shop for the kitchen table?" Janet asks.
"Yes, well, they were starting to go bad and I just figured I'd put them out of their misery." Jack says with a sheepish grin as he tries to cover up lie after lie that comes out of his mouth.
"Jack, I just brought them home yesterday. And I know you aren't going to church with that bottle of champagne." Janet says as she folds her arms and glares at Jack.
"Well see, I don't have any money for the offering and so I just grabbed the first thing I could find and….." Jack says.
"Jack Tripper, you better stop with the lies and tell me where you are going this instant." Janet says sternly.
Jack takes a deep breathe, realizing he's backed into a corner. "All right, Janet. You got me. I'm actually going to meet up with an old friend tonight." Jack says.
"Oh?" Janet asks. "Well see, that wasn't so bad. Why did you feel like you had to hide that?" Janet asks. Jack just looks at her and shrugs his shoulders. "Jack, who are you meeting up with? It must be somebody special for you to go out dressed like that with flowers and champagne."
"Oh believe me, it is." Jack says.
"Well come on, Jack. Spill it." Terri says from across the room.
"All right, all right." Jack says. It's on the tip of his tongue to tell the girls that he is meeting up with Chrissy. But he knows if he does, one of two things will happen. Either Janet will get on him about trying to romance his old roommate. Or the girls will want to come along too. And the truth is, he really just wants to have an evening along with Chrissy. So again, he quickly conjures up the quickest lie he can think of.
"It's uhm, it's Larry." Jack says.
"LARRY?" Janet and Terri say simultaneously with shock in their voice. At that point, unbeknownst to any of the three, Mr. Furley has come back up to the apartment with the intent on fixing the thermostat again and has eavesdropped just in time to hear what Jack and Janet say next.
"You mean you got all dressed up with flowers and your best bottle of champagne for Larry?" Janet asks.
"Sure. I mean tonight's a very special night for the two of us." Jack says. At that point, Mr. Furley completely misunderstands the context and takes it to mean something more intimate. His eyeballs once again are about to burst out of his head as he gapes. He grabs his head, indicating he has a headache and heads back down stairs before anyone sees him.
"Oh come on, Jack. I don't believe it." Janet says.
"Well, it's true. Tonight's our uhm…" Jack stutters as he pauses, trying to think of a good excuse. "Tonight's our friendship anniversary."
"Friendship anniversary?" Terri asks with a confused look on her face.
"Yeah, don't you know? Today's the uhm, today's the anniversary of the day that Larry and I met." Jack says, lying through his teeth and gritting them at the same time as he realizes how stupid he's sounding.
"You can remember the day that you met Larry? Yet you can't remember the day the rent is due?" Janet interrogates.
"Uhm, well yeah. It's one of those selective memory things. I guess it's a sign of old age." Jack says in his comical lying manner. "Oh well, would you look at the time. Don't want to keep Larry waiting." Jack says with a grin on his face, as he tries to hide everything.
"But Jack, I really got some important news to tell you." Janet says.
"And I promise, Janet, tommorow I will sit down and listen to every word you have to say. But right now, I got to get going. So, I'll see you later, girls." Jack says as he darts out the door and down the steps while he can, leaving Janet and Terri in the apartment alone.
"Can you believe the nerve of that guy?" Terri says in disbelief. "You have the biggest news of your life and he won't even listen. He just darts out to see Larry."
Janet shakes her head. "Trust me, Terri. Jack didn't go out to see Larry tonight. I know." Janet says.
Terri gapes. "Well, then who did he go out to see? Greedy Gretchen or that new waitress down at the Regal Beagle?" Terri asks.
Janet shakes her head. "No Terri. I don't know who it is. But I know the look in Jack's eye. The one who he is going out with tonight isn't just another fling. This is somebody really special. I can tell because Jack is going out of his way to make a good impression. I mean, way beyond the usual shave and throw on whatever's clean. Did you see him? He really went all out."
"Well, who do you think it can be?" Terri asks.
Janet shakes her head. "I don't know. But believe me, I'm going to find out."
TO BE CONTINUED