The next day.

Kakashi awoke with a slow, languid stretch. He had no missions today, and the blankets were particularly warm and comfy. The lunchtime sounds of the village made for excellent background noise. There were--"Fuck. What time is it?"

The night before flooded back to him: walking the streets of Konoha, eventually making it to the academy, wandering the halls and reading the little papers about love, getting doused with paint...losing Volume 1 of the Icha Icha series...somewhere in between, probably in the academy. The academy that he was supposed to have infiltrated for an Icha Icha search-and-rescue this morning. Before the students arrived. "Oh."

Rolling out of bed and toeing on his sandals, he deftly attached his weaponry, shook out his hair as best he could, tossed his eye patch on the kitchen table, tied on his hitai-ate, pulled up his mask, activated the genjutsu that would hide the paint, and slid Volume 2 into the pouch at his side.

As he passed through the door, an idea occurred to him. Biting his finger enough to draw blood, Kakashi summoned Pakkun. The small brown pug obediently poofed into place and waited patiently for the mission parameters. "Pakkun, I've lost one of my books. Could you scout around town with me and see if you can find it?"

The nin-dog leveled an apathetic expression at the Copy-nin. "Is that a direct order on official business, Kakashi?"

"Uh...no?"

"Good. Not gonna happen. I don't want my nose anywhere near your porn collection." Kakashi could have sworn he heard the dog chuckle, though Pakkun's features didn't betray any hint of humor.

He dismissed the summon with an arched brow and an annoyed pout hidden safely behind his mask and stalked out of the apartment. Shrugging and rolling his eye, Kakashi locked up and--"Fuck." The key broke off in his lock as he rotated it a bit harder than was necessary. He mentally added "Locksmith" to his to-do list with a huff, then turned and slouched toward the academy, glancing discreetly into bushes and bare flowerbeds along the way in the hopes that he might catch a glimpse of the bright book cover.

At a crosswalk, he saw a chuunin girl carrying it. His book. Ah! Kakashi hurried toward her, grabbed the book, and held it up triumphantly. His eye catching on the title, he scanned the words a second time in disbelief, "What's Happening to My Body? A Young Kunoichi's Guide."

THUD!

The book hit the ground a full two seconds after Kakashi was already gone from sight.

Passing Gai many blocks later, Kakashi slowed to a halt when he heard the man calling his name. Could be interesting. Effecting a bored stance and glaring vaguely in the other jounin's direction, Kakashi waited.

"My Eternal Rival! Where are you going in such a display of youthful exuberance?"

"Gai, I don't have time right now, sorry," Kakashi drawled and pretended further boredom.

The flamboyant shinobi raised his hands in defeat. "Ah, so hip, brushing me off like that! But--"

"I should be off. My Icha Icha book's been stolen and hidden somewhere between here and the academy. Probably in a place where only an elite ninja, such as myself, could--"

Attempting to hold back what suspiciously resembled a grin, Kakashi's longest-standing friend puffed out his chest and stood tall. "What! Esteemed Rival! The score is still 42 to 43; I must defeat you in a Youthful Challenge! I shall find it first, or I shall climb the sheer side of the Hokage monument 500 times without the use of chakra!"

Kakashi vaguely lifted his head toward Gai, having let his eyes roam a bit, and mumbled, "Did you say something?"

Gai's face changed from kindly and heroic to mottled and red in a matter of breaths. Snapping into his patented "Nice Guy" pose, his voice rang through the clear afternoon air. "How could you--Gah! Do you doubt my Youth and Vigor!? I will find your book, my Hip, Modern Rival, no matter what it takes!"

Kakashi glanced around, taking in the scenery with a sigh. "Eh, if you must..."

It was, as Kakashi knew, exactly what Gai had been waiting for. The man in bright green peered at him from beneath thick black eyebrows and bushy hair. "It is my solemn vow!!" The last Kakashi saw of Gai was a cloud of dust as he tore away in search of the book.

Gai had a flair for the dramatic, but he wasn't stupid. Kakashi was sure he'd seen a smirk settled in behind his friend's wide grin. With a small smile of his own, he started moving again. If both of them looked, the book was bound to come up.

As Kakashi neared the academy, strange things started happening. Actually, the same strange thing, over and over.

An old woman tottering out of the tea house flagged him down, pursed her lips, and asked in a very prim tone, "Shinobi-san, where is your book? So nice to see a young person who enjoys reading."

He blinked a few times, offered up an excuse, "Ehh? Oh, I left it at home today," and bowed before heading off.

A few blocks later, Kiba stopped him, "Kakashi-sensei?" Cocking his head to the side in a movement that definitely mimicked the Inuzuka dogs, he inquired, "Where's your porn?" The chuunin blushed. "I mean, your book. Aren't you always reading it when you're out?"

"It's...a long story. I really must go."

Kiba hmm'd, gave a small nod, and continued walking down the street.

Kakashi found himself wondering since when did people have the nerve to spontaneously strike up conversation with the Sharingan-wielding Copy-nin? And what is this? It's like they think I'm actually reading it most of the time. I do read often, but don't they know misdirection is a really useful skill? With a sigh, Kakashi entered the academy grounds and wandered toward Iruka's classroom. Best to start by getting rid of this paint.

Unfortunately, backtracking had taken most of the day considering he'd woken past midday, and classes had already been dismissed. Iruka was already gone, too. Plus, now that he was there, Kakashi was pretty sure he'd left his book on the windowsill, though there was no sign of the book near the classroom.

"Fuck." This wasn't going as planned.

Hoping he might have left it elsewhere in the corridors, Kakashi wandered toward the more isolated parts of the school that only he ever visited.