Dry My Tears

Chapter 2: Unbearable

Sasuke stared into the wall.

"Mom, where's that new boy?" the girl in the foster-family asked.

"I don't know honey, I think he went out for a walk..."

The pain was unbearable. Like a fire, burning in his body.

The father in the family came in through the door, carried Sasuke in his arms.

"Darling! What happened to him?" the mother asked.

Sasuke continued to stare into the solid wall. It was the only way for him distract himself.
He stared into nothing, tried to forget.

"He'd been gone all day, so I went out to search for him. At twilight, I found him in the abadoned Uchiha District. He'd went to the graveyard."

Nothing was there, but he stared at it nevertheless.

"We found him clinging to a tombstone, crying. But he wouldn't talk to me, and he refused to leave the grave. We had to force him, and then he passed out."

"...I'm so worried. Are you sure we should be taking care of him?"

What is emptiness, really?

"Sasuke, we have decided to give you an own apartment", the Hokage told him.

Yesterday he went to the graveyard again. He sat in front of his parents graves, wished that they could hear him when he talked to them. This time he didn't cling to his mother's grave desperately, pressed his tiny body against the cold stone. He just stared at it, again.

Time was floating, but sometimes it seemed to be standing still. Sasuke didn't even remember how long time had passed since the massacre.

Another day he went to his old house, went into the room where his parents had met death. He collapsed on the floor and just cried and cried. After a long time in hell, he remembered being awakened and lifted up. It was a chuunin who was sent out to bring him home.

Now, there was nobody who cared anymore.
Every day was the hardest in Sasuke's life. It was difficult to even breath, to stay alive.

But somehow, he always survived to suffer through next day. His heart never stopped beating.
He wished it would.

Sasuke didn't want to life like this. In school, the other children picked at him.

He looked at the test in front of him. He'd got all answers correctly.
Another boy in the bench beneath his turned around and gripped his test, crumbling it to a ball. "You think you're so damn smart, Uchiha kid. You should be dead anyway."

"Yes", another boy agreed, "you should be lying on the graveyard and rot together with your family!"

"Go to hell with your parents!" the first boy exclaimed and the others around him laughed. Sasuke didn't move, he didn't show a single emotion. A part of him wanted to beat the boys to a bloody pulp, but the pain was numbing. He couldn't move from his spot from free will anymore.

When he was out walking, he heard the adults talk. About him.

"That poor kid... the only survivor... I really pity him." A woman said to her friend at the market.
Sasuke hated to be pitied. He stayed hidden and listened, he couldn't resist.

"Yes, I heard from another family how hard it was to have him living there", her friend answered. "Screaming his lungs out at night, from terrible nightmares."

"All that pain for a young child like him. How old are he? Seven? Six?"

The first woman shook her head in disapproval. "It's not humane to let a child go through this. I wonder if..." She lowered her voice, but Sasuke could still hear.

"If it should've been better if he didn't survive."

Sasuke's eyes widened.

The other woman nodded. "Better to meet the same destiny as his parents, than living through this unnecessary pain. It's a high prize to pay, to be the only survivor. You know how they do with animals that suffer... they put them to death."

Sasuke couldn't move. The pain was to much, so unbearable that he thought it would suffocate him.
That was what they wanted to do with him? Do away with him, take his life to spare him from "pain"?

They told me that every wound heal with time. How it is even possible?

I crouched on the wooden floor, could still se my parents lying there, dead.
My tears burned in my face. Mom, Dad... come back already!

I had gone to our abadoned house again. It felt like I came closer to my family when I did it. I brought up my kunai. A steel-gray sharp weapon, made for killing.

I sat on my knees. A heartbroken and crying little child in an empty room where I saw my family falling apart.
Could I really do this? Would I be able to hurt myself that much, pierce my skin and bring that much damage to myself?

I was scared. But I had decided. This hell wasn't bearable. I had nothing to lose anymore. My hands were shaking, my head spinning.

Nii-san, I wish you could watch me now. I'm not going to follow your path anymore...
You told me to hate you, despite you, and survive.

But I'm not going to survive.
I'm not going to create hatred for you.

Because, I still love you.

Brother, see what happens...

I held the kunai in front of me, saw it glisten. I closed my eyes and thrusted the weapon deep inside of me, through my stomach.

The pain was killing, but I wasn't going to die yet, I knew. A steady bead of blood was running out of my belly when I looked down. I let myself fall to the floor, dropped the blood-stained kunai beside me.

I lay down there again, so broken, so crushed. Now it was just to wait. Wait for my end.

My eyes filled with tears when memorys of my family resurfaced my mind. I thought I could see them, far away, waiting for me. Mother's smiling face: I'm happy to see you again, Sasuke, but you shouldn't be here yet, honey. My father: Son, It's to early for you to be here, why are you coming already?

My strenght was draining from my body. I began to feel numb.

Then I realized that somebody was lifting me up. Was it another shinobi that was sent to bring me home?
It didn't matter. My weak body was lifted up a bit, placed in somebody's lap. A strong hand gently supported my head.

That was when I realized that Itachi was holding me again.

My eyes stared into his black, bottomless orbs. His eyes were wide and his facial expression shocked.
He held me gently but firmly in his arms, crouching on the floor.

"Itachi" I breathed. I could hear the rain outside our house, how it sounded when it hit the roof. It rained every day.

"Sasuke", he whispered, stared at me. It was hard to focus, the pain in my stomach was overwhelming, I just wanted it to end.

"Why, otouto?" Did I imagine his soft, sad voice or was it reality? The scent of a older brother I once loved, was it just imagination?

But he was there, I could feel the warmth of his body, could smell his scent. Nii-san was here again.

I whimpered from the pain and he held me tighter. "Sasuke, hold on", he said. "I'm going to save you."
Those quiet words, said with so much absolution, could have been enough to save me. But I wouldn't let it happen.

Why was he here?

"I... don't want to survive", I whispered. "Not like this, all alone. If this is what you wanted, then you'll lose me too. I'm not going to be alone anymore."

I could feel Itachi tensing up.

"Kill me", I breathed.

I closed my eyes, felt the sharp pain in my stomach from the wound. I hoped for a fast and painless death. It was true. I wanted to die if he was going to leave me on my own for the rest of my life.

Suddenly, I was reminded of the first time I saw him. When I was just thirty minutes old, lying in a crib with wheels, at the hospital.

I cried helplessly. I was scared. I wondered where I was, what place this was. It was cold and white. I wanted to be in my dark, warm home again inside of mommy. I felt abadoned. What would happen to me?

Then somebody peeked over the edge of the crib. Big, black eyes looked at me curiously. I stopped crying for a moment. I wondered who he was, that person that looked at me.

I started to cry again and his eyes looked worried. Somebody said something to him. He nodded. Somebody lifted me up. I was placed in warm arms.

I looked up, and saw the same boy again. He smiled at me and his eyes were soft and kind. I liked him. I felt safe with him, and I stopped crying.

He continued to look at me, and I couldn't help but to feel safe and calm. He rocked me gently and said something. I liked his voice. I had heard it before, sometime. I knew that low, soft voice. I didn't want him to go.

I lifted my hand and gripped a bit of his hair, then let go. His smile grew wider.
He bent down, and I felt him kiss my forehead gently.

I was just a newborn baby, but I somehow understood what my new big brother had said.

"Welcome to the world, otouto. I'm your big brother Itachi, and I will always protect you."

They memory faded away. I felt something wet land on my cheek. And another wet drop.

Did the rain leak trough the ceiling? It was fine by me, the rain was comforting.

But rain shouldn't be this warm. I forced my eyes open, and stared up at my brother. Tears were running down Itachi's face and he stared at me. He looked despairing.

"I'm never going to hurt you again", he said so quietly that I almost couldn't hear him.

My eyes that now was dried showed no emotion. Death was close.

Not for him, but for me.

My brother gritted his teeth in utmost sorrow. "I was the one who would die by your hands one day. I was the one who was going to be punished. Not you, my innocent little brother. I won't allow you to die like this." It sounded like he was talking to himself.

I shook my head weakly. "There's nothing you can do", I said.

Soon it would be over, my end was drawing close...

Itachi had opened his cloak and he hugged me tight under it. He pressed me against his strong body and buried his face in my hair. I realized that he was trembling.

My smaller body instinctively snuggled into his for warmth and comfort, as if everything was normal.
But it was too late to change anything. I was broken inside, and nothing could fix me.

I didn't want to be close to him. He was a traitor, a murderer, a monster. Right?
But at the same time, I didn't want to leave his side ever again.

I looked up at my brother, and saw something new. The weakness, the helplessness in his eyes as he watched me drift from life. He saw me being born, he will see me die.

"It hurts," I whispered now. My eyes were glazed with tears. Itachi pressed me harder against him in despair. His presence was comforting somehow.

I closed my eyes a last time, gave in to the darkness in my head. The last thing I felt was Itachi's lips, pressing against mine in a final, desperate attempt to keep me there.

"I'm so sorry, otouto. This is my fault, and I will never forgive myself."

I watched Sasuke close his eyes in my arms, and I trembled with anger and sorrow. What have I done, by leaving him here?

I confess. I, Itachi Uchiha, am crying.

I pressed him against me, the weak little child that I just wanted to protect so badly. I held him like I could save him. As if everything wasn't too late.

I gritted my fists and lowered my head as I cried and cried.

I love you more than anything else, Sasuke. I won't allow you to die.

You're my life.

Author's Note: Well, this was angsty. Next chapter will be happier, though. If I write one...
Side Note:If you want to read the full version of Sasuke's birth, in Itachi's point of view, please read my story "Sleep Well Otouto: Childhood Memories".

Review, please! It makes my day!