The chapter that was supposed to segue into "Past the Dark" before I used the trousers of time on the story. This also includes the anal version of the end of chapter eleven.

For those of you who want the Cliffnotes version, Sam and Sybil have decided to exchange lists of sexual fantasies.

.

.

.

Sybil handed him the other sheet of paper. Sam was clearly unhappy with many of the ideas. At one point, he had to stop reading and look away. He did smile at some of them and one made him snort.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked.

"You said you want me to make a meal based only on foods I can stick inside your pussy."

"I wasn't sure about that one. I thought you would say that it's sick."

Sam laughed softly.

"No, that's not it… well, it is sick, but I just can't do that because I'm a bad cook."

"You smiled at some other ones."

Sam blushed vibrantly and looked at the floor.

"I really um, that is… I didn't think you would…"

"Spit it out Sam," she said impatiently.

"I'd love to see you… but I don't think Angua would consent to that." He glanced at her tentatively.

"Oh, don't be like that. I just think she's beautiful. I have absolutely no intention of leaving you but if ever I had to make out with a woman, it would be her. That doesn't mean I would let you two have an affair. Is that clear?"

Sam nodded curtly and traced a finger down the list. Sybil held her breath.

"I can't do the one with the hardboiled egg. That's something I would never do," he said with firm conviction.

That's strange. What does he have against eggs? Why hasn't he mentioned the most obvious ones? I thought he'd refuse those right away. Maybe he just doesn't want to even talk about them.

Sam compared all of the lists quietly. When he met Sybil's eyes, his expression was uncertain and sad.

"There are a few of these that I also have on my list. I… didn't think any of them would match. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Oh no, does that mean the ones he hasn't addressed are things he's been forced to do or are they things he just didn't expect me to want?

"Would you try them with me?" Sybil asked nervously. "I won't be like her, I swear."

"I don't want to have to go out and actually purchase any apparel. I'd prefer to not own those things, but…" He got that faraway look in his eye again. "I shouldn't be saying this, but… I also… I mean she would… Damn it Sybil, I want you to put things inside me! She would make me… and, I liked it. I know I shouldn't and it doesn't make sense but I really did." Sam paused, but continued before Sybil had a chance to speak. "I hated being tied down, but the idea of you doing it to me makes me hard! I hated that other man, but…"

Oh gods! Is he… he wouldn't.

Sam turned bright red and started shaking fearfully. He was trying so hard to look as small as possible.

"I hated it when he was there, but… I want to feel it again. I want to make love to you with… someone… I just can't!"

Sybil watched him with her mouth hanging open and her cheeks flushed. She blinked.

"Wait, you're seriously considering this? Why did you say no to Angua then?"

"I can't have sex with another woman. That's adultery."

Sybil placed her hand over her eyes.

"You're saying that you'd go against your sexual preferences just so I can have a threesome? I didn't imagine you would even think about doing that, especially with another man."

"I think it's the best option."

"You don't have to agree to either of them!"

"I want to. I have to. I hated it before but that's the point. That's why I made you pretend you were choking me. I had to know what it felt like to be touched like that by someone I could trust."

"You do know that a threesome normally involves three people right? I can't think of any men who love you other than Carrot, and that's just because he loves everyone. This is just weird. I didn't expect this at all."

Sam blushed and looked down.

"I'd rather you choose someone you're familiar with. Someone you never got to ask. We're married now, so I don't really mind if you pick someone better than me… It's okay."

"Sam, there is without a doubt no one better than you."

He didn't look very convinced. "Maybe Willikins?"

"No," said Sybil sternly, "there is a reason I only address him by his last name."

"Should I be worried?"

"Hell no, he's perfectly trustworthy."

"But—"

"I'll tell you about it later. The important thing is that we have to pick someone else. It's not supposed to go like this. I'm not even sure I want to do this. I know I wrote it down but now that I think about it maybe we should wait."

"It's not going to get any less traumatic over time, Sybil. I can't forget how it felt. I just want you to know too."

"The thing is that I would love to have a threesome with you, but I don't want to hurt you in the process. I don't want to make it worse."

"There is no possible way for you to make rape worse than it already is. When you're with me, everything is automatically better."

Damn it, why does he have to say things like that?

"At least let me see the damage first. I'll decide after that. Maybe I can make it enough for you on my own."

"It's not… like that."

"At least let me try. You never know."

Sybil had gone out and bought some beads. Sam had asked her not to buy things like that, but she had convinced him about the beads.

Sam admitted to playing with himself. He hated what had been done to him and was ashamed for craving that stimulation again when he knew he shouldn't want it. Sybil was overjoyed that he actually liked anal play. She had been worried that she would never get to share something that she loved. She enthusiastically agreed to show him how much better it felt when done properly.

Sam lay down on his side and bent his knees to his chest so Sybil could see his asshole.

"Well it actually looks pretty normal to me," she said.

"No it's not. I can feel it. Something is wrong."

"You mean this?"

"…yes," whispered Sam.

"I don't know what it was before but now it just looks like a skin tag or maybe a light colored mole."

"But it still doesn't look right…"

"It's fine. I don't really care one way or the other. Assholes aren't exactly pretty to begin with. A little bump thing isn't going to make it more ugly. To tell you the truth, it might have formed afterwards. You don't eat enough healthy food. Constipation is not funny and hemorrhoids can cause a lot of damage. From what I can see, it's nothing to be worried over."

Sam relaxed a little. Sybil could see more of his asshole.

"Oh I see. That's what you're on about."

"What is it? What do you see?" He automatically tensed up.

"I can't see it properly when you do that."

He relaxed again.

"That's interesting."

"Don't say that like I'm one of your sick dragons."

"Sorry, it's just that I want to try something."

Sam made an indecisive sound.

"Oh don't worry. I'll be gentle."

Sam moved so she could reach him better. He flinched when she touched him.

"That didn't seriously hurt did it? I barely did anything."

"No… it just… nevermind."

"Hey, this is convenient. There's this dip on the edge here. I could probably just slide my finger right in. Hmm, not quite. It's a little too small. Can you loosen up a bit?"

Sam made a conscious effort to release the tension in his muscles. Sybil's finger dropped in easily. Sam's asshole twitched indecisively. He craved more but was scared also.

"Um…"

"The skin looks like it was torn there. Knowing you, you probably didn't get it properly sutured and it just healed that way."

"I don't trust doctors."

Sam kept the answer short because Sybil had pushed her finger in further. She idly stirred it around while she spoke.

"What's really strange is that there isn't a lot of scarring. From what I've heard, that woman was ruthless. I expected her to have just torn you up completely. This doesn't match."

"She wouldn't touch me there. She said it wasn't hygienic. There was… He… I don't want to talk about it."

Sybil pulled out her finger and rolled over Sam so she could lie beside him face to face.

"Now will you tell me?"

Sam paused and his cheeks turned bright red. Sybil waited. She held Sam's face gently in her hands. Sam looked down.

"I told you before that there was… a man too. He wasn't always there though…" Sam stammered quietly.

Sybil buried her head in Sam's chest. She didn't want him to see her red face. Sam held her tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have told you."

"No no no," she said, her voice muffled. "I'm surprised and um…" Sybil didn't want to finish that sentence. She guided the conversation a different route. "Do you know who he was?"

"No, I never saw his face. He always blindfolded me."

"He was different from her. I can tell," said Sybil.

Sam's anger suddenly boiled over.

"That bastard wasn't any damn different! He could have helped me but he joined in instead!"

Sybil flinched at Sam's sudden outburst. He caught himself and caged in his anger.

"I'm sorry."

"You have every right to be mad, but I won't let you take it out on me especially when you haven't let me explain myself yet.

Sybil looked him in the eye. Sam looked anxious as if she would attack him at any moment.

"Sorry…" Sam muttered.

Sybil sighed, "That man wasn't the same, Sam. I've taken a good look and it's all healed surprisingly well. Either you have super butt hurt regeneration powers or the damage wasn't as severe as you thought to begin with. It's obvious he raped you, and that's not excusable, but I feel as if something is missing. He couldn't have been as sadistically psychotic as that woman was. He was a different branch of evil."

"He couldn't have been just a stupid thug though. He must have known what he was doing if he managed to make you feel good enough to want it again even after all that. Try to remember what he was like specifically. Split the memory and look at him as a separate factor. Isolate him. Assume he has no connection to her other than through you."

Sam's nose wrinkled up.

"I don't think I can… I don't remember well." He didn't want to remember it well.

"Start with just one instance where he was there." Sybil was not taking the hint or maybe she just chose not to.

Sam's face turned fearful. He closed his eyes and tried to remember.

"Keep your eyes open, Sam."

Sam focused on Sybil's face while he searched his memories.

"There was ginger beer," Sam said. "It hurt like hell. Eventually, I learned to position myself so that it felt…nice. He stopped doing it after that."

Sybil waited for him to continue but he didn't.

He caused maximum pain without leaving a lot of marks. I don't think I know what to say about that.

"He liked playing with me as if I were some kind of doll. It was humiliating. I might have been able to tolerate the pain a bit better if he hadn't been so demeaning."

"What do you mean a doll?" asked Sybil.

"Feathers…" said Sam quietly. "Ribbons… Flammable things."

"So he was the one who…"

Sam scrunched his eyebrows together and tried to remember. Sybil could feel him trembling.

"No, but he was there." Sam whispered uncertainly. "I heard him. I think he… left?" Sam moved his shoulder blades trying to shield his scar from view. "It was lace of some sort. Even if that bastard didn't start the fire, he watched me burn."

Samuel stayed silent for a long time clutching Sybil and staring at nothing. He didn't cry or shake. He lay there paralyzed.

"Sam?"

Sybil's voice brought his mind back to him and he started to sob. He held her tightly as if she would melt away at any second. He pressed his body into her soft skin desperately trying not to wake up from the dream, the ephemeral illusion of a woman who could never exist in his life. He wanted to be a part of her so she wouldn't disappear. He wanted to be inside her and stay in her love forever. His body wasn't enough. He wished he could sink past her skin and be completely covered by her. He wanted to hide inside her and let her pick apart his soul piece by piece. He wanted to believe that she could wash away all his pain and fear. He wanted the fantasy to be real. He wanted these things so much, but he knew he would never deserve them.

"It hurts…" Sam whispered.

This angel in his arms could not possibly be there. She was a glimpse of happiness, a taunt from fate, before reality caught up with him and took her away. Stories like this don't come true for someone like him.

"Please let me stay with you, if only just a little longer. Don't make me let go… I can't be alone again."

"I promise I will still be here tomorrow," said Sybil.

"It's a lie."

"No, I'm serious. I have nothing better to do tomorrow than stay here with you. I've actually cleared my schedule just in case you wanted to, I don't know, spend some time with me."

"A joke then?"

"Sam, all of humanity is a joke. It's best just to play along and laugh a bit on the way." Sybil smiled warmly and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Does that mean you'll let me stay with you?" he asked.

"Of course it does. We went over this before. I love you. You make me smile. That's more than anyone else has given me," she said.

She kissed him passionately. Sam welcomed her inside and obediently surrendered his mouth to her. It was only her tongue, but still the sensation of having her inside him was intoxicating.

"Can you… I want you to touch me inside."

Sybil smiled radiantly.

"Let me show you what I can do."

After a bit of preparation, Sybil pushed her slick finger into Sam's asshole. He made a sharp breath and tried to relax for her. She made sensual circular motions and cupped his cock with her other hand. Sam adjusted his hips so she could more easily insert another finger. The healed break in his muscles made the transition much smoother. She pushed her fingers further inside. Sam's asshole clung to her on the way out. She stroked his dick and licked the area around her fingers. She twisted them gently trying to loosen all of the muscles equally.

Sybil stirred her fingers around inside him. She drew them in and out searching for a specific point. Sam gasped and she knew she had found it. She rubbed her fingers right up to the edge of it and pulled back. She pushed a tiny bit further then retreated like a wave on the sand but Sam wanted to jump right in.

"Please, Sybil. It felt so good."

She touched just outside the area. Sam whimpered longingly. He shoved his hips backward and Sybil's fingers hit him deep inside. He swayed his ass and pumped himself as Sybil stayed still. She smirked and suddenly jammed her fingers directly against his prostate. He moaned loudly as she massaged it back and forth. She stroked his cock and made him hard.

"You've got to… to stop," Sam panted even though his body obviously thought otherwise. "Don't do this… Oh but it feels amazing!"

Sam's moment of indecision made Sybil cautious. She slowed down and slid her hand off his dick. Sam moved away from her fingers and sat on the bed trying to steady himself.

"Thanks," he said. "It's getting harder to stop myself around you. Sorry, I got carried away." He looked at her genuinely ashamed of himself. "It can't just be me. That's not right."

"What if I want it to be just you?"

Sam looked at her incredulously. The idea was inconceivable to him.

"But it's not supposed to—"

Sybil kissed him and cut his words short.

"I can choose to do it this way just like that woman chose not to. I want to watch you enjoy it knowing that I'm the one making you feel this way. I want to play with you and show you I am better than that man because I can do it right."

"No, I don't want you to, I mean, you don't have to… it's just that, I'll be too far ahead of you. I'll come before you and I won't be able to continue and you'll be mad because I'm already causing problems and you shouldn't lose a chance because this is our honeymoon and you're supposed to have more than this but I'm being such a coward that I can't give you what you want and if I come now then I won't be able to do it again for a while and there's a limit to the amount of days the honeymoon is so if I take one all for myself then I'm cheating you out of an important part of why we're here to begin with!"

Sybil burst out laughing. She tackled Sam and rolled on top of him. Her laughter made her boobs jiggle tantalizingly.

"You're right. The honeymoon isn't long enough. It's too bad you have so much work you need to do after we get home. Now that you've retired your schedule is too jam packed for you to have sex with me. If only we had some money set aside so we could stay here longer."

Sam glared at her.

"You didn't have to say it like that."

Sybil retrieved the new set of anal beads that they had purchased earlier and rolled one between her fingers. She gave him a quick peck on the tip of his nose.

"How about you get on your knees and let me have some fun. I'll have you make it up to me next time if it's so important to you."

That seemed to satisfy Sam enough for him to agree. He got on his knees and used one hand to spread his cheeks. He blushed vibrantly.

"Thank you…"

Sybil prepared Sam's ass with plenty of lubricant. It was chilly but he didn't care. The sensation of his wife's fingers diligently stretching him out was forefront in his mind. Her warm fingers dug inside him and slowly relaxed his muscles painlessly. He felt a sense of loss when she pulled out her fingers. For a second he feared that she would simply stop just like the man in his memories. He froze at the thought of what the woman would do afterwards.

Sybil put a stop to his misplaced fears. She pushed a bead inside his ass and heard Sam gasp. His hole swallowed it and was still open for more. He raised his hips higher in anticipation. She forced in another one, slightly bigger than the last. Sam's asshole twitched. His body shuddered as she put in another one.

"Keep going," he moaned and spread his legs wider.

Sybil buried two beads right after the other. Sam's breathing grew heavier. He knew there was only one left. He groaned in pleasure as Sybil gently pushed the last one in. Sam's asshole closed around it drawing it inside. It twitched making the end of the string jump. He moved his hips and moaned as the beads shifted inside him. Sybil pulled on the string.

"No not yet. I need to remember this," said Sam.

"Huh?"

"I'm making nice memories to put beside my old ones."

"So they cancel each other out?" Sybil guessed.

"Not really. They're both still there, but it's more like they're connected. It's hard to explain. It's like a balance scale, but not anything like a balance scale because metaphors just don't cut it in this situation."

"So is that a good thing?"

"I'm not sure, but it's not bad… I think."

"Should I take them out now?"

Sam lay down on his side so he could see Sybil. He bent his knee and held it in the air. He reached down and pulled a cheek to fully expose his asshole. Sam looked at his wife with soft eyes.

"Yes, that will be a heavy memory to add to the good side of my insufficient metaphor."

Sam focused entirely on his wife. The anticipation was killing him.

Sybil supported his hovering leg and left a trail of kisses down his thigh. She caressed his cock with infuriating gentleness and watched her husband's pleading expression. She tugged on the string in in short spurts never letting out too much per pull. The first bead started to come out but Sybil pushed it back in with her finger until the beads were even deeper than before.

"Please don't leave me like this."

"What do you think I'll do, just get up and walk away?" said Sybil sarcastically.

Sam swallowed hard suddenly uncertain. The man from his memories had used beads too. The thought made him shiver. His face fell and he looked away from her.

Sybil leaned forward. She slid her hands up his body as she laid herself on top of him. She tilted his head and kissed him. Her lips were warm and loving.

"No matter what," Sybil said. "I will never walk away from you."

She went back and settled comfortably between Sam's legs so she had a view of both his face and his ass. She passed her hand over different parts of his crotch and drew on the string.

Sam closed his eyes and relaxed. He focused entirely on the sensation of the beads passing through his muscles one at a time. Sybil pulled slowly but with just enough speed to satisfy him. She watched his asshole grow and shrink as it reluctantly gave up each bead.

Sam moaned when he reached the end of the strand. It was the feeling that he wanted but didn't get back then. This was how it should have gone. This time it was right simply because Sybil was the one doing it.