And I fell into a wintry stupor.
My hands, that had been gripping the mattress, awaiting the pain that did not come, seemed to take on a life of their own. I couldn't remember willing myself to move, but I found them realising their hold and clasping onto Edward's sides.
His skin prickled under my touch, allowing me to regain control and hold him tighter. Kissing me again now, Edward's lips echoed his movements; slow and very controlled. I knew his thoughts would be racing, trying to convince himself that this was okay; that he wasn't a monster and some part of me, a complete idiotic part of me, wished he could be the monster he thought he was. To let his safe control fall away, to use all his strength and make love to me without worrying I might perish in the process.
But I knew that it was this uncertainty, this unthinkable act that made our being together all the better.
I liked that it was dangerous.
While not letting go of this devious thought, I raised my hips and pushed down; anchoring myself closer and allowing the cold to spill further through me. "Bella" Edward murmured, lifting my body slowly.
I kept my lips locked on his as he positioned me; we were sitting up, my legs fastened around his waist. He was deeper inside now and his hands held me in place while I rocked back and forth, feeling him throbbing through me.
I felt ignited, my whole body trembled with every movement. Even his hands, chilled on my back had me in a frenzied state. I'd had my eyes clasped shut but opened them now to find Edward watching me, an expression on his face that I didn't recognise or believe I had seen before.
"What is it?" I whispered, without reducing my movements. He didn't answer, only continued to stare. His eyes darted to my neck, then back to mine quickly, but not too quickly for me not to notice. The sudden surge of fear I felt then only added to my euphoric trance. I was over flowing, brimming the top of my chalice and I couldn't help the moan that charged my throat and burned through my lips.
As soon as the sound escaped Edward's hands were at my throat. With purposeful movements he turned my head slowly and allowed himself one gentle stroke of my cheek.
"Forever" he said, breathing cool air down my neck. Edward's lips hovered, then paused for a second and I realised I could no longer feel his breath.
Breaking our fixed posture, he manoeuvred me so his chest was pressed hard into my back. I braced myself, grabbing hold of the mattress once again. Taking hold of my shoulders, Edward placed his mouth on my neck.
The few silent seconds that past felt like an eternity and when he drew his final breath I knew this was the beginning of my immortality.
The surge of pain soured through every vein; I literally felt the life being drawn out. Edward's hands clasped down on my arms as they started to shake uncontrollably. I couldn't bring myself to scream, I knew this wasn't the worst, that was still to come. My pulse pounded in my ears and I could hear the thudding of my heart until it slowed and came to a stop.
I knew Edward and stopped and pulled me into his arms, keeping a tight hold like he thought I might break, but my attention was forced else where. From my chest, my core, the excruciating venom pounded out. Filtering through my arteries and leaving them scorched, it kept travelling.
Further and deeper it took over, until my whole body felt ablaze. Even if I had wanted to scream, I couldn't, nor could I open my eyes. I could do nothing but endure and search for something to hold on to; anything to keep me from falling into the blackness that seemed so inviting now.
I don't know how had long past but I became aware of my fingertips, they felt free of the fire and almost chilled by the air surrounding them. I flexed each one slightly and forced my concentration to stay there, to try and block out everything else. I followed the numbness as it travelled and welcomed it more than anything I had before. My legs were mine again and I willed myself to stretch them, again as a distraction.
My chest was the last to be freed, and even after the fire was put out I didn't open my eyes.
"Bella?" Edward whispered, and I realised his face was right next to mine, warm and soft. "It's okay now love, it's over. Open your eyes" Opening slowly, I gasped. It was like I had been living with scratched contact lenses in; everything was very bright and overly detailed. I snapped my eyes shut again and threw my face further into Edward's chest, knocking him backwards slightly. He laughed and stroked my hair.
"I guess we both have a lot of things to get used to." I couldn't answer him yet, I was still trying to be brave enough to dare another look. With my eyes still firmly shut I sat up, I was surprised at the fluidity in my movement; it had taken no effort at all.
Opening again, I stared in awe at the beautiful man in front of me. My old eyes had done him no justice. "Edward.." I began to say before stopping; even my voice sounded different.
"Yes?" He said, beckoning me with curious eyes.
"You, you look so different. Everything looks so amazingly beautiful!" He laughed again and took my hands in his.
"Yes, you do look that way but you always have."