A/N Thank you so much for all the response to the first chapter. I honestly did intend it to just be a one-shot, but I realized yesterday as I watched the latest episode, "October Surprise" that I actually feel inspired to continue writing alongside the episodes as they air to fill in the gaps. I couldn't help feeling disappointed with some aspects of episode 6 as I have been anxiously waiting for more scenes showing Olivia coping with her ordeal, but they seem to have brushed it aside already. I did think that the scene in Lindsay Anderson's apartment was significant though, even though it was downplayed a little. I was also inspired by the growing friendship between Olivia and Barba, as you will see when you read this chapter.

Anyway, assuming there is still interest, I think I might continue to add to this story. Please let me know what you think though.

Also I'm thinking about changing the title now that it's morphing into something more... I'm not sure. I will think about it a little over the weekend.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. S x

2

"Are you hungry? I'll make you something."

"No I'll grab something on the way to work," she told him with a quick smile. She hated him fussing over her. She knew he was just trying to be the supportive boyfriend but she just wanted things to be normal and his offering to make her breakfast was hardly that. They usually just grabbed a pastry or something on the way to their respective jobs. She wasn't even certain they even had anything much in the way of food in the apartment anyway.

"Liv, are you sure about going in today?"

"Bri, we've been over this," she sighed impatiently. "I need to do my job. Sitting here dwelling over events I can't change doesn't help. I need to be out there, helping victims. It's the one thing that makes any sense."

"I'm just worried about you," he said, stepping closer, debating on whether he should pull her into an embrace or whether it would just irritate her further. Sometimes he found it extremely difficult to know what it was she needed or wanted. He had never been with anyone so fiercely independent before and it was disconcerting.

"Don't be," she said, taking his hands in hers, leaning upwards and pecking him on the lips. "I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Sure," he said resignedly. "Do you fancy going out for dinner?"

"If you like…" she replied neutrally.

He watched her disappear out of the door. It was so frustrating feeling like he wanted to do more to help her somehow, yet being constantly pushed away like this. He had assumed that moving in together would move their relationship on. He had even been thinking about eventually popping the question, but she was so distant lately. He knew it was almost certainly down to the trauma she had been through and he knew he shouldn't take it personally and just give her time, but even so he couldn't help worrying that this was some kind of slippery slope. It didn't help that he was so busy, more often than not pulling double shifts as he tried to get back into the department's good books. He knew he had a hard slog ahead of him both at work and with Olivia and it was exhausting to say the least.

She hurried up the steps to the precinct and slipped inside, her nervous anticipation instantly alleviated. Brian had tried on more than one occasion to convince her to let him take her to and from work since she had returned to the SVU, but she had refused, determined that she wouldn't cower away from doing the things she had always done. She told him adamantly that she refused to let Lewis continue to adversely affect her life. Of course outside alone, especially in the early hours of the morning or evening, she was always skittish, her senses heightened as she stayed alert to any kind of potential threat. Lately the mornings had begun to get darker as autumn settled in and winter approached and she wondered if maybe she should start accepting his or even her partner's offer of a ride soon. This morning when she stepped outside it was barely light and the streets were so quiet. It thoroughly unnerved her.

She almost jumped out of her skin when Barba seemingly appeared out of nowhere, joining her as they headed upstairs.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's fine. I didn't see you there."

She could feel him staring at her and she stopped and met his gaze questioningly.

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering how you're doing. Really I mean."

"I'm doing okay," she said quickly, horrified as she wondered for a moment if Cragen had showed him that report. Had he showed everyone? Did they all know? The thought of walking up there knowing that they had all pictured her being raped in their minds made her suddenly feel unsteady on her feet. It hadn't been so bad when she had been able to tell them all that yes she had been beaten, tortured and physically abused, but the thought of them knowing Lewis had gone that extra step, that she had been violated so horribly, that she was a rape victim, it just nauseated her. How was she supposed to look them in the face when they knew she had been tarnished in that way? Even as the thoughts raced through her head, she knew it was ridiculous, that her colleagues would never think like that, that what had been done to her didn't make her dirty or contaminated, that it was Lewis who bore the shame. Even so, it was hard to shake off the feeling. It was also hard not to dwell on the fact that on some level she blamed herself and that if she did, maybe they had all questioned if she was at fault too.

"Liv! Let's sit you down for a moment!"

She could hear Barba's voice, but it seemed so distant. She was aware of his hand gently resting on her arm and she complied as he led her towards a bench that was just a little way down the corridor, but it felt surreal. For a second she wondered if she had actually blacked out. Then she felt him helping her down onto the seat and things began to come into focus again.

"Was it a flashback?" he asked her.

She shook her head slowly. What was it exactly? She wasn't sure.

"Try and slow your breathing," he instructed her. His hand was still on her arm, but his touch was strangely soothing. It somehow grounded her. It kept her in the present, as the past threatened to envelop her. She followed his example and gradually her breathing rate slowed. Then the embarrassment hit.

"I'm sorry about this…" she began awkwardly.

"Don't even think about it," he said quickly. "It happens."

She nodded gratefully, knowing he was trying to downplay it for her sake. She still couldn't help feeling exposed, but he was so unassuming, so surprisingly accepting that she found herself relaxing a little.

"You know if you ever need to talk, anytime, I'm here," he said.

"Thanks," she said, sensing his sincerity. It was strange, but for a moment she wondered if it would really be so bad to take him up on that offer sometime.

He accompanied her upstairs and made no mention of what had happened downstairs again. As she threw herself into investigating their latest case, her unease lifted and she was reminded that working really was a wonderful coping mechanism for her. Thinking of others certainly stopped her thinking about herself.

At lunchtime Brian rang as he often did and she sneaked upstairs into the crib to take the call. He informed her he had booked a table at the little French place where they gone on their first date after becoming an official item. Glad she had something to look forward to that evening, she returned to the bullpen reinvigorated and keen to continue on with the case. She and Amaro were scheduled to pay Lindsay Anderson a visit at her apartment, as part of the follow-up they usually carried out after a rape victim came forward.

As they stepped inside her apartment, Olivia looked around anxiously, taking in the strewn clothes and general mess, trying to force the memories of her own apartment from her mind. It had been two months since her attack, yet stepping back in there, seeing the physical evidence had triggered more than one flashback and had left her feeling shaken for days. Even though this place had a completely different lay-out and decor to her old apartment, the general disarray held enough similarity that she found herself involuntarily tensing.

She took a deep breath through her nose, determined not to show just how affected she was right now, banking on Amaro being more focused on Lindsay than on her. Then her gaze fell on the cigarette and she found she couldn't take her eyes off it. Lindsay sucked in slowly, leisurely breathing out the vapor which circled upwards, gradually thinning before disappearing out of sight. She watched it mesmerized, fighting the memory of the last time she had seen cigarette smoke so close, desperately trying to force the image of Lewis out of her head. She could feel the heat of the cigarette as he brought it almost to her skin, lingering for a few moments as she hardly dared to breathe lest the outward movement of her chest cause her to come into contact with it, then he had pushed it into her anyway, twisting it sadistically, her pain and terror heightened by the sickening smell of her singed flesh.

"Er, would you mind putting out your cigarette?" she said stonily, her voice emotionless, not betraying the turmoil of emotion that she was hiding inside.

Despite being informed it wasn't even real, she was still unable to relax.

When Lindsay challenged her, requesting to speak to Amaro alone, she feigned irritation, but the truth was she was never more relieved to escape. Outside in the corridor she leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath as she tried to compose herself before her partner reappeared. By the time he joined her, she had regained her equilibrium and she led the way down to the car, glad he hadn't asked her yet again if she was alright; a question she was thoroughly sick of.

Back at the precinct, Barba pulled her aside as she made her way towards the elevator.

"How's it going?" he asked and she knew he wasn't referring to the case. For some reason though, his question didn't irritate her as it would normally coming from anyone else. She could see the genuine concern in his expression and she had the impression that he actually wanted to hear the real answer.

"You know it's up and down," she said honestly, surprising herself. What was it about this guy that he could break through all her defenses so easily as this? Even her old partner had never broken through some of the walls she had in place.

"How's the counselling going?"

"It's a process," she sighed. She was still officially attending the sessions, but she had to admit that lately she had felt like she had been standing still, uncertain if they were actually doing any good. She hadn't even been since she'd had the results of the rape kit. She had cancelled the last couple of sessions before that anyway, making the excuse that she was too busy at work. It was exhausting going over and over the emotional impact of her ordeal, not to mention the other issues she preferred to avoid. She had felt like a brief rest and decided it wouldn't do any harm.

"You'll get there," he said encouragingly. She could hear the assured confidence in his voice and she wondered how he could be quite that certain given the limited amount of time they had actually known each other. It was sweet though, she decided as she watched the little light flicker on above the elevator doors signalling its impending arrival.

"I spoke to Amaro just now," Barba continued, sensing her need for a return to work-related conversation. "So you visited Lindsay Anderson?" The elevator doors opened and they both stepped inside.

"Yeah. She recanted you know?" Olivia said, pressing the button for their floor.

"I heard. Then she told you Eddie came in the store with his wife! No chance! He hasn't seen her in three years…."

Brian had called her again, asking her if it was at all possible she could get off early to get ready as he had booked a table for seven. Given all the overtime this last week and the fact that her Captain still acted like he was terrified she would crack like a china doll under the slightest pressure, she knew that it wouldn't be a problem, so she promised him she'd be home by half past five, which would give her an hour to get ready before they had to leave.

She realized as she headed home that it had been a while since she had dressed up for a night on the town and that she was looking forward to it more than she had thought. It reminded her of normality: of life before Lewis and that was something she wanted to grasp with both hands. For one night she was determined to put all of it out of her mind and just go out like normal couples did and enjoy spending some time with her boyfriend. It still made her smile as she thought of him in that way. She had spent so many years single and alone that even now, sharing a place with him, she could still sometimes barely believe it. It was true they were different in so many ways, but he was a decent man and he had stood by her through all this. For that she was more grateful than he would ever know. He deserved some fun himself. He'd been through a lot lately himself. It was then she decided on the blue dress.

When she finally emerged from their bedroom, ready to leave, his jaw fell open in surprised appreciation.

"My God, Liv," he breathed. "You look absolutely beautiful!"

"Why thank you," she said awkwardly. "You're looking pretty fine yourself," she added, running her eyes up and down his figure. She never had been able to resist a man in a nice suit. He grinned, then slipped his arm through hers, leading her downstairs to the waiting taxi eager to embrace the night ahead.