Chapter 1

Ford looked up and glared out his window as Grunkle Dipper strung some tale for the hapless tourists.

"There's something not right about this place." He muttered again for the tenth time in half as many minutes. Beside him Patricia groaned.

"Ugh! And you said I complained too much. There's nothing weird about this place except you!" she said snootily typing away. Ford turned to her with a growl.

"I'm telling you there is something going on in this place. This morning there was a scarlet tanager outside the window!" Ford said as if it was something catastrophic. Patricia stared at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"Scarlet tanagers are only found in the south east near Florida and Cuba! What is a flock of them doing in Gravity Falls?" Ford shouted throwing his arms up in frustration. Patricia smirked and snapped a picture. Ford looked at her with a glare.

"Post that and die." he sneered. Patricia looked him in the eye and tapped send all. Ford's eye twitched before he lunged at her. She screamed and dashed out of the door. Ford slammed it behind him as he chased after her.

"GRUNKLE DIPPER!" they both shouted in anger.

Ford glared at the wall while Patricia sneered at the corner.

"We're not five." She muttered even as their angry uncle was standing in the middle of the room with a frown.

"Start acting like you're not and I'll treat you as such. I have a tour to guide. Stay in those spots until I get back. That's the first way to prove your maturity." Dipper grumbled before he walked back into the gift shop. Ford and patria both groaned.

"I'm telling you Ford. There's nothing going on in this town… you did this in Washington too! You were convinced the bell hop was a vampire." Patricia said with a sneer.

"Oh come on! Nobody is that pale! And the wine looked like blood! It was an accident!" Ford complained. Patricia banged her head into the wall. After a few seconds she snickered. "What?" Ford snapped.

"I just remembered the whole thing. You threw garlic cloves at him. He started shouting and we got dragged out of ballroom… it was kind of hilarious." Patricia admitted. She continued giggling and after a bit Ford snickered too. Grunkle Dipper walked back into the room with a grumble.

"The tour was cancelled. I hate it when people cancel last minute like that. But I stand by the mystery shack policy. So what if she's mad. It's clearly posted over the door. No refunds!" Dipper growled. Both tweens were just staring at the wall waiting. "I suppose you did what I asked… feel free to spend the day however you like… just please, try not to kill, maim, or physically hurt one another. I'd never hear the end of it from Mabel." Dipper said with a hand on his face. Both children rushed out of the house through the gift shop.

"Yes! Time to chat up the teens!" Patricia cried before she rushed for the golf cart. Before she could get in Ford grabbed her wrist.

"Come on! You can talk to the teenagers later! Right now I'm gonna prove to you that there is something off about this place!" Ford insisted before he dragged Patricia into the words.

"Uuugggghhh! Boring! Somebody help I'm being kidnapped by my nerdy paranoid brother!" Patricia cried out to nobody as Ford dragged her into the woods.

"Come on! We could use a hike! It'll be nice to see the sights!" Ford insisted. Patricia just pulled out her phone and followed him. They walked through the woods for what seemed like hours. Ford was growing more and more frustrated as nothing out of the ordinary presented itself. After a few more minutes he sighed in defeat. "You know maybe you're right… maybe I am just paranoid…"

"Glory above! He actually listens!" Patricia said walking over to a nearby fallen tree. She pulled a sandwich out of her pocket. As Ford watched her open it he realized he'd been so focused on proving Patricia wrong he hadn't grabbed a lunch. His stomach growled and looked at Patricia longingly she scoffed and stuck her nose into the air. "Payback. You dragged me through the woods for no good reason. You're not gonna starve." Patricia said with a condescending air. With that she went to take a bite. Suddenly out of the bushes jumped what appeared to be a small bearded man. It was snarling and clawing at Patricia for her sandwich. "FORD!" she screamed.

"LEAVE MY SISTER BE!" Ford cried before he swept his foot across and punted the creature into the forest. "Wow… soccer camp really paid off." Ford commented with a weak chuckle. Patricia stood beside him with wide eyes.

"What was that thing?"

"I have no idea." Ford said reaching for his journal to write down what he saw. "Lucky there was only one." He commented as he scribbled down what he remembered. Patricia tapped him on the shoulder. "What?" he asked. She motioned to the forest. There where at least a dozen little men stranding at the clearing edge glaring at them. "Oh." Ford said lamely. The creature from before stood on a rock.

"There they are! Get em!" he cried.

"Damn." Ford commented with deadpan. Patricia dragged him as she ran.

"Come on!" she cried even as the pair rushed through the forest evading the tiny creatures as they jumped at them with sharp fangs. Ford laughed a bit.

"Hey! On the upside you can't say there isn't anything weird going on in gravity falls!" he commented. Patricia glared at him.

"Now is not the time!" she shouted even as a particularly good jumper lunged at Patricia's bag. Ford punched it off as they dashed through another clearing. As they were running Patricia lifted her phone.

"Oh come on! Now! What are you doing?!" Ford asked in anger.

"Taking a selfie!" Patricia cried. After a few seconds she snapped a few pictures. "There!" she cried as they continued to run

"For the last time ma'am no refunds! Go home!" Dipper shouted at the woman who was standing on the front steps of the mystery shack.

"I paid two hundred dollars for this birthday party! I'm not leaving till I at least get the cake I was promised!" the woman shouted. Dipper put a hand over his face.

"Oh for the love of-" Suddenly he and the woman turned towards the forest where they could hear screaming.

"GRUNKLE DIPPER!" Patricia screamed as she and Ford rushed out of the forest. Dipper gaped as they ran passed with a small crowd of gnomes behind them. Dipper frowned harshly and picked up the leaf blower he kept by the steps to clear them off. With that he dashed the other way around the mystery shack. Ford and Patricia met up with him at the gift shop entrance.

"Inside!" he shouted. The twins rushed in before Dipper stood in front of the door. He brandished his leaf blower and sneered at the creatures. "Stand back! I have a leaf blower and I'm not afraid to use it!" the gnome that had attacked Patricia stepped forward snarling.

"I'm not afraid of your human tools." Dipper smirked and raised an eyebrow. With a flick of the switch the gnome was sucked into the leaf blower. The other gnomes all squealed and dashed for the forest. Dipper kneeled down, one eye closed as he aimed for the small crowd of fleeing creatures.

"You should be." He muttered before he switched the leaf blow to out and the gnome rocketed out and slammed into the crowd of little men. They all scattered into a huge pile before they disappeared deeper into the forest. "Ha ha Strike!" Dipper cried as he stood before he laughed a bit and entered the gift shop. Ford, Patricia, and Ben were staring at him in shock.

"Whoa Mr. Pines… that was awesome!" Ben cried. Dipper blinked a bit. Ford and Patricia were staring at him with something akin to admiration before Patricia looked behinds him at the door.

"What were those things?" she asked. Dipper laughed.

"Gnomes. They're not usually all that violent. But I have a feeling they've started stock piling for winter early. We're probably going to have quite a cold one this year. They tend to get a bit cranky when they're hungry." Dipper said before he knelt down in front of the pair with a grave face. "This town is filled with many wonderful and strange things. Some of them are interesting but other can be dangerous. I want you to be extra careful when you go out. If anything were to happen to you…" Dipper didn't finish. He simply stood and ruffled the kids' hair before he turned and flipped the door sign to closed. Ben stood and walked out of the door.

"See ya tomorrow hommies!" he said to the kids before he left.

"So! How bout we watch some Ducktective reruns with dinner huh?" Dipper asked the pair. Patricia was looking at her phone.

"urm sure…" she commented with a shrug.

"What's Ducktective?" Ford asked in confusion. With that Dipper went into rampant detail about the show and the characters while Ford scribbled away what he was hearing. Patricia tuned them out. She was picking the best selfie of her running from gnomes she could. She was gonna post it somewhere. She wasn't sure where but she was going to. After Dipper disappeared into the kitchen Ford walked over.

"Did you see the way he was using that leaf blower? It looked like he was firing a bazooka or something!" Ford whispered. Patricia looked up from her phone imperceptibly and nodded even as Dipper walked in with three plates of their dinner.

"Alright! Move over! My couch!" Dipper said with a smile. Patricia made a show of groaning and rolling her eye before she let her Grunkle settle on the couch. Ford sat on the floor while Patricia sat on the arm rest. Together the trio settled into the show.

'But who could it have been? There are no finger prints. The killer is anonymous. Unless they didn't have finger prints… no it can't be… the killer is…'

'Quack quack quack… QUACK QUACK!'

"Ha ha ha!" the trio laughed.

"My god this show is so old." Patricia said through the laughter.

"It was new when I was your age. It only ran for three seasons. Something about the big reveal of the season two midseason finally… I'll admit it was less than stellar." Dipper said with a touch of reminiscence.

"Why?" Ford asked in confusion. Dipper sighed.

"Let's just say things tend to lose their edge when they happen in real life." Dipper explained cryptically. Ford frowned in confusion as he turned towards the screen.

"Neigh…NEIGH!"

"QUUUUAAAACKKK?!"

"BAHAHAHAHAHA!" the trio laughed jovially.

"I have to say… I thought staying with Grunkle Dipper was gonna be real lame… but he's actually kind of cool." Patricia commented as she settled into her bed. "In a weird old guy kinda way." Ford frowned.

"But he's hiding something." Ford said gravely. Patricia snorted.

"Oh honestly Ford, you're so paranoid. Okay I admit it, you were right about this town being weird but what could he possibly be hiding?" Patricia asked before she turned the light off and went on her phone. Ford lay wide awake in its pale light frowning at the ceiling for a few minutes before he turned away from it and settled into an uneasy sleep.

Dipper looked into the kids' room. Patricia had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand, Ford was muttering under his breath as he clutched his journal to his chest. Dipper slowly closed the door and went into his own room. He walked over to his book shelf and looked at the picture beside it. It was of a tall blond woman with diamond earrings and a gentle smile. He turned the picture down and the bookshelf shifted over. He opened the door and slipped in. he glanced around his bed room with a glare before he closed the door. With that the bookshelf slid back into place and the picture flipped back up as if nothing had happened at all.

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