It's been about a week now. Ally and I have been video chatting every day. We're doing that right now but she seems different today. I mean, it's a good kind of different but it's still different. And I'm curious.
"You seem extra happy today," I point out with a smile. "Might I ask what the cause of that big, beautiful smile is?"
"It's just my anniversary," she says, blushing a little.
My face falls. "Anniversary?" I ask. I blush a bit myself, embarrassed to have called her smile beautiful. Her boyfriend probably wouldn't be happy about that.
"Well, my 'monthiversary,'" she corrects herself. "It's been six months." She looks down, unable to keep her smile from getting wider.
"Oh," I say. I force a smile. "So when am I going to meet this mystery guy?" I ask, faking happiness.
"Uh..." she says. She glances at her watch. "Any minute now," she says. I raise my eyebrow. I hear a knock. It came from her side of the video chat. She jumps up and runs to the door. "Chad!" I hear her exclaim. I almost scoff. Chad is such a stupid name. She drags him into the screen. He's even uglier than his name. "Chad, this is my best friend, Austin. Austin, this is my boyfriend, Chad."
Glad to know I'm still her best friend. Just not glad to know that I'm still only her best friend.
"Nice to meet you," I mutter.
"You, too," he replies.
"Remember that Open Mic I told you about?" Ally asks me. I nod. "That's what we're doing for our anniversary. We're performing a song together. It was the first song we wrote together." I can't even a force a smile right now. They wrote a song together. I can't even begin to comprehend what that means.
"You wrote a song together," I say, because I don't know what else to say. Well, I know what else to say, but everything else involves screaming and maybe a little bit of crying.
Ally smiles. "Yeah," she says, smiling, sounding reassured. "I thought you were going to freak out about this. But deep down, I knew you'd be totally cool with him being my new songwriting partner." If I'd been drinking something, I'd have done a spit take all over my laptop just to make it short out and break. I don't even want to see her face right now, no matter how beautiful it is. I wait just a moment, wondering if this is a dream.
It's not.
My phone begins to ring and I look down at it. Sally. Two can play at this game. I answer the phone. "Hello? Hold on, Ally," I say. "It's my girlfriend."
"Girlfriend‽" Sally exclaims. "You see me as your girlfriend! Oh, my goodness. Anyway, I just called to make sure you were still on for our date tonight."
"Yep, I'm definitely still on for our date tonight," I say. "See you at Melody Diner, babe."
"Babe!" she repeats/squeals and hangs up.
"So when do I get to meet her?" Ally asks me.
"Oh, I don't know," I say with a shrug. I look up at her. "We're usually really busy writing songs together and stuff."
"But you've been video chatting with me all week," she points out.
"Yeah, well, we were... taking a vacation," I lie. She doesn't seem to be jealous or anything. She seems genuinely happy that I'm dating someone.
"Can I hear one of your songs?" Ally asks me.
I mentally facepalm. "Um… sure… right after… I hear one of your songs," I say, moving my hand in front of the screen to indicate Chad and herself.
Ally looks excited and she points across the room. "Chad, bring my keyboard over here!" she exclaims.
My heart constricts. I don't actually want to hear one of their songs… It'll make everything so much more… real. As Chad stands, I shout, "No!" They both jump and look at me, confused. "I mean… don't you two have a date to get to? Wouldn't want to be late…"
"Oh, you're right!" Ally says. "Thanks, Austin!" Ally pulls Chad down and plants a quick kiss on his lips. When Chad sits all the way down and puts his hand on her hip, massaging gently, the kiss gets deeper and more passionate.
When he starts to pull her tank top up a little, I squeeze my eyes shut. And here I thought hearing one of their songs would make everything more real. "Talk to you later, Ally, bye," I say quickly, and hang up. A fat tear squeezes out of my eye and rolls down my cheek. I stand up angrily.
Screw Chad and their songs. I have my own date to get to.
Well, that date was boring. We went and saw a movie. I didn't really watch the movie, I just sat there and moped the entire time.
Sally tried to reach over and hold my hand, but I pretended like I didn't see and raised both of my arms to stretch. Then I saw her face fall in the darkness and I felt extremely rude so I put my arm down around her, pulling her close. I saw her smile widely, and it made me kind of happy when she rested her head on my shoulder.
It didn't make me happy because she did that. It actually made me kind of sad, because Ally used to do that when we would stay up late in the practice room. When she was ready to go to sleep, she would lean against me and I would put my arm around her and she would snuggle into me. It was never weirdly romantic. It was just our private thing. Anyway, it made me happy because it seemed to make her extremely happy.
I smiled to myself as I drove her home. Maybe I'm not making Ally happy this way―even though I really want to be―but at least I can make someone happy. "Thanks for taking me out, Austin," she says as I walk her up the steps on her front porch.
I murmur something that sounds like, "No problem."
She opens the door and starts to step inside, but she turns at the last moment, leans up on tiptoes, and kisses my cheek. I don't blush, as I would have if, say, Ally had kissed me, but I do smile.
"Goodnight, Austin," she whispers.
"Goodnight, Sally," I reply.
If I can't be with Ally, maybe I can learn to at least like Sally. She's happy with Chad, I can probably be sort of happy with Sally.
I walk down the steps and drive back home. As soon as I get home and open my laptop, Ally's there, sending me a request to video chat. I accept it and my heart skips a beat as her face flashes across my screen.
"Hey," we say at the same time. We laugh together, almost simultaneously. "How was your date?" We laugh again. "You first."
I roll my eyes, grinning. "Ally! You first! Yours is way more important, you went to an Open Mic!" I say, and her eyes widen a bit when I say "way more important."
Then her face falls. She frowns, staring at the keyboard on her laptop. "I… I didn't do it… not really… I did sing, but I stayed offstage." She looks up at me through her lashes, looking on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry… You're probably so disappointed in me…"
I stare at her, confused, then I remember what Dez said. "She left so that she could get better at every instrument you can play. She left so that she would be less shy, like you are. She left so she could be like you and how you want her to be. She left because you always teased her about only being able to play a few instruments and about not wanting to get onstage."
"Ally… Als… You know I was joking, right?"
She cocks her head to the side. "About what?"
"When I always teased you about being so shy, I was joking. Your shyness is what makes you… Ally. And if you weren't Ally, you wouldn't be my best friend," I tell her. I refrain from adding, And I wouldn't be head over heels in love with you…
"Really wish you'd told me that two years ago, Austin…" she whispers. "I've changed a lot…"
"I don't like the way you were dressed when we first started talking again," I murmur. "The whole 'Short Girls Have More Fun' thing… It was advertising something I never want you to be. And… I don't like how much makeup you've been wearing. You have a natural beauty, and that's what I want to see, not makeup." I blush a bit as I realize what I've just said.
"Chad likes it…" Ally replies, still whispering.
"I don't care what Chad likes," I say angrily, my voice still low. "You don't need makeup to be beautiful and if he doesn't realize that, then he doesn't deserve to be with you."
"He says I'm more beautiful with makeup than without it," she whispers.
I stare at her in the tiny box on my screen for a moment. "Ally… does Chad abuse you?" I ask. "Emotionally, I mean?"
Ally laughs, a little ruefully. "Emotionally?" she says. She laughs again, muttering, "Why do you think I wear so much makeup?" and she jumps suddenly as there's a knock on her door. She smooths her hair down and says, "Come in!" She looks at me and says, "That's probably Chad…" I stare at her, dumbfounded. Did he just tell me that Chad hits her? When the devil himself walks in and sits his happy ass down next to Ally, my eyes flare with anger, and Ally must see that, because she says, "Well, Chad's spending the night, I'll talk to you later, Austin," nervously. She hangs up quickly, as if knowing I'm about unleash hell on Chad.
I slam my laptop shut and glare at the lid for a moment. "Who the hell does he think he is?" I mutter to my laptop. And he's spending the night? I wonder…
Has he taken my sweet Allyson's innocence?
Then I shake my head.
1. She's not my Ally.
2. If she was my Ally, she would still have the innocence. I wouldn't make her do anything until marriage, because I know that's what she always wanted.
I shake my head. I'm going to kill Chad.
I jerk awake in the morning. I dreamt that Chad made Ally stop talking to me, because he was jealous. It broke my heart, and I wonder if that was how Ally felt, when I ignored all of her calls, texts, messages, emails, and chat requests.
I shake my head and look around, confused, as I hear a faint ringing sound. I realize it's coming from my laptop and I walk over to it, opening the lid. Huh, for some reason, it didn't go into sleep mode when I slammed it shut last night. Anyway, I see that Ally is the source of the ringing.
Good, I wanted to talk to her anyway. I need to make sure she'll never leave me just because Chad tells her to.
I accept the call and Ally appears on my screen, looking happy as ever. Chad is nowhere to be seen. "Ally, I need you to promise me something," I say immediately.
"A-Anything." She looks nervous. She looked extremely happy not two seconds ago.
"Promise me you'll never leave me just because Chad is jealous of our… friendship," I request.
"Actually, Austin, um…"
"No." Tears spring to my eyes. "Ally, no. No. No. I lost you once, and it was my own fault, I will not lose you again."
She acts like she didn't hear me. "I need to tell you something… before I stop speaking to you…" Ally takes a deep breath, looking away. She bites her lip hard then nods to herself, as if she's made a decision, and looks up at me. "Austin, I love you. As more than just a friend. I love you… in that way… I was going to tell you the night I left, but… I just didn't have the courage. I was too afraid of rejection… Now…" She sighs. "Now it doesn't matter.
"I'll probably never speak to you or see you again." She laughs ruefully. "Wouldn't want another one of these…" She points to her eye and, for the first time, I notice it's ringed slightly with a purplish, blackish blue. She looks down, looking embarrassed. I shake my head, refusing to believe it. "I almost wish… I almost wish I'd told you that night… even if you had rejected me. If you had rejected me, I would've believed there was nothing I could do to change your mind.
"I wouldn't have come here, I wouldn't have met Jeremy at that freshman party, I wouldn't have let him get me so drunk…" She drops her voice to a whisper and says, "I wouldn't have lost my virginity to a boy I didn't love… I wouldn't have woken up the next day, naked and plastered all over the internet. I wouldn't have dated all those guys I knew only wanted me for my body. I wouldn't have started dating Chad.
"I'd still be in Miami," she says, looking up at me again, "with you. I'd still be writing your songs. I'd still be subtly nuzzling my face into your neck when we hug. I'd still be fantasizing about you confessing your undying love for me. I'd still be wishing you were mine. I'd still be your friend, at the very least. I'd still have you.
"And who knows? Maybe you wouldn't have rejected me. Hell, if you told me, right now, that you loved me with all your heart… I swear, I'd run away. Back to Miami. I'd drop out of school right now, and come back to you. I'd come back, hug you as tight as I could, and kiss you as hard as I could. I'd tell you I love you a thousand times." She looks up at me, her eyes full of hope.
My mouth drops open. She loves me. Oh, the years I've waited to hear those words from her. And mean them in that way. I open my mouth, but the words just won't come out. I love you, too! Say the words, Austin! Say them! Right now! Austin! Austin, please!
Ally just sighs. "I understand, Austin, I'm sorry… I just…" She sighs again. "I know it was stupid, but I really had hope. But we're two different people. How could you even like someone like me? I'm just a stupid, shy, ugly, fat, worthless little girl who doesn't even deserve her life. Chad was right. I'm sorry for wasting your time, Austin. Goodbye…"
"Wait, Ally!" I manage to exclaim. God, that's what that asshole says to her? I need to kick his ass… Ally looks up at me, hopeful once more. I squeeze my eyes shut. Don't be so afraid of rejection anymore. She just told you she loves you! "I love you, too… I love you so much. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met in my entire life, shyness and all. It's adorable how shy you are.
"And yeah, you were subtle, but I always noticed your nuzzling. And I loved every second, no, every millisecond of it. You know, when you fell asleep in the practice room after we'd stayed up late writing a song, I always brushed your hair out of your face and kissed your forehead, and whispered to you to have sweet dreams. I always wanted to kiss your lips, but I figured it was kind of creepy, so I never did. God, I wish I had.
"I also wish you hadn't given your virginity to that Jeremy kid. I wanted it. We would've waited, of course, because that's what you always wanted. Ally, I wanted to marry you. I still want to marry you. I wanted you to be mine, forever and always. Ally Dawson, I love…" I trail off as I open my eyes and see…
The call was dropped. Three minutes ago. No.
I call her back. Almost as soon as it starts ringing, it stops. She rejected my call. I try again. Same result. Ally, please, answer me. Tears start streaming down my face. God, please tell me she at least heard that first sentence, I think as I call her once more. I stop as I realize, She couldn't have heard me. She would've answered my call.
Maybe she just―
Stop. Don't make excuses. She didn't hear you, and she never will.
Or will she?
Okay, I'm a lot happier with the length of this chapter. I'm not necessarily happy with the content, but definitely happy with the length. I didn't mean to make her dumb boyfriend abusive. But I wrote it, and it was too late to go back. Anyways, sorry if you think it's bad. It's 5:47 in the morning as I'm writing this and I actually haven't slept yet. I didn't go to sleep until around this time yesterday, too. I'm really tired. I haven't stayed up this late since last summer. Well, I've stayed up this late since last summer, but not two nights in a row. Anyway, I'm sorry if you don't like what I'm doing, but you'll just have to deal with it. It'll get better. It always gets better. Review, please! Reviews make me happy.
Also, don't forget to vote on the poll! It's on my profile page.
Sorry again.
Goodnight/morning/evening/afternoon/whatever it is for you.
LoVe, KeNzIe