Dear Diary,

Can I just start off by saying that Middlemarch is the most painfully dull book I've ever forced my eyes to read through. It's about eight hundred pages of boring people making awful decisions and being horrible to each other. All my notes on it are sarky comments, and I can't be bothered to finish it. The cover keeps glaring at me from the desk, it's mocking me now. No way am I finishing it. Just hope it doesn't come up in the exam. Had a bad day a few days not even be worth mentioning. One of the girls from 20th Century Lit class liked one of my t-shirts and she mentioned how they never did girl's sizes and how it must be good that I don't have to worry about stuff like that. Do I still feel like shit? Yes. Will I get over it? Probably.

For a Monday morning seminar her lecturer was surprisingly energetic. She still wanted to crawl back to her bed to attempt to make up the weekend's lack of sleep. The floor above her room was constantly thumping which made sleep impossible. Not even the couch through in the other room with her headphones at full blast was enough to escape the noise, but she attempted to listen in for the most part.

'Right, now this,' she tuned in in time as he held up his old water stained and battered looking copy of this week's book up, 'is what your texts should look like by the end of the year. Batter them about, fold the pages, scribble in the margins.' He was younger than she'd assumed he would be. She was expecting same dusty blokes from that disaster of an interview with a mandatory pole shoved somewhere the sun doesn't shine, but he was the opposite. He used his first name, Mark, for a start. He had this thick Brummie accent and a way of speaking that made his seminars sound almost informal. She zoned out for a while and when she looked back he'd taken the book again and pressed down hard on the spine in the middle so it laid out flat. Some of the pages fell loose earning him a few murmurs of disapproval from the rows around her.

'That's what I want you to start doing. That's your main task for the next week and I'll be looking for it in the tutorials. I want you to start writing in them. If you found a bit of it interesting or you hated it just write something down. It'll make all the essay writing I'll be dishing out easier. No point keeping your books perfect, the most well-loved are the ones that've been through the wars.'

It all sounded a bit preachy to her. She doubted he'd ever had to sell any of his on second hand to pay for next year's set. Not everybody had a bottomless cash pile, but if she wrote in pencil she might just be alright. The lecture ended with the usual tutorial questions to fill out and talk over later on and a reminder that the first essay deadline was looming. One of the benefits of arriving late was that she managed to get out a bit quicker before everybody else had filled out and crowded the halls.

She came home to find Ewan hunched over the coffee table where he was sat on the floor with stacks of CDs and timesheets strewn around him. He didn't look up at her hello or acknowledge her existence when she lurched her tired legs over to sit on the couch. He ran the student radio station down at the union most days with some of his mates. Seemed like a bit of a boys club during Freshers week sign-ups, much to her annoyance or she'd have maybe taken more of an interest. In the back of her mind she already had playlists and call-in discussions mapped out for her own show. She just didn't quite have the guts. Maybe it was some consolation that she got to give some input when he asked for everybody's opinions once in a blue moon, or not.

Rae decided to use the near emptiness of the flat to use the phone. It only took two rings for her to pick up and the familiar voice on the other end instantly brightened her spirits. She'd missed their chats.

'Hello?' Chloe's tired voice brought a second of guilt. Maybe she should have rang her at the weekend instead.

'Sorry, it's just me. If it's a bad time I can ring you later.'

'Rae?' Her voice perked up and Rae found herself smiling.

'Hiya.'

'Everything alright babe?'

'Yeah, just fancied a chat. What you up to?' Rae twirled the cord between her fingers absently as she listened.

'I'd say I was studying, but the pack of highlighters I've just wasted say otherwise.'

'I'm not any better, I can't face reading the rest of this thing,' she fanned the pages of the book beside her for emphasis even though Chloe couldn't actually see what she was doing. 'That bad?'

'You've no idea Rae. There's this class on business law or something like that. You should see the size of the textbook they've made us cart about. I'm going to end up with arms like pop-eye by the end of this. If I even stick it out.'

'What d'you mean?'

'I dunno,' her voice got quiet and for a moment Rae wondered if she'd hung up. 'I don't really know what I'm doing. I was talking with some of the girls and everybody else has ideas about what they're applying to after this and I haven't got a clue. You know I'm only here because my dad knows the guy that runs the place.'

'Your dad didn't take your exams for you though. That was all you.'

'Yeah, but-'

'But nothing, you did all the work to get in. You deserve to be there just as much as the rest of them chlo, right?'

'Yeah, I just wish I felt more sure about this stuff.'

'I don't think any of us are.' Rae heard Chloe quietly sigh on the other end before she changed the subject.

'You still up for me visiting later? I've got two presentations and a mock report to write before the end of term, but I can deffo meet up after that.'

'Course, you know I'd love that. I'll give you a ring in a couple of weeks to sort it. Yeah?'

'Yeah, seven's probably a better time. Shaz is out with her boyfriend by then usually so we can chat properly.'

'Ok, I'll ring you again then. Love you.'

'Love you too babe.' She hung up the phone and put it back on the receiver and shuffled her feet towards her bedroom for some much needed sleep.

When she got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water Ewan was right where she'd seen him last. The only difference was that his jacket was tossed behind him now and the sleeves of his shirt were pulled up at the elbows. His dark hair was rumpled from hands constantly running through it, but he was as still and quiet as usual. Rae took a glass out from the cupboard as silently as she could manage and ran it under the tap. Rae heard him huff and put a hand to the side of his forehead in frustration.

'Can I take a look?' She asked. He mumbled something in her direction which she took as an ok and moved herself to the table and lifted up one of the sheets to see the song list he'd discarded. 'This for tonight?'

'Friday, Mike pissed off on us and we've got to make up his time slot till somebody new takes over. Pain in the arse.' That last sentence was said in a surprising amount of venom considering his usual disinterested demeanour. He must've been stressed, it was the most she'd heard him say in one go for a while. Rae examined the tracks and couldn't find too much fault, maybe a bit less chart stuff but it looked fine. Good even. She winced as the pen in his hand scratched out line after line. His face didn't show it but he was definitely agitated.

'I'll leave you to it then.'

'What about this?' He looked over at her and passed the sheet he'd scored out and she took it with some trepidation. Weren't musicians supposed to be intense and vulnerable to criticism? she wondered if radio presenters were the same.

'You could switch this one for 'Female of the Species' and go from there. It's a bit upbeat. That's how most concerts and that go. Start off with the big energy stuff, get everybody going then slow it down to the slower bits till they come back with the upbeat tracks at the end. Works for them and I make playlists a lot like that, the people I've sent them down to haven't complained so there's that.'

'Sounds ok,' it was so quiet she almost missed it. 'We've got to play those ones,' he pointed to some top forty tracks dotted around the page. 'The union gets money or something when they air them, but we've got control for the rest. It's a crap setup but it's better than nothing.'

Music was still very much her territory and she quickly immersed herself in rummaging through songs from the list and suggesting bits and pieces. They argued, if you could call it arguing. It was mostly her stating facts with the occasional glare shot her way from him when he disagreed about things like who was a better base player versus lyricist. Her opinion on Marr wasn't shifting, no matter what he said to the opposite. They must have sat there for hours. The rattling of keys brought her out of her music haze and she realised it was the back of one in the morning at the least. Bob stumbled in past them and straight for the bathroom where he didn't emerge again until he looked a shade of green as he slinked off to his room. She took this as a sign to call it quits or she'd wake up feeling like she'd spent the night in a tumble dryer during the spin cycle.

'I better head off, you going to be alright here?' He didn't say anything and it was as if by the stroke of midnight he'd transformed back into a mime artist and shrugged at her.

'I'll take that as a yeah,' she murmured getting up. Her legs felt stiff from where she'd been sitting for hours. The soft mattress in the great beyond of her room was like a siren call to her. One she gave into willingly as she closed her door over to get changed and salvage a normal night's sleep in five hours.

There was a hesitant knock at the door not long after her head hit the pillows. Part of her wanted to ignore it. If it was important they'd let her know in the morning, but for some stupid reason her brain decided to ignore her body's pleading and get up. She crawled out from the covers and padded to open the door. Ewan hovered in the hallway, still in the same creased clothes from earlier.

'What're you doing Friday night?'

'No idea, why?' At this point she was willing to agree to anything to get some sleep. She could feel her eyes start to itch.

'Nothing.' He scratched at the top of his arm and went to let her go but doubled back in two bounds to face her again, 'well actually, do you think you could give me a hand down at the union? Need somebody to watch the timeslots and I'd ask Chris but he's as useful as a condom made of chewing gum.'

'Er, yeah. I can give it a go.' Her mouth formed the words before her brain caught up and she realised what she'd agreed to. Her mind was already showcasing all the possible scenarios of it going tits up. Too late to take it back. Oh bollocks.

'Cheers.' He smiled, an actual smile. He really must've been knackered. She wished she had a camera to show the rest of them but he'd already slunk off back to the living room where as far as she knew he didn't leave till she got up for class the next morning.