It's just another day it's cold
and I'm losing myself inside
the colours on the wall, are all fading,
and all that's left is hope for another day.

Unhappy- Thriving Ivory

CW: attempted suicide

She stood on the shore, face upturned to the stars. The tide was in, the little waves winding between her toes and washing away the sand. Her boots lay in a chaotic pile, abandoned at the top of the beach. Emma Swan exhaled into the night, her breath misting in the crisp air. She clutched at her the dagger in trembling hands, tracing her thumb over the name engraved into the benign silver. Hot tears stained her face, reddening her eyes and puffing her cheeks. She sniffed noisily, but made no move to wipe her face.

Emma thought of her son, at 108 Miffin Street, curled up against his other mother, eyes heavy with sleep, thumb jammed in his little mouth (a fact he would deny vehemently come morning). This only made the tears flow faster. She didn't want to leave Henry and yet, at the same time, it was Henry she was doing this for.

Unexpectedly, her thoughts turned towards the mayor, of her dark glossy hair and sensible pantsuits; she took solace in the fact Henry would be safe and loved. Regina would smother Henry in love and he would have the childhood she never had, a childhood he couldn't have with Emma still around. Henry didn't need a dark mother. He'd already been raised by an evil queen and it seemed almost cruel that now the universe had tainted his other mother with darkness. No, Henry didn't deserve that.

Goosebumps erupted on her exposed flesh as the wind whistled mournfully, twining itself around her body and freezing her heart. Shivering, Emma took this as a sign that it was time to do it. She cast a final glance back at sleepy Storybrooke, at the first place she had ever felt at home, and almost imagined she could see the twinkling lights of the mayor's office on Miffin street.

Pressing forwards, she waded through the water until it came up to her breasts. The icy bite was almost comforting. A small smile crept across her face and, for the first time in a week, she felt at peace. It would be over soon. She gripped the dagger with renewed determination and raised it before her with both hands, pointing it directly towards her chest.

Footsteps clicked out staccato steps down the path behind her, and Emma stiffened as she became acutely aware of a presence taking determined strides towards her. She would recognise those footsteps anywhere, by the self assured click of heels, but she gave no indication she'd heard the approach. She merely tightened her grasp on the dagger, her bone-white knuckles quaking. It had to be now, before it was too late-

The stranger splashed through the water, calling out her name now, barreling into Emma before the knife had the chance to make contact with her skin. The blonde screamed in frustration as she fell under the waves, spluttering as hands gripped at her shirt collar and dragged her towards the sand, where they threw her roughly to the ground.

Regina towered over her, face blank and unsmiling, her usually perfectly coiffed hair a wild array of tangled locks. Her eyes glistened like beacons, reflecting the moon's rays as they glared down at Emma, coughing in the sand.

"What were you thinking?" The brunette hissed, falling to her knees beside Emma and once again seizing hold of her shirt collar and pulling her close. "What in God's name was running through your mind? How could you be so stupid? So selfish? And what about Henry?"

What was Emma supposed to say? To say 'It was for Henry' seemed pitiful now because it wasn't for Henry, not really. It was because Emma was afraid of darkness inside her own heart.

Regina's hand closed painfully around her wrist in a vice-like grip and Emma winced as fingers bit viciously into her side. Their eyes met, but the mayor's gaze was unfathomable. And then it stopped and hands were running up and down the length of her arms, fingers were tangling in her hair and every inch of her was being touched by desperate fingers leaving blazing trails across her skin.

"You idiot," The brunette muttered against her ear, her hot breath like a cat's purr, sending warm shivers ricocheting down her spine. "One more minute and you would have been dead."

"Like you'd care," Emma ground out, her voice sounding gravelly and frightened even as she leaned further into Regina's touch. How long had it been since someone had held her like this? Not since Neal, and maybe not even then. The darkness that had been pressing so heavily against her heart didn't seem so terrible here, encircled in gentle arms, the smell of apples that was so typically Regina overwhelming her senses.

"You idiot," Regina repeated feverishly. "Of course I'd care. You were the one who told me we'd always have each other's backs."

The words, so kind, so unlike the usually acerbic Regina, that they had her choking back a sob. She pressed her face into the other woman's jumper and sniffled, a part of her expecting to be shoved away, but the mayor only patted her back and looked a little dismayed at having a snotty Emma crying all over her.

"How did you know I was here?" The blonde asked dully, her voice only just above a whisper, tears still coursing down her face. The dagger was still clutched in her hands and she hardly noticed when Regina took her hands, unfurling each finger one by one until it fell from her fingers.

"Oh, I, -erm," Regina began, stumbling over her words in a way which Emma would have laughed at on any other occasion. "You've been missing for a week. Henry was worried, so I cast a spell, which would let me know if you were in any danger."

"But how did you know I'd be here? On this beach?"

Regina was staring at her intently, a faint blush flooding over her cheeks. "I've noticed that you come here whenever you're upset." She confessed stiffly, eyes drinking in the blonde, shivering figure.

Emma looked at her oddly, but didn't say anything. It was true, after all. The sea had always been able to calm her down where others failed. It was strange that Regina, of all people, had noticed that small detail about her, however. They were friends now, of sorts, but they just weren't the sort of friends who revealed things like that.

For a while, they sat in a companionable silence. Regina didn't ask about why Emma had tried to do what she did and Emma didn't tell her. No, the brunette only held her close with a gentleness Emma would never have thought the other woman capable of. Tomorrow, Emma would have to deal with the ramifications of what she had tried to do because Regina was right: it would have been selfish. Henry needed her, evil or not. For now though, she could forget in the sanctity of the brunette's arms. It didn't matter that it was Regina, only that there was someone, anyone, there to hold her through her pain.

"I can feel it, you know?" Emma murmured over the gentle swish and sway of the waves. "I can feel the darkness inside me and it hurts. I can feel it pressing on my heart, bringing back every shitty memory and every bad thought I've ever had. I thought maybe if I was dead the powers of the Dark one would die with me."

She couldn't look at the other woman as she made her confession. It was both a relief and agony to talk about it, but she was grateful it was Regina; the other woman had been there and would understand. She was the only person who had ever seen Emma for herself and not some perfect savior, but for the flawed, broken human being she was.

Regina shifted, stretching out a leg underneath it as she whispered into Emma's hair. "You have to fight it, Emma."

Emma shook her head silently, her golden curls tickling Regina's chin. "I- I don't think I'm strong enough."

"Emma Swan, you broke my powerful curse. You have out-smarted Rumpelstiltskin himself and ,loathe as I am to admit it, you have bested me on many occasions. You. Are. The. Savior."

The blonde flashed her a bitter smile. "I've not exactly been doing much saving recently. I'm so fucking tired, Regina. I can't fight this on my own."

"You won't be on your own, you idiot," Regina snapped and Emma could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "You might not be strong enough, but together we are."

Emma froze; she remembered those words because they were hers. She had said them to Regina in a fit of madness down in the mines and she couldn't believe the mayor had remembered them and had taken them to heart. She smiled up at the brunette and received a scowl in response, but there was no real malice in it.

"You're cold."

Even as she said it, Regina shuddered beneath her soaking wet clothes, her teeth chattering away. Emma couldn't believe it had taken her this long to notice.

"Yes, well, you hardly left me with time to cast a water repelling spell before dragging you out of there."

Whatever softness which had flitted between them had gone now and Regina was back to her usual, arctic self and Emma breathed a sigh of relief- it was nice to return to the safety of the barbed jibes they usually shared. Not that she hadn't liked the softer Regina- it was strange and uncomfortable, but there was a familiarity about it that took Emma by surprise for there was no reason for it to feel that way.

The brunette said something about 'Robin will be wondering where I am' and untangled her arms from around Emma; she felt oddly bereft now the close contact between them had gone. Regina leapt primly to her feet, smoothing out the creases from her pajamas and eyeing the sand distastefully. It was only now that the blonde realised Regina must have come to find her immediately, an astounding feat for a women who usually wouldn't leave the house if a single hair was out of place. Emma followed the brunette's example, clambering to her feet and jogging after the other woman who was now striding up the beach. Her limbs ached with cold, but she ignored it.

"Regina?" Emma panted. "Hang on."

The other woman froze.

Emma stepped into her person space and pressed something cold and sharp into her hand. "Here. Take this."

Regina whirled around, shock written plainly across her face. "No, I can't, it's too powerful. I can't be trusted."

"Please," Emma pleaded, almost on the verge of tears again. "You're the only person I trust with it. You have to stop me from doing something terrible."

The brunette ran her free hand through tangled locks and glanced around as if for help, but no one came. They never did.

"Emma, I-"

"You have to!" Emma exploded, her lips trembling. "Can't you feel it?" She grabbed Regina's hand and held it against her heart. "There's something wrong inside of me and it's only a matter of time before it breaks free. Remember the darkness I told you about? I like it."

The mayor nodded, trembling slightly. "I'll take care of it," She squeezed Emma's hand. "You can fight this. I did and you can too."

And then she was gone and it was only when the sun began to rise that Emma stopped staring after her.

This is how their journey began: with the Savior being saved on a calm night in the peaceful town of Storybrooke.

Fate certainly has a twisted sense of humour. I often imagine it, seated high on its throne, clapping its hands together in unrestrained glee at the mere mortals it reigns over. It rules with a cruelty even the Evil Queen could never have mustered.

Right now, I imagine you are breathing a sigh of relief that a life has been saved, that there is hope to overcome the darkness if you only have faith. I warn you, most faithful readers, that this is not true- I believed this, once upon a time, but I learned the hard way that life is not a fairy tale. It might have been better had the Saviour succeeded in her quest for all that is to follow is filled with blood and sorrow.

Truthfully, there are too many places for evil to hide its face: in the darkest corner of a sleepy town; in the most honest of faces; in the heart of an inherently good person.

Yes, where evil can lurk, it will.

And there is little we can do to stop it.

-Henry Swan Mills