Everything About You

A Lily/James Fanfiction

Chapter 2: Off His Proverbial Rocker

"MUFFINS! MUFFINS! SAUSAGE! PANCAKES! EGGS AND TOAST AND CEREAL AND MUFFINS!!"

Oh god. Not again. James rolled over and pulled his pillow over his ears.

"JAMESYYYYY. JAMESYYSSYYYYS! I LOVE YOU, JAMIE BOY! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFEE! AND THE MUFFINS!!!"

James groaned and lifted a head of tousled black hair to look at his best mate through one bleary eye. "Sirius, is it really all that much to ask that you NOT wake me up at the crack of dawn just because you felt the need to (YAWN) digest seven hundred muffins first thing in the morning?"

Sirius sat on James's oak dresser, looking casually thoughtful, appearing to consider, then jumped up again and shouted, "YESSSS, PRONGS MY MAN! It is indeed too much to ask of your bestest mate in the whole world!"

"Leave."

"Oh that hurts. Where you think of such witty insults I shall never know."

"Shut it, Padfoot."

"Oh god. He's killing me with that sharp-edged wit. Do you spend your spare time coming up with these brilliant insults, Prongs? Or do they just spring from the tip of your tongue, genius that you are?"

"ARGHHHHHH!" James threw the pillow back over his head.

Sirius, completely unperturbed by this display of frustration, strode over to rip the thin white sheet off James's wriggling body.

"OH GOD! PRONGSSSS! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU SLEPT NAKED?????"

James let out another groan of frustration and said, in a very muffled voice, "Sirius, get out of my room before I have to resort to measures so desperate that afterwards you will be too ASHAMED to ever sleep naked again."

"YOU WOULDN'T!"

"Oh, I would."

Sirius left the room with his hands held over his crotch, only to stand right beside the doorway and continue to tell James all about the most fabulous breakfast in the world – which he had supposedly eaten this morning, courtesy of the Potter house elf staff.

James rolled out of bed, landing rather painfully on some of his most precious body parts and stumbling to his feet in a state of severe pain. Sirius burst into laughter at this sight, causing James to make an obscene hand gesture at him just as Mrs. Potter crossed the threshold.

James swore fluently under his breath. "JAMES EDWARD POTTER! If I ever catch you doing that again, I will remove each of your fingers, one by one, through the most painful means possible!"

"Right, Mum, sorry," he mumbled back at her, throwing several filthy looks at Sirius, who was still chortling in the corner.

"Oh, and you would be well advised to put some pants on," she added, taking in his underdressed state, hands placed conveniently in front of his crotch. She swept into his room, taking care to step over the mess he and Sirius had made last night, and reached up to peck him on the cheek. "Hogwarts letters came today; I've left them on the table. Sirius finished breakfast a few minutes ago, but miraculously, there's still something left for you," she said rapidly, sending Sirius an affectionate smile. "I'm off to the Ministry, your father left an hour ago." She gave a quick hug to her naked son, who stood stock still, insistent on protecting his manhood, and placed a small kiss on Sirius's cheek, who gave her a great bear hug in return.

Margaret Potter left the room laughing and smoothing her navy blue robes. She adjusted her pearls and twirled on the spot. With a loud 'CRACK' she disappeared into thin air.

"Man, I love your mom." said Sirius wistfully, staring at the spot where she had Disapparated.

James shot him a disgusted look, but Sirius stepped back and yelped in disagreement. "NO, GROSS, not like that, wanker!"

"Oh, SUREEE," James replied, amused.

"SHUT UP!"

"C'mon, Padfoot, just evacuate the area for a moment while I change, won't you?"

"I suppose I should be going. Lucinda promised me 5 chocolate éclairs if I didn't burst into the kitchens for 10 whole minutes and I HAVEN'T! Off I go, then. Come down for breakfast soon, won't you, Prongsie? I'm rather hungry… 27 muffins just isn't enough to—" James slammed the door in his face.

xxxxx

One very quick shower, careful (if unnecessary) hair mussing, a well selected jeans and t-shirt later, James banged open his door and almost stepped on the tiny house elf who was hopping around him to get into the room. Avella jumped back, waiting for James to leave before scurrying in to make his bed.

James plopped himself down in one of the stools in front t of a very long granite island in the spacious Potter kitchen. Sirius, it seemed, was attempting to make a sandwich out of eggs, muffins, jelly, and cream cheese. There were no house elves to be seen… they had long since learned to stay out of Padfoot's way when he took it upon himself to make breakfast… or any type of meal, really.

James began drowning the pancakes the house elves had left out for him in maple syrup while he reached for his Hogwarts letter. He noticed a large strawberry jam stain in the left corner and smacked Sirius affectionately on the back of the head with the syrup bottle. "Christ!" he said, jumping, and nearly dropping his 3 foot "sandwich" on the clean tile floor. "What was that for?"

James dug into his pancakes, not bothering to answer. He ripped open his Hogwarts letter, which seemed heavier than usual. Surely he didn't need more than one Quidditch Captain's badge, he thought, assuming that's what the extra weight was for. That, or studying for the N.E.W.T.s was going to require enough books to fill the Shrieking Shack. He sincerely hoped it was the former.

Sure enough, a badge fell out into his hand when he turned the letter upside down. The contents fell abut the counter. He turned the badge over though, and the inscription staring back at him knocked the living breath out of him.

THUMP. "OWWWW!" James fell to the floor with a pained gasp. But he appeared unaffected in the next few moments, staring in awe and shock at the badge in his hand. Sirius turned away from his masterpiece at the sound of James' pain. He looked at him for a second, then shrugged, and was taking his first dinosaur-sized bite when James emitted another rather girlish scream.

"PADFOOT!! PADFOOT!!!!! OH MY GOD. PADFOOT!!! OH MY GOD."

Sirius looked alarmed, "Deep breaths, mate, deep breaths."

James held up his the shining badge to the light, staring at it in utter amazement. "HEAD BOY! HEAD BOY!!!! PADFOOT, MATE, I'm HEAD BOY!!!!!!"

"Shut up, James. Hell hasn't frozen over yet," said Sirius, using one of Lily's favorite lines – you know, the ones she used at least twice a day (or however many times James got around to asking her out).

"I'm serious."

"No, I am," Sirius smiled at the chance to use his favorite punch line.

James, though rather preoccupied, took a second to groan about the overused joke (when will he ever stop?).

"No, really mate, take a look at this sexy badge. I'll be playing Head Boy to Evans' Head Girl. My Lily-flower will finally be mine." Recovering from the initial shock, James was already getting formulating a plan to capture the heart of the love of his life – Lily Evans, who was sure to be the next Head Girl.

"Jesus, it's always about her, isn't it. Anyways, the badge isn't real. It couldn't be. Moony's going to be Head Boy. Dumbly-dore hasn't gone totally bonkers yet."

"Moony never wanted the job – I think you'll agree with him that he has enough to worry about. And believe me; Dumbledore's nuttier than a fruitcake."

"Are fruitcakes nutty?"

"I thought you knew everything about food. Padfoot."

"I don't study food, I just eat it."

"Well, whatever it is you do with your food; it doesn't make a difference to me. You know why? Because I'm Head Boy. Because even though Remus is coming over later to help with my Lily Lessons, I don't need anything else to convince her of my virtue! I truly deserve my flower now!!!" James began a rather frightening victory dance which led him out into the hall, past a terrorized little house elf, and straight into the crouched over form of Remus, who was having a conversation with Sirius' favorite house elf, Lucinda.

"MOOOOOONY! MOOOOONNYY DARLING!"

"Oh god, you're sounding scarily akin to Sirius after 10 bottles of butterbeer."

"MOOOOONY!"

"What is it, James?" Remus stood up wearily.

James frowned, "You could sound a little more excited than that. This is a big step in the history of wizard kind, you know."

"What did you do, James? Can't I leave you and Sirius alone for two seconds? Honestly, you two are like a couple of toddlers. Infants, even! I don't know why I waste my time," Remus said exasperatedly.

Sirius skipped out of the kitchen. He had finished all of his sandwich, minus the tiny piece he had saved and which he promptly stuffed in Remus's mouth. "Awwww, we're not THAT BAD! WE LOVE YOU MUHHHHOOONNY!"

"Shhhuiruhs. Thish ish (retch) dishgush (retch) ting." Remus spit the chewed up food onto the clean hardwood floor and wiped his mouth.

James looked on, "Well, that was gross."

"Crap. What did you put in that… whatever you call it?"

"That was my best-ever-made breakfast sandwich, thank you very much!"

Remus shook his head and waved his wand over the mess on the floor, "And this is why I never let you cook for me, Padfoot…" He smiled affectionately, but James heard him mutter "Not that it stops you, you lethal killing machine."

"Anyways, James. What is this incredible news you're dying to tell me? Has Sirius finally convinced Chelsea Michaels to go out with him?"

"BAHAHA! Fat chance. No, indeed, my beloved werewolf, it is something much more unexpected."

Remus stared at James incredulously, "Less expected than the girl who hates Sirius almost as much as Lily hates you agreeing to date him?"

James ignored the jibe about Lily and nodded.

"Oh god. You're not…" Remus was reading his mind. It was rather annoying when he did that.

"I am."

Remus sank into a plushy red armchair and rested his forehead against his hand. "Dumbledore is officially off his proverbial rocker."

xxxxx

"Off we go again, venturing forth into the land of the terminally insane." Remus was here for James's daily Lily Lesson. After being turned down by the gorgeous ice queen over seven hundred million thousand times in the past, James had finally decided to take advice from Remus, who was by far the closest to Lily out of all the Marauders, although Sirius spent time with her on occasion, too, and she was always nice to Peter. It seemed it was just Potter that repeatedly rubbed her the wrong way. I'd like to rub her any way I could thought James.

Remus was once again complaining about how incurably deranged his two friends were, and the fourth Marauder had undutifully left his post, off to tea with his grandmother. So poor Remus was stuck here alone with the loons. He turned back to his class of one, James and that… thing… that was dressed in a red wig and skirt, pretending to be Lily Evans. Yeah, we're talking about Sirius.

Lily Lessons had proved to work some immense changes into James's personality, but there were certainly many kinks to work out, and Remus wasn't sure he had the time or energy. But he was never able to refuse. Sirius always pulled the worst puppy dog eyes (it was an art, you know), and even Remus knew that he secretly enjoyed watching - and joining in with, some of the most foolish prancing and talking in high falsettos he had ever endured in his life. Actually, come to think of it, he had probably never pranced or talked in a falsetto before he had become a Marauder.

When Sirius began his seductive dance, stripping off his womanly attire, Remus gave up and gave in, doubling over in laughter. Tears were streaming down James's face. Sirius, on the other hand, was purposefully continuing, obviously enjoying the reactions he was getting.

Jesus, they were so far gone. Why even bother trying to rein them in?

And when Peter showed up… they would be complete.

James was insisting, once again, this would be the year he finally got her.

Either way, it was definite, Remus thought. Oh yes, this would be another great year for the Marauders.

xxxxx

A/N: "living breath"? Where did I come up with that one?

So, this chapter is a bit longer and I added a lot more dialogue in this chapter, which I was planning anyways, but I hope it was what you wanted. I may have a couple of mistakes in here… or more, but I hope it's not too much of a problem when you're reading it. Thanks to my reviewers! I hope this story keeps up with your expectations, Kindali, and for InkandPaper, I made some adjustments in the first chapter, and that dialogue comment was for you. Thanks so much for your advice and encouragement! I love hearing from you guys. I know, we haven't had any Lily/James interaction, but I wanted to do a little bit on their summer hols first… so yeah. My updates on this story are going to be really sporadic, and I'm truly sorry about that, but I'll be trying my best. I love writing and you guys keep me going. If there's anything I missed, or that I've forgotten, don't hesitate to let me know! Drop me a line too – you know by now that all authors love reviews )

I think the next chapter should be on the train, right? Or should I do a bit more with the summer? I hope these chapters from different sides of the story are giving you an idea of what I perceive the two characters to be like… and how they live and whatnot.

XoxoxoX

3 tina