Rin had never thought that Makoto would be the type of guy to panic or show his distress. He always felt that whenever things got rowdy or out of hand, Makoto would be the first one to stop the fight or the source of trouble. Of course, every single time, Makoto would manage to sort things out and make everybody happy again.

That was Makoto's true strength. Rin admired that feat from afar, and sincerely wished that he had something similar in his own set of skills. However, he never felt jealous or envious of Makoto's personality and his tranquillity, and yet, by the exact measure, he felt pulled by the force of attraction to harbour something for the taller boy. When something blossomed into his heart, he felt bothered by the stray and raw emotion slowly disturbing his normal flow of feelings and when he had finally found some calm in him, the image of Makoto's smiling face haunted him endlessly.

It was a moment of realization for him when he started out maturing, and realizing something he had never noticed before. The strange emotion of 「like」 felt foreign to him and yet at the same time, he felt as though it was so familiar to him. He had never fallen in 「like」 before, even though he wouldn't deem it any sense at the current state of mind.

Looking back on all of it now, he knew that when these things had came to pass, his own emotions would slowly reveal itself to him and to make him understand the nature of it all. Yet, when his emotions became jumbled up because of Makoto, he really didn't know what to make of it, much less being able to untangle his messed emotional wires from each other.

Because sometimes he understood, sometimes he didn't. And when he had caught wind of the strange emotion that was instilled into his mind, he had been too late—it had already became a part of him, engraved into his personality, thrusted him into a world where he would forever fade to the colour green. Still, he lived in the green-hued world, as it had become the one thing he had held on most dear to.

Jealousy.

But he had not tasted jealousy until Makoto's appearance, and yet, not birthed from Makoto's existence, but from the people Makoto associated with. Rin had known right from the beginning that Haruka stood fully in Makoto's heart, and yet, he couldn't help but yearn for something that was more than just a friend.

There was a reason why he hadn't seen eye to eye with Haruka at some parts, and even then, his relationship with Haruka was a friendly rivalry. Just like that, his jealousy grew larger, and his envy poured and spilled over, his heart thundered with each passing second. Haruka was better than him at swimming, better at him in getting Makoto's attention. And the worst? Haruka had Makoto's undenying and unbroken attention and affection.

Rin's world began to grow a little darker with each passing minute. It wasn't long before he felt his mind completely tortured by jealousy and envy.

But green was such a beautiful colour. It was the colour of Makoto's eyes. And he loved Makoto's eyes, more than anything, because Makoto's eyes made him feel safe, warm and calm. So, at the end, he learned to live with this jealousy, bearing the pain he had to shoulder when he realized that Makoto's heart would never belong to him.

When Rin first kissed Makoto, it had been an utter mistake. It was the two of them playing along in the change room when they were younger, and Rin had stepped on a slippery tile. Makoto, being the boy with his mother-hen instincts, had reached out to help the falling redhead. Still, even though it had landed unsuccessfully, with Makoto atop Rin, his lips conveniently slammed into Rin's. The two scrambled up, Rin especially red while Makoto was scratching the back of his neck meekly.

Both were embarrassed, Rin knew, but he wished he had made the situation less weird by acting normal afterwards. Because Rin, not knowing his feeling, had spent the whole week avoiding Makoto. Cluelessly following the redhead, Makoto had questioned as to why the redhead was avoiding him, to which Rin answered that he wasn't really avoiding Makoto...but he was, somehow. Upon seeing Makoto's blue expression, Rin had covered that he was still self-conscious about the changeroom incident, Makoto's cheeks gained a bit of colour as he rubbed at the back of his neck and told Rin to not worry about it.

And Rin did, with some time.

Still, as time passed, Rin had wished he was the one who had seized Makoto's heart completely. Even though he wasn't the first one to meet Makoto or know the boy, he wanted Makoto to look only at him. The desire to completely conquer Makoto's heart, body and soul wasn't about to become smothered by someone else's active affection. Rin was competitive—for swimming, for athletics and Makoto's heart.

He wasn't about to stop.

So when he had answered Makoto's call that day when Makoto had asked him to join Samezuka's swimming team, he asked to meet the teen somewhere. And before he realized what he was doing, he had already been intoxicated by Makoto's very being.

It really was too late.

He didn't want to become a replacement. He felt disturbed when Makoto called out not his name, but Haruka's.

And immediately, he knew. No matter how many times he tried, no matter how many times he wished, Makoto would never see Rin the same way he saw Haruka.

But he was willing to throw himself away for Makoto. He would be Makoto's pretend Haruka, just for that night.

「Makoto...I like you...」

And even though he knew it was a fabrication, he would go through with it. Because it was Makoto. And so, he slowly raised his hand to Makoto's eyes and covered them, further extending the illusion he had created, he pressed his lips against Makoto's, his fingers intertwining with Makoto's in an act of an facade that would soon cause Makoto to probably hate him for.

He was willing to pay the price.

And nobody saw the tears that slipped down his cheeks as Makoto murmured against Rin's lips.

「Haru...」