A/N: Sorry for the shortness of that last chapter. I was running out of time and had to end it somewhere quickly so that I could get on with my life. Anyway, I'll go ahead and introduce this story a chapter late…I've tried several times to get this written, but it wasn't sounding right so there was a whole lot of starting from scratch going on over the past few weeks.
Ziva went off after Abby, ignoring the guilt that was threatening to bubble over and form into words. She'd save that for later. All that mattered was finding out what she had missed over the past five years, something that would explain the toddler upstairs who was a total stranger to her. The child followed Ziva a little hesitantly, sucking his thumb the whole time. She discovered Abby sitting in a chair with her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs that occasionally rose in volume to something somewhat audible but were instantly hiccupped into silence again and again. She decided at least one explanation was in order so that her friend would not be lost in this unbearable pain of betrayal.
"I am not sorry for leaving…but I am very sorry for not saying goodbye," Abby brought her head up, her cries pacified at once but tears still relentlessly streaming down her face.
"I got married, you know," she said thickly, tears falling fast into her lap. "You never came to the wedding. That's my child, Gabriel…I was too hurt to tell him you even existed. And I won't even tell you how Tony reacted when you wouldn't answer your phone for months and months. He was heartbroken. When you left, it was like a part of everyone had died…it took us all so long to recover that Jamie was very reluctant to replace you after the first month of your absence. But she makes a good agent, so don't even judge. Even better, she never left, which makes her a very good agent, because she is not a coward." So, is that what she thought? Ziva contemplated this. She knew she hadn't left out of fear, that much was certain. But even the reason why was too painful to remember so she quickly shoved the thought away and focused on Abby's pain filled eyes.
"I was not afraid," Ziva whispered. "I don't even think I had a choice," Even as she said it, she knew this was the truth.
"We all have a choice," Abby muttered bitterly. Gabriel climbed into her lap, and that was when Ziva got a close look of the child for the first time. His face resembled McGee's so much. Practically a mirror image, with those emerald eyes filled with curiosity and mature awareness not often seen in a toddler.
"Sometimes there isn't a clear definition of a right and wrong choice, Abby," Ziva said. "It's not all black and white,"
"But why did you leave? Can't you just tell me?" Abby begged. She didn't respond, but just looked away as McGee came into the lab and stared in shock at her.
"Ziva-wha-why-what?" he choked out.
"Hey, probie, what are you-" Tony stumbled to a halt and noticed what he was staring at.
"I think we deserve an explanation, Ziva," Abby said. Ziva started backing out of the lab, feeling claustrophobic with all the people in here.
"I-I can't," she stammered. "I just can't. I'm sorry, but I have to go," She ran out.
"Don't leave for five years this time!" Abby yelled after her.
"What the he-" Tony started, but McGee elbowed him in the ribs and pointed at Gabriel, who was currently drifting off to sleep in Abby's lap.
"I'm going to tell Gibbs about this," Abby declared, letting Gabriel slid off her lap as she stood up. The toddler blinked in confusion and sleepily looked up at his mother.
"Mommy, I want to go home," She paused and glanced at him. Instantly she changed tracks.
"Alright, sweetie, why don't you go with Daddy, he'll take you," she said.
"Come on, buddy, you need a nap," McGee said, picking up Gabriel and carrying him out.
"What happened?" Tony asked after they were gone. Abby sighed and started to leave. He followed her out to the elevator.
"Ziva decided to show her face unannounced as if no time had passed at all," she explained. "I can't believe that she showed up at all. We were better off just thinking she wanted to be back in Israel for a time." Abby sighed again, looking very close to tears this time.
"I never thought that," Tony protested, but instantly fell silent when he realized he revealed too much. They got into the elevator. Abby pressed the button for autopsy and it instantly started to descend.
"What did you think, then?" she asked lightly.
"I…uh…nothing," Tony stammered. "Nothing at all!" He looked around, scrambling to find something to steer the conversation out of these dangerous waters. "I…so, when's Gabriel's fifth birthday? You never got the chance to tell me." He sighed in relief when Abby's expression went from suspicious to cheerful.
"He turns five in three weeks. Haven't I told you this before?" Tony shook his head, and was about to respond when the elevator opened. They both got out and headed to the door that lead to autopsy. Gibbs barely looked up when they entered the chilly room, listening attentively to the conclusion of Ducky's latest story.
"I have an announcement to make," Abby said. Ducky stopped talking at once and looked at her.
"What is it?" Ducky asked.
"Ziva's back," The reaction was immediate and predictable. Palmer dropped the file in his hand and papers scattered everywhere. Gibbs leapt to his feet and quickly looked around, as if he were expecting Ziva to walk through the door any second now. Tony and Abby were the only ones who remained calm and passive.
"Where is she?" Gibbs demanded, looking ready to wring his neck around anyone who got too close.
"She just left," Tony explained. "Wouldn't tell us where she was going, but why is that a surprise?" His tone grew bitter and resentful, very unlike his usual self. Gibbs whipped out his cell phone and started dialing. One ring, then two and three. A few seconds later, voice mail. He tried several more times with the same result. Nobody spoke. Finally, he cursed and just gave up on contacting Ziva entirely.
"Something is going on here, and I'm going to find out," Gibbs growled. He stormed out of the room. Jamie walked in with her teenage daughter Shelby with a puzzled look on her face.
"What's with Gibbs?" she asked. No one answered her.
"Mom, I'm trying to tell you the bomb threat was all Eric's fault!" Shelby said, oblivious to the tense atmosphere.
"Not now, sweetie we'll talk about that later…what happened with Gibbs? Did someone mess with his coffee again?"
"Worse than that," Abby replied.
"Well, what then?" Jamie demanded. Shelby sighed, growing impatient with her mother. Nobody paid attention to her.
"Ziva won't answer her phone after pulling another disappearance act," Tony said. During all of this, Palmer and Ducky had managed to gather up all the fallen papers and reorganized them back into the file.
"No…that's page four b, it goes over here," Ducky told Palmer.
"Then that means I'll have to start all over again!" Palmer whined, emptying out the folder for the second time.
"Ziva?" Jamie exclaimed. Shelby looked at her. "When did she get back?"
"A short while ago," Abby said, wandering toward the doorway. "I'd rather not talk about this anymore…" With that, she left the room as well.
"Mom, what are you talking about?" Shelby said.
"I don't know any more than you do," Jamie responded. "Let's just go home and have your name cleared at school tomorrow," Shelby tugged at her blonde hair, examining it for split ends. Tony went over to help Palmer with his file organization troubles.
"Fine," Shelby muttered. "Whatever…let's go, then," They left the room together.
"Well, that should take care of it," Tony said. "I better get going…I have to find the ninja before Gibbs kills her on her first day back from the land of mystery and deception," Normally this would make Palmer and Ducky laugh, as it was usually intended as a joke, but the serious look in his eyes forced them to keep silent.
"Has it really been five years?" Palmer wondered. "I barely noticed the time pass by,"
"Five years is a long time for anyone to be gone," Ducky said to him. "I wonder what she was up to during all those months she was…away,"
"Whatever it is, she isn't telling us," Palmer muttered.