"Damien, are you going to come hunting with us today?" Alice's beautiful voice sings from across the hall.
"No. Not today, Alice." I hear her sigh in disappointment. My mind is still searching, searching for every human memory I have left of her. It takes a lot of concentration but if I think really hard, I can remember things. Like the vanilla smell of her hair, or the way she batted her eye lashes when she was trying to persuade me to do something. It was more difficult to remember larger things. Trying to remember what it was like to make love to her, or how she spent every free minute she had, in the hospital room with me. I still can't believe she hung around.
Natalie had spent just as much time in the hospital as I had, and that wasn't fair. I had unintentionally stolen 2 years from her life. I was sick with myself. Why couldn't I have told her to leave? Made her move on, find someone else; someone who could love her properly. Some one who could take her out to dinner; buy her things that didn't come from the Vancouver General Hospital Gift shop. There was a sharp pinching in the center of my chest.
Although I wanted this for her, because she deserved someone who was able to treat her right, the mere thought of someone else being with her; loving her…it made my lifeless heart writhe in pain.
"Damien?" The door squeaked quietly as Edward came into view. "You know, you're going to have to hunt sooner or later…if we are going to let you out into the public soon your going to have to be a good little newborn…you need to hunt." His playful tone changed to a more serious one on the last few words. What I'd really like to do is crawl in a hole and never come out.
"Fine." I jump to my feet and follow Alice into the forest.
The air is crisp; it feels wonderful on my skin as I run swiftly over the damp forest floor. I take a deep breath and surrender myself to my instincts. The sharp smell of Deer leads me west and within seconds I can see a very lean buck calmly chewing on a mouthful of leaves. Alice is right behind me and together we attack. Deer blood is very unsatisfying and I have to drink a lot of it before I actually feel like I've had enough.
My head jerks up as I inhale the fresh scent that the breeze has just brought me. My throat burns, my muscles tense and I launch forward, heading in the direction of the smell. Deer blood smells like garbage in comparison to what Ive locked onto. I'm headed full speed in its direction, I can see movement, and then it comes into vocus. It's a human.
I try to stop, I try to stop running, I try to stop the relentless thirst, but I can't. The urge is too powerful. They haven't seen me yet, in fact they probably won't see me at all. They will have no idea what happened. They wont even know that they died. Suddenly my 70 mile an hour sprint is forced to an immediate halt as I am hit by Edward and Emmet. They throw me to the side and into a tree which crumbles over with a loud crash . I want to stop. I want to go the opposite direction, but I'm still fighting them. Emmet grabs hold of one arm and Edward the other.
"You can fight it Damien." Edward says quietly. "Don't give in to it. Fight it." They are standing there, calmly holding me in place while the Monster thrashes inside of me. I squeeze my eyes shut and think of Natalie. I could never hurt her. If I ever want to see her again I have to learn to control myself. This is the best motivation on the face of the earth for me. Natalie is my everything and I vow that one day I will get to see her again.