More crack- sorry! This practically wrote itself. I had a lot of fun with this.
For some reason I think Conrad's arm is a source of nothing but hilarity.
In one of the many lush fields outside the castle, near the baseball field that Conrad had constructed for his king and Godson, Yuuri and Conrad were laying in the grass watching the clouds go by.
"That one looks like a duck." Conrad said, pointing a finger high into the sky.
"Stop avoiding my questions!" Yuuri huffed as Conrad laughed. "I want to know!"
"Isn't it a little macabre...?" Conrad said, folding his hands over his chest.
"Your new arm- does it sometimes move on it's own? Did it sprout out of your stump like how a lizard grows a new tail? Did Shinou have to surgically attach it or like, did it just poof into existence like a cartoon-"
"Yuuri, why don't you answer my question first?" The man replied, rolling on his side to look at his charge's face. "Why did you carry my detached arm around for so long?"
"Ehh?" Yuuri made a face. "I thought you were dead, I was grieving!" He said easily and Conrad raised a thin, skeptical eyebrow at the boy.
"Oh? Wolfram said you took it with you to bed, to sleep with it."
"Like I said, I was grieving."
"Gwendal said you ate meals with it, and tried to spoon feed it cereal..."
"Still grieving."
"Greta said you dressed it up."
"How does she know that!?" Yuuri blanched and Conrad gave his godson a concerned face. "Yuuri... didn't it begin to rot at all...?"
"Well yeah, but I didn't mind. It was you- your arm, I mean." the slip-up didn't go unnoticed by Conrad who gasped.
"Did you... try to replace me with my own arm?"
"What? No!"
"Gunter said you used it as a weapon... He told me you wielded it like a baseball bat."
"Because it was the only weapon I had!" Yuuri defended, "I didn't want to use your arm as a weapon- but in the end, it was really effective, you know?"
"Effective?" Conrad echoed and Yuuri nodded.
"Yeah- like, whenever an enemy would see me running at them with a detached arm- they usually wouldn't stay and fight me. They'd just run away screaming."
Conrad made a face and Yuuri tilted his head at him.
"What? What's with that face?"
"You... beat people with my... severed arm?"
"You were protecting me from beyond the grave!" Yuuri exclaimed with a smile. "That should make you happy or even proud right? That you were there for me even when you weren't physically there? Well, like only about 19% of you was physically there for me the rest..."
"Alright, alright." Conrad waved a hand, his tan cheeks looking uncharacteristically pale. "Let's not talk about it anymore. It's all over now- my arm is resting in peace at the bottom of the ocean, right?"
When Yuuri didn't immediately respond Conrad's eyes became wild.
"It's... in the ocean, right Yuuri?" he repeated carefully.
"Huh? Oh- yeah..."
"Yuuri."
"Don't look at me like that! I couldn't just let your arm go into the ocean! It was all that was left of you!"
Conrad's breathing was becoming labored as he stood up on staggering feet, running a shaky hand through his hair. "If it's not in the ocean- where'd you put it!? Did you bury it?"
"N-no, I-" Yuuri stammered, also climbing to his feet. Conrad was looking at him with such a strange look it was hard to focus.
"Yuuri!" His voice was demanding and Yuuri cracked under the pressure of the man's gaze.
"It's in my room!" Yuuri blurted out, before covering his mouth with both hands.
"IN YOUR ROOM? ARE YOU TELLING ME IT'S IN THE CASTLE?"
"Y-yes it's under my bed-"
"YUURI WHAT THE HELL!?" Conrad shrieked, causing Yuuri to raise his voice too. "DON'T YELL AT ME, I COULDN'T PART WITH IT!"
"HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN THERE?!"
"I DON'T KNOW- SINCE THEY TOLD ME I HAD TO GET RID OF IT-" Yuuri shouted, both men within a foot of each-other, yelling into each other's faces.
"THAT WAS MONTHS AGO!" Conrad shouted back. "MY ROTTING ARM HAS BEEN UNDER YOUR BED FOR MONTHS!?"
"YOU SHOULD BE TOUCHED! I THOUGHT IT WAS SWEET-"
"GRETA AND WOLFRAM SLEEP WITH YOU ON THAT BED, YUURI!" Conrad cried, "YOU'VE ALL BEEN SLEEPING ABOVE MY ROTTING ARM FOR MONTHS!?"
"It doesn't smell or anything!" Yuuri insisted, "I made sure it was covered in perfume-"
"When were you going to tell me!? What are you keeping it for!?"
"I grew attached to it, that's all- it's not weird!"
"Oh, my apologies," Conrad said, standing back, holding his hands up in front of his chest. "I don't want you to think that I thought it was weird..."
"Really?" Yuuri asked, "Well in that case..."
"NO!" Conrad blanched, giving Yuuri an exasperated look, "OF COURSE I THINK IT'S WEIRD! BECAUSE IT IS WEIRD!"
This shouting match continued in the middle of the lush, grassy field full of wild flowers growing under a blue and brilliant sky. It truly was a lovely day.
At the same time, back in the castle...
"Oh no, papa Wolf!" Greta cried, sticking her head off the side of the bed. "My doll! She fell!"
"It's fine, Greta- I've got it." Wolfram assured her with a smile as he ducked down close to the floor to look under the bed and retrieve her lost toy.
"Don't let the monsters get you, papa." Greta warned and Wolfram gave her a haughty huff and a narrowed look.
"Greta, there are no monsters under the bed- and even if there were, I would protect you." He said with a flick of his hair that made his daughter giggle. Wolfram then stuck his arm under the bed into the dark, feeling about with outstretched fingers when he grasped onto something that felt familiar.
"Got it," Wolfram said with a smile as he began to pull on the (rather heavy...) doll, bringing it closer to him.