2

I had no idea what Jedi training entailed. All I knew before Meena and I started at the school was that we would live there until our training was complete. It wasn't so bad. Since our family lived on-planet, we saw them in person every few months or so. I remember feeling slightly sad for the other children. Even though almost all of them communicated with their parents regularly via hologram, they were still missing personal contact. After all, you can't hug a hologram.

We learned much in our time at the Jedi Learning Center. Our courses included everything from History and Diplomacy to Fencing and Force Technique. I never could choose a favorite class. I had always been a curious child, and I grew to a curious young man. I always wanted to learn something new. Perhaps that was why I seemed to excel at all my courses. Meena was not the same way. She had to work at all her classes, whereas I never needed to until we were more advanced students. I must admit though, her work paid off. She was almost as good as I was. Almost. I felt sorry for her sometimes. She worked so hard, and yet she always fell just short of the levels of success I achieved. I felt so guilty that I, on occasion, threw a duel in fencing class or deliberately did a bit worse than her on an exam. It was usually enough to boost her confidence from time to time without losing any of my edge. Our training years passed without incident, and we were then to be assigned as Padawans to Jedi Knights. Due to Meena's exceptionally hard work and determination, she was ready to be assigned a master at the same time I was.

The Master assigned Meena to Fiara Thelosia almost immediately. I however, was not assigned so quickly. I remember the days that turned to weeks which in turn became months. They were all filled with waiting. Other Initiates became Padawans quite regularly during that time, and I couldn't figure out why I was being passed over. So, I waited. Day after day, I trained as I had before. No. That's not true. I trained harder. I trained harder than I had ever dreamed I could, because I had a feeling deep inside that I was not assigned because I wasn't good enough. As good as I was, I was convinced that I was still inadequate.

And so, for nearly a year, my days were filled by physical training and my evenings by more scholastic and spiritual practices. I took breaks only to engage in the most essential activities, such as eating. Except for once a week, when I would contact Meena and Fiara via hologram. They were both so happy, and Meena was doing so well as a Padawan. And yet still I remained at the school, my obvious talents going to waste. If I wasn't assigned within the month, I would be ineligible to ever become a Jedi Knight.

In truth, I was growing to think I didn't deserve to be one. After all, I broke the Jedi Code every day. Every day that passed without my assignment, some emotion took hold within me. Sometimes it was hate, other times it was fear. But most of the time it was envy. Meena was Fiara's Padawan. Meena, who had at first seemed destined not to be a Jedi. And to Fiara, of all Jedi. Fiara, whom I had befriended during our time at the school on Corellia. I admit that sometimes, I wondered whether Fiara had even tried to secure me as her apprentice. Sometimes I even thought I had done something to make her specifically ask that I not be her Padawan. But the weekly conversations would invariably quell those doubts. Especially the final one.

It was a week before I would be removed from the Order, and I communed with Fiara and Meena, as per usual. We made the usual small talk and updates before we came to an awkward silence. I don't remember how long it lasted, but I know it was only as long as it took for me to get the nerve to ask the question. "Fiara," I said at last. "Yes, Konrad?" she replied. "You said you're coming to Corellia in a couple of days, right?" I asked.

"Yes."

I looked at the floor, not sure if I should even suggest this before asking: "Will you take me as a secret apprentice?" "Konrad!" Meena gasped. "You know that's forbidden by the Order! Knights can only have one Padawan at a…" "Hush, Meena," Fiara interjected. She turned to face me. "Are you sure this is what you want, Konrad? You know there's nothing they can do to prevent you from training yourself." "I know," I answered. "But I want to train with you and Meena, Fiara. Besides, if I train myself, there's no guarantee I won't kill myself." Fiara allowed herself a small smile. "Alright, Konrad," she said. "Meet us at the bottom of the steps at midnight when we arrive." Meena looked at Fiara in alarm. "But, Fiara. What will they do when they find out he's gone?" "Child," Fiara said. "Do you know how many younglings like your brother run away rather than be sent where the Order wishes? The number might surprise you." She looked back at me. "We will see you in two days, Konrad." Then she ended the transmission. I immediately broke the Jedi Code again by feeling a rush of joy. I would be a Jedi after all! And then I returned to thinking about my new situation. No, I thought. I'd never really be a Jedi. Even if I returned, fully trained and had single-handedly destroyed the Sith, they would never accept me into the Order. And all because, even if they never knew I'd been trained in secret, I would have returned to be recognized as a washout. It was then that I began to truly question the Jedi way of thought. For all their vaunted power and enlightenment, they were nothing more than bureaucrats. For them, it wasn't about what you did, or how you distinguished yourself from the rest of the galaxy. It was about whether you met the deadline or not.

I spent the next two days as I had spent every day during the waiting. I trained. I did what I could to completely master any technique I could. I managed to defeat the top swordsman of the official student body in a lightsaber duel. Not that anyone cared. They all knew I was headed for shipyard or someplace similar. But to me, it affirmed that I had become as accomplished a swordsman as I could against younglings. I anticipated many practice duels with Meena. And I aimed to win them all. She had had her time in the spotlight. She had been a Padawan while I was not. She had her confidence by now. And if she didn't, it was hardly my problem.

The night I was to meet them, I packed what few belongings I had into a satchel, except for the lightsaber I had built. That I clipped to my belt. I hated that blade. It was just like everyone else's who had built one in that lightsaber class: a praetor style hilt with a single green crystal inside. I fully intended to keep it, but I also wanted to build a new one. One that was unique to me. Indeed, it would be imperative that I do so. The ones we built were training blades, capable of only bruises and minor burns. The old one would be a reminder of how the Jedi Order had betrayed me. I put up the hood of my robe, shouldered my satchel, and swept off towards the front steps of the school. I sat in the shadows of the sidewalk for a while, until I saw Fiara and Meena pull up in a speeder. I jumped in and we were off to wherever they'd left their ship. I looked back at the school for a moment, and I thought I saw a flash of a cloak flapping around the corner of the building. I convinced myself I was mistaken and we continued on.

When we arrived at the starport, I loaded my satchel onto the ship and rejoined Meena and Fiara at the bottom of the entry ramp. Fiara immediately pulled me close and whispered into my ear. "Behind us," she said. "A youngling dressed in Jedi robes. Do you know him?" I made as if to look behind us, but Fiara hissed. "DON'T. Look back. Do you know him?" "Yes," I answered. From what I had seen, it was the Ithorian boy I had defeated earlier at the Learning Center. "Really," said Fiara. "Because I only remember agreeing to take one secret Padawan." "I didn't…" I fumbled. "I…he's…not with me. I beat him in a duel earlier. He's probably going to go tell the Master." Fiara looked genuinely frightened for a moment. I knew what she was risking, and I didn't fault her for that fear. Her very place in the Order was at stake.

"Konrad," Fiara said. "I require that you pass one final test before I take you as my second, secret Padawan." "What?" I asked. She glanced back behind us briefly. "You have been taught the Mind Trick?" she asked. "Sort of," I replied. "Very well," she said. "I need you to use it on that boy. Make him forget whatever he saw." I started to go complete my task. "But," Fiara said, pulling me back. "Do not let him see your face." I nodded and turned to make it so. But anger flashed through me at the nerve of that boy, to follow me, and no doubt tell someone of my whereabouts. He would cause Fiara and me to be permanently expelled from the Order. And the Jedi would no doubt kick Meena out for good measure. It was unacceptable. The Mind Trick was not sufficient for that despicable moron. A dark impulse came to me, and I acted on it.

I nonchalantly passed Meena and made a bit of small talk, taking care to hide my face. I managed to use a slight version of the Mind Trick on her, so she wouldn't think it odd that I was asking what I was. "Meena," I asked. "You've built a fully functioning lightsaber, haven't you?" Meena beamed at me and began to regale me with a long story of how proud she was of her fully functioning, blue-bladed lightsaber. I used the Force to pull her lightsaber to me, while simultaneously using it to attach my training blade to her belt. "Meena," I said, using the Mind Trick again. "I think Fiara wanted to talk with you." Meena set off to find Fiara, while I, knowing the Ithorian would follow me, set off for a shadowy corner of the starport.