Nick and I settled into his private studio. I knew before any writing got done we had to sort out our feelings. I had to know why things ended. I had to figure out what exactly went wrong and how our feelings had changed. I had to understand what I did wrong, what he did wrong, and if anyone was to blame.
Ok .. I said. Looks like we have an official project on our hands.
Yupp ..I guess we do he replied.
Well .. first I think we need to figure us out. We need to figure out our story and how to express it in song form.
That sounds like a good idea. He said..and he frowned. I hoped on my own with time I would be able to come up with my own explanation of us. I couldn't. No matter how many songs I wrote. No matter how many melodys filled my mind. None of them were us. Ever since we called it quits ..I just.. it's been hard..
I knew it had been hard. It had been awful for me. We were young when we dated last but I knew I loved him. We had bonded on tours. We had been living our dreams together. That kind of connection is hard to break.
It has been hard Nick. I've missed you so much. I always wished things would have ended better between us.
Me too Miles. That rainy day ..was just.. awful.
I remembered back to that day. September 13, 2006. We had just gotten done with the Hannah Montana Best of both worlds tour with the Jonas Brothers a few months before. Nick, Kevin, and Joe had their first world tour. I had to go work on my solo album. Nick and I hadn't seen eachother for 4 months. It had been hard. I missed him. I couldn't focus on anything else. The press was hounding us. Girls..tons and tons were throwing themselves at Nick. I didn't know where we stood at all. We didn't have much time to talk. Nick had so much to keep up with. When we finally saw eachother all of our emotions let loose.
I went to see Nick as soon as he got home from the tour. I met him at the Jonas's house. We talked a lot but Nick wasn't Nick. He was all hyped up about his career. He was also worried about his diabetes. He was diagnosed with it in the middle of the world tour. He had a lot on his mind. I was afraid. I wondered if he didn't miss me. That maybe I was just another thing to keep up with. Every time I tried to change the subject he'd switched it back. I just wanted to be with him.. I didn't want to face the career world with him. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to love my Nicholas.
When I couldn't take it anymore I stormed downstairs out of the house. I ran through the rain back to the jonas's tour bus. I needed to remember the good old days I needed to feel them again. Moments later Nick joined me on the bus. He asked me whats wrong. I just said I was stressed out. I missed him. I knew he loved his career but could he love me too? Was he still the same Nick? I didn't know
I knew I'd have to make a hard choice. I knew it would hurt worse if I didn't do this now. I told Nick the worst lie ever.
Nick..I said.. I think You're not the same. You have a career and I understand. You don't need me.
I ran outside in the rain. It was a heavy down poor. The sound of the thunder washed out all the bad thoughts. It cleared my mind. Nick caught me by my arm. He said he didn't mean to be so busy but it's his career. He said he had to make his life. That he had to follow his dream.
I said I understood. We just stood their in the rain. Looking at eachother. Wondering what this meant. It was obvious Nick couldn't handle me right now. He didn't need me to be happy. He had his music. That was his true love.
A few minutes later I heard a horn honk. It was my dad picking me up. I said goodbye to Nick and ran to the car. Once Dad and I were on the way to the airport I heard my cell phone beap. It was a text from Nick.
It said. Does this mean we're over?
Tears filled my eyes.
I guess it does… I typed back.
That was the last time I had heard from Nick personally..until now. It had been two years since the break up. I would never have imagined seeing him again. I never thought I would be sitting here. Writing a song with the first love and heartbreak of my life.