The first thing he felt was confusion. Where am I? Why am I still alive? He was warm, and could faintly feel something on top of him. He decided he must be in a bed, probably in the hospital. Anger quickly followed. Am I seriously so much of a failure that I can't even commit suicide right? And then, lurking in the shadows, the pain of memory. I'm so sorry. I meant to die. I really did. Her face burned on the backs of his eyelids, and he quickly opened them.
The ceiling above him was a dull, faded pinkish-purple. Out of the corners of his eyes, he could see that the walls were the same color, though much of them was covered by posters of metal bands. Everything seemed slightly blurred, and he realized with a start that he wasn't wearing his glasses. Sollux tried to sit up to find them. Pain ripped up and down his body, and something ripped off of his back, leaving him so incapacitated he couldn't even scream. When it finally subsided, he frantically took stock of how much mobility he had.
Shit. I can only move my fingers.
As he moved around more, being ever careful not to send himself into any more pain, he noticed something that felt sticky and thin pressed against his skin in various places. He tentatively examined a patch that was on his bare stomach with gentle fingers. Is this...gauze? He knew this material. It was the kind of substandard medical gauze you might find in a cheap first-aid kit. I wonder how bad I'm hurt? Agonizingly slowly, he lifted back the blankets, and tried to remove the gauze. An intense, more acute pain attacked him, causing him to inhale sharply. It must be stuck to me somehow...oh god, is that dried blood? As he inspected the small red flakes on the tips of his fingers, he felt something wet drip down his side. The thought of the fresh blood that must be flowing through the gauze made him sick. Spots danced in his vision.
Footsteps echoed outside. "Can't you just give me one fuckin' second?" someone called, annoyance hanging from their words. Sollux tried desperately to hide, or at least look in the direction of the door, but every movement rewarded him with incredible amounts of pain.
The door clicked open. Sollux went deathly still.
There was a tentative cough. "Hi. Um, are you awake now?" The voice definitely belonged to a boy, probably about his age. But whoever it was, he was just outside Sollux's limited, warped field of vision, and all he could see was a shock of purple in the midst of a more normal, black color. Sollux decided that must be his hair.
The boy stepped closer, but was still infuriatingly outside Sollux's view. "Well, I'm guessing that's a 'no'." He sighed, and the hair disappeared from view. The sudden movement was accompanied by the sound of someone half-falling into a chair.
"I wonder if you can hear me. People say that when someone's in a coma, they can still hear what's bein' said." The boy paused. "Well, even if you can hear me, I don't have anythin' interestin' to say. Just...don't die, I guess." The chair creaked slightly as the boy stood up.
In that moment, Sollux made a decision based on two wild thoughts. One was that he didn't want to be left alone again. The other was harder to exactly pinpoint, but the vague idea of someone that talked to him without the pity that had come with everything for the last two weeks. Sollux opened his mouth, ignoring the pain that exploded underneath his left ear, and tried to say, "Wait." The air ripped at his raw throat, and the word became garbled beyond recognition, but it was enough. The receding footsteps stopped, and there was a moment of silence.
"Did you...did you say somethin'?" The boy stepped closer, and for the first time Sollux could see his face. From what he could tell, the boy was wearing glasses, but beyond that his poor eyesight hid the boy's face.
Sollux tried again. Making a deliberate effort to keep this word intelligible, and again ignoring the pain the speech caused him, he croaked, "Yeth."
The boy looked shell-shocked. He stood there for an indefinite amount of time before his face changed slightly around the mouth and he ran for the door. His footsteps thundered away from Sollux's room.
"Fef! Fef, he's awake! He's talkin'! Fef, you have to come up here! Yes now, this is important! He's awake!" His footsteps were joined by another's, and then they were coming back toward him. The door slammed against the wall, and he cringed. Tears sprung to his eyes at the movement, and small black dots filled his vision.
A girl's voice spoke, high-pitched and bubbly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to slam the door!" A girl, a smidge shorter than the boy was, burst into view. She was a wild blur of pink, sea green, light blue, and long, wild black hair. Just behind her was a smudge of light purple and dark blue.
Her hands reached out for him, but then she seemed to think better of it. "I'm going to touch your forehead, if that's alright. I need to check your temperature."
Sollux slowly breathed in and spoke as quietly as possible in an attempt to reduce the pain in his throat. "Ok."
The girl, Fef, seemed to understand him, and her fingers brushed against his forehead. They were cold, and he realized that his forehead must be scalding. Sollux sighed with pleasure.
Fef frowned, and turned to the other boy. "He's burning up. Would you run get a wet washcloth?" The purple smudge nodded and left.
Fef turned back to Sollux. "Is there anything else I can get you?"
Sollux tried to form the word he wanted, but his aching body refused and the air wouldn't come. His lips moved uselessly.
"What?" Fef leaned in closer to hear.
Sollux finally choked out the word. "Wa...ter?"
"Oh! Of course, why didn't I think of that?" Fef smacked her hand against her forehead as she walked away, her outline becoming less and less distinct by the second. Just as she was about to leave, the boy came running in. He almost knocked her over, but she danced out of the way. "Hey, watch it!"
"Sorry." Fef sighed, shaking her head as she walked out of the room.
The boy turned to Sollux again. One hand was behind his head awkwardly, the other holding a dripping washcloth. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed again uselessly. Seeming to come to a decision, he took a few determined steps forward and pressed the cloth to Sollux's forehead. The cold water felt nice, and Sollux moaned in satisfaction.
"That feels good, then?" The boy seemed relieved. At that moment, Fef came back in with a cup of water. The boy jerked his hand back, leaving the cloth on Sollux's forehead. Fef didn't notice.
"Can you sit up? So you can drink the water?" Sollux didn't respond. "Ok...I'm going to help you. This might hurt, and I'm really, really sorry in advance." She placed the cup on a table next to the bed. As carefully as she possibly could, she put one hand under his back, the other lightly gripping his shoulder. Even the slight pressure hurt, but Sollux tried not to show it. Fef turned to the other boy. "Well don't just stand their uselessly! Help me get him up!" The boy seemed to snap out of a daze, running around to the other side of Sollux. He awkwardly copied Fef's grip.
"On three. One, two, three."
They both pulled him up so that he leaned against the wall behind the headboard. Pain flared up uncompromisingly around his now bent waist and his arms as his stiff joints were forced to bend and gauze ripped away from his skin, and a horrible scream escaped his lips. The boy and Fef stepped back instinctively. "I'm so, so sorry," Fef said again.
Sollux ignored her, and as the pain faded his eyes strayed to the cup. "Oh!" She seemed to have forgotten. Fef picked up the cup with one hand, her other slipping inside her pocket. Sollux followed it mutely as it produced two small white smudges. "Now, I don't know what sort of condition your throat is in, and if these hurt to swallow I'm sorry, but I want you to try and take them. You are obviously in a lot of pain, and I won't take no for an answer." Her hand snaked up toward Sollux's mouth. Instinctively, he tried to back away, and more pain drowned his senses. He felt the two pills forced between his lips.
Sollux, you have to take them! I know you hate pills, but the doctor said you should. Plus, I can't stand seeing you in so much pain. You broke your wrist, for heaven's sake! Stop being so stubborn! Just take them? Please? For me? Aradia's playful, earnest whisper from years past echoed in his mind. He closed his eyes, losing his will to resist as Fef put the cup to his lips and made him drink. The pills slithered down his throat traitorously, but the water felt wonderful on his ragged throat. Before he had had enough, she pulled away. He whimpered brokenly.
"I can't give you too much at a time. You'll just end up puking. But those painkillers should kick in any minute." She paused, and Sollux looked at her accusingly. "I'm sorry! I really am. It's just..." She sighed in defeat and gave him a little more water. All the while, the boy stood uselessly behind her, looking as if he wanted to help but not sure what to do. She turned around and handed the cup to the boy.
"I have to go to that dumb meeting. I want you to stay here with...um." She paused. "What's your name?"
"My name ith Thollucth." His voice came out as a thin, ratchety whisper.
"Ok. I want you to stay here with Thollucth until I get back."
The boy fought a smile. "Sis, I think he has a lisp. I think his name is Sollux."
Fef's cheeks flushed bright red. "Oh," she said lamely. "Sorry." She turned to leave. "Make sure you take good care of him while I'm gone," she called over her shoulder, "and if he's dead when I get back, I'm going to murder you!" Her footsteps faded away, and from somewhere farther in the house a door slammed shut.
The boy stood silently for a minute, stepping forward tentatively to place the cup on a table near the bed before quickly stepping back. "So...Sollux. Do you...need anythin'?" He shifted uncomfortably.
"Confirmation." Sollux tried to keep his voice quiet to avoid unnecessary strain.
The boy seemed taken aback. "Of what?" he said, his head tilted a bit in confusion.
"Trust." Sollux was seized in a coughing fit. It ripped through his whole body, leaving him breathless and weak. The boy reached out a hand, then seemed to realize what he was doing and bring it firmly back to his side.
"You want to know if you can trust us? After we rescued you from the ocean?" His features had a vague, blurred look of disbelief about them.
"Yes," Sollux replied simply.
The boy crossed his arms. "Well you don't have much of a choice. You can't move. And also, if we wanted to kill you or somethin', why would we have rescued you? If we wanted money from you, wouldn't we have taken it from you and left you on the beach to die?"
Sollux could feel his argument slipping. "Plot?"
The boy laughed harshly. "You think we have some sort of master plot? You must really have a high and mighty self image. Can't you see we're trying to help you?"
Grasping at straws, Sollux thought of one last tack. "Pills."
"You think we're poisoning you? Open your eyes, you idiot! We brought you into our house, cleaned the blood off of you, and then gave you water. I'm sittin' here askin' if you need anythin'. Is that the kind of care someone shows the person they're tryin' to kill?"
"Maybe."
"I can't believe you!" The boy threw his hands up in defeat and walked away, the door slamming behind him.
Sollux sighed. Smooth. Really smooth, Captor. You just pissed off the one person who's gonna help you. Way to go. He sat in silent disapproval of himself. He tried to convince himself that it was the natural reaction, but somehow all of his arguments seemed hollow. His guilt pressed inward, threatening to suffocate him, bring him down into it and drown him.
The door creaked open again. Sollux could practically feel the anger radiating into the room. The boy took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I guess I can understand why you'd be suspicious, wakin' up somewhere strange and the first thing we try to do is force feed you pills. I shouldn't have...look, I'm just sorry, ok?" As he talked, the anger leached out of his voice, dissolving into the air.
"Th'okay," Sollux muttered, hating the gravelly sound of his voice.
"So I guess...I owe you one now. Is there anythin' you want?"
Sollux thought for a minute. You can't trust him, part of his mind whispered. Shut up, the other retorted. He had a point. He's already let me live this long, so he's probably not gonna kill me now. Still, he wasn't quite convinced.
"How bad am I?" Each word was an uphill battle, and Sollux longed for the comfort of another drink of water.
"You mean how injured are you? Well..." The boy frowned. "Fef has a friend in med school, and she didn't seem to think you broke any bones, though she's not sure whether some of your ribs are cracked...or maybe your collarbone. She says you're really lucky. You probably hit the water pretty cleanly, straight in or close to it. But...well, the waves were crazy, and so you got bashed against the rocks. Pretty badly. You also inhaled a lot of water...and by the time you washed up on that little beach down there, you had lost a lot of blood. So you're really badly bruised and weak, but you should recover pretty quickly." The boy paused. "Is there anythin' else?" he said slowly. Sollux's eyes drifted to the glass. The boy licked his lips nervously before helping Sollux drink a bit more. Sollux closed his eyes in ecstasy.
When the glass was taken away, he opened his eyes again and at last being unable to see proved to be too annoying. As much as Sollux hated having to show weakness to a stranger, he couldn't live blind. "I can't thee," he confessed. His words still sounded rough, but it hurt less to talk. "I think my glatheth mutht have fallen off when I..." he trailed off, misery drowning out his intention to speak.
"Oh. Oh!" The boy took off his glasses, placing them gently on Sollux's face. "Is this sort of the right prescription?" Sollux's vision improved a bit, but his depth perception was off.
"I think it'th a little thtrong."
"Oh, good. One sec, I'll get my old ones." The boy stood up to leave.
"Wait." Sollux cleared his throat painfully. "What'th your name? I can't jutht call you 'hey you'."
The awkwardness returned to the boy's features. "Oh, sorry. I probably should have introduced myself before. My name's Eridan." Before the conversation could become more awkward, Eridan continued, "I'm goin' to get those glasses for you," and left, the door slowly drifting closed behind him.
Sollux allowed himself a small smile. Eridan's unease was incredibly comical. It reminded him of the way he had acted when he had first met her.
Before he was fully conscious of even thinking of her, his thoughts swerved instinctively away. But even the swiftness of his mind couldn't stop the depression. He closed his eyes.
The door creaked as Eridan reentered the room. "Here, let's see if these'll work." Sollux's eyes snapped open, and embarrassment clutched at him as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He wished desperately that he could wipe the tear away, but he was powerless to do so. Eridan noticed the trail of water on Sollux's cheek, and his face changed to portray pity, but he didn't say anything. He clumsily placed the glasses on Sollux, then grabbed the chair from the other side of the room and brought it next to the bed.
"Is this prescription better?" he asked, tactfully averting his eyes from Sollux.
"Yeah." Sollux's voice was choked, partially from the soreness and partially because of his lapse into sadness. "It'th not perfect, but it'll work." There was a long pause, and Sollux took the opportunity to take in Eridan now that he was actually visible.
He was slight of build, and Sollux predicted Eridan would be just a bit shorter than him. His hair was a darkish brown save for a stripe of mild purple running back through the center of it. He wore large-framed glasses, and a light-purple-and-blue-striped scarf draped its lazy way around his shoulders. A faded blue shirt and purple jacket hung slightly loosely on his thin frame, a contrast to his comparatively tight jeans. His hands hung by his sides, fingers just slightly jittery as if he were more used to them doing something besides nothing.
Finally, Eridan spoke, breaking the moment of silence. "Do you wanna...talk about it?" He didn't specify, but Sollux knew what he meant.
"No."
Eridan nodded. "Ok." Another pause. "Do you want some more water?" Sollux nodded almost imperceptibly, instantly wishing he hadn't. He grimaced.
Eridan gave him a sip of water. "You really fell a long ways, didn't you?" Sollux didn't respond. "And you must have hit those rocks pretty hard. I mean, judgin' from how much pain you feel just from such small movements..." Eridan trailed off again. The question that he didn't ask was obvious on his face. Why?
Sollux changed the subject. "Where am I?"
Eridan seemed relieved. "Oh, this is where Fef and I live. It's on 37th Street. By the park. You know, just a few blocks away from..." Eridan coughed. "You can see it out the window. The park, I mean." He smiled shyly. "It's really beautiful."
"What day ith it? I mean, have I been unconciouth long?"
"No. I found you in the...I found you yesterday." The discomfort returned.
The silence was broken by a low grumbling. Despite his dejection, Sollux fought not to laugh. "I gueth that meanth I'm hungry. What time ith it?"
Eridan stood up. "It's around seven. At night." He paused. "Um...is there anythin' specific you want to eat?"
Sollux almost shook his head, then remembered at the last second. "No. Thomething thoft. My throat hurth pretty badly." Eridan nodded sagely.
"You did inhale a lot of salt water. How about soup?"
"Thoundth good. More than good..." The thought of something, anything to eat made Sollux's mouth water.
Eridan smiled. "I'll be back soon." This time, he left the door open as he walked away.
Sollux sighed. In his first moments of consciousness, he had been incredibly angry that his suicide had failed. But now, having had Eridan and Fef take care of him, a complete stranger, he wondered whether it was such a bad thing he had survived after all. Maybe there was still something in the world for him. He let his gaze wander, contemplating everything and nothing all at once.
Eridan reappeared shortly with a tupperware of chicken noodle soup and a spoon. He set the container down on the table next to the water. The soup smelled warm and salty. Sollux found himself reliving the last time he had smelled salt. The wind. The long fall. The blackness. His brow creased as he tried not to fall into the great amorphous pit of memory threatening to drown out his new optimism.
"It's really hot. I figure we should let it cool down for a few minutes before you eat it."
Sollux blinked, forcibly banishing the memories. "Yeah. I don't want my mouth in any more pain than it hath to be." He smiled wearily.
"So...where are you from? I mean, if you're comfortable tellin' me."
Sollux hesitated. "If we're thtill in Alternia, then here. I live in an apartment on the north thide of town with my g–" Sollux stopped himself just a moment too late. Not anymore, a cold voice in the back of his mind whispered.
"Oh." Sollux could tell Eridan knew what he had been about to say. Eridan kept going. "Are you in college?"
Sollux took a deep breath, burying her in the back of his mind again. "Yeah, I wath. I majored in computer programming latht year."
Eridan smiled. "Really? I could never do somethin' that technical. I majored in art. Drawin' and stuff."
"I tried that onthe. My hand ithn't thteady enough for that crap." Eridan laughed. "Did you go to that fanthy art college, then?"
"Yeah. And I'm guessin' you went to the college of technology."
"Yep. What about Fef? What'th her major?"
Eridan was still laughing. "No one calls her Fef except me. But I suppose you wouldn't know that. Her full name is Feferi, but I usually only call people by the first syllable of their name. It saves time."
"Oh. Thorry," Sollux muttered contritely.
Eridan waved his concern away. "You couldn't have known. She majored in business management. Always the practical one. You can't get a job as an artist." He shrugged. "Oh! The soup. I bet it's good now."
Eridan put the container in his lap and scooped a spoonful of the broth. Carefully, he raised the spoon to Sollux's mouth. The broth was perfect, salty and warm as he had hoped, and Sollux realized how hungry he was. He licked his lips.
"Is it good?"
"Perfect. More?" Eridan continued to feed him. In between mouthfuls, Sollux apologized. "Thorry I'm tho helpleth. I would feed mythelf if I could move."
"I'm sure you'll recover soon. In the meantime, Fef and I will take care of you. With some help from her friend if she ever has time to show up again."
"Thankth. What'th her friend'th name, by the way?"
"Well technically it's two friends, but they're always together so I tend to think of them as a single unit. Their names are Rose and Kanaya."
"Oh. I jutht wanted to know in cathe they do come back. It'll thave the introduction." Sollux paused, the real question on his mind surfacing insistently as it refused to be buried beneath the surface for any longer. "Why are you helping me? You don't know me at all, and you could have jutht thent me to the hothpital."
Eridan stopped, the spoon hovering in midair above the bowl. A few wayward drops of broth spilled over the edges of the spoon, rejoining with the soup in the bowl just the way the rock Sollux had thrown had disappeared into the roiling ocean. Stop that, Sollux chastised himself as Eridan spoke. "I don't know. It was just instinct. Fef and I both wordlessly agreed on it. I guess we should have brought you to the hospital. I mean, neither of us have the skills to heal you properly. But you seemed so hurt. Emotionally, I mean. I guess we didn't want to condemn you to the white walls and uncarin' doctors. We felt like you needed somethin' to heal you on the inside, too. Something you wouldn't find in a hospital, with its blankness and impersonal people. Do you think that was a mistake?"
"No." Sollux smiled. "Thankth. I don't want to be in a hothpital." They would want to know why I did it. Eridan's eyes flashed with understanding.
"You're welcome."
Time passed in silence until Eridan scooped up the last bit of broth. Sollux savored it, tasting it in its perfection before letting it slip down his throat.
"So now what? You must be exhausted. Do you want me to leave?"
Sollux tensed up. "No!" Eridan's eyes widened in surprise at Sollux's vehemence. "I don't want to be alone," he continued. "Jutht talk to me while I fall athleep. Pleathe?"
"Ok. What should I talk about?"
"Anything." Sollux closed his eyes.
"Well...how about a story? From when I was in college."
"Perfect."
"Which story should I tell? Oh, I have one. I remember once, on April Fools' Day, some friends of mine decided that we would have a sort of prankin' war. I started by lettin' some of the boys into my room in the middle of the night to help me set one up for my roommate. He was deathly afraid of spiders, something that his girlfriend teased him about non-stop. She was super into spiders for some reason...I'm still not sure why. Really, it was an obsession now that I think about it. What was her name...? Strange, I can't seem to remember. Anyway, we got a whole bunch of those little hard plastic spiders and just poured them all over his bed. One of the boys even shoved some down his shirt. I don't know how we didn't wake him up. And then, in the mornin'..." Eridan trailed off. Sollux was already fast asleep. He quietly took his glasses off Sollux's face, placing them gently on the table. Then he grabbed the spoon and empty soup container and left, shutting the door softly behind him.
Halfway through the night, Eridan was seated in the chair across the room, buried studiously in a higher-end sketchbook. His pencil flew lightly along the page, quickly capturing the edges of his desired subject. Every few moments his eyes would flick up to rest on Sollux's peaceful face, then dart back down to the page when he discovered nothing amiss. His previously jittery fingers were now deathly still save for absolutely necessary movements, directing the pencil painstakingly carefully into sweeping arcs and sharp angles.
Sollux moaned, startling Eridan from his trance-like state. Quicker than he thought possible, Eridan stood, his sketchbook and pencil falling unheeded to the floor, and rushed to kneel by the bed. Sollux was muttering something in his sleep, his face contorted into absolute regret and sadness. Eridan bit his lip, hesitating only for a moment before instinctively placing a hand on Sollux's forehead. It was dangerously hot, sweat beading in small lines across it, but as soon as Eridan's hand made contact, Sollux relaxed. His breathing evened out into the slower, steady pace it had been at earlier in the night, and he rolled over onto his side. Eridan smiled, sat in the chair once more, retrieved his pencil and paper, and resumed his sketch.