Forgot to mention this in the first chapter but obviously I don't own anything just borrowing .
"So what are you doing tonight" Rebecca, one of the other waitresses asks me at the end of my shift.
"Nowt much, same old same old"
"Aww Iz, it's your birthday, you can't just be staying in, you have to celebrate," she has this pitying look on her face, but it is not like I'm not used to that, I had to finish high school after all.
"Jake was supposed to be coming, but he couldn't make it. Anyway I'll be fine, I have a pizza, bottle of wine and an action packed thriller with my name on it" I try to smile, but I must fail because the next thing I know she starts talking about how her boyfriend is the bartender in this cool club across town an how we are going tonight.
"No bex, really I will be fine at home, you know I am not really a party animal"
"I know but I'm bored and wanna go out, come on Izzy your not gonna make me beg are you?" She has that look on her face, you know the one people get when they know they have won, which of course she has.
"No, please don't beg, just tell me the time and place."
"just meet me here at 7, we'll have something to eat before we go, trust me we are gonna need to line our stomachs" she says with a wink as she walks off.
Great. Socialising not really a favourite pastime of mine, though I suppose it will give me something to tell Renee and Charlie. This will please them, they are always looking for signs that a part of me, or the old me, exists. The one that can make friends and have fun. I do feel bad about the way I am now, about the way I worry them, but no matter how bad I feel I can't change it, too much of me is missing now.
Another not so favourite pastime of mine is shopping, which I will have to do because surprise surprise my wardrobe doesn't really have anything in it suitable for a night of partying. Wow even thinking the word makes me shiver. I can't even remember the last time I got drunk, well I can but I choose not to, it was the summer before he left and thinking on those times does me no good. I wonder what type of a drunk I will be, because lets face it if Rebecca says we are going to need to line our stomachs then I am definitely going to be getting drunk, I mean I've already established that I can't say no to her.
An hour later I am in one clothes shop or another, I mean they are all the same to me, looking through the racks for inspiration to hit, some hope huh. A young pretty sales assistant takes pity on me, or comes over to gloat, I really don't have much experience dealing with people anymore, unless they are ordering food that is.
"Do you need any help?"
I open my mouth to make the standard no thanks reply when I think maybe I do. "Yea, I'm going out tonight and I don't have anything to wear," I look around helplessly. "Or any idea where to start."
The girl laughs, definitely gloating wow who knew mean looked so pretty, oh wait I did. "That's okay, that's why I am here." She's smiling. "Where are you going tonight?"
"Umm….clubbing" I am confused, and then there is that laugh again. I mean is it a laugh, is it a giggle? Yep confused.
"Cool, well that I can work with" she says, she seems nice maybe she isn't gloating
Then she starts picking random clothes of the racks and holding them against me, most of them she just shake her head and puts back, but some she keeps a hold of.
"Any preferences? I am sorry but what is your name?"
"Um Izzy?" Why do I make it sound like a question? "My name is Izzy"
"Cool, I'm Amanda"
"Hi" wow when did I become some bad at talking to people.
"So …." she, Amanda, trails off.
"Huh?"
"Any preferences? Any colours a complete no-no? would you prefer trousers or dress? Do you hate halters, anything at all?" She ask, when I look at her properly I see that her smile is really friendly.
" Not blue, I don't want to wear blue"
"Cool, nothing blue. Well lets get to work then."
A full 2 hours later I am completely fitted for tonight. I mean 2 hours trying on clothes, shoes even coordinated jewellery, it was ridiculous. Apparently Amanda takes fashion very seriously. I mean she was a star really, I am not the best at playing dress up, I moan and have been known to tantrum, of course that didn't happen, but the ghost of who I once was started to show through a little, even though it was only a very little.
I now have, what I have been reliably informed is, a killer outfit for tonight. I have been told how to wear my hair, and how to apply my make up. I also have in my procession, some of Amanda's prized make up collection, because apparently when I explained what I had it wasn't good enough. This does mean that I have to go back to the store in a couple of days and drop it back in, when she is next on.
I get home and notice my answer phone is flashing, 2 messages, well I know who they are from.
"Happy birthday baby, how is your day going? Call me back. I love you." My mom
"Happy birthday bells, sorry I missed you, you must be at work. I thought you finished a 11. Well bye" My dad, always so awkward.
I rang them both back, had the usual conversation, and, like I thought, they were both pleased about the club thing tonight, in fact they were so pleased about it, that it made me think that maybe I should come up with stories for them about my social life so they don't have to keep worrying about me.
I arrive at Eclipse at 7 like told to meet Rebecca, she isn't there so I take a seat at the bar to wait. Jennifer comes up to me.
"Happy birthday Izzy" She smiles.
"Thanks boss"
"Rebecca running late?"
"Yea"
"Good to know it's not just work she's late for." She smiles. "Have a drink on the house Iz, Damien get the girl whatever she wants." She tell the barman, pats me on the back and then walks away.
Damien smiles at me. "So what's it going to be mon cherie?" he's not French, he probably doesn't even know what he is saying, I know I don't.
"White wine please?"
10 minutes later Rebecca turns up. "Wow Iz, you look good"
"Thanks, I had help" she looks at me questionably so I elaborate, "Sales girl." and then I get the look of understanding.
Amanda had chosen a pair of shiny black trousers and a red halter neck top, sounds simple enough but I have to admit I had a hard time recognising the girl in the mirror.
"Cool, lets eat"
So we sat down and ate, talked about random things that didn't mean much, not that anything means much at all to me.
Once the food was finished and the wine was drank (free bottle on the house, perks of being the waitress who never says no to a shift) we moved on to the club.
The club, Midnight Sun, was packed. Apparently Becca wasn't making it up about being the height of cool. She led me straight to the bar, looking up and down it, and her whole body seemed to change when she spotted what she was looking for. What she was looking for turned out to be a brown haired, brown eyed boy, who was fairly good looking I suppose. I'm really not a good judge of these things, lets just say my ability to appraise a boys looks has been forever compromised.
"That's Matt, he said he will come over and talk if he gets chance tonight, but I don't think he will," she told me with a smile, one that ripped at the edges of the hole inside me because I knew that I would never smile like that again.
A slight, fake smile was all I could offer up as a reply to that comment, but she carried on without a second glance at me, "how about we get some drinks and go find a seat?"
"Yes to the drinks, but good luck with the seat" I said looking around, it really was busy in here.
"I have my ways" she told me, with what can only be described as a cunning smile, and then turned back to the bar.
Four hours, and an untold amount of alcohol, later, which did, I am fairly certain, contain at least 5 shots, we were still in the seats that Rebecca had managed to secure for us. She had at some point tried to get me up to dance but I refused and when she tried not to take no for an answer I pulled out the birthday card, so she contained herself with just getting us both as monumentally out of our heads as possible.
Someone brought us another round of drinks, and then kissed Becca.
"Matt," she slurred, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Hey baby, " then turning to me, "Izzy, right?" I nodded. He then came over and hugged me, "Happy birthday. You two having fun?"
"Umm.. Yea thanks"
"We are, but Izzy won't dance, you'll dance with me won't you?"
"I would love to sweetheart but I have to get back, lots of thirsty people tonight you know" he threw me a knowing wink, me and Bex could definitely be described as one of those people tonight.
I looked up and I saw them kissing. All of a sudden I felt the dinner I had eaten at Eclipse fighting it's way back up, I stood up and quickly excused my self. Luckily there was a cubicle free, so I ran straight in, making it just in time to throw up.
After I had emptied the entire contents of my stomach and what seemed like hours, but must really have only been a matter of minutes if that, I sat on the cold, dirty floor trying to remind myself why it was pointless to cry. You see I had done that. 1 year 3 months and 6 days after he had left I was cooking dinner for me and Charlie, and the floodgates opened. I just started crying and I didn't stop for what felt like months, well what actually was months. I would wake up on a morning and realise that the perfect dream I just had where he came back and told me he was sorry and had never meant what he told me that day in the forest. That it was all just an act because he wanted me to be safe and away from the danger that he could so easily put me in, was just that, a dream and I would cry. I would try to eat to appease Charlie, and I seemed to be able to keep just enough down to keep me out of the hospital. This went on for 2 and a half months until that little voice in my head managed to convince me that it was pointless, that it wasn't going to bring Edward back to me, because no matter what I did it wouldn't change the way he really felt, the simple truth that I wasn't, aren't and never will be good enough for him. So I stopped crying then, and sitting here now I knew it was useless to start crying now, because I knew it wouldn't get me what I wanted. So I stood up, wiped my self down, went and washed my hands and checked how bad I looked in the mirror, when I looked presentable enough, for some one who had drank what felt like more than her own weight in alcohol and was out in a club a 1am, I went back to the table and found Bex on her own.
"You ok?" she asked, concern lacing her drunken voice.
"Of course" I lied easily, picking up my drink and continued drinking till the bar shut.
I must have been drunk though because at one point out of the corner of my eye I swear that I saw Rosalie, but when I looked again all I could see were a group of giggling girls dancing, one was blond though so that must have been it.