Title: What You Are Worth – Chapter 2
Author: namaguza_bouzu
Pairing: Gojyo x Sanzo
Rating: T
Warning/s: OOC. Rating will go up for future chapters. If you are not ready for future NC-17, skip this. Otherwise, step right in.
Disclaimer: Saiyuki is Minekura's.
Notes: Not much interaction between 5 and 3 here. This chapter is to put some things into order.

That stung. Gojyo grew up hearing people talk, not even bothering to do it behind his back, about how big a mistake his existence was. How he was not wanted. If it wasn't coming from his mother, he didn't really give a shit about what they were saying. He raised his middle finger to anyone and everyone who tried to put him down.

But coming from Sanzo, he realized he did give a shit. And hell, it fucking stung. Even after three years of being on the road with him, he did not expect the monk to treat him with favor. Sanzo was an ass to him, no pun intended, as he was to everyone else. This was exactly the reason why he always tried to push the monk to the brink of insanity daily. With Sanzo, he always wanted more. He was not satisfied with the usual indifference Sanzo directed to him. A rush of excitement always comes to him whenever he had all of Sanzo's attention.

"I do not, and would never, need anything from a kappa bastard like you."

How he wished those words were not directed to him. He would have liked it much better if Sanzo had punched him in the face, kicked him in the gut, or slammed the fucking fan on him until his head went numb. Anything would have been better than this shit because he just realized that somewhere between the start of this journey to hell until their exchange earlier, his feelings for the blonde had grown deeper than what was comfortable for him. Because he, of all people, did not ever, EVER, entertain the possibility that he might be gay. And maybe it ached that the object of his desires just went and crushed his tiny kappa heart.

He probably needed to go back to his own room now, but he was still staring at the door Sanzo slammed shut. The damn asshole never failed to torture his thoughts and said asshole was not even aware he was doing it. Gojyo was in deep shit.

"What are you starin' at Sanzo's face for, Erokappa?"

The next day found Gojyo without any sleep and unable to eat during breakfast. Of course after his realization last night, he had not been able to think of anything else but the monk. And so, it was while he was wondering how a man could have such long lashes hovering above brilliant amethyst eyes that Goku asked his innocent question.

The monk looked up from the coffee he was stirring and focused his gaze on the kappa. Gojyo blinked a little too rapidly as a deer in headlights would. Hakkai, having an idea on what was going on, decided that it was best not to comment. He had observed that Gojyo said nothing at all since they sat down to eat.

"I wasn't, Bakazaru," Gojyo recovered, going back to the piece of meat he had been slicing and dicing into tiny bits since the waitress placed it on the table, "and what were you staring at me for?"

"I wouldn't if you noticed that I ate everythin' from your plate already 'cept for that stuff you're tearing apart!" Goku exclaimed through all the food stuffed in his mouth.

"Urusai!" Sanzo brought down his fan of doom on the saru. "Shut up and finish eating so we could leave already!"

Gojyo would have retorted, he would have told Goku that he was wrong. Except that he couldn't. His plate was almost empty even if he hadn't eaten anything and he had never let the saru get away from stealing his food ever until then. He was just so distracted.

"I'm going for a smoke," Gojyo said, immediately leaving the table.

Ever since his musings last night, he just couldn't stop feeling this longing for the monk anymore! The perpetual hard-on he was sporting these days even added to his list of worries. He lit his stick then took a long, calming drag. Just before he was able to clear his head, however, he felt the blonde's presence beside him.

"Stop being a useless waste of space and give me a light," Sanzo muttered.

Gojyo tried to light his Zippo but his hand was slightly trembling so he just handed it to Sanzo to avoid embarrassing himself. He could not look at the monk after Goku called him out on his slip earlier. Dammit, he was off his game.

Sanzo, however, noticed this and asked, "What the hell's wrong with you?" He took a hit and added, "Wait, don't answer that. There's always something wrong about you."

Gojyo blinked. He would definitely not answer that question. He was also sure that the monk would not appreciate the truth anyway. "It's nothing you'd care about so you can just piss off."

"Ch. Damn right. As long as it doesn't interfere with the mission, I wouldn't give a fuck about what's going on in that perverted brain of yours."

"And that exactly is my problem." Gojyo dropped his half-smoked cigarette and went inside, leaving the confused monk to stare at his retreating back. He was finding it harder and harder to contain himself from blurting out something embarrassing in front of Sanzo. He felt like a fucking pre-adolescent female.

Instead of going back to where the other two were finishing what was left of their breakfast, he went straight to his room to torture himself with even more thoughts of his monk.

"Sanzo said he wants us to leave in 30 minutes," Hakkai informed Gojyo as he closed the door of their shared room.

For a moment, the hanyou just stared at Hakkai distractedly, then began to gather his stuff. Hakkai observed him out of the corner of his eye while he organized their bag of supplies. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Gojyo?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I guess my real question is, why aren't you doing anything about it?"

"Wha—doing what about what…?" Gojyo tried to feign ignorance.

"Your feelings for Sanzo is what I'm talking about."

Of course Hakkai figured it out. It's Hakkai. Gojyo was an idiot for thinking he could get it past him, but he could still try because he just didn't want to talk about it. "I still dunno what you're talking about."

"I know it's not supposed to be my business but I'm worried about you. I've known you for a long time and I've never seen you this depressed."

"What would I get depressed about him over? He's just a repressed, self-absorbed, beautiful son-of-a-bitch." Beautiful? Did that just come out of his mouth? "Ok, let's just say that you're right and I have these… uhm… 'feelings'… for the bouzu. There's nothing I can really do about it which will not get me shot. It's not as if the feeling is mutual."

"Do you remember before this trip when I asked you if I could stay at your house after I was released? Knowing the lifestyle you preferred, I was so sure you'd say no, but you didn't."

"Your point?"

"All I'm saying is that you'll never really know unless you ask. Sanzo is the only one who can say if it's mutual or not. There's always a possibility that you'll get hurt by the answer, but aren't you already hurting now? But I guess, you're right, you might get shot in the process. Again, none of my business. Anyway, I have to go ahead and make sure Hakuryuu's ready."

Gojyo wished Hakkai just didn't open his big mouth. Now, not only was he thinking about the monk 24/7, but he was worrying about how to get through to him, too.

He thinks I'm a worthless kappa bastard. Either I tell him and get shot, or continue annoying him with stolen glances and still get shot. It's such a win-win situation.

Something is definitely bothering the kappa, Sanzo thought as he passed an inconspicuous glance at Hakuryuu's side mirror for the ninth time that day. The hanyou had been unusually quiet since this morning that he almost missed bringing out his gun to shut both backseat passengers the hell up. Almost. Why he was even thinking about it was a mystery to him. True, he had been inclined to look at Gojyo through the side mirror a bit more during these past few days but that was due to lack of anything else to look at. He was just tired of looking at the road, the trees, the scenery… and NOT because he perhaps probably possibly found Gojyo a wee bit nice to look at. Not at all. Definitely not. And with that thought, he attempted to train his eyes to stay on the road for the remainder of their ride until the next town.

Then he caught Gojyo's fourth sigh that afternoon and did it again. He automatically looked through the side mirror and found that the hanyou had this look of… he could only call it longing, on his face. Maybe he was intrigued by the fact that this is the first time he had seen Gojyo emitting anything other than his carefree aura. Surely, he did not care if the kappa lacked his usual vigor and his… teasing. Did he? That it was probably some problem with the lobby receptionist who was all over Gojyo last night was none of his business. He had no idea why he felt something constrict in his chest at that thought.