AN: And I am back! Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews, especially to cloud-san, GrandCactusMan, and LunaBloom who left such wonderful feedbacks. I'm glad you liked this story's first chapter, and believe me, it'll only get crazier from here on. So without further ado, let's start!
Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.
Chapter Two: Welcome to the Club!
Eren was busy putting up flyers which read, Go join the Drama Club, where we laugh, cry and act like nobody's business! all over campus that morning, which really helped sour his mood. He was pretty sure that the slogan Hange had come up with sounded more like an endorsement of a mental facility rather than a club for theater-loving kids, but he was too annoyed to tell it to her.
"Oh Eren, I'm so glad I found you! You're just what I need!" she had said that morning. She shoved a bunch of papers to his arms. "You wouldn't mind putting these all around campus, would you? No? Great! I'll leave you then."
"Wait! What does this mean, 'join'?" he asked. "Eight people is not enough?"
Professor Zoe laughed. "Of course not, silly. We'll be doing a full production, and eight unwilling kids won't be able to pull it off. Besides, I want to give everyone a chance to show off their acting skills! So do me a favor and spread those, will you?"
"But — " he began, but she cut him
off.
"Well, will you look at that, I'm really late for class. Gotta go, there's still a frog waiting to be dissected!" she said, leaving him with all those papers.
Being kind sucks, thought Eren, as he taped another paper to the school bulletin board.
"Hey Jaeger!"
Eren sighed. He knew who that voice belonged to. As he turned, he came face-to-face with Jean, the wealthiest (and in his opinion, shittiest) kid at school. He grinned at Eren as he adjusted his navy blue tie, which was hanging loosely around his collar. Who wears a fucking tie in school? Only pompous dickheads like Jean, apparently. The mere sight of him made Eren want to jump off the building and die — preferably with him along.
"What do you want?" he asked coolly.
Jean raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"
He was holding up one of the Drama Club's flyers, and Eren growled, snatching it away from him.
"I didn't know you liked acting, Jaeger," said Jean, smiling maliciously. "I didn't even know that you had any talent."
"I'm just not like you Jean, doing all those things like ballet or playing the violin or whatever gay shit you do back in France."
"France isn't gay."
"When it comes to you, it is."
* An excerpt from an interview with Jean *
Jean: Yes, I am from France, and yes, I am filthy rich. Last summer, my parents and I went to the Caribbean for vacation. I didn't want to mix with all the other lowlifes, so I threw a fit and ended up having my own private island. I like to show my money off to all these plebeians, namely Eren Jaeger, who I believe can't afford even a sleeve of my designer shirt.
* An excerpt from an interview with Eren *
Eren: If there's a French word for asshole, it's Jean. I remember the first time we met. I had asked him for help on a French assignment we had, and instead of teaching me how to say, "You're beautiful" to our teacher, I ended up saying "You're full of shit, old hag" without even knowing it. Since then, we've been sworn enemies. Also, he's been trying to woo Mikasa for some time now, and that in my book is a clear declaration of war.
"Good morning, Eren," said Mikasa. She was with Armin, who was — to Eren's horror — wearing a tie underneath a cotton vest.
"Aww, Armin, you're not supposed to be a pompous dickhead," said Eren. He shot a look at Jean and moved closer to Mikasa.
"Huh?" said Armin, confused.
Jean cleared his throat, blushing. "Hello, Mikasa."
She turned her eyes on him. "Oh. Hi Jean, I didn't see you there. What are you doing here?"
"Oh, um," he stuttered. "I —"
Eren watched as Jean tried to form a coherent sentence, and just then, a thought struck his mind and he shouted: "Lightbulb!"
Mikasa looked at him. "Professor Zoe's rubbing off on you. Anyway, what were you saying, Jean?"
"Actually, Mikasa, Jean was just asking me how to join the Drama Club," said Eren suddenly. He saw Jean's face turn dark, and he smirked. Hah. Got you. "He saw one of these flyers and told me he was interested in joining."
"Really?" asked Armin. "That's great. We need additional members, so it would really help if you tag along."
"Oh. Uh, well, if Mikasa's doing it, then maybe I could —"
"Sweet. Meet us at Room 204 after classes, okay?"
With that, Mikasa grabbed Eren's hand and walked off, leaving a flustered and angry Jean behind. Armin followed them with an amused smile. As they turned a corridor leading towards their first class, Mikasa said, "He didn't really want to join, did he?"
"Yeah," said Eren, stuffing the remaining flyers inside his backpack. "I kind of put him on the spot."
She laughed and kissed his cheek. "I know."
Eren grinned at her before giving his best friend a strange look. "And seriously, Armin, get rid of that tie."
* An excerpt with an interview with Armin *
Armin: I knew I shouldn't have worn the one with pumpkin designs. On my defense, my grandfather had forced me to — he said, and I quote, "You'll look like a sure winner."
"Welcome," said Professor Zoe. She paced in the front of the room slowly, waving her hands in the air and gasping from time to time. She crouched low, and in a mysterious voice added, "Today is the Drama Club's first meeting, where you shall be introduced to theater's greatest and most magnificent secrets! Here you will learn how to act, how to sing, and most importantly, how to captivate the audience. When the time comes and you get invited to SNL, remember that it was Drama Club that helped you get where you are. Let's begin!"
No one reacted to her dramatic monologue. Instead, the members exchanged uneasy glances, obviously wanting to get the hell out of there. Connie kept on throwing crumpled paper at the back of Armin's head as Sasha laughed quietly beside him, her pompoms in hand. Hitch and Marlowe sat at the last row, their expressions bored. Mikasa and Eren played rock, paper, scissors, and Eren was losing drastically. A crumpled paper missed Armin and hit Annie, who was next to him. She turned around and gave Connie the good 'ol stare of doom.
Aside from the eight of them who had been forced to form the club, there were actually others who came and signed up, including an arrogant looking Jean. One of them was Christa, Armin's younger sister, along with a tall girl with black hair tied back in a short ponytail. Another one was a freckled guy who wore the most crisp polo anyone has ever seen; there was a girl with two pigtails who was smiling widely; a couple who looked like their faces were glued together permanently; and Reiner and Bertholdt, Annie's childhood friends.
"Okay!" said Professor Zoe brightly. She sat on a chair facing them. "I suppose we should start by laying out all the ground rules. First, you can all call me Hange as long as we are inside this room. Second, you cannot bring alcohol —"
"But I use it to disinfect!" chirped Armin.
"I mean liquor, Armin."
"Oh."
"What? No drinks?" the tall girl with Christa said. "Your flyers never said anything about that!"
"It's because it would cost me too much if I put the all the policies and regulations in the flyers. Printing is not cheap, children."
Everyone groaned.
"So no alcohol, no cigarettes, and especially no pot in my club, understood?" Hange continued.
* An excerpt from an interview with Connie *
Connie: And I thought this couldn't get any worse [throws away a six-pack beer and some cigarettes to the trash can]. Fuck this club.
"And, since it's the first day, I want you all to please form a circle and introduce yourselves to your fellow actors." she finished.
There was a loud scraping of chairs as they all pulled their seats towards the middle of the room. They made a big, deformed circle, with Hange at the center. She smiled pleasantly at them, but no one returned the favor. She pulled a box labeled 'Props' next to her and rummaged around it until she found what she was looking for. Sitting up, she raised the water gun for all of them to see.
"Ta-da!" she announced proudly. "First I will introduce myself, and then I will shoot the person I want to go next. Understood?"
"Why do we need a water gun?" asked Hitch. "We could just go around the circle and state our names one by one like normal people."
"But you aren't normal," said Hange. "To me, you are all special. Like snowflakes."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"Okay!" said Hange loudly. "Me first. I am Professor Hange Zoe, and I will be your club advisor. I hope we can all work together to perform the best play this town has ever seen!"
She pulled the plastic trigger, and the gun squirted a small amount of liquid to Armin's shirt. Armin bent down and sniffed his clothes, complaining, "Why is it filled with beer?"
"Oops," said Connie. "Sorry. I had to abide to the ground rules, so I kind of poured all my stash into anything available here."
"There's beer all over my bag!"
"Why did you pour it on my make-up kit?"
"What the fuck, Connie! Why is there some coming from the ceiling?"
"Neat! Let me have some!"
"Fucking shit," said Armin, as he pulled his stained vest over his head and threw it on the other side of the room. "And that was one of my favorites, too."
Hange dropped the water gun. "Let's all just say our names."
After they had finished introducing themselves and put a bucket under the spot where the beer continued to drip from the ceiling, the new members sat on the floor, listening as Hange explained their plan for the upcoming fundraising event. The tall girl with Christa was named Ymir; the freckled guy was Marco; the pigtail girl was Mina; the couple was Franz and Hannah; and to complete them were Reiner, Bertholdt and Jean.
"The fundraising event will be held in March, which is the school's 75th founding anniversary," said Hange. "We still have a couple of months left to practice, and I picked a relatively famous play for us to do, something that you are all familiar with. We will be doing Romeo and Juliet!"
"That dumb shit where two lovers commit suicide?" asked Annie.
"Yes," replied Hange. "And it isn't dumb. It's a classic."
"Classically stupid," she said.
* An excerpt from an interview with Christa *
Christa: Romeo and Juliet! It's my favorite play, and I hope I get to be picked as Juliet. It has always been my dream to become a theater actress. When I was six, I auditioned for the role of Mulan, but they turned me down. I guess it was because I stumbled on some of my lines, and my classmate, Mei Liu got the role instead. But now, I'm sure it's my time to shine.
"Our agenda for today is to hand out different character roles," she said. "As well as appointing a director, assistant director, props man, etcetera. Of course I have to see your acting skills first, and for that, I prepared a very interesting exercise which I call 'Show me how it looks!'"
"Sounds like a game straight out of Ellen," commented Ymir dryly.
"I love Ellen," said Reiner. "Don't you, Christa?"
"We don't talk gorilla, sorry, " said Ymir, putting an arm around Christa.
"The rules are simple," said Hange. "If I shout 'Horrified!', you all have to act like you really are horrified. This way, I can pick out those who has the natural ability to act."
"First off — bored!" she shouted. Hange studied them and said, "Ahh. Everyone's competitive."
"No, we really are just bored," said Hitch.
"Nonsense," said Hange. "Now, weak and hopeless!"
Christa pretended to faint while Sasha hobbled like an old woman. Hannah fell into Franz's arms and closed her eyes. Jean tried to act scared, but all he managed to do was look constipated. Hange observed them, a hand to her chin.
She clapped her hands. "That's it! That's exactly what I'm talking about, Armin!"
"But I'm not doing anything," he said.
"Weak and hopeless is like his default state," said Hitch, grinning.
"Back off, Hitch," warned Annie.
"Now, now," placated Hange. "Let's try again, shall we? How about… in love!"
Every couple in the room started kissing.
* An except from an interview with Reiner *
Reiner: Yeah, we know we're single. Way to rub it in our faces.
The couples pulled apart and everyone turned their heads around to see Professor Ackerman standing by the door, a few books in hand. His eyes roamed across the room and finally settled on Mikasa, whose face was still dangerously closed to Eren. He scowled.
"Detention, Jaeger," he said.
"But I didn't do anything!"
"Exactly."
"Well hello, Levi," said Hange. "What brings you here?"
He shrugged. "I just came here to see what you're up to."
Hange smiled. "We're doing great."
"Ah-huh," he said, obviously unconvinced. "Wow. This room is so full of stereotypes, it might as well be a fucking sitcom." he pointed at Marco. "There's the nice guy —" he turned his finger to Armin, "— the nerd —" Levi gestured to Jean, "— the douchebag —" he looked at Hitch. " — and the bitch."
"Hitch the Bitch," Sasha laughed.
"We are not stereotypes," said Ymir. "A stereotype would be a dumb blond, but Sasha's a brunette."
"Yeah," said Marlowe. "We're all unique in our own way."
Levi raised eyebrow. "Look at you. It's obvious that you watch dubbed anime."
"What's wrong with dub? Johnny Yong Bosch is a legend," he said.
"Huh. And I bet you have a poster of Sasuke signed by Yuri Lowenthal," said Levi.
* An excerpt from an interview with Marlowe *
Marlowe: I knew the school newspaper took pictures of my room. Damn them.
"Levi, could you please stop harassing the students for a moment? We're trying to give out roles here," said Hange. Levi nodded and took a chair for himself. "First off, I think Armin should be the director, since he has the leadership skills and the brains to memorize the script in a day. Those who agree, raise your hand."
Everyone put up their hands. Armin blushed and smiled sheepishly. Hange nodded to him, saying, "I'll be counting on you, Armin. Now, being director is a tough job, so you will need someone to assist you. Who should —"
"I volunteer," called Annie.
"Oh yeah?" piped up Ymir. "Why should you be assistant director?"
Annie raised her eyebrows. "Because I'm the director's girlfriend. Duh."
Hange nodded. "That makes sense."
"No, it doesn't," said Bertholdt in a depressed voice. "Nothing in this class makes sense."
"Yeah," agreed Sasha, who was sitting next to him. "Like, what's a whiteboard doing here? We aren't going to be solving math equations."
* An excerpt from an interview with Ymir *
Ymir: I sometimes wonder how Sasha reached highschool — no, scratch that. I wonder how she even got through first grade.
"Oookay," said Marco, as the others gave Sasha weird looks, trying to decide whether she was kidding or not. "I guess we all agree that Annie should be assistant director."
Annie glared at all of them, as if daring them to speak. When no one protested, she smiled smugly and stood next to Armin at the front.
Hange clapped and said, "Let's give it up for Annie and Armin!"
No one cheered.
* An excerpt from an interview with Annie*
Annie: Being assistant director has its perks. Not only do I not get to participate in any character role, but I also get to order people around. Seeing Connie run around in shiny red tights all day spouting cheesy Shakespearean lines is always a treat. It also doesn't hurt that Armin and I could insult — I mean, criticize — them all we want without them talking back. (Smiles)Yeah, being assistant director is fun.
"Then I want to be Juliet!" said Christa.
"And why should you get the lead role?" asked Mina.
"Because I'm the director's sister?" she said hopefully.
"This is bullshit," said Jean. "We can't just give out roles to every person who wants them."
Hange pointed at him. "You're right. Sasha, you be Juliet, and Jean, you're going to be our Romeo."
"What?" he sputtered. "That's not what I meant!"
"No, it's perfect, Jean," said Sasha. "You're French, so it suits you."
"Romeo and Juliet is set in Italy, Sasha."
"Shouldn't a real couple be Romeo and Juliet?" said Hannah. "Like, maybe, us? Franz and I have undeniable chemistry, if you still haven't noticed yet."
"You failed your last chemistry test, so I don't know what you're talking about."
"Fuck you."
At the end, it was decided that Sasha and Jean would be playing the role of the star-crossed lovers, while the Capulet and his wife would be Bertholdt and Ymir, and the Montagues would be Franz and Hannah. Marco was to be Friar Lawrence. Mina got to be the nurse, while Christa would be acting as Rosaline. Tybalt, Mercutio and Benvolio would be played by Eren, Reiner and Connie respectively. Paris would be Marlowe, while Mikasa and Hitch would be in charge of the costumes and props.
Hange beamed at them. "Wonderful! There are still some roles we haven't given out yet, since we're out of people, but so far, I'm pleased with the arrangements."
* An excerpt from an interview with Sasha *
Sasha: Well guess who got the lead role? This chick right here. Fuck yeah! Give me a S! Give me an A! Give me a S! Give me an H! Give —
Annie: Give me some peace.