A/N: Being the idiot I am, I published this chapter without an author's note the first time. So. Here it is WITH an author's note. I don't have much to say, just that I appreciate the people who have fav'd and followed this fic. Reviews are loved and hoarded! Also. There will be 6 chapters to the first part, and they should all be out within the week. Happy reading! :)

Before - Part II

He finds himself visiting the playground more and more often after that day. He tells himself it's because he's finally found a safe haven, not because he hopes to see Lily again. But he's always been terrible at lying to himself, and it isn't long before the chance of seeing Lily is the thought that drives him through the day. He tells himself then that he's only trying to see her because she's magical, too, and the only magical exposure he's ever had is the minor magic his mother performs to keep herself safe. He's magically deprived, Severus reassures himself, and he only wants to see Lily because he wants to more magical exposure.

This deception works better, perhaps because in a small way, it's the truth. Severus really is fascinated by Lily's magic. But more driving than that, even, and something Severus will never admit, is that he yearns to see her beatific smile and hear her mellifluous laugh again. If he never sees her for the rest of his life after that, he won't mind. All he cares about is seeing her light once more.

His parents' fights have been getting worse. His father had managed to land a job, Merlin knows how, but lost it within days. Of course, rather than take ownership of his faults, he's preferred to take it out on Severus and his mother. This time, Severus wasn't able to escape his father's wrath, and he doesn't walk so much as limp down to the playground. Every step jars his bruised and swollen leg, and every breath he takes scrapes down his hoarse throat.

All of that is forgotten when he reaches the playground.

Lily is already there, and as far as Severus can tell, she's alone. He silently sends up a prayer of gratitude because Tuney really is horrid. He isn't able to get close this time, Lily would see him for sure, but it doesn't matter to him. He doubles back and travels down a parallel road until he reaches the grove of trees that overlook the back of the playground. He snakes his way between the thick trunks and shimmies up a rather tall tree until he can see Lily again. Then he settles back against the trunk and simply watches her.

She appears to be practicing magic again. She's making sticks and pebbles float up and fly across the playground, squealing with delight every time she manages to do so. A small pile of debris is collecting at the bottom of the slide, where Lily's projectiles have all landed, and Severus has the random thought that any child coming down the slide is in for a nasty surprise.

He wonders how she would react if he revealed himself right now, if he fell from the tree and confessed that he was a wizard and she was a witch and they were both going to go to Hogwarts and wouldn't it be grand? He could teach her what little he knows about Hogwarts and the wizarding world, he thinks; he could share the small pieces of information he's gleaned from his mother's stories and her old school books hidden in his room. They're written for an audience much older and experienced than he is, but with determination and perseverance, he's managed to piece together a small window into the world he should be a part of but instead has been cast out from.

Severus shakes himself out of his somber thoughts. He doesn't need to worry about that now; he'll have plenty of time to do so later. In any case, one look at Severus' baggy, mismatched clothes, his limp, stringy hair, and his emaciated body, and Severus is certain Lily will run away screaming.

He won't know for sure, though, because here comes Tuney flouncing into the playground with a haughty expression marring her features. "There you are, Lily!" she exclaims, her tone disapproving and her hands flying to her hips. Then she notices the pile of sticks and stones resting by the slide and the floating twig that Lily is trying frantically to drop and, failing that, hide. "Were you doing...that? You know you're not supposed to!"

"I can't help it!" Lily defends herself. Severus feels a rush of warmth at the indignance in her voice. "It's like breathing, Tuney, it just happens."

Tuney glares. "You're not supposed to," she repeats sullenly. She turns away and saunters back the way she came. "Hurry up, Lily!" she calls without turning her head. "Or I'll tell Mummy you were doing you-know-what!"

Lily sighs sadly but does as her sister says and trudges away, her feet scuffing against the pavement and a disgruntled expression on her face.

Severus waits for her to disappear before dropping painfully to the ground. He doubles over, wheezing and gasping from the pain shooting through his thigh, but not even that can take away from the joy he felt while watching Lily. She has a certain charm that has managed to reel him in completely, despite him having seen her only twice, and he has the rather odd thought that he would take a bullet for her.

It's then that Severus finally starts to accept how badly she's affected him. She's inadvertently introduced him to a whole new side of life, one filled with sunshine and ecstasy and perfection and beauty, and he's not sure he can ever go back to the world he left behind. He has to get to know her better, he thinks to himself, if only so he can have a guarantee of perpetual sunshine.

He's an addict, and Lily is his drug.