The dinner was going easier than Bella expected. It wasn't full of awkward conversation, Emmett spent most of the meal raving about Bella's cooking.
"Fuck," he practically shouted after one bite. "This is the best thing I've eaten in forever."
"I'll be sure to tell Rose you said that," Edward said with a smirk.
With his mouth still full of food, Emmett smiled widely at his brother. "Whatever. She knows she can't cook."
Letting out a light laugh, Edward shook his head.
"Who's Rose?" Bella asked quietly.
"My wife," Emmett grinned while waggling his eyebrows. Holding up his large hand, he wiggled his fingers to display his wedding band.
Against her will, Bella's eyes darted to her own naked ring finger and then across the table to Edward. When his eyes caught hers, after making the same trip, she quickly looked away. As she watched the setting sun drop into the ocean, she drew a steadying breath. Attempting to calm her hammering heart she plastered a smile on her face to hide the hurt.
In that brief moment, Edward had seen a flash of some unnamed emotion. He couldn't be sure what it was, but it shook him deeply.
"When did you get married?" she asked finally, hoping that no one had noticed much lag in the conversation.
"It's been almost a year," Emmett said with a nod, still grinning widely.
"Congrats." Bella tried to force some enthusiasm into her voice and smile as she said it, but the smile never reached her eyes. She found herself glancing over at Edward, he was staring hard at the plate in front of him. Guilt settled into the pit of her stomach. "I'm happy for you, Emmett," she said softly.
Emmett was the only member of Edward's family that Bella had ever come face to face with. When the pair had met, Edward's parents had been away on some humanitarian aid mission. It was something that they'd devoted themselves to once their children no longer "needed" them. Though, they'd since discovered that children always "need" their parents. Falling hard and fast for one another, Bella and Edward wed only months after they met. They both swore they couldn't be without the other. Emmett was the there to sign as a witness when at their courthouse wedding. Honestly, he'd fallen in love with Bella too; the sister he'd never had, he was all to happy to be there for the two of them. Edward on the other hand, didn't meet a single member of Bella's family until she had left him.
He held her letter in his shaky hands the entire plane ride to Phoenix. Shutting his eyes and rolling his head back, knocking it lightly on the headrest several times, he wanted nothing more than to guzzle down several of the mini bottles on the flight attendant's cart. Of course he wasn't legally of age and there was no way they would serve him.
Removing the letter from the envelope again, he read it for the umpteenth time. It wasn't much of a letter.
Edward,
I'm sorry. I just can't come back.
I can't do this.
I love you, Bella
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Blocking the words on the page from his vision. It didn't matter though, he'd already memorized them. Her words, though few, both spoke volumes, and somehow,said nothing at all. Edward was confused, and for the first time in a long time,the confusion wasn't alcohol induced. He knew that Bella hadn't written the words lightly. Bella never did anything lightly.
When he arrived in Phoenix he took a taxi directly to the return address on envelope. He had a bad feeling immediately. The house was just like the others lining the street but somehow it just seemed to have less life to it. It didn't feel like Bella at all.
The driveway was empty. Edward told the cab driver to wait as he slowly walked up the front path to the house. Giving three short raps to the door, he waited. The heat outside was heavy and oppressive, Edward could feel beads of sweat forming on his forehead. After pressing the button for the doorbell, he ran a hand through his hair andhe contemplated his options. Edward wasn't sure if Bella was even here. There had been an accident, what if she was at the hospital with her mom now? And what hospital? She could be any number of places, really. He knew one thing for sure, there was no way he was going to leave Phoenix without seeing her. Hopefully he wouldn't be leaving Phoenix with out her. Still he wondered how long he should wait here, at this house.
He couldn't send the cab away because he'd be stuck if things with Bella didn't go well. His stress level steadily rising, Edward quickly rang the doorbell twice more. Finally he heard sounds inside the house. It sounded like something clattering to the floor. Another moment passed and there was shuffling near the door. Edward could hear the locks turn andtook a deep breath before the door swung open.
An overweight and disheveled looking man stood in the doorway. His eyes were blood shot and an unlitcigarette hung from his lips. Swaying a little he placed one hand on the doorjam to support himself, before mumbling in a gruff voice, "'the hell do you want?"
The thought occurred to Edward that Bella had written an incorrect address. He couldn't figure out a reason for that though, if she didn't want him to find her she didn't have to write an address at all.
"I'm looking for Bella," Edward stammered.
"Bella ain't here," the man slurred.
With his mind swirling, Edward inhaled a quick breath. The cool air that was coming from the house was stale and smoky; not at all refreshing as he'd hoped. For a moment, defeat registered. As Edward's face fell, the corner of the man's mouth twitched. Edward was sure he was taking pleasure in pain that was engulfing him. That thought flipped a switch inside of him.
This asshole knew Bella and probably knew where she was. In that moment, he was the only thing standing between Edward and his Bella.
"Where is she?" Edward asked in a forceful voice.
"Who the fuck are you?" The man gestured as he spoke, pointing his fat, grubby finger straight in Edward's face.
It occurred to Edward that he knew nothing about this guy. As hurt and angry as he was, he needed to think things through and be smart about this. The ass at the door was obviously drunk, and for the first time in a while Edward wasn't. Taking a deep breath, Edward assessed the situation.The last thing he needed was to get into it with this guy, that wasn't going to help him find Bella. Edward decided he needed to keep his cool and not upset him further, if he could help it.
Letting out a sigh, Edward answered, "I'm her husband. I just need to know where she is. I need to talk to her."
The man laughed and Edward could almost feel the shift in his demeanor. "Yeah, she told us she got married. That girl has done some dumb things in her life, but that one topped 'em all." His laughter caused him to cough. A hacking, rough cough , and Edward took a step backwards. Shoving a hand out to Edward, the man finally introduced himself, "Phil Dwyer."
Edward eyed the outstretched palm warily, he'd recognized the name at once. This man, who was obviously drunk at eleven in the morning, this was Bella's stepfather. This was the man who Bella and her mother had lived with since Bella was six. Edward felt guilt wash over him. He'd let his wife, who he claimed to love so much come down here and deal with this; on her own. His eyebrows knit together as he reluctantly took Phil's extended hand.
"Edward Cullen." He took a deep breath. "Can you tell me where she is, please?"
"Hell if I know. Came down here, bailed Renee out, put her in rehab and left."
Edward's heart stopped. "She left," he breathed out. "You don't know where she went?"
As much as it hurt it, didn't surprise Edward that Phil had no idea.
Emmett could tell his brother had drifted to where ever it was that he went sometimes. It was something he did often after Bella had left; he just totally checked out. While Emmett had gotten used to it, it still hurt to see his brother so... heartbroken. He'd hoped with seeing Bella again it would be different. Of course they'd both thought she was single when Emmett had that thought. Looking across the table he found Bella pushing the food around her plate while chewing on her lower lip. Emmett could tell she was uncomfortable. Hell, he was uncomfortable too. He knew had to do something to try and push past this tension though. It was what he did. And he'd done it so well until few minutes ago.
"So, what have you been up to Bella?" he started.
"Um, I was living in Washington with my dad for a bit."
Edward's perked up a bit at this new information. "Your dad?" he questioned.
Bella set her fork down and sighed. "Yeah," she answered quietly.
Edward was trying to keep his emotion in check, but he was desperate to know anything and everything about his wife. Ex wife, he corrected his line of thought. Even if he had waited too long. Even if she was no longer his. "I thought you hadn't talked to him in years?"
Her teeth sunk deeply into her lower lip. "I hadn't. I just went up there and found him. I didn't know where else to go."
Edward penetrated her with his gaze. "You could have come home?" he whispered. The heartbreak was evident in his voice.
Bella's mouth was dry. She shook her head slightly before managing to force out some words. "I couldn't." Her voice was so soft she was sure Edward wouldn't hear. She couldn't think of a way to explain or justify. Though she hoped now that he was sober he could understand, at least a little.
Closing his eyes he braced himself for his confession. "I know." He couldn't bring himself to look at her.
Bella's eyes snapped to his face. She could see his regret etched in every line of his beautiful features.
They were both reminded of Emmett's presence when he cleared his throat. "Um, your bathroom?" he asked Bella.
While she directed him downstairs, Edward sat and massaged his temples. He was glad Emmett had distracted him when he did. He didn't want to share the details of his trip with Emmett.
Emmett had his phone out before he was halfway down the stairs, texting Rosalie. It was his hope that she could give him away out of this. Edward had been right he shouldn't have come, but he couldn't miss the chance to see Bella again. To say a goodbye of his own; though he had actually hoped this could be a new beginning. He resigned himself to say a final goodbye to Bella before he left, since he wasn't sure he'd get to see her again. That thought left him with a heavy heart. In the short time they'd known each other Bella and he had become close. The void she left in Edward's life, was nearly as big as the one she'd left in Emmett's. Emmett had been luckier than his brother, while his life was nearly filled now with Rosalie. He still missed his little sister though.
"I've missed you," Edward confessed once he was sure he and Bella were alone. He still refused to make eye contact. He shut his eyes tightly before blurted out his second confession in a quick breath. "I went to Phoenix."
His words hung in the air for several moments while Bella worried her lower lip. "When?" she finally whispered.
"When I got your letter." At his admission, Bella inhaled sharply. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
Bella was playing dumb and it pissed Edward off. Tugging at his hair, he finally met her eyes. "What happened with your mom? How bad it was? What you were really coming from? Anything? You never told me any of it. How was I supposed to know? We were married Bella. Married. Legally, partners. You understand that, right? What that means? You were supposed to tell me things. I was supposed to know."
Feeling as almost as though she was being scolded, Bella kept her eyes glued to a spot on table. Edward was right and she deserved this, and so much more. "You're right and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she breathed.
Sorry wasn't enough, they both knew it. Edward had opened him mouth to say as such, but Bella continued before he could. "I had never told anyone. I didn't even know where to start... I was wrong not to tell you." Her quiet words tumbled out in a rush and she hoped that he would know they were the truth. After a beat she drew her eyebrows together, "but, would it really have changed anything?"
He wasn't sure if she was actually asking or thinking aloud, but he answered anyway. "I don't know, Bella. But, it would have been nice to have the chance." Both of them were quiet for a moment. "I went to rehab."
"You told me that, earlier today."
"After I went to Phoenix." Bella swallowed audibly. "So, I guess it did change something," he said flatly.
"It wasn't you, Edward."
He flinched at her use of his name. That was someone else. Edward was the drunk who chased off the love of his life with his own stupidity. Of course it was him, again, he opened his mouth to speak but she quickly continued.
"It was me. I didn't want to be her. I couldn't be her." Bella let out a humorless laugh. "Except, I totally was. When I left. It's just what she would have done. It was just what she always does." The reality of that statement was sobering to Bella. "I fucked everything up. I'm sorry and I just need for you to know that."
For him, it was hard to believe. It was hard to know if she was telling him the truth. Though, whether it was the truth or not, Edward had never thought about it like that before. He'd always figured it was him Bella had run from. Here she was now, trying to tell him reality was that she was running from herself. It was a concept he couldn't get a grasp on.
The two of them sat quietly for a bit. Both processing Bella's admission.
Not wanting to go back to the heavy conversation, Bella broke the silence with the most mundane, safe, question she could think of. "So, what have you been up to?"
Running a hand through his hair, Edward let out a breathy laugh. He knew this tactic, the changing of subjects when there was something she didn't want to talk about. It lightened Edward's load to know that maybe he still knew her. This was her signature move. She had always pulled this and he'd always gone along with it. Maybe that, in part, led them to where they were now. It was such and familiar pattern and so easy to fall back into. Though there was still so much to be said, he let her have this. He let them both have this. Knowing how she liked, no, needed time to process things. Tonight there was a lot to process. He was sure they would get back to this eventually. Edward would make sure of that as long as she didn't run again.
"I teach music, at a high school. And some private lessons." He looked up into Bella's eyes, he couldn't help but smile at what he saw there. She was genuinely interested in what he was saying. The slight lift in the corners of her mouth told him how happy she was for him. Teaching music had always been his dream. "And I surf, a lot," he added. "What about you, are you teaching?" he jumped once again at the chance to find out something about her.
Bella's teeth sunk into her lower lip. "Um, I'm kind of in between jobs right now." She shook her head slightly. Edward's smile had morphed into a look of confusion. "With the move and all."
When they'd met they'd both been in programs at Loyola, both had the intention of teaching high school; him teaching Music and her English. At the time they thought they couldn't have been any more of a match for each other. They had pictured themselves teaching at the same high school, while living in their perfect house with the white picket fence. Obviously they had been wrong.
When she had left Edward, Bella couldn't bring herself to continue to study English. She'd tried. She taken classes at the community college in Port Angeles where Jasper taught, but it was too hard on her. The stories and books she'd always loved so much, reminded her of Edward. She could see pieces of him in every character. She hated to admit to him though, that she had given up that dream, their dream.
"Oh. Yeah," he muttered. "How'd your interview go today?"
"Good. I hope." She looked down at her hands before continuing, debating how much to share with him. "It's just a part time position at a camera shop. But, the discount will be nice. They have dark room supplies," Bella answered softly.
"Huh." Edward was quiet for a moment, pondering how little he knew about this Bella. "You take pictures?" She nodded once in response. "Did you take any of those?" He pointed back into the living area of the house.
Bella nodded again. "Pretty much all of them," she answered softly.
"They're beautiful," he stated honestly. He wanted to add that it didn't surprise him, but was afraid that would be too much. Everything she did was beautiful.
Bella flushed slightly at the tone of his voice. "Thanks," she answered quietly.
It was then that Emmett came up the stairs, deliberately taking heavy footfalls to warn them of his presence. Immediately, he could tell the mood between the two of them had relaxed and he couldn't help but smile. He was sure that if they could just get past what had happened, whatever it was that had happened, the two of them could be happy together again. Fate had brought them back together again, they were supposed to be together. Emmett knew it, even if they didn't yet.
Before he could sit, Emmett's phone started singing New Kids on Block. Bella quirked an eyebrow at Edward, who answered with a shake of his head. Emmett simply shrugged. "Rose loves this song," he said, before fishing the phone from his pocket.
~~OO~~
Keeping with his routine Edward found himself walking down East Cliff Drive to the stairs at 36th Street in the morning light. There was a slight change to his normal routine though. A change that made Edward begin to think that there was something wrong with him. A week ago he wouldn't have parked where he had. There was no reason to walk these extra couple of blocks. He was stalking his ex wife, at least that was probably how the law would see it if anyone ever found out. He couldn't help himself, now that he knew where she was he just needed to be as close as possible. To see her. To know she was safe. He regretted leaving the house shortly after Rose's call the other night. There was so much he still needed to know about her, and so much he still needed to tell her. Emmett's glare on the ride back to his place had lead Edward doubt his actions even more.
Today he was sure his stalker tendencies were paying off. He was finally rewarded with the most wonderful sound, Bella's laughter. Though it wasn't for him, the sound still made his pulse increase. He should have just been happy with that, but again he couldn't help himself. Reaching up, he ran his free hand through his hair as a decoy while he chanced a look at Bella's house.
He spotted her immediately. She stood on the second floor patio, where he'd eaten with her five days... and million years ago. A tight fitted tank and equally fitted cropped pants hugged curves she hadn't had when he'd known her. One of her muscled legs was extended behind her as she balanced with an arm outstretched. He'd never seen her so graceful. Remaining on her foot she moved her hands down to her hips, turning her head toward the house and saying something Edward couldn't hear. His heart ached at the changes she'd made without him in her life. It clenched further when her second laugh was accompanied with someone else's.
Jasper stood up and placed himself beside Bella, glancing out toward the water before he did. As Jasper's eyes scanned past him, Edward realized he had stopped walking.
"What the fuck is wrong with me," he murmured to himself, as he forced his feet to move.
a/n- yeah it was a long time. yeah i suck like that.
i struggled with where to end this chapter, but this seemed to work best for the two of them. the next chapter is done pretty much done so i should be able to post soon- barring any unforeseen disasters. if you liked it let me know.