The unexpected second chapter. I sort of wanted to leave Yuki huddled under blankets and depressed. Period. Nothing after that. But... If you read my blog you saw my post about Shattered Dreams and know that that wasn't the original intention. He was meant to have a "recovery". I just didn't give him one. So... I wrote another chapter. I'm sorry if it doesn't match the standard of the first chapter, which I think was much more emotional. I tried. You can ignore this second chapter if you want to even. Gah. There was more to the song anyway. =_=

Disclaimer: I do not Fruits Basket, its gorgeous characters, or the lyrics. All rights go to Natsuki Takaya and Trading Yesterday.

And I've lost who I am

And I can't understand

Why my heart is so broken

Rejecting your love

OoOoO

When Yuki came home the next day, Shigure and Kyo knew something was wrong at once. He didn't rise to the occasion when Kyo insulted him; in fact, he hardly said anything. Without a word, he went up to his room closed the door behind him.

"That was… odd. Haa-san said he was acting strange, but that almost goes beyond strange. He doesn't seem to care about anything." Shigure looked as confused as Kyo did.

"He's very different now," Tohru said quietly. "I don't understand why either. He won't even talk to me."

OoOoO

Yuki sat at the desk in his room, studying. The books lay open at his desk and he had a pen and blank notebook to take notes in, but he only stared at the materials, not caring. He already knew what the books said anyway.

His head began to pound again and he rested his forehead on one of the open books. These sudden headaches just wouldn't go away, damn it! And he always had the strangest thoughts during them too. Thoughts about Tohru, friendships, and of all the stupid things, hope. There wasn't any hope in this world for him. There was no reason to live. Friendship could never last. As for Tohru, he just didn't understand why his mind seemed to fill with thoughts and images of her during these headaches. The memories were familiar but the way he thought about them was immensely different when he felt normal. A blush wasn't just a blush, and strawberries were much more than a fruit in his garden.

Everything was meaningless until his head began pounding. That was when his mind seemed determined to conflict with reality.

When at last his headache subsided, he picked himself up off the desk and abandoned his books there in favor of sitting on his bed, staring off into space. Pulling his knees up to his chin, he set his forehead against them, trying to figure why only a few days ago he'd been so… happy. He could clearly remember being happy to be alive. He could remember what it felt like to smile, but now couldn't even imagine having anything to smile about. What had changed?

There was a soft knock outside his door. "Come in," he called, not bothering to change his curled position.

"I, um, brought up your supper," Tohru said.

Yuki didn't look up. "Leave it on the floor. I'll get to it."

Tohru set it down on the floor like he asked and looked at him for a minute, taking in his posture and how he seemed to be trying with all he had just to hold himself together. It was hard to see him this hurt and know she couldn't do anything about it. Would he even let her help? He hadn't seemed to want any help from her when he was still at Hatori's, but maybe he'd changed his mind since then?

"Yuki-kun? I want you to know that I'm here for you, okay? If you want some one to talk to, I'm here."

Yuki only silently shook his head in rejection of her offer.

OoOoO

Love without, love gone wrong

Lifeless words carry on

But I know, all I know

Is that the end's beginning

OoOoO

Weeks passed. Yuki hardly seemed present in school, and when he came home he'd shut himself in his room. Tohru would bring up his meals but most of the time they went untouched, causing him to lose weight. What little he said was vacant and often on the verge of rude. He didn't seem to care about anything or anyone, even going so far as to quit the student council.

Yuki hardly noticed his surroundings. He felt so empty it hurt. He tried sometimes to talk to the others but there always seemed to be a mental barrier that prevented him from opening up. He couldn't bring himself to risk being hurt by them. He was terrified of one of them rejecting him, even if Tohru, Haru, Momiji... everyone attempted again and again to reach out to him. The worst part was that he could clearly remember being close to these people before, but he couldn't imagine doing the same thing again.

Every day he made it through seemed like a victory. Death seemed like the more peaceful option – the better option, even. He didn't want to live in a world where people couldn't accept him or would only pretend to. They couldn't and he knew that with certainty. Was it because of that that he couldn't seem to allow himself to form the friendships he desired?

Either way, his world had turned to shades of gray and he didn't even know why.

OoOoO

Who I am from the start

Take me home to my heart

Let me go and I will run

I will not be silent

OoOoO

Tohru yawned as she made her way downstairs. Breakfast… what should she make? She was surprised to see the kitchen light on. Who was up? Kyo got up early to go running, but she never found him in the kitchen. When she saw Yuki standing in front of an open drawer she was even more confused. He hardly came out of his room, and waking up early wasn't exactly something he did often.

"Yuki-kun?" she said hesitantly.

Something dropped from his hand and clattered on the floor. He looked at her for a few moments, eyes as empty as ever and then walked past her and back upstairs without speaking to her.

She went over to where he'd been standing and picked up what he'd dropped. Her eyes widened as she stared at the small sharp knife. Had he been trying to commit suicide? "Yuki-kun…" Her voice was a small confused whisper. Why? What had happened to him?

With tears in her eyes, she gathered up every knife from the various drawers and hid them all in the very back of the top shelf of the spice cupboard. The Yuki she knew wouldn't want to give in so easily. He wouldn't try and take his own life. She couldn't stop trying to bring back the old him. The Yuki who'd desired life and not death.

OoOoO

All this time spent in vain

Wasted years, wasted gain

All is lost, but hope remains

And this war's not over

OoOoO

Tohru saw Yuki heading outside in his usual silence. She was determined to help him. He was in pain and although she didn't know how or why he'd come to be so entirely consumed by it she knew she couldn't stop trying to bring him out of it. Biting her lip, she saw him taking what had become a familiar path to his secret base.

Her heart lifted. That was a good thing, right? His garden was a place where he took care of his vegetable plants, and protected and preserved their life. It seemed like a good thing, and she debated following him or not for a few minutes before heading out the door herself.

When she caught up to him, she let a small strangled scream. "Yuki-kun, no!" He was pulling up all of his plants and carelessly throwing them into a limp pile on the edge of his precious garden. Leek, tomato, and cucumber plants lay uprooted and torn apart around him, others quickly joining them. "Stop it, Yuki-kun!" She ran up to him to hold him back but he pushed her away, knocking her off balance and causing her to fall.

"I already told you to leave me alone, Honda-san," Yuki said, his voice rising. She'd never seen him so angry in her life. Not even at Kyo. "Don't you get it yet? There's no reason for me to be alive! I shouldn't be alive! Let me do this! Let me die! That's all I want from—" Suddenly, he stopped, letting out a small moan of pain and gripping his temples as he sank down onto his knees. "Not again," he mumbled.

"Yuki-kun?" Tohru hurried to his side. "Are you okay?"

Yuki shook his head. He hated these headaches; they made him feel vulnerable and… hopeful. He didn't want to feel that way. Especially not while she was there. He knew that he might end up saying something or feeling something he didn't want to.

Tohru's voice sounded desperate. "What can I do? Should we go back to the house and call Hatori?"

"Give up on me." Yuki knew he was near tears and he held them back. These headaches made him too emotional; that was another thing he hated. "Please, just give up on me."

"No." Her voice was firm. "I won't give up on you, Yuki-kun. Because I know that this isn't you! Whatever pain you're going through right now, I want to help you through it. I won't stop. Please… tell me what's wrong."

OoOoO

There's a light, there's a sun

Taking home the shattered ones

To the place we belong

And his love will conquer all

OoOoO

Yuki struggled to keep his head straight. What she'd just said… it made him want to tell her everything and cry on her shoulder. He wanted to be with her. He didn't want to reject her or her help anymore.

No! He couldn't possibly allow himself that luxury. Filthy, disgusting rat. No one would ever show him kindness. He knew that. She didn't truly mean what she said; she'd only hurt him in the end like everyone else. Knowing that no one could love him was what made him want to die. A world without love and consisting of only darkness was one worth leaving.

Filthy, disgusting rat.

"Yuki-kun," Tohru said in a soft voice, placing her hands on his shoulders. "No matter what happens, I'll never leave you. I will not abandon hope that someday you'll be happy again."

Yuki wanted to push her away from him, but instead he found himself resting his forehead against her shoulder, letting himself cry out all the pain and confusion he'd felt over past many weeks. His headache still raged, the strange emotions urging him forward and he found himself saying something wouldn't have under normal circumstances. "I-I'm sorry for making you worry, Honda-san. I'm lost and confused right now and I don't know who I am or why I'm feeling this way. But… but it's the only thing that I can know is real."

Tohru smiled a little through her own tears. He was opening up, even if it was just a small step forward. "You don't have to be lost anymore, Yuki-kun. I'll always be here for you."

Yuki had the sudden feeling of being centered. Right here, with her, was a place he could stay. Even though his head was no longer reeling, he wanted to stay. He didn't want to leave her. It felt out of place and wrong to feel that way, but he didn't care. With her, it almost seemed as if he had a reason to live.

\(^0^)/ A little hope at the end of the tunnel. So he won't be huddled under blankets forever. I might end up taking this down depending on feedback. Basically, I'm posting it under pressure from my sister and Emzi-chan. If I end up deciding it takes away from the original one-shot... It might disappear. If it comes off FF though to leave the first chapter as a loner, I'll post the second chapter on my blog so you can still read it if you want. (There's a link in my profile, by the way.)

Okay. Now I'm going to BEG you to review. Your reviews determine whether or not this stays where it is. If I don't get many reviews it probably will get taken down and moved. *shrugs* So if you like it and want to see it stay, let me know! Anonymous reviews are accepted.