A/n: OK, here's the deal. They are NOT making a Wicked movie. (I know, I want to sob, too.) I was watching interviews with Idina/Kristin and they said that they are going to wait until they need to up ticket sales. (So they'll never be a movie, because they'll never need to up ticket sales. Great. Just great. I do hope that if they do make a movie, it's the OBC. Or at least Kristin should be in it.)
Disclaimer: No own Wicked do I.
Chapter 2: Wizaba (Yes, I made that up.)
Shizians: (Covered in bee stings, bowing down to Galinda and talking in robotic voices) Galinda, we love you. We love you. We love you.
Boq: (Not in robot voice) But I love you the most!! Galinda, I know everything about you!! Like the name of the puppy you had when you were seven!!! You named it Hedwig from some book you had read!! So that's why'd we'd be perfect together!! Marry me!!
Galinda: (Mouth open) Umm...
(Elphaba walks in.)
Galinda: Perfect!! Now I don't have to answer!! Don't you just love distractions?? They're- HOLY ST. THOMAS AQUINAS!! YOU'RE GREEN!!
Shizian: (sarcastically) No.
Galinda: She's not? (walking up to Elphaba, squinting) Aha!! She is!! I win!!! (squeals) My fashion sense is burning!! I must help you!!
Authoress: Later, Galinda!!
Galinda: Ooh, I feel a song coming on. (pauses) Whenever I see someone-
Authoress: GALINDA!!! THAT'S NOT UNTIL LATER!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE EACH OTHER NOW!!! READ YOUR SCRIPT!!!
Galinda: Oh. (pauses) What is this feeling, so sudden-
Authoress: (stuffs sock into Galinda's mouth)
Boq: Can you can the "s" in "Sock" to a "B"?
Authoress: Wha- Ew! No!
(A/n: Think about it.)
Frex: (to Nessarose) Here, honey, I made you a gift. Don't forget about me!!
Nessarose: (opens gift) Ooh, Daddy, they're b-e-a-utiful!! I just love a good pair of shoes!!!
Elphaba: What??!!
Frex: Do you like them, favorite daughter of mine? I figured shoes would be better on you than cabbage over there.
Nessarose: I know!!
Elphaba: (muttering) And the number one most useless gift in the world is...
(Madame Morrible walks in)
Madame Morrible: I am your Headmistress, Madame Morrible. BOW DOWN TO ME!!!!
Shizians: (looking at each other.)
Madame Morrible: Ahem, sorry. I randomly yell out for people to bow down to me. Now we are to pick roomates. Who wants to be stuck with Miss Elphaba?
Galinda: (raising hand) Who's Elphaba?
Madame Morrible: Perfect! Perhaps some of your bubbliness will rub off on her!!!
Galinda: What?? Oh well, as long as it's not the green girl.
Elphaba: (sneaking up behing Galinda) It is.
Galinda: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHY ME, KUMBRIC WITCH??!!
Frex: (holding stick in hand like a gang member)
Galinda: (hurriedly) I mean, Unnamed God!! WHY MEEEEEEEEEE??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madame Morrible: OK, everyone else just wing it for the night. Miss Nessarose, you'll be rooming with me.
Nessarose: (wheels over to Madame Morrible)
Elphaba: What?? I have to take care of her on the off chance it'll make my father proud!!
Frex: (barely contained laughter) Proud of you!! That's a good one!!
Elphaba: (makes Nessarose fly back to her)
Nessarose: Do it again!! Do it again!!
Galinda: No, it's my turn!!
Madame Morrible: Shut up, both of you!! I have to tell Miss Elphaba that she will be the one and only person accepted into my sorcery class.
(Pause. Everyone looks expectanly at Galinda.)
Authoress: Galinda!! Your script!
Galinda: What?
Authoress: YOUR SCRIPT!!! You're supposed to protest this!!
Galinda: No, I'm not.
Authoress: AHHH!! (Points out the line on Galinda's script.)
Galinda: That's not my line. It's Kristin's. What a funny name.
Authoress: (struggling to keep control) Let's just pretend that you are Kristin, OK?
Galinda: (squeals) Ooh, I love pretending!! Can I be Green Girl next?
Authoress: ...
Elphaba: Shut up!! Horrible Morrible is supposed to be singing a song about me becoming the Wizard's magic grand vizier!!
Madame Morrible: Oh Miss Elphaba, many years I have waited-
Galinda: Many MANY years.
Madame Morrible: Why, I predict the wizard could make you his magic grand vizier!
Elphaba: His magic grand vizier? You don't say?
Madame Morrible: Yep!
(Everyone except Galinda and Elphaba exits)
Authoress: (dragging Galinda away.)
Galinda: But I wanna hear the song!!!
Authoress: You'll be able to hear it backstage!!
Galinda: (pouting)
Elphaba: Did that really just happen? Have I actually understood?
Authoress: (sarcastically) No. You didn't just hear that.
Elphaba: This weird quirk I've tried to suppress or hide-
Authoress: Wouldn't it be "and", not "or"? "Or" sounds wierd. Get your conjunctions right! (sings) Conjunction junction, what's your function...
Galinda: Yeah, but a green girl sounds wierd too, but we don't try to change her!
Elphaba: Blah blah blah... When I meet the wizard, once I've proved my worth. When I meet the wizard, what I've waited (randomly hitting high note) for since-since birth.
Authoress: Oh ha-ha. Very funny.
Galinda: (pouting) I don't get it.
Authoress: You wouldn't.
Elphaba: And with all his wizard wisdom, by my looks he won't be blinded!
Galinda: No one is THAT good!!
Elphaba: Shut up and let me finish my song!!! (sings) Do you think the wizard is dumb, or like Munchkins so small mided?
Boq: PREJUDICE!! THAT'S PREJUDICE!!
Doctor Dillamond: Yes, I think the wizard is dumb, or like Munchkins so small minded.
Boq: Oh no!! My own teacher is prejudice against me!! What's next?? Will some wierd girl start stalking me next??!!
Nessarose: Tehe.
Authoress: Aren't you a Munchkinlander?
Elphaba: (Shifty eyes) Noo...
Authoress: Uh-huh.
Elphaba: Blah blah blah... Once I'm with the Wizard, my whole life will change, 'cuz once you're with the Wizard, no one thinks you're strange.
Galinda: You may be an exception.
Elphaba: No father is not proud of you,-
English Teacher: DOUBLE NEGATIVE!!! MY EARS ARE BURNING!!
Frex: What do you mean, I'm not proud of you?
Elphaba: (hopefully) You're-you're proud of me?
Frex: No!! I just never knew that you knew I wasn't proud of you!
Elphaba: Thanks, Frex.
Frex: No problemo!
Elphaba: Now, where was I?
Authoress: (in a really bad voice) No sister acts ashamed...
Elphaba: OW!! MY EARDRUMS!!!! DON'T EVER SING AGAIN!!! (coughs) No sister acts ashamed-
Nessarose: If it helps, I wouldn't be ashamed of you if you weren't green.
Elphaba: Gee, thanks. And all of Oz has to love you, when by the Wizard you're acclaimed!
Galinda: We have to LOVE you??!! I can barely stand being in the same room as you!!
Gelphie Shippers: Yes, Galinda. You DO have to love her!
Galinda: Well, OK, if I have to...
Authoress: NO GALINDA!!!
Elphaba: Blah blah blah... When we are hand-in-hand, the Wizard and I...
Galinda: Ooh... Elphaba and The Wizard sitting in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G...
Elphaba: (blushing)
Galinda: So you DO like the Wizard!!
Authoress: (to Frex) She's kinda like Christmas colors when she's blushing, don't ya think?
Frex: CHRISTMAS??!!! IT'S THE UNNAMED GOD!! (tries to beat Authoress with a stick)
Authoress: (picks Frex up) Aww! The wittle Munchkins are soooooo cute!!!
Elphaba: No, I was just blushing because I'm apparently supposed to fall in love with one of the main characters. (pauses) NO, IT'S NOT GALINDA!!
Gelphie Shippers: Aww...
Elphaba: And one day, he'll say to me, "Elphaba, a girl who is so superior, souldn't a girl who's so good inside have a matching exterior?
Galinda: Superior to what? Carrots?
Elphaba: (ignoring Galinda) And since folks here to an absurd degree, seem fixated on your verdigris-
Galinda: Verdigris? What's the heck is that??!!
Boq: (randomly pulling out a dictionary) Vredigris:a bright bluish-green encrustation or patina formed on copper or brass by atmospheric oxidation.
Galinda: (silence)
Boq: What happened?
Authoress: I think we stunned her into silence.
Elphaba: Would it be all right by you if I de-greenify you?
Authoress: You're putting too much faith into a old bald guy, you know.
(Gale Force appears)
Gale Force: GET HER!!!!!
Authoress: (Runs away)
15 Minutes Later:
Authoress: (walks back to computer) Phew, sorry guys!
(Wicked cast is frozen)
Authoress: Oh no!! My computer froze!!
(Reboots computer)
5 Minutes Later:
Elphaba: Finally!! I still gotta sing about a prediction I had!! Anyway: And though of course that's not important to me-
Galinda: Don't kid yourself!
Elphaba: "All right, why not?" I'll reply. Oh, what a pair we'll be, the Wizard and I!
Galinda: Ooh, you two would make the cutest couple!!
Authoress: (shuddering) Oh that is SO wrong!!
Galinda: Why?
Authoress: Umm... umm... because she's... green?
Galinda: True. (pause) Maybe I can hook her up with a salad. Aww... how cute they'd be together!!
Authoress: ...
Elphaba: You know, this is supposed to be a SOLO!!!! So: Yes, what a pair we'll be, the Wizard and- GASP!!!
Authoress: Oh no, you broke a rib again!!
Elphaba: What??
Authoress: Er, never mind. Why were you gasping?
Elphaba: Because I just realized that my future is UNLIMITED!!! AND I just had a vision almost like a prophecy!
Dumbledore: Elphaba Thropp: 1, Professor Trelawney: 0.
Elphaba: I know it sounds truly crazy, and true, the vision's hazy, but I swear someday they'll be a celebration throughout Oz that's all to do with ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
English Teacher: And that, class, is an example of situational irony. Situational irony is when the character expects one thing to happen, but what happens is actually the opposite of what they expected.
Authoress: Get out!! (beats English teacher with stick)
Wicked Cast: (cheering)
Frex: I'm supposed to beat people with a stick!!
Elphaba: And I'll stand there with the Wizard, feeling things I've never felt!
Galinda: Go Elphaba!
Authoress: WILL YOU STOP SHIPPING THE WIZARD AND ELPHABA??!! THE WIZARD IS HER FATHER!!! THAT IS WRONG ON SO MANY ACCOUNTS!!!
Wicked Cast: ...
Galinda: (to Elphaba) He's your father??!! But what does that make Frex?
Frex: (doing little dance) I'm not her father, I'm not her father, ha ha ha ha!!
Authoress: Oh crap. (pulls out wand) Obliverate!!
(They forget that the Wizard is Elphaba's dad)
Elphaba: And though I'd never show it, I'd be so happy I could MELT!
Authoress: Haha.
Galinda: I still don't get it!!
Elphaba: Blah blah blah... Held in such high esteem, when people see me the will scream-
Galinda: Don't they already?
Elphaba: But they'll be screaming in a good way!
Galinda: Can you tell the difference?
Elphaba: Blah blah blah... The Wizard and I!!!
Galinda: Why's the "I" bold?
Authoress: Because it's really really loud!!
Elphaba: I!!!
Authoress: Are you done yet?
Elphaba: I!!!!!
Authoress: Oh my...
Elphaba: I!!!!!!!!!!!
Authoress: Any day now...
Elphaba: I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (gasping for breath)
A/n: Yay! Second Chappie!! Anyway I'm leaving tomorrow for vacation (YAY!!!!!!!!!) so I won't be able to post again 'til next Sunday. Sorry!!
3/08- Holy crap. I posted this before vacation? Wow. This year went fast. (gets really relective on this year and emo.)
Thanks for the reviews!! They really brighten my day!!
-Yorkie Lover