2 Lunchtime conversations
Rukia walked around the side of the school in the same down mood she had in the morning. It was now lunch and she had decided to try and take her mind off of things by taking Orihime up on her offer. She went to where that small group of humans normally spent their lunch. As she approached them she noticed that already there were two pairs of eyes on her and they both held their concern from the earlier hours of the day. Regret sank into her as Orihime hurried over to greet her kindly as well as express her concern once more.
"I'm glad you decided to join us, Rukia." Orihime said brightly. "How are you feeling?"
"I feel fine." Rukia said with a forced smile.
Once more she got a concerned look before they went to the group as more eyes had fallen on them though it was more of a mix of confusion and intrigue as Rukia wasn't one to spend much time with these humans. Her time was most spent with Ichigo though their relationship was kept very quiet to everyone that knew them and that didn't know them. They were very careful with their interactions so it wasn't seen as a liability to some in certain, dangerous, situations.
They sat down and the conversation resumed as it had before Rukia had joined them. They proceeded like she wasn't there or a normal member of their group. Rukia sat in silence but still had the attention of two humans sitting there, Orihime and Tatsuki. They were already aware of her mood but knew it was unlikely that she would talk about it around this many people. Their concern wasn't voiced as it would only bring more questions around and it would be a wasted effort.
Rukia sat in silence and distanced herself from the others and their oblivious cheerful mood. She listened to their conversation distantly and found it was similar to what was bothering her now but she didn't dare put voice to any similarities as of yet. Currently it was Chizuru speaking about another girl she had found while Mahana shot down any theory that came up on getting this girl into a relationship. There were a few laughs around the group before they fell into a bit of a silence.
At this point Rukia almost wanted to put voice to her uncertainties but didn't know how to go about it properly without raising too many questions about her own situation. As conversation picked up once more Rukia withdrew from them with the loss of her chance at conversation but faintly kept track of what they said. Once more it circled what persisted in her mind but lingered a bit further then it had before but not by much. Again the conversation was led mostly by Chizuru as she seemed to be the only one that became interested in some human all the time.
As this topic slowed down and came to an end Rukia decided to brave her unease about her own problems, "It seems you've been in a lot of relationships, Chizuru."
All minor conversation stopped at her comment as she became the main point of focus all around. It was a moment before she was answered, but not by Chizuru as she had expected instead it was Tatsuki who commented, "She wishes she were in a lot of relationships. Even if she managed to find a girlfriend it wouldn't last long."
"It would definitely last long." Chizuru argued.
"Yeah right." Tatsuki laughed. "Even if you did find someone that would date you as soon as you see another girl you think is cute you would get dumped for the way you act."
The last comment got a few laughs as Chizuru gave Tatsuki an angered look before bringing her attention back to Rukia, "Why bring it up?"
Rukia looked away as everyone fell silent once more and brought their attention back to her as she quietly spoke, "I guess I was just looking for some advice."
"I wouldn't get any advice from her if I were you." Ryou said. "She's not the best when it comes to getting someone's attention properly."
"I don't need that sort of advice." Rukia said. "I already have his attention."
"Then what's up?" Chizuru asked.
"Have any of you been intimate with anyone else?" Rukia asked with hesitation on the word.
They all looked around their group as if waiting for someone to step up but most of their gaze stopped at Chizuru almost expectantly. When she noticed all the attention she let out a sigh, "It depends on what you mean by 'intimate'. I never did anything more then kiss someone."
"That might do." Rukia said. "Have you ever felt any sort of sharp pain during it?"
"What do you mean by that?" Chizuru asked.
"Well, whenever I'm holding him I feel a sharp pain in my chest." Rukia said. "It even happens when we're intimate."
"Define intimate." Chizuru said with a slight smile.
"Don't even go there." Tatsuki said quickly. "She's just being a pervert again."
There was a bit of a silence in the group as everyone watched Chizuru as she thought about it for a moment. It wasn't long before she met Rukia's eyes once more and she said, "The only things I can really think of is that your heart knows what you're doing is wrong or you don't really love this guy."
"That's not it at all." Rukia denied immediately. "I do love him and nothing feels wrong when I'm with him."
"Maybe he's cheating on you." Chizuru suggested. "Men are pigs."
"There's no way that's possible." Rukia denied.
"Is this feeling one sided or does he get it too?" Michiru asked.
Rukia fell silent recalling the distance between the two of them. Eventually she spoke up again hopeful to bring the attention away from her once more sooner, "I don't know but he might. He's been distant towards me lately and we haven't talked much about these things."
"That might be something to talk to him about." Chizuru said.
She nodded distantly but said no more wanting the attention away from her but Chizuru wouldn't let up now with news of a relationship, "So who is this guy anyways?"
"You wouldn't know him." Rukia said. "It's a long distance relationship now."
They fell silent but the silence didn't last long as Orihime spoke up, "I didn't know you and Renji were in a relationship."
"I'm not in a relationship with Renji." Rukia said to avoid future questions if the two were in a room together with Orihime. "It's someone else."
"Have I met him?" Orihime asked as she thought about all of the people that could possibly be in a relationship with Rukia.
"No, you haven't met him." Rukia said. "It's unlikely that you ever will meet him."
Orihime looked a bit down at this knowledge but didn't voice any complaints as everyone went back to their lunch knowing the conversation was over. Their lunch was eaten in an awkward silence as they were still taken aback with Rukia asking for advice. It was stranger still the topic and the person that was asked about it. Though it was understandable that Chizuru would be an ideal person to ask considering how she always went about finding some cute girl. The shock was that it was coming from Rukia when she seemed pretty withdrawn from others even with her bright and friendly attitude towards most people.
Rukia avoided all their eyes even though they were no longer on her as she thought about what Chizuru had said to her. She didn't want to believe that she didn't really love Ichigo or that there may be someone else for him and there was no way what they were doing was wrong. She knew where her feelings were but now there was even some doubt about that. Everything Chizuru had said only brought more doubt to her mind that joined the uncertainties and distance as they circled her thoughts.
A slight sigh escaped her as she rose from her sitting position, "I should go."
All eyes were on her once more as all conversation died. Now all of them were giving her a worried look as they all knew something was wrong but now they all knew what it was about. No one stopped her as she walked away but Orihime hurried after her to make sure everything was alright. When they were out of earshot Tatsuki brought her attention to Chizuru, "Why did you have to say that? She's obviously upset about this and you just crushed her."
"It's most likely what's going on." Chizuru said. "It's better to hear this from me then him since it would be even worse if she weren't expecting it."
"You're still an idiot for that." Tatsuki said with a slight sigh as she looked over at Rukia and Orihime as they walked away. "Considering that she never asks anyone for anything, even help, this must really be affecting her. She shouldn't have had to hear that even if it is the most likely of things to happen. I'm sure anyone could see that."
"Yeah," Chizuru agreed sadly. "But it's still better to be expecting it especially if this is affecting her so much. Imagine what would happen if she weren't expecting to hear it. I know she's a strong person but everyone has a weakness and a breaking point."
Orihime caught up to Rukia but didn't voice her concern as it was unnecessary to do so. All she said was, "Do you need anything? Even if it's just talking about it, I'm here for you."
"I know, Orihime." Rukia said. "Thank you for being such a kind friend."
"If you ever need anything just let me know." Orihime said kindly.
"I will." Rukia said even though she doubted it.
"Do you want some company right now?" She asked.
"I could do without it but if you're that worried about me I won't send you away." Rukia said.
Orihime smiled faintly but said no more until they reached the school gate where she slowed to a stop, "You're really upset about this aren't you?"
Rukia glanced back quickly and said nothing before continuing off of school grounds. Orihime hesitated as she knew it wasn't good to miss class without good reason but her concern for Rukia was too great for her to just abandon the girl now. She hurried after Rukia and caught up to her with a bit more ease then before. They walked down the street in an ongoing silence as the only thing that could be brought up was an unwelcome topic for even her as she would be at a loss of what to say. For Rukia however just having someone around her was enough comfort as she couldn't exactly tell Orihime who she was with. That was an even more unwelcome topic.
They got a few blocks away from school before anything was even said, "So where are we going anyways?"
"I was thinking about leaving Karakura for a couple of hours just to sort everything out without much to distract me." Rukia said calmly. "I don't expect you to tag along the whole way but if you want to accompany me to the station I won't complain."
"If you want to be around someone then I don't mind going with you." Orihime said. "But wouldn't you get into trouble for doing that?"
Rukia let out a sigh, "Yeah, I probably will but I don't want to be around many people right now and I don't want many people to know where I am either. When we get to an isolated place I'll send a message to my Captain to explain my reasoning and request a few hours leave of duty."
Orihime gave her another concerned look but said nothing as they continued on down the street. After awhile they turned down an alley and Rukia used her kidou to summon a hell butterfly and quietly whispered her message before letting it take flight. It vanished from their sight and they then stood in silence awaiting a response all the while Orihime was growing even more concerned. She had known nothing about any problem or relationship Rukia was having but it seemed pretty clear that it wasn't new.
Twenty-five minutes after the message was sent a hell butterfly came into view and Rukia allowed it to land on her forefinger as she received the message. Orihime waited patiently for it as well as she had already decided to accompany Rukia out of town or wherever she would go to get away. Even if there was no conversation between them she wanted to be there for Rukia as she had been for her. She knew any advice she could give wouldn't be very helpful as she had never been in the situation Rukia was in but she would do her best to offer her help.
Rukia spoke quietly once more to the hell butterfly giving it another message before it took flight once more and the two girls met eyes, "I have a few of hours before I have to return to my duty. If you want to accompany me I won't stop you."
Orihime smiled warmly in response knowing that she was being asked along in the undertones of Rukia's words, "If you want company then I'll be your company."
Rukia smiled weakly in response as they left the alley and headed down the street once more but it wasn't long before Orihime spoke up, "Since we're leaving town we should probably change out of our school uniforms first."
"Yeah," Rukia said distantly. "I wouldn't exactly want to go back to Ichigo's to do that though since he's still at home. It would just be awkward to change around him."
"I could lend you something if you want but it might be a bit big on you." Orihime said.
"I guess that could work." Rukia said distantly as she knew that she was running away from Ichigo now by doing this. "I don't know if I'd even be able to face him right now… I mean if he were here right now. With everything going on between us I just need to put some space between us so I can sort out all my emotions."
"Is running away really for the best though?" Orihime asked. "I'm no expert on relationships but isn't a couple supposed to confront their problems and work them out together?"
"I need to sort them out first." Rukia said with a fake smile. "If we tried to work everything out now it would just be a mess and it would just end in a mess."
"I suppose that makes sense." Orihime said as she thought about it for a moment before her attention was on something else entirely. "Oh, I should send Tatsuki an email so she knows what's going on and doesn't worry so much about this."
She pulled out her cell phone and got to it as Rukia just smiled, "It must be nice to have such a good friendship."
"It's the greatest." Orihime said brightly. "Even with everything going on she's still always right there for me when I need her."
"I'm a little envious of you two to be honest." Rukia said distantly earning a confused look. "That's how things used to be in my relationship but now it's the complete opposite of that. I really wish things could go back to that."
"It sounds like you two really need to sit down and talk this out." Orihime said with a frown.
"We will the next time we see each other." Rukia said. "The only problem is what happens after that conversation is over? Will things go back to the way they were before or would it stay the same? If it's possible I'd like it to be even better then before."
"If it stays the same then you should let me meet him." Orihime said with a slight determined look. "I'll set him straight and show him that you are a wonderful person and should be treated like one."
"I'm not sure that would really work out to my favor, Orihime." Rukia said with a slight laugh. "I appreciate the notion all the same though."
Orihime smiled brightly at Rukia. She was grateful that she was able to get a smile and a small laugh out of her. It was a start at least and it showed that she was starting to get somewhere with this problem Rukia was having even if they were only taking baby steps at the moment it wouldn't be long before the steps were more spread out and she really began to open up about this problem and even give her something to work with and not just her hopes for her relationship but possible solutions for it. If she came up with nothing for her then she would go about it negatively and if this guy was really as distant as Rukia said he was then that might just end it for them.
They arrived at Orihime's home and they went up the stairs and down the outdoor hall to the door of her apartment. Rukia was let in and she waited in the living room for Orihime to return with something to change into. It was awhile before she was brought some clothes. Orihime held an apologetic look as she handed them to the smaller girl and said, "This is the smallest clothing I could find for you."
"This will be fine, thank you, Orihime." Rukia said politely as she was led to the bathroom where she could change. She did so as quickly as she could so they could leave sooner and before a hollow appeared. Even with her permission to leave she was told that if a hollow were to appear and she was still in Karakura she would have to take care of it.
Even if a hollow were to appear at the same time as the train out she would have to dispose of it but she would have her gigai board it while it was possessed by a soul candy and she would then have to catch up to the train by air and by following Orihime's reiatsu. She had planned that on the way back when she had the chance to do so in silence. With everything planned out she was reassured of her small 'break' from people but she knew from the moment she thought of taking a small leave from Karakura she was really just trying to avoid Ichigo by leaving town to gather her thoughts. She didn't mind having a bit of company though for an extra opinion but she had realized that Orihime wasn't exactly ideal for her situation but her positive attitude was a must with Rukia's current upset one.
She finished changing and folded her uniform so it wouldn't be wrinkled when she put it back on later or the next day. The clothing she wore was a little loose on her but she was given a belt for the pants so they wouldn't fall down and the shirt was the loosest on her, as she had a smaller bust, but it didn't matter to her so much. When she was finished she left her uniform somewhere where it wasn't in the way before leaving the bathroom. Orihime was in the kitchen packing a small bag with some food and drinks. She glanced over with a smile, "In case we get hungry."
"Good thinking." Rukia said with a bit of a distant smile.
Her appetite had escaped her lately but she didn't want to come out and say that Orihime was wasting her time with packing so much food nor did she want to sound too rude considering she wanted Orihime to come along with her even though she knew that she wouldn't get much advice but just some suggestions on what she should do. Instead Rukia just smiled and waited for Orihime to finish with what she was doing so they could leave as soon as possible without being held up too much.
Orihime finished up quickly and the two headed out shortly after that. They didn't detour at all to the train station and there wasn't a single word between them the whole way. When they arrived they went to check the schedule and found that a train would arrive in only a few minutes making Rukia very grateful that she hadn't stalled for any reason at all as they would have missed it and had to wait another hour for the next train. But that would have only been if they were really content on going north, which there was no particular destination that was chosen and Rukia didn't want to go too far since she would have to be back in a few hours and wanted more time in an open and empty place then on a small train with people on it.
They purchased a couple of tickets and went to where they would board the train not wanting to bother with sitting down at a bench as there were already a few humans around there. With the surrounding people around Orihime was very grateful that they had changed out of their uniforms so they wouldn't be looked down on for skipping class and with the small amount of things in their possession it didn't seem like they were skipping town as well but simply going on an evening trip or going to visit the next town over. It wasn't long before they could hear the train arriving and the others at the station made their way over to board it as well while some awaited someone getting off the train.
As it pulled up to the station Rukia became even more anxious to leave Karakura but she would have liked to have more then just a few hours of time away but anymore then that would have been pushing it too much and she would have been denied and questioned about it and she did not want even her Captain to know of her relationship with Ichigo. She had always been careful about her interactions with him when he was being watched and made sure it wasn't possible when they showed any form of intimacy or even their relationship so no one could ever find out.
Their relationship could be fatal if one of them was injured badly in a fight and that was reason enough for them to be separated from the other. It was because of this that relationships with humans were forbidden even if Ichigo had soul reaper abilities he was still a weakness to her and vice versa. That was why Rukia took every measure possible to keep it a secret and had even explained it to Ichigo as much as she could while staying away from classified information where she had to for the sake of their relationship as well as both their lives. The latter was more of the reasoning behind it but both were important to her and she didn't want to risk anything.
They boarded the train and tried to find the emptiest part to have their privacy as much as possible. In the end they chose to sit at the end of a car that was half full but everyone was spaced out so there wasn't much privacy for them unless they spoke quietly, as unlikely as it was, Rukia did not want to be overheard in any conversation the two would hold incase it led back to Soul Society in any way since it had been implied that the person she was dating was a soul reaper as well, which he was but only a substitute, she knew it could lead back to it.
It was silent between them until the train started its departure, "Do you know where you want to go exactly, Rukia?"
"Anywhere where there are not a lot of humans." Rukia said distantly as she glanced out the window. "I'm partial to where we go but it can't be too far since we still have to be back at a certain time."
"I guess that makes sense." Orihime said.
"To be honest though, if I could I'd take as much time off as I could and just get away for awhile." Rukia said. "Unfortunately a few hours is even pushing it. The best I could probably do is transfer to another town."
"What would that accomplish though?" Orihime asked sadly. "You have friends in Karakura and your problems won't disappear no matter where you go since you're boyfriend is a soul reaper as well."
"That's true, but he'd have a bit of trouble finding me at least." Rukia said. "It would buy me some more time to avoid him though."
"But is avoiding him worth leaving behind all of your friends?" Orihime asked without losing her sadness. "There are already a lot of people worried about you and with this sudden trip of ours Ichigo and the others are going to be worried about both of us as well. Ichigo might even come looking for us thinking something's wrong."
"That's unlikely." Rukia said trying to hide her own sadness on this turn in topic. "Even if he were to worry about it even he's not foolish enough to automatically think something bad happened to us."
"Hmm, maybe you're right but I know he would definitely be really worried about you." Orihime said making Rukia look over at her. "The two of you are really close so an unannounced leave would concern him."
"I'll explain everything to him later on tonight." Rukia said. "I'm sure he'll understand everything after that."
"Well, one thing about Ichigo is that he's really understanding when it comes to his friends." Orihime said brightly.
"Yeah," Rukia said distantly.
She could no longer call herself his friend since they no longer had that sort of bond, they had more then that. The relationship that they had she was very happy with so knowing that it was falling apart was devastating for her. Her attention went back to the window as she recalled what Chizuru had suggested might be happening. Even with all that was happening between her and Ichigo she still didn't want it to be anywhere near that. If she were right then the chances of their relationship ending was very high and that was definitely something Rukia didn't want to happen.
After awhile she brought her gaze back to Orihime, "I'm sorry for dragging you into this so much, Orihime. It was never my intention for anyone to find out about my relationship."
"Why not?" Orihime asked.
"It's just not the smartest thing to announce." Rukia said. "I'm not saying I'm ashamed of it because I'm not, I just don't want the two of us separated for the sake of both our safety. If one of us were put in a lot of danger or really hurt then the other might overact and throw themselves into harms way to save the other and only one of us would really be strong enough to do that effectively. If he were injured and I recklessly went to help him we'd both end up dead so it's better that it remained quiet and it still has to be kept quiet."
"I guess Soul Society wouldn't want to chance it then." Orihime said though she was confused by the matter.
"Yes," Rukia said. "There has already been a situation where a Vice-Captain was killed because a hollow killed and possessed his wife's body. It's because of this that all relationships are carefully observed and also don't happen often. Attachment brings a lot of weakness and that weakness is even greater when the two are involved romantically."
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she relived the night she had mentioned. Orihime noticed it's decent and reached over to wipe the tear away so it wouldn't fall. Rukia glanced over almost shocked at the immediate action but smiled warmly at the caring look on Orihime's face, "Thank you."
"It must be difficult to live a secret life even in Soul Society." Orihime said sadly.
"It is but it's even more difficult to relive the night I had just spoke of." Rukia admitted as she felt a little safe to admit these things to Orihime.
"When the Vice-Captain was killed by the hollow?" Orihime asked.
"It wasn't the hollow that killed him." Rukia said sadly. "He too was possessed by it. I was the one to kill him."
Orihime's eyes widened a little at this new information as she delicately asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, it's something I just want to forget." Rukia said as more tears formed in her eyes but didn't fall as she took her mind off of it and said no more on the matter. "We should be coming to a stop soon."
"Huh, oh, yeah." Orihime said at a temporary loss. "Are we going to get off or keep going?"
"It depends on the location." Rukia said.
They fell into silence once more as they waited for the next stop. When the train entered a town it was automatically and voicelessly decided that they wouldn't get off at this stop. Orihime knew that Rukia wouldn't want to get off at a stop that would have a lot of people around so any town was a definite no. They would ride the train until they got to a nice spot or half their time was up then they would get off and take the next one back unless they lost track of time then they might travel through Soul Society to return to Karakura but that would be unlikely since Rukia seemed keen on avoiding her boyfriend no matter what happened or how much trouble she would get into.