Two years later, it was Kasumi who came up with the idea.

It didn't take long before she decided to ambush Shepard in the elevator. "Hey Shep, just wondering why you haven't signed up yet? Even Zaeed's name is on the list."

Shepard looked up from the mission debrief in her hand. "What list?" she asked.

"Secret Santa, what else?" Kasumi answered with a smile. "Maybe Jacob will draw my name … I mean purely by chance, of course."

She was so busy dreaming about the Cerberus soldier, she didn't notice Shepard tensing up next to her.

Not for the first time the Commander wondered why the elevator took so damned long to get anywhere.

The master thief turned to face Shepard again and frowned a bit when she saw her expression. "You don't think it's a good idea?"

"No, no, sure. It's actually a great idea. Get everyone together, because we don't have time to go home for the holidays." Shepard tried to shrug the memories off, without much success.

"Well, what is it then?" The disappointment in Kasumi's voice was painfully obvious.

"Nothing," Shepard shook her head. "Forget I ever said anything." She gave her friend the best smile she could offer.

Kasumi wasn't fully convinced, but she wasn't about to start an argument over something her commander obviously didn't want to talk about.

Shepard felt a wave of relief roll over her, as the elevator finally came to a halt and opened it's doors. While she walked out, Kasumi continued. "Anyway, the list is in the mess hall. Just make sure you sign up before the next trip to the Citadel. That's the deadline."

"I'll be sure to check it next time I come down for coffee." She waved with the datapad she'd been holding. "Work, work, work."

Kasumi started to think about how to make Jacob draw her name again as the doors closed. Shepard didn't know what to think.

A few hours later she found herself leaning on the kitchen counter, coffee mug in one hand, datapad in the other. It was the sign up sheet. Not just Zaeed, but even Grunt had put down his name already. So had almost everyone else in her squad. She did notice the one name that was missing though.

The sound of the main battery doors opening pulled her out of her thoughts. Garrus looked like he was searching for something, but stopped when he found it in Shepard's hand. "So you're not sure either, huh?" he deduced from her expression as he walked over to her.

"Yeah." She paused for a moment. "I know it would be a welcome distraction for everyone, especially with this crew, but I just can't get Ashley out of my head," she replied with grief in her voice, putting the datapad back on the table she'd picked it up from.

Garrus simply nodded slowly. "It's a shame we never actually finished it the first time around. I had found this brilliant anti-nausea medication for Wrex. He always did take your Mako rides the hardest."

"Hey, that's not fair. I always got us where we needed to go in one piece, right?" She knew what he was trying to do. But somehow it worked anyway. He always managed to distract her, when she needed it the most.

"You forgot to mention the psychological trauma we all have to live with now," he replied sarcastically. "Speaking of psychological trauma, is that really Jack on the list? I wonder, what would she give away." He looked down at the names in disbelief.

"Maybe a free tattoo at her favourite studio on the Citadel?" she replied with a grin.

Pleased with himself for having brightened up the mood, he picked the list back up. "Well I could use one of those," he said, pointing towards the right side of his face. "How did you put it again? Just slap some facepaint on it and no one will notice the difference?" He quickly signed the list and handed the datapad to Shepard.

She looked over the names again. "So you think we should give it another try?" she asked him, unsure about her own opinion now.

"Sure, it's not like we're heading out to some suicide mission that might cancel the whole thing three days before the big party again, right?" he replied with a smirk.

Shepard just shook her head, but she was smiling as she signed the list herself. "Just like old times then, right?"

"Just like old times."

Neither of them had really been prepared to see the other. The tension in the air, as he refused to believe her, had been unbearable. Both of them knew, he was overreacting. But seeing the woman he loved … had loved? … for the first time in two years, after being told she was dead … and she just had to be with Cerberus.

If she'd been back with the Alliance, maybe she could have convinced him to join her. To have Garrus back at her side was nice, but she missed her biotic … lover? … friend? She didn't really know anymore. But as it was, they were going separate ways.

After that Shepard wasn't really in the mood for Christmas. As the Normandy made her way to the Citadel, Shepard took the elevator down to the mess hall and crossed her name off the Secret Santa list again.

A few weeks later she saw some of the presents being tossed around, such as a seat pad for Samara, a bottle of whiskey for Donnelly, and similar niceties.

She was sitting at her desk when the message came in. Seeing who it was from, she almost didn't want to open it. But he deserved a second chance. "Okay, you've got one line to convince me," she muttered to herself.

Shepard, I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon.

She loaded the rest onto a datapad, walked over to her couch and poured herself something to drink. Reading it thoroughly, she started to smile a little. "Merry Christmas to you too," she said quietly and read it once more before putting it down.

Maybe next year, she could convince herself to actually see a Secret Santa through.