Author's Notes and Miscellany: Because I think everyone deserves a fair warning… And the 11th Division is a bunch of blood-hungry mongrels. I luv 'em! And the lameness continues…
A Shinigami's Guide: How to Cope with the 11th Division
As you might have noticed, as an initiate of the proud establishment of Gotei 13, there are specialties in all divisions. As time has passed, these differences became more and more pronounced, and the result is the Gotei 13 you see today. As an example, the 2nd Division has always also been headed by the Secret Mobile Corps; the 12th Division has always been in conjunction with the Research/Scientific Institute; the 4th Division has always been the Healing and Relief Squad. And, as the subject of today's article, the 11th Division has always been the Battle Specialist squad.
This title, though, is not as official as the previously mentioned, highly regarded institutes. The 11th Division happens to be inhabited by some of the most violent, homicidal, and dangerous Shinigami in Seireitei; it began as a highly regarded squad, like the others, and is now being inhabited with… well, what you see today. The 11th Division has a history of being abrasive to its fellow Divisions (the 4th Division foremost), and are generally rude, bloodthirsty, and hopeless. Therefore, without any further ado, I shall give you some strategies on how to live with these "lively" fellows.
1. As you may notice as time wears on, the 11th Division has a rather interesting approach to their duties. The Captain will be often caught napping, relaxing, or reclining in midday, much like the 8th Division Captain. The latter can be prompted to remain awake and sober long enough to get his job done with no major repercussions to you or your body. The former, however, will kill anyone with the audacity to bother him. You have been warned.
2. The Vice-Captain will often be napping, eating enough sugary items to put her into a diabetic coma, torturing fellow Shinigami, or generally not doing her job. If you find her doing any of the aforementioned activities, do not, under any circumstances, bother her. Inform your Captain or Vice-Captain. Do not try to intervene, yourself.
3. The 11th Division paperwork is done by the 3rd and 5th seats. Don't ask why. I think it should be obvious. He also hands in all the reports made by the 11th Division, even if it is a Captain's duty to make and send reports themselves. As this may cause a headache, please keep in mind that it's probably a mercy that Captain Zaraki won't write his own reports, or the Vice-Captain Kusajishi.
4. If the 11th Division is being loud, just ignore them. Whatever's gotten them excited, they'll get over it soon. If the noise persists for half-an-hour or more, they've probably found something illegal to entertain themselves. Do not, under any circumstances, try to ask them to be quiet yourself. Inform your Captain or Vice-Captain, and if they feel it is a problem, they will go quiet the 11th Division themselves. Seriously, I'm not fucking around.
5. The 11th Division is made up of an assortment of thugs, sadists and people of comparable temperaments and nature. So don't ever tell them exactly what you think of their hairstyles, their speech or their Division, unless you're looking for a fight and you're sure you can win. The same goes for someone you see them picking on; if you have a really high moral standard, go on ahead and stand up. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.
For now, I will leave you with these (hopefully) helpful strategies. Look forward to the next installment of A Shinigami's Guide!