CH. 2: Just forget?

We did it.
We wanted revenge, and revenge we had. Kakuzu was killed, against all odds, while Hidan is buried somewhere in the middle of the Nara forest.

I haven't seen Shikamaru since then; he's away on a mission, I don't know where, and I don't know when he will come back.
For now, it's okay the way it is. I have no idea what I could tell him when I'll meet him; as long as we were focused on the fight, we were adequately distracted, but now…
Now I can't do anything but thinking about that afternoon, the afternoon before we left.
The absurd way it all began, the way we shifted from talking to…that. The way HIS attitude changed, sudden, provoking, head-turning. A Shikamaru I'd never seen before.

By now, it's been almost a month since that afternoon. And still, by night, I wonder what happened to us. What set off, in our minds, to make us outstrip that line beyond which, for sixteen years, we'd only dared peeking at. At not together.
Obviously, I dreamed about Sasuke being my first time; good old days, the ones in which he wasn't yet a criminal and I could hope I'd impress him, somehow.
Shikamaru, probably, was and is still lusting after that Suna girl, the sister of Gaara.
Then, why…?
We can't possibly be attracted to each other. Not Shikamaru and me; I don't fancy guys like Shikamaru, never in my life.
Did I go completely out of my mind, losing my virginity to someone like him?
Oh my, not that it wasn't beautiful…rather…if I think back to it, it's almost as I could go back inside the scene. As in a movie.
I can feel his fingers tangled in my hair, his eyes on my skin, his broken breaths, his arm around me when…

Oh God, stop. It's preposterous.
Of all the guys I could find among the Five Ninja Nations, I had to do it with him. And it had to be exactly like this…impossible to erase. As if those instants were glued to my skin with a mysterious substance, a substance for which there isn't yet any solvent.
I have to forget it. Because, seriously, it's turning into an obsession. I can't watch a romantic movie on TV, I can't read a romance novel. I link everything back to that afternoon.
Every damn thing.

I often wake up, in the middle of the night, and I think I could have just imagined it all; and I tell myself that that explanation could actually make sense to my brain…since my brain still keeps on believing it all happened for real. And that there must be something about Shikamaru which attracts me, since I didn't push him away, when he grabbed my face and kissed me. Obviously, my brain follows logical rules, and logic wants me to find a reason for everything I do.
But there is no reason for what I did with Shikamaru; it just happened. As many things in life just happen, and that's all. And if they don't make sense, or a future, you just have to forgive and forget.

And that's what I'm going to do. Force myself to forget, because that afternoon won't take me anywhere.
Just forget.

Oh no. NO.
Bloody hell.
Please, everything, but not this. No, no, no.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuck.

Instinctively, I collapse on the covered toilet seat, while what's in my hand falls on the ground, producing a slight thud. The cold around me is palpable, as if ice was filtering through the walls; I'm in a cold sweat, and I think my heart has just lost a few pumps.
A smiling little face.
Eyes crossed, I stare at the information leaflet I'm still squeezing in my hands. I re-read it all again, head to tail. Eleven times.
In case a smiling little face appeared on the display, the test should be considered positive.
I swallow.
…the test should be considered positive.
Why?
Positive.
Why, why, why??
I grip the two ends of the leaflet until I tear it in half. Fully enraged, with tears in my eyes, I end up chopping it, until even the shortest word becomes unreadable, then throw it all in the bin.
I can clearly feel my stomach wriggling, and blood flowing freezing in my neck's veins, climbing towards my brain with a vibrating sense of nausea.
Slowly, I pick up the little pen-shaped thing with the fucking smiling face on the damn display, and I stare at it for a while.
There, I just found something worse than watching Asuma-sensei die. At least he wasn't looking at me with the same stupid smile this display is showing me. "Congratulations!" he seems about to scream.
And I might add, I also found a reason for which I can't forget that afternoon with Shikamaru.
That reason is growing in my lower abdomen. Since five weeks and a half ago.

DRIIIIIIIIIIIIN.

The doorbell rings while I'm in the bathroom, trying to put up an acceptable look.
It's the third time I throw up, today. And Sakura will show up here, in less than an hour.
For the fourth time this morning, I undo my ponytail and re-do it again; for the fourth time, I swallow an anti-acid and rub my reddened eyes.
For the first time this morning, I startle; mum is calling my name.

- Ino! Are you ready? You've been locked in the bathroom for two hours now!

Obviously, my parents don't have a clue. Actually, I wonder how could they not get suspicious, until now. No one knows, and I don't want anyone to know. Just Sakura, because I want to ask her help.
I can't keep this baby. But I'm not sure I can get an…interruption of this pregnancy, since I'm only sixteen.
I hate to admit this, even to myself, but I have to tell Sakura, at least; I must have an answer to my question.

Beyond the locked door, I hear my mum's voice; she's coming up the stairs, closer and closer to the bathroom. But there's another voice, too.
Oh my God.
The water-filled glass slips from my hands and shatters on the floor.
Shikamaru.
What's he doing here? When did he come back?

- Ino, darling? There's Shikamaru, here with me.

I don't know how, but I manage to gather enough voice to answer: - Yes, mum…erm…
- Honey, what was that noise? Did you drop something?
- Erm…yeah, mum…I broke a glass…- I quickly kneel on the ground and start to pick up all the fragments of glass. : - I'm almost done, I'm getting out now. Don't worry, mum.

I hear her sighing, then addressing to Shikamaru. I drop all the fragments and move closer to the door, trying to eavesdrop.

- …right, if you could just ask her what's going on…it's just that…I don't know, she acts weird and all…seriously, Shikamaru…I'm worried.
Then, I heard her walk away: - Ino, I'm going to the shop. See you tonight, okay?
- O…okay, mum. Bye.
- Bye, Shikamaru-kun.
- See you, Ichiko-sama.

Long, silent instants.

- So? Are you going to come out?

Without answering, I turn the key and open the door, to find him standing in front of me. Hands in his pockets, same old look on his face, same old Shikamaru.
- What did my mum tell you?
- Could you tell me what's wrong with you?
- Don't answer my question with another question!
- Your mum's worried for you. You should talk to her.
- It's none of your business, Shikamaru.

He shrugs: - You're right, Ino. But I want to know what's wrong too.
- Why?
- Ino, don't answer my question with another question.
He sighs. Bastard. Then he adds: - Are you avoiding me?
My hands fiddle with the fishnet on my elbow: - I thought you were on a mission…
Another sigh: - I came back two weeks ago; I dropped by here at least five times, and each time your parents told me you weren't at home. I called you, and each time you had the answering machine on.

Okay, he's right. I reckon that…lately, every time someone ringed the doorbell, I just screamed "I'm not at home" to my parents. But I didn't ever figure out the one at the door was Shikamaru.

Okay, I figured it out. He always does things like that. Dropping by with no warning, at least once a day, even the days in which there's no training scheduled. I'm getting used to consider it a trait of his personality, of our relationship, if it's correct to define it a "relationship".
Actually, we're just two guys who met sixteen years ago and started playing together, simply because our families are in great terms, as they're with Chouji's clan. And then we ended up together as a team.
And now, five years after the day we all became genin, I'm six-weeks pregnant with the child of the boy that's standing right in front of me, with that typical bored expression of him.
Ah, Shikamaru, if only you knew…
And now, how am I going to get out of this racket?

Meanwhile, in Yamanaka's courtyard:

- Oh, hi Sakura! Long time no see!
- Good morning, Inoichi-sama.
- If you're here for Ino, she's upstairs. Wait a minute, - Inoichi pulled out a bunch of keys from his pocket - …here we go. Actually, I was going to work with my wife, but then I noticed I hadn't greeted my little princess! Do go ahead, Sakura.

A load of shouts greets Inoichi and Sakura as they cross the threshold of the hall. Shouts coming from upstairs, Ino's hysterical voice and Shikamaru's, a lot more moderate.

- What's going on?
Sakura stands still on the doorstep, but Inoichi's sixth-overprotective-paternal sense has already snapped to attention. And he's already rushing up the stairs.

First floor

I'm locked in the bathroom. Once again.
My hand's palm pressed against the door, trying to find a solution to get out of this mess. Why am I unable to lie, why??
No, I haven't managed to tell him, yet. But it's too late, in any case: my whole reaction (shouting at him, re-getting into the bathroom, slamming the door, and screaming something like "Leave me alone, this is none of your business, fuck!") must have made something click in his mind, and understanding this is not my usual morning hysteria. There is something else. That's why he's not getting away from the other side of the door, and he keeps telling me to calm down and get out, with his typical, lazy and placid voice.
Where the hell is Sakura, when I need her??!??!!?

- Ino…
- What do you want again?
I swear, if he's going to tell me again to calm down, I'm going to kill him.
- Talk about that afternoon, at the shop.
Oh my. And now…?
- We don't have to talk about it. It…it just happened…that's all. Things like that…just happen.
Why did those words, that sounded so convincing while I planned them in my head, suddenly seemed nothing more than a giant tall story? Why does it sound like I don't believe what I just said?
- Ino…earthquakes, hurricanes, storms and eclipses are "things that just happen". That…was something we wanted.

Something breaks inside me, and I find myself screaming once again.
- Oh yeah? Something we wanted? Well, then… - I fling the door open, staring straight in his eyes, completely pissed off - …tell me, mister "hyper-high IQ": the fact I ended up pregnant was a "thing that just happened" or a "something we wanted"??
I'm left speechless by my own explosion.
He stares at me, dumbfounded, unable to articulate even the more simple of words.

Suddenly, I hear a clink coming from behind the door, near the stairs. I open the door wider to check, and I nearly have an heart attack.
Shit.
Sakura and my dad stand at less than two feet away from us. Both pale, the only difference between them is that my father is going through all the shades ever listed on the colour spectrum.
And, in that exact moment, I get a certainty: I'm never, ever going to forget that afternoon at the shop.

NOTES: again, my best thanks to my dear Sensei Kumo-chan, for all her precious suggestions, support and fangirling.
Btw, obviously the "clink" was the sound of Inoichi's keys dropping on the ground :P

See you on the next chapter!