Unsettling fear made my stomach churn unpleasantly and constricted my chest. The growth of this fear came from the Host Club. Everything they produced and enacted was through their familial bond. A bond created through mutual trust, loyalty, and care. All of which I was deprived from these past years which made it difficult for me to embrace once more. From my past experience with those virtues, I had grown impossibly close with my family only to have it brutally ripped apart before I was able to comprehend it. It is not something to repeat once again because of how damaging the outcome is. This Host Club was unaware or did not care for this outcome because of the strength of their bond. Each of them was accepting and caring in their own respective ways.
Taking in his own hands, Tamaki insisted that he shown me albums of the Host Club while enthusiastically explaining whom each one was and their background. All of their individualistic quirks and habits is now embedded into my mind and, frankly, scared me. Each member has their own cunning quirk that allows them to open up a person's personality and desires due to their jobs as hosting. To host in this club, they must understand how a lady acts and know what she truly wants underneath their persona. Knowing this puts that unsettling fear into me because of the years I spent perfecting my persona and building walls to hide whom I once was. All of my training is being put to the test before I could fully grasp the situation. That is what is unsettling.
Whilst attempting to grasp my current fear, I was overcome by the unfamiliarity of unknown. Not knowing my way around, of this mansion, of my new school, of this Host Club and of my family is greatly overwhelming and frightful. I had grown used to the great halls and dormitories of Rosetta's Elite Boarding School for Girls. It was embedded so far into my memory that I would close my eyes and find my way around perfectly without any mishaps. There was a set routine that my mind and body was grown attached to. I was used to being alone from the past few years of being isolated. Now I was thrown into an entirely different country with a new home, language and people.
Another problematic factor that has sprung up is my brother. It was undeniable that he has grown into a gorgeous young man with a bright future that everyone adores, yet something is off about him. Tamaki has grown into his theatrical and outgoing self who has a radiance that draws everyone near. I sense that there is something lingering deep underneath his exterior persona. It was a complex maze within him that makes it difficult to decipher what it is. It made me stand on edge because although we had our time apart, I could still sense something unbalancing. On normal circumstances I would have been able to identify what was wrong swiftly. Now I can't.
The pressure of being the perfect lady was unbelievably high. Now that I have grown older and been through the training; the expectations of being perfect was prominent.
"Don't let anything stand in your way of becoming a proper lady. You must set aside your own selfish emotions in order to become a perfect lady."
The first day of attending Ouran Private Academy was unnerving and exhausting.
There was the exact astonishment flashing across people's faces upon my introduction before they commented about the similarities between my brother and I. Students and teachers alike would walk towards me with expectations that I would be like Tamaki. Our eyes is what caught people's attention the most because they would comment that they are beautiful with flushed cheeks. When I graciously thanked them modestly, a shy smile would grow on their faces before introducing me to others. Occasionally the Host Club would reach the conversation which made me wonder how popular these boys were.
My mind was exhausted from converting Japanese into my brain the entire morning with the addition of people attempting to have a conversation with me. All morning I was hoping to find a secluded place to find peace within me once more, only to have that plan ruined my brother. He had rushed over from the second year floor to insist I eat lunch with them. According to him, I should not become a wallflower whilst at Ouran Private Academy. On our journey to the cafeteria many people called out to Tamaki and complimented the both of us. It was strange to witness such a thing. Normally people acknowledge each other politely before continuing on their way. In Ouran it seemed that this was a regular occurrence, especially with my brother. Sitting with the Host Club pained my ears due to the loud ruckus they made with their lively conversations. I was certain that my presence was not noticed and it hadn't mattered if I stayed or left.
The Host Club, specifically Tamaki, sent me an invitation to join them after school. There was absolutely no possible way I was going to stick around watching my brother flirt with a bunch of girls. It was not in my interest of being surrounded by people wasting their time by useless flirtations. Naturally it had caught my brother's attention and he was rather insistent that I joined them. Becoming a wallflower was something unheard of to Tamaki, especially if it was his own family. It wasn't until my sharp decline made him back off.
For the duration of the week I have stayed in Japan I have been overloaded with homework. In all of my subjects my teachers had given me plentiful of handout booklets, textbooks and advice to catch up with the rest of the class. It was rather bothersome to have all of your spare time filled with homework but it was better than being with flirtatious boys. Having this homework was a perfect reason to excuse myself from useless invitations to the Host Club and other students hoping to befriend another Suoh.
Many people had tried to befriend me upon orders from their parents. I wasn't oblivious to the forceful politeness of the students. It was the same situation every time I go. The Suoh name is extremely popular and wealthy which results people trying to use you for their personal gain. It was a game to win by reaching the top of the status chain and manipulating people for your own benefit. I had begun having lunches in a secluded of the rose gardens to isolate myself from everyone. It was only at these gardens where I could finally free myself from the sophisticated expression that I had to wear when around people. I was finally free to be who I am and without disappointing people from failing their expectations at these gardens. The aroma of the flowers and gentle spring breezes was relaxing to the mind and body.
I would stare distractedly at the beautiful velvet roses and get lost in my thoughts. They were as isolated as I am in the deep gardens. I would always be memorized at the perfectly grown flowers. They kept me occupied during my lonesome times at lunch.
I had forgotten that June was one of Japan's rainy months. I gloomily stared out the windows of our classroom before lunch. The skies were darkened to a dull grey and a heavy rain pounded upon the Academy. Now I couldn't see the roses today. It was my favourite part of my lonesome days. My days were filled with waking up early for school, attend school and lunches by myself then going home by myself. A routine that quickly I became accustomed to and grew lonelier each day. It was lonesome considering Tamaki was constantly busy with being a president for his club and entertaining his ladies. The silent solitude became attached to me as my mind grew heavy with the extra time to think. Now I have to search for a new place to embrace the solitudee.
Each day when the bell rings for class dismissal for lunch, every person rushes to be free of the restrains of the classroom. No one had taken notice of me as I remained sitting at my desk. The sounds of the hallways grew increasingly before slowly disappearing in the direction of the cafeteria. I let out a small sigh before I was surrounded by silence with the exception of the rain pattering against the windows. It was something to listen to whilst your thoughts consume you.
"Miss Suoh?"
My body involuntarily tensed at the voice. My hand gently pressed on my chest in an attempt to cease my rapidly beating heart before regaining my composure. I turned my head to find Haruhi looking expectantly at me. His wide eyes blinked over at my in curiosity from his seat towards my left. A homemade bento was opened on his desk and the delicious aroma filled my nose.
"Oh, Fujioka-san, I hadn't noticed you were still here." I commented lightly as I folded my hands on my lap. This was the first time I had spoken to him properly.
"This is where I usually stay during lunch. It gives me peace and quiet from the Host Club." He explained with a slight bitter tone at the mentioning of the flirtatious club. Haruhi sighed deeply in exhaustion at the mere thought of the Host Club.
"I apologize for disrupting your peace, Fujioka-san." I bowed slightly in apology before moving to gather my things. My mind races of different areas to go to where I could be surrounded in silence.
Haruhi waved his slender hands in front of him, "No no, I don't mind at all! You can stay here with me, if you would like."
I simply blinked at his generosity. Surprise crossed my minds for a couple seconds that felt hours. It was something hard to find nowadays: pure generosity.
"Why thank you, Fujioka-san. I appreciate it very much." A polite smile grew on my face as I sat back down on my seat. I moved my books back in their original place and smoothed out the wrinkles in my bright uniform skirt. A pleasant feeling settled within me at this boy's kindness to someone he has barely known for two weeks. Someone he has only spoke a few words to.
Haruhi smiled slightly at me, "You can call me Haruhi, if you'd like."
I couldn't help but admire how pure of heart Haruhi is.
"You may call me Madeline if we are on first name basis now."
"Sounds perfect, Madeline!" Haruhi exclaimed brightly with a wide smile that lit his entire face gorgeously.
We were surrounded by a comfortable atmosphere now that we were on first name basis. The first tough exterior wall of friendship has begun to deteriorate in a pleasant sort of way. We weren't at that particular level of friendship to be having comfortable conversations. Although I hadn't minded considering I was used to my solitude. My mind returned to focus on my history work that I have been working on since the beginning of lunch. I was nearly finished the entire assignment when our comfortable silence was cut off by Haruhi.
"Madeline, may I ask why you're not at the cafeteria with the others?" I looked over at the boy to find him staring at me in pure curiosity. No bad intentions were detected from my quick observations on him. Haruhi had his head tilted to the side to only show his innocence of the question further.
I cleared my throat before answering, "I don't particularly enjoy noisy places filled with noisy people. I find sitting at the rose gardens more enjoyable than the cafeteria."
"I understand how you feel. That's why I sit up here in the classrooms to get away from the Host Club." Haruhi nodded in understanding. An irritable expression passed over his face at the thought of the Host Club before sighing with a shake of his head. There was more to this Host Club and Haruhi than I had expected. Unnecessary trouble was sent to him by the idiotic tactics from my brother. Sympathy for the poor student filled me because he was an honor student who needed to keep up his high grades. Haruhi did not need any further burden laying on his shoulders whilst competing to maintain his spot in this academy.
I fell into silence for a few moments before bowing once more, "I apologize for my brother's outrageous antics. Tamaki is certainly an egotistical and dramatic boy. He can be quite a handful but he truly means well."
Haruhi blinked at me in astonishment. I turned towards him fully in question of his astonishment.
"Oh! I don't know why you're apologizing for Tamaki's actions but thank you." Haruhi exclaimed in confusion with a tilt of his head. It made him appear more feminine when he did so. His eyes were glazed over in complete confusion as he attempted to figure my intentions.
I let out a small sigh as I straightened out my posture, "I feel obligated to since I am related to him. I hope he hadn't caused you too much trouble. He has certainly changed during the past few years."
"What do you mean?" Haruhi asked with a tilt of his head.
Silence. No words were spoken from me as I battled the internal debate of expressing my past to this boy. It was rare when someone had been truly genuine when asking about my past. Most times people are interested in building a relationship for my family's names and the company. It resulted in creating tough barriers between myself and people due to the lack of trust. Haruhi didn't seem to care about that. Pure curiosity radiated from him with genuinely pure intentions.
"I hadn't seen my brother in 3 years I since he had moved to Japan." There was no tone in my voice as I explained to him. My tone and expression was neutral as I conversed.
"What happened? Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry!" Words flew out of his mouth in a panicked hurry. His hands apologetically waved quickly in front of him in hopes that he hadn't offended me. It was intriguing, the generosity that poured out of him. Unlike many people I have come across, Haruhi had a different sort of respectable manners that was difficult to find.
A faint smile ghosted my lips at the boy to reassure him that I was not offended. The moment I opened my mouth to vaguely explain the reason of my lack of communication when the bell rang. The both of us let out a small sigh at the interruption. The chatter of the students grew at they began trekking back to their respective classes.
I tilted my head in acknowledgement to Haruhi, "I apologize, I suppose that's another story for another time, Haruhi."
"What story do you speak of?" A chorus of two voices asked from behind us.
Haruhi and I turned around to find Hikaru and Kaoru sauntering up to us from the door.
"None of your business." Haruhi replied nonchalantly as he promptly turned away from them. The actions and words seemed so casual as if this happened often to him. Silently I observed their interactions with great care to soak in information that I knew would be useful. Unmeaning annoyance that was overcame easily by the twin brothers.
"You were speaking to Miss Suoh about something that has caught our interest." The two of them harmonized at their cat like eyes flickered between the both of us. Identical smirks were plastered on their flawless skin that radiated confidence and playfulness. Haruhi sighed in annoyance at their antics that seemed that this was something that occurred regularly. He rolled his brown eyes before turning around properly in his desk.
I cleared my throat before answering, "I can assure you that it's nothing that would matter to you two."
"Ou, you two are being secretive-"
"-and don't want us to know something!"
A polite smile was sent to the twins before I discreetly sighed quietly to prevent any emotions to be used to their advantage. My ears caught small murmurs from the two of them considering they sat behind Haruhi and I. My mind pushed aside any insecurities that nudged at my thoughts of accidentally turned away any potential friends. Our science teacher walked through the door sophisticated effectively making the students to slowly cease the chatter. They pulled out their textbooks and notebooks in preparation of the lesson.
"Hey, Madeline?" Haruhi asked in a quieter tone to avoid getting the teacher angry. He leaned across the idle discreetly to make our small conversation more quieter.
"Yes?"
"Do you want to come to the Host Club today before summer break starts next week? We can continue our conversation, if you would like?" Haruhi asked me lightly, knowing fully well that the others had asked me to join them countless times. At least he was considerate enough to ask, not try to force me.
I wasn't entirely sure what made me agree. Perhaps it was because I had found the pure generosity in Haruhi that was rare to find. There was something about that boy that makes him completely different to everyone else. A diamond among the ground of rocks. I hadn't wanted to go to the Host Club. It wasn't my interest to interact with flirtatious boys and have mindless chatter. Not to mention these boys still unnerved me about their closeness as a group and how open they were. Not to mention, I was certainly not used to being around such outgoing and enthusiastic people.
"Good afternoon, gentlemen." I greeted politely with a tilt of my head as I entered the third music room. The seven men were scattered around the empty room, completely unprepared for customers at the moment. Each one of them glanced up in surprise at my entrance but I disregarded them.
"Ah, Madeline, you finally decided to show up!" Tamaki exclaimed happily from his area of getting ready. A bright grin grew on his beautiful face at the sight of me.
I blinked.
Everything was an Egyptian paradise style.
"I see you have noticed our cosplay style today, Miss Suoh."
My attention was brought to Kyoya, who was dressed a sophisticated Egyptian God. His sharp eyes watched my every movement while a pleasant smile pulled at his face. He was sitting on an extravagant chaise near the built-in oasis while his laptop and notebook beside hi,.
"Ah, yes. I had forgotten for a brief moment that you cosplay here." I explained after regaining my composure in an elegant fashion. I stared at each of their costumes and heavy eyeliner. Each of the costumes were intricately designed with many gold assets.
"Oh, hey Madeline!" Haruhi greeted as he walked out from the kitchens with a tray of tea. He too was completely decked out in Egyptian clothing. "You made it!"
I nodded at him in acknowledgement. I watched as each of them prepare for their customers in their oasis setting. Large palm trees were purposely placed over the areas of where the customers would be sitting to provide shade from the fake lighting. Somehow the Host Club managed to create an oasis in the middle of the room to make it appear more realistic. Sand littered the ground with large palm leaves acting as a carpet.
"It's incredibly impressive" I commented as I gazed at each prop in appreciation. Never have I seen anything similar to this before.
"Thank you, Miss Suoh. It was all specifically designed for the Host Club as were our costumes. Your brother was the one who created this idea of ancient Egypt." Kyoya told me as he came to stand beside me with his notebook in his hands.
"Tamaki seems to maintain his creativity during these years." I said softly more to myself than Kyoya. I watched Tamaki flaunt around the room to ensure that everything was perfectly in order to his liking. A heavy feeling tugged at my heart knowing that he has inherited his creativity from mother as I did. The energy that he radiated and surrounded the room was far too similar to mother's too my liking.
"Pardon me?" Kyoya asked in interest, though I know he heard it fully well.
"I apologize but it does not matter."
Twenty minutes passed and the Host Club was finally ready for their guests. I resorted to sitting at an isolated table near one of the uncovered windows where many tall curtains were. It was perfectly isolated behind one of the Egyptian pyramids where Honey and Mori was placed on top. I knew that if I stayed near the main area I would only become a burden to them, so I excused myself to this table. Haruhi would certainly be busy entertaining his guests for a minimum of thirty minutes. I could be patient until that time. I had decided to work on my many homework notebooks that was essential to my grades.
My mind was busy solving formulas when I heard a conversation from a ladies' table closest to me. I kept my eyes trained onto the papers but my ears were focused onto them. Listening in on other's conversations was rude but their hushed voices caught my interest.
"Isn't that Tamaki's sister?"
"Ah, yes. She's in her first year with the Hitachiin brothers and Haruhi-kun."
"I hear that she doesn't have many friends."
My gazed hardened at the sentence. I tried to focus solely on these questions but they were distracting. A frown threatened to pull at my lips yet I suppressed it.
"Tsk. It's because she's so reserved and cold to everyone she talks to."
I pressed harder on my pencil making my words darken on my paper.
"I wonder how such an outgoing and wonderful guy like Tamaki could be related to such a heartless person like her. Tch."
My practiced nonchalant expression was still formed on my face.
"I hear that she's even cold to her own brother."
My teeth grit together as my toes curl inwards. How ignorant and low can they get?
Breathe, Madeline. Breathe.
"Ma-chan, want to have these sweets with me?" Immediately I corrected my composure and loosened my strong hold on my pencil. I looked over to find Honey waving me over to the top of the pyramid. A wide grin was plastered onto his adorable face that peeked over the top of the Egyptian pyramid. Reluctantly I closed my notebooks to climb the stair leading up to the two boys. Relief washed over me because of the distance I was creating between those female students and I.
"Hello, Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai." I nodded curtly at the two of them as I sat beside Honey on the fluffed cushions.
"How was your day today, Ma-chan?" Honey inquired with his observant brown eyes. Something lingered in his eyes that made me suspicious of him overhearing those girls' conversation as I did. Perhaps that was his intention of calling me up to the top of the pyramid to get away from those inconsiderate girls.
"It was fine, thank you." I answered with a polite smile on my face.
Honey blinked at me before grinning, "That's good!"
"What kinds of sweets do you want? We have cakes, cupcakes, brownies, tarts, you name it!" Honey exclaimed blissfully.
I prevented myself from leaning forwards to gaze at all the different pastries laid out in front of me. The delicious aroma of the sweets filled my nose.
"I think I'll have a slice of cake, please." I smiled at him who returned it easily. I found it was rather easy to get along with the smaller yet older boy. His comforting aura makes me surprisingly at ease.
"What kind of cake? We have strawberry shortcake, lemon cake, fudge cake and cherry cake!" The types of cakes rolled off his tongue instantaneously.
"Lemon cake?" I murmured to myself as I gazed wearily at the white frosted cake. The intricate designs in the frosting made it look immensely appetizing and nearly made my mouth water at the sight of it.
Honey pointed to it with wonder lapping in his eyes, "Oh, do you want to try it? It's really delicious!"
"Oh, I had never tried lemon cake before. I don't want to waste that slice if I don't like it." I explained humbly with my eyes trained on the frosted cake. It did appear delicious by the intricate deigns on the cake but looks can be deceiving.
With Mori's help, Honey grabbed a slice of the lemon cake and held it out for me. I hesitated to grab it.
"Trust me, it's really good! I have this all the time! I want you to try it!" Honey insisted.
"I don't want to eat such a beautifully designed cake." In all honesty, I was scared to try it. Unfortunately I was always a picky eater when it came to food and had made my instructors at my previous school upset with me constantly.
Honey ignored my weak protests and scooped a small portion on a fork, "Open wide!"
"Senpai, I don't know abou-"
He put it in my mouth.
"Mitsukuni." Mori's serious warning tone was heard after Honey shoved a piece of cake in my mouth.
"Do you like it?" Honey asked hesitantly as he stared up at me. Anxiety was prominent on his cute face as he observed my reactions to the cake. Slowly my fingers rose to my lips as I tasted the cake. The wonderfully sweet taste was nothing what I had imagined it to be.
A warm smile slowly grew on my face.
"It tastes wonderful."
The smile that grew on Honey's face was almost blinding. A pleased expression was on his face as he watched me graciously take the plate from his hands. He made no comment as he happily giggled after watching me with his observant eyes.
"Have you ever tried cherry cake?"
"I apologize but I haven't."
In the end I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my mouth from the small boy's antics. Despite his impolite actions earlier, I easily dismissed it because of it I now enjoy lemon cake. This boy made all of my previous negative emotions wash out of me to be replaced with a light feeling. My eyes soaked in his actions and little habits for future information that I could use.
"I like it." Honey stated with another warm smile on his face. When I rose a questionable eyebrow at him he continued, "Your genuine smile."
An uncomfortable hot prickly feeling reached my ears and heated my face. I hadn't blushed in years and it was something I certainly did not miss. My fingers delicately covered my lips and I turned my head to calm my blush. Unfortunately I had inherited the same raging blush that Tamaki has. Blushing broke all of my perfected concealed emotions that I practiced for several years. It made me feel vulnerable and ultimately dumb for expressing my emotions freely. I hadn't missed the knowing smile on Honey's face as I averted my eyes. My eyes met my brother's from across the room and he was wearing a warming smile on his face. It was the same smile Honey wore.
This was the first time in forever where I was this flustered.