Selfish Chapter one, a naruto fanfic

Edit-- Revised

Chapter One

She watched her husband pace the room. After the funeral procession, Sasuke had felt as though his wife was unnerved because the unfortunate event. Sakura absentmindedly dabbed her eyes, smudging her eyeliner. "Are you worried… you know, about—?"

He scoffed, throwing her a glare. "She was weak. Sakura, who do you think you married? I'm not worried about me…"

Her lips quivered as Sasuke's dark eyes searched her, seeped into her soul. It's me—he is worried about me, she thought, crossing her arms, ashamed.

"You shouldn't worry about me. You should look after yourself; it's you that carries a bloodline..." Sakura mumbled as she leaned forward, bringing her knees to her chest. Her body trembled as her face reached the love seat's plush surface. So, they've finally infiltrated Konoha, she thought, gazing toward Sasuke.

They sat in the living room surrounded by dim lights and tapestries of dark hues of reds, greens and blues. With his head hung and arms limp between his legs, he slumped over. The coffee table held firm as he grasped its sides for support.

"You were Tsunade's apprentice," her husband mentioned as he pulled off his shirt. "You have special abilities."

Sasuke sat beside her. He pulled her to his lap and Sakura straddled her legs around him, tracing the scars on his chest with a tentative finger. It means a lot . . . that you still care, she thought, biting her lip. They had not been married for long, but, as the days strolled by, they seemed to grow further and further apart when it was customary for young couples to grow closer by day.

The day of Hinata's death had actually marked the first time Sakura had seen her husband in a month. If only the reminder of the day would fill her with cheer, but, the despair and angst was too much to handle.

Silence hovered over them, draping them in a suffocating veil. It squeezed her chest and filled her with the love she held for Sasuke. "I leave for another mission the day after tomorrow," Sasuke broke the silence, tearing the veil.

"I know . . ." mumbling weakly, Sakura's eyes stung with fresh tears; she titled her head away from him so he could not see her tears. It was not the time for pity and doubt—she needed Sasuke to believe in her strength.

However, the dark-haired man noticed her distraught despite the attempt at closure, embraced her, and played with her hair as silent tears ran down his chest. "Come with me."

Sakura's heartbeat doubled, quickening at his command, yet, she managed to suppress further emotion. Formulating a response, she inhaled deeply. "You want me to come on a mission with you after you beg me not to join ANBU?" she asked calmly, closing her green eyes.

Looking into her eyes once more, he muttered a reply; "I didn't beg." A second wave of silence crashed against their rocky shores. Unaccustomed to an over-protective husband, Sakura digested what he had stated, forcing a small smile.

"I was Tsunade's apprentice. I can take care of myself," her words were muffled as Sasuke had pulled her in closer. Sakura blushed slightly. Pondering as to why, she realized that her husband had not presented her with love and affection in a long time. In actuality, it had been a while since either of them had been so... close. He must be really worried.

"You should rest," she mumbled, kissing his chest. He chuckled softly, closing his eyes as she rubbed his chest. He was tired, and slowly, he leaned back against the love seat.

Ever since war had officially been declared between the Sound and the Leaf, Sasuke had willingly gone out and fought; Sakura knew Sasuke felt obligated to do so. The days Sasuke was away from the bloodshed, a dull carcass of a man would remain; his mind, body, and soul belonged to the war effort. Whatever it was that had Sasuke tied to an iron clasp, chained the ground had the man struggling for his heart's desires. Sakura hoped the moment would come when she could heal her husband of his distraught, killing the thing keeping his entirety from her.

Yet, she had to feel responsible; she was of no use and everything she did either angered her husband or had him worried. None of it was her fault, she knew that but, it was pointless for her to persuade herself-- it wouldn't stop her from feeling miserable.

Perhaps, her insecurities and Sasuke's 'what ifs' kept them from growing closer. The emotional baggage they dragged behind, alongside them, would only tear them apart.

What if he had not run away; what if he had killed Orochimaru when he had had the chance, before he created such strong bonds with the Sound Village? Sasuke had no right to blame himself and Sakura wanted to fight. But, as long as the war raged on, the two realized they could only keep from going insane by playing out their current emotions, suppressing everything and everyone else. The past was... the past, but Sasuke would never accept that. And until Sasuke did, Sakura would never acknowledge Sasuke as the man she had fallen in love with. No, that was not entirely true; she loved him no matter what.

Why can he not understand-- change? What am I thinking? He can never change, he is stubborn and it is in his nature to want to mend his evil deeds. He will never change, she thought, defeated. Everyday and anytime of day Sakura was faced with questions, ideas, and 'what ifs', and anytime she was given the opportunity to swim in the dark waters of the answers, she would run. She knew the answers and explanations would only displease her.

Every moment she sat with Sasuke, no matter how affectionate he appeared to be— feel, the thought of Sasuke having lost connection to life lingered. And it was not as if the war had changed something inside of him, he had always been that way. That just scared her. It was responsibility. She had to help him.

"Will you come?" he asked, his voice began to flood with anticipation as he tried to keep his tone staccato and calm.

Sakura's eyes widened as she fought for a straight answer. Tenderly rubbing his arms, Sakura found that she missed the lovely warmth that her husband used to radiate; the warmth and rush of his touch was gone. Though she sat in his embrace, Sakura could not bring herself to think she belonged to him. Not entirely.

Change was always a good thing, a healthy aspect of life, and maybe if she were to fight with him, he would change for the better. She would not have to worry about the distance; she could worry about him as she stood by his side. In return, they would always be with each other, protecting the other.

Leaving Konoha also seemed dangerous when he had the option of staying behind, they could start a family and he would not have to leave. The pitter-patter of small Uchiha feet echoed around.

I can't give in; he's only trying to get away. I won't let him reel me in. Nothing will lure-- Her resolve fell to pieces as his sharp gaze fell upon her once more. At a loss of words, the only thing that came to mind was to ask about the seal. It spilled from her mouth, without warning, giving her reason to feel precarious.

Acknowledging his wife's uneasiness, he responded immediately, muttering, "Fine."

Frowning slightly, she continued to ask, inquisitively, "You're not . . . drawing upon it, are you?"

Sasuke muttered about not doing so and Sakura hoped she hadn't angered him. Standing from her seat, her body felt numb as she carried herself to the door leading to the hallway outside their bedroom. "I'll be in the room if you need me..." she stated, leaning against the wall.

I wouldn't mind if you followed me, if you gave me some company, she thought, wishing Sasuke could read minds as many claimed he did.

Then, he said, "We'll talk about this later, maybe."

"Yes, really, we will. I know I'm a heavy sleeper but--" she began, sighing dismissively.

Sasuke's facial expression told her he suddenly felt uncomfortable. "We'll talk later," he repeated, conclusively.

He stood up, and Sakura thought he was about to storm out of the room and into his study as he always did when she failed to please him. Sakura opened her mouth as to retort but caught herself as the man came at her, grabbing her shoulders. Not a single trace of anger, dismay, or joy swirled in his dark eyes. Her eyes widened as he crashed his lips against hers, engulfing her with a passion she had longed for. Knees buckled beneath her, going woozy from the rush; Sasuke pushed her backwards, begging her to walk. She did so blindly, stumbling on pieces of furniture; the bumps and bruises would hold a significance of the stormy day, reminding her of his love, his passion, and his desire to live as he fought of whatever it was that held him prisoner.

His mood set the tone of his desires; he was upset and wanted nothing more to protect everyone. What had he done wrong? What had he done to bring such a misfortune upon such a wonderful and kind woman— upon his beautiful goddess?

It was his entire fault. Is it not? The damn Sound infiltrated my village and killed one of our finest; it is my responsibility to keep everyone safe. How can I do that if I can't stop the war from escalating? I should not have had to deal with this happening if I had been more careful. Someone must have spotted us and informed enemy ninja…

The day had been dark and a storm approached the village, drowning everything with the cold showers of reality. Naruto had hoped to stay outside entire day as a sign of his loyalty to her. He would have if it had not been for the nagging persistence out of his assistant's mouth; he would have remained by Hinata's side through the harsh winds and blistering cold.

A single dim lamp lit the room; the dark, empty corners taunted Naruto with rejection from an unknown source; the blinded windows and the emptiness of his office, devoid of laughter or company, enveloped him in misery.

Laying his head against the cold, oak surface of his desk, he glanced around the room. The door was closed, locked; no one would bother him for a while. The bookshelf to his right was angled at a strange angle, leaning against its adjacent wall; the tattered books and scrolls littering the carpeted floor had once stood aligned according to size. A fit of anger and a desire to wreck something had overcome Naruto moments prior to his mental lapse of temporary tottery.

His head thundered in pain, misplacing the surroundings; he wanted closure, something to replace his loss because he felt a larger pain coming from within and he knew exactly what it was. He did not want it-- it hurt so much. His poor heart ached and soon not even his closest friends would understand why he continued to sulk and mourn.

Azure eyes blinked rapidly, pain beating down on his skull every time he inhaled.

If only I had analyzed this better--, it's my fault everyone is in danger. It's my fault Hinata died. What if I hadn't taken everything so casually-- I should have acted one those threats, sending everyone to eliminate the Sound. Hinata would be alive, would she not? What if everyone had known, then I could have had reason to station ANBU around Hinata's apartment. Why wasn't I there—I should have been. He pondered, thinking back to genin years when everything seemed so easy and predictable; back when he and Hinata had had it easy; when they could fool anyone about what they had going on…

Why had we decided on no visits on nights you had to rest upon for missions? I could have saved you— killed those bastards.

He had not been the smartest of the bunch and he never risen to the occasion on command-- his solo and group missions had been a success or failure depending on the moment his heroic acts pulled through. Too, Naruto always seemed to react positively or negatively whenever Hinata was around. With her gone, what was to become of him? She had been his light.

Now, if he were to pull through the pain of losing his beloved goddess and find another source of light, he could come out and end the war. However, was he thinking clearly when pawing at the idea of sending troops out of Konoha? If he did, then, what would remain? He hoped that a strong village would await the mighty ninja, the soldiers who fought against the opposing forces. But, what if everything went... wrong? What if another woman had her eyes gouged out, leaving her love without someone to hold at night; leaving him the lone, cruel satisfaction of once have a goddess of his own?

How silly, Naruto believed it could happen to anyone else when, obviously, it was a threat, a taunting slap in the face. The Sound was playing with him, sending him a message; 'what's wrong, can't you find the courage to beat us once and for all? How long are you going to let us come into the homes of the weak and take what they hold dear? Can you not hear us coming? Maybe, just maybe, you didn't deserve her.'

Sighing deeply, running his hands through his hair, he let the matter lie until tomorrow. Either way, Naruto knew he had time before he would be forced to do anything, before Konoha was engulfed in flames and sent to the fiery pits of an unconscious hell. He could wait but waiting could bring blame upon his shoulders if something were to happen as he hid. Because, things had been going wrong and the luck Konoha's Hokage and fellow ninja were experiencing would only escalate. Because things always went wrong.

Author's Notes: This was Version 2.0 of Selfish-- Chapter one. Like it better? Did this clear some things up? Hopefully I do alright in explaining some thing in Chapter two.

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