Ellana woke. She had gained more control over the years and now it felt much more like her conscious choice, when she woke from her dreams.

She was back in her small bedroom in the house she shared with Leliana and Cassandra (and sometimes Harding when she wasn't away). Despite Ellana's insistence that she was no longer their Inquisitor, so no longer their leader, the women had refused to share a room with her. The small house was in a village near the border with Nevarra; they'd moved several times in the past year, chasing after new information about Solas. The hope was Solas would reveal his hand, but they had hardly gained any usefull information since deciding on this path.

Ellana got up and quickly got dressed. Her clothes were all practical now and designed to be non-descript, why she did not know, as her fame seemed to have only grown in the past year. Almost everyone seemed to recognise her as the former Inquisitor. The Inquisition had been disbanded, but it had taken a while for all the men to return home and the resources to be redistributed. It was a task overseen by Divine Victoria (Vivienne, as Ellana still saw her). The transition had been as quick as it could have been, but Ellana worried about the men and where they would go now, what they would have to do to life. And if she was being honest with herself, she missed it. Not being Inquisitor, or the responsibilities she'd had to bear; she missed it because for the longest time it had been home to her. With everything going on now, Ellana couldn't even go to see her own clan, leaving her feeling homesick and wanting relief wherever she could find it. She had only seen her keeper once, and no one else she'd known before the Inquisition. Skyhold was currently deserted, but there were rumours that Viv – Divine Victoria wanted to house her personal guard there. Another home Ellana could not return to.

Ellana quickly tied her hair in a ponytail, rubbing her eyes, she gingerly walked over to the vanity set in a corner of the room. Her reflection in the mirror looked tired – of course it did – and bare: Ellana briefly touched her forehead, even after living without the vallaslin for three years she still felt slight surprise to find it missing in the mirror. Of course it also reminded her of the night Solas had taken Ellana to Crestwood. At the time she'd believed he was finally letling her get closer, but then, at the moment she'd felt closest to Solas, he'd left her. For years she'd been angry with him for making fooling her like that, now Ellana knew her instincts had been right then: he had meant to tell her the truth then. Ellana wondered how she would've reacted. Could she have changed his mind, if she'd been given so much extra time?

Ellana went downstairs. The two women she shared the house with were already eating breakfast, there was a plate set out for Ellana as well. She smiled and for a moment felt as if she were at home.

"Ellana," Leliana greeted her, she gesture at the plate full of food. "We hoped you would be awake soon."

Cassandra was filling her cup, "Inqui –" she stopped herself and blushed, she had the most trouble with calling Ellana by her first name. Leliana had already used Ellana's first name back in the Inquisition, only in private but it had helped her with the transition. Cassandra on the other hand had trouble saying 'Ellana', often she just called her Lavellan. "Ellana," Cassandra said, articulating too much for it to sound natural. "Good morning," she added.

"Thank you for the food," Ellana said, knowing Cassandra must have been the cook.

"Of course," Cassandra said and smiled as she sat down.

Ellana sat down as well. Leliana was thumbing a letter she'd put down next to her plate. She was absentmindedly eating a piece of bread, while staring at the letter, she didn't seem to be reading it. "Another letter from Josephine?" Ellana asked.

Leliana nodded. She looked up at Ellana, "she wishes you well, of course."

"And how is she?"

"She seems happy, running her family's business."

"But you still worry," Ellana said.

"Naturally, it would be foolish to believe her safe. Even if she was not connected to us, she is after all still in Antiva."

"I'm sure she can handle herself," Ellana said, "even if she couldn't, she has assassins working with her now."

"I should take comfort in that," Leliana said, her tone made it impossible to tell whether she was jesting or being completely serious.

Ellana smiled but was quickly distracted by her own thoughts: she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. She had dreamt of Solas many times, but this had been different. She wished she could discuss it with the other two women, but she'd never told them about the dreams and to spring it on them now… after this night. This night had been the first time she'd heard Solas' voice since he'd taken the mark from her. Ellana looked at her left arm, her sleeve pinned against her upper arm so it wouldn't be waving around her. It was strange how she had simultaneously developed all these ways of coping with the loss of her arm, and not completely lost her feelings of surprise to see her arm gone in the morning (and being angry at its loss). Most things Ellana had to do the compensate for the missing limb now came naturally to her, but there were some things that had become almost impossible, and when she had to try to do those things, she would be reminded of the depth of her loss.

Cassandra saw Ellana looking at her arm. "Would you like to train today?" she asked. Ellana knew that for Cassandra training was a way to cement her confidence and she felt thankful for the suggestion (rather that than pity). Cassandra and Ellana had been training together for nearly the whole year, finding ways for Ellana to fight with just one arm. Ellana felt lucky that she was a mage, finding a staff she could easily wield with one arm had not been a problem and getting used to casting with just her right arm had been easier than she thought, she might even be able to cast with her left arm, but it felt off to her. Lately they'd been training with other weapons, at Ellana's request.

"I think I would like that," Ellana said. Cassandra nodded. Turning to Leliana she said: "Have we heard from Harding yet?"

"No, but I would not expect to either. She won't want to risk the message being intercepted." Harding had travelled to Tevinter, on her own, following a message given to Ellana by Dorian. The chaos in Tevinter was much greater than here in Orlais: the Qunari had grown bolder in their attacks and many of the empire's elves were rebelling. It was believed they were taking advantage of the chaos cause by the Qunari, but Ellana (and every former member of the Inquisition) realised it was connected to Solas. Most people in Tevinter paid too little attention to the elves and their culture to be aware of the rumours spreading among the most vulnerable of Tevinter society, rumours of free elves, freed elves just across the border.

Dorian had told Ellana he had discovered one of the groups of elves leaving to join Solas and Harding had been determined to find them. The hope was they would be able to convince them to join their own cause or at the very least dissuade them from joining Solas. This strategy had worked before, but not always, and Ellana did not know what they could do with the elves who refused. For now all they did was take their resources, which only slowed them down, but what else could they do? Imprison any elf refusing to join them? Elves were hunted enough, this past year tensions had only escalated between the elves and the humans.

Ellana hadn't paid attention to Leliana an Cassandra's conversation until she hear Leliana say: "I will be making preparations. We will leave soon."

They were headed for Tevinter themselves. This had been their plan for a while but Ellana had thought they would stay in this village a while longer. It seemed so very unlikely but it seemed Solas was centring his efforts at the Tevinter border. It might be because it was easiest to recruit followers where Elves were most repressed, or because if you wanted to use elves as spies it was easiest to do that where elves were invisible.

"Should I start packing?" Ellana asked Leliana. She tried to be good-humoured about this news but she had dreaded leaving this little home of theirs.

"I would prefer to wait for Harding before we leave, unless that proves impossible," Leliana said. Ellana nodded, feeling guilty for the relieve she felt at staying here a little longer.

"Shall we?" Cassandra said as she suddenly got up, having finished her food.

"Of course," Ellana said and she got up as well.

The day was spent training with Cassandra, using small daggers, which was still difficult because Ellana had limited practice with them and trying to fumble with putting her staff away and grabbing the dagger was proving difficult. She did have a blade attached to her shortened staff, but it wasn't handy for close combat. Sera had gifted Ellana with a crossbow she could attach to her left arm and fire with her right, it was a gift Ellanna was deeply thankful for, but often it was more practical to use her staff.

It was still early in the evening when Ellana retired to her room. She had said she felt exhausted, which was true but by now it was a semi-permanent state she was getting used to, the truth was Ellana hoped to speak to Solas again. If she could only keep this new conversation between them going, she would have a chance to change his mind.

Ellana fell asleep almost immediately, it helped that she had exhausted herself that day, and soon she found herself in the forest again. The seasons here never seemed to change and she wondered where they were, whether she or he had created this place to meet each other. Had it been intentional on his part? It hadn't been on her part, not initially. But had Solas chosen to find her or had it been an accident. Right now the forest still seemed deserted, but Ellana had never ended up here without Solas being here as well. She wondered if she simply didn't remember being here alone or…

"Vhenan," Solas' voice came from the trees. She wasn't surprised to find him in his human shape again.

"Solas," Ellana said, she smiled despite the ache in her heart and took a step towards him. Solas' frame stiffened and when she tried to take another step, he took one back. Ellana guessed he didn't want to risk a reoccurrence of last night's events. She should not be so surprised or hurt about that as she was.

"Please," Solas said when she risked another step in his direction. Ellana stopped and resigned herself to stay at this distance.

Ellana looked away, wondering what they could still discuss, she wanted to ask him if he was all right, but somehow that seemed too banal a question, considering their current relationship towards each other. What were they? Enemies? Ellana had trouble envisioning actually fighting Solas. Ellana's hopes had been pinned on changing Solas' mind, but if she did not succeed at that? How could she? What was she going to say? He had lived in this world for enough years to see what there was to save. What else could she say to prove it was worth saving? Maybe nothing in this world could compare to whatever was before. I should've prepared what I wanted to say, she thought to herself.

Ellana looked up and saw Solas was looking at her with surprise. His eyes weren't on her face. Ellana followed his gaze, looking down and spotted what had caught Solas off guard. Her left arm was back. Ellana was surprised to see it as well. She thought it was gone from her dreams for good as well. Ellana lifted her left arm; she spotted something new on her hand: her mark was there, not the killing one, but the representation of the mark the elves joining her cause had begun to use to identify themselves. It was a small tattoo: dark green branches twisting together to form an eye. "Well, this is new," Ellana said under her breath. Looking back at Solas, she could see he was now looking worried.

"Do you still miss it?" he asked.

For a moment she thought he meant the mark (and by extension the power that came with it), but then she realised he meant her arm. "Of course, I suspect I will for the rest of my life," Ellana said, she felt guilty when she saw his expression. "But I don't think about it every moment anymore, not even every day. Like I said, I have accepted it as much as is possible. I don't know why it's back now."

"I'm sorry," Solas said.

"You don't have to apologize to me every night," Ellana said, adding a smile. "Honestly you saved my life, I don't think I have the right to complain about you not saving my arm."

Solas shook his head. "Of course you do, it was my orb, my plan that robbed you of your arm."

Ellana laughed a little. "Considering what your plan was I can't imagine you didn't expect at least some collateral damage at the temple, my arm just took a while to catch up."

Solas clenched his jaw. "I did not take the loss of life lightly," he said. She didn't understand how he could think that mattered, as if the lives lost were lost a little less because the guilty party did not do 'take it lightly.' But she didn't go into it.

"You did what you could to save me, I appreciate that, I might miss my arm but I would've made the same choice for myself."

"I couldn't save your arm, I had to take the mark or it would keep spreading, but it left your arm… I should've warned you it wouldn't be possible to save it and I –" Solas looked at her arm. "I would've taken the mark from you sooner, spared you this if I could, but I was not strong enough yet. I needed time to regain my strength, otherwise I would've come to you sooner."

"I presumed as much," Ellana said. "I do wonder – ah," she let out a deep sigh. She shook her head, she didn't think this was something she wanted to have answered anyway.

Naturally Solas didn't just let it go. "What?" he pressed.

Ellana bit her lip. "I just wonder why you lured me there at all. Why save my life?"
"I told you," Solas said, "I want this world to know peace for as long as it can, before I complete my plan."

"That is not the reason," Ellana insisted. "I'm not essential to that, the Inquisition was not essential to that, not anymore. Killing me would make far more sense. Especially because –" she pursed her lips "because I know you too well."

Solas raised his eyebrows. "You think I would have killed you?"

"I don't know, I am just saying it would be the best way to protect yourse – your plan."

"Perhaps," he replied.

"And yet I'm still here."

Solas cocked his head. "You expected no compassion from me?"

"I expect I see more compassion in you than most would, but I also believe you would kill to protect your plans, I've seen you kill."

"I have, in the past I certainly killed to protect my plans, even if I had to kill my own agents."

"Which I suppose I was, in a way," Ellana said.

"You were not, I –"

"Manipulated me. You did not recruit me to your cause, but you did steer my actions, you can't deny that," Ellana interjected.

"I did what was necessary," Solas replied coldly.

"Necessary for what you wanted, yes," Ellana retorted.

"Would you have preferred I let Corypheus become a god?"

"To be honest, it sounds like I would see more of my people saved in that future than the one you have planned."

Solas jerked his head away, looking like he was about to leave. "We have gone over this before, if I believed there was a more peaceful way to fix my mistakes –"

"There might be, have you even tried, actually tried to find a way? From the sound of it you woke up and from the second you realised what had to be done you've proceeded with this plan."
"Yes, I did not look for another way at first, I saw no need, you – your people – seemed soulless, empty shells only reacting in the most base ways to the most base stimulations. It wasn't until –" Solas sighed "well, until I met you I felt there might be something worth saving in this world or even worth giving up on the old one. But I have to finish what I set out to do, no matter what comes."

Ellana shook her head. "Then why not kill me? Or let me die, let the mark spread."

"Is that a serious question?" Solas sounded angry.

"Yes," Ellana said defiantly, "if you're so willing to sacrifice this world, why not me?" Solas was about to speak but Ellana wouldn't let him. "Because if this world you're trying to restore is worth everything to you, everything in this world, and all the lives that will be lost in the chaos you will cause, but you can feel doubts when looking at me, you should be able to feel those same doubts when looking at the rest of the world, they're all people like I am, just because you haven't spoken to them or seen what they can do –"

"I do!" Solas exclaimed. "And I wish I could predict who will make it, but I can't!"

"But we can survive?" Ellana said.

Solas looked at her, compassion spreading across his face. "I don't know," he said. "Some, maybe many, but I cannot predict how many or whether you could accept life in the new world."

"Did you spare me because you hope I will survive?"

Solas' expression hardened and Ellana understood that he didn't know whether she would. Solas' eyes scanned Ellana's face. "You never failed to surprise me, whenever I felt I had gauged your abilities you would display talents or qualities I did not foresee." Ellana felt like this was his way of saying he thought she might surprise him again and survive.

"Solas, do you think there is a way to tear down the veil without it destroying this world? Could I find a way? Or could we not bring the old elves into this world?"

Solas narrowed his eyes. "The old elves?"

Ellana spoke when she realised Solas wasn't going to say anything else. "I can't believe you would risk this if all you were doing was returning the world to how it was; you've shown too much compassion for people to risk killing so many only to bring about a new world, and you have always spoken of your people as separate from us, but definitely still out there somewhere."

Solas nodded. "But I do not know whether I could free them, or change the world, without loss of life."

"But if there was..."

"I would welcome it," Solas said.

Ellana briefly smiled. They stood there looking at each other, Ellana had not understood why he had left her all those years ago but she was starting to understand. At first it was to stop himself from being tempted to give up the fight, but when he saved her life he did so because she had been the only friend he'd had in all these years of waking in a new strange world and maybe he even hoped she could find another way.

The brief moment of hope faded as Ellana felt her current reality way down on her again. "I never thought I would miss having to fight Corypheus," Ellana said, breaking the silence. "I miss how clear it was to me what I had to do." Or maybe she missed how easy it was to fight an enemy you could view as just that.

"I –" Solas started to say but stopped almost immediately.

"I miss my time in the Inquisition," Ellana said to herself. "I miss…" her voice trailed off.

"I know," Solas said, "I do as well."

The forest was completely quiet as it always was. They stood there across from each other. "I have to go," Solas said.

"As do I," Ellana replied.

"Dareth shiral." Solas said and he disappeared.