My reviews and PMs have asked me to continue this. Thus I will! The more reviews the more more this story will be updated. You guys are all amazing and special snowflakes in my eyes!

Trigger warning.

self harm

mention of vomit

crude humor

cussing! Always cussing! Cause real teens cuss!

Enjoy!

What really happened to Maria Di Angelo

Things were going ok. But just ok. Things are moving very slowly. Chiron has taken my weapons until further notice and I've had to resort to training with wooden instruments. Will had a schedule for me. I guess to make things easier. It was nice in all honesty it kept me from dwelling to much and kept my mind busy. I keep tracing the scars I left behind. How could I have hurt myself so badly and not remember most of it. I'm not going to lie to myself or anyone else trust I haven't done similar things to myself in the past but I usually remember it.

The worst part is even after the kiss with Will and the elation of someone liking me more than a friend but I was still feeling very empty. It was more like a constant emptiness that was filled only when Will was around. Will couldn't be around all the time though. I had some issues being by myself yet I couldn't bring myself to be around other people. I've resorted to wearing earplugs when around large groups to keep the noises down. The yellow happy pills that Will makes are keeping the intrusive thoughts away.

Also it seems I have a babysitter most of the day but they are being nice enough about it that they "subtly" catch me alone and force me to hang out with them or need my "help with something." Annabeth finds me in the morning than switches with Percy just to hand me off to Jason and Piper. Will takes me at night most days sometimes switching with Clovis which came out of fucking nowhere!

Clovis actually stayed awake when he was on baby sitting duty and was actually a pretty interesting guy. I guess going through people's dreams he finds out everything about everyone. Also he had seen mine. So he understood about my nightmares and how intense and terrifying they were.

I kept trying to summon my mother only to fail over and over again. One night I tried so hard my fingertips faded and Will spent all night singing them back to form. I wore my earplugs.

Then things started to turn again.

I woke up after a rough night to stretching my powers to far trying to find my mother only to find my step mother sitting at the edge of my bed picking petals out of a daisy. Persephone never seemed to warm to be usually referring to me as "that boy" infront of who ever was around. I couldn't blame her. I was proof of my fathers constant infidelity even though he worked so hard to win her. She was scarier than people think. Skin pale as milk and hair a dark brooding chocolate. Her eyes were purple like pansies. Objectively she was beautiful but more ethereal and terrifying.

"Hello Niccolo"

"Hi um.. ma'am "

"Niccolo I'm your stepmother you can call me Persephone"

"Ok.. can I help you? Did father send you to check on me?" I pulled my covers over me as if they could protect me.

"I've been seeing you trying to Summon Maria."

"Yeah well I'm going through something and t would be nice to talk to my mother and I'm lucky enough to be in the position to be able to call upon the dead so.."

"Your not going to find her dear"

"Why?"

"Because she doesn't exist anymore" a tear rolled down her cheek.

"What does that mean?" My face began to heat and my body started trembling. This was going to be very bad news I knew it. The worst part is when you can see it coming and that stone sits in the bottom of your stomach. Bile started to water in my mouth at her impending announcement.

"Do you know why only children of the underworld can use Stygian Iron?"

"Yeah because they vanquish monsters like permanently. It's why echnida hates us all so much we kill her children and she never sees them again."

"Correct but what you don't know is that it vanquishes all souls. Human and monsters alike"

"Our weapons can't be used on mortals. They pass right through."

"On this plain yes but when in the underworld they can destroy souls permanently"

"Are you saying my father vanquished my mother's soul?!" I almost shouted my voice breaking.

"No Niccolo. I vanquished her" tears were flowing free from her face now landing in patters on my blanket causing little flowers and herbs to bloom on my blanket.

"Why! Why would you do that! She was nothing to you! Father has had affair after affair and I know that most of them are still on the underworld! Hazels mother is still in Asphodel!" Out of my mind in grief at her words I sat up and grabbed at her. My hands tangled in her perfect hair making her look at me directly in the eye.

"Tell me! Tell me or so help me!"

"Because he was going to leave me for her! Hades had never conceived two children from the same woman! He loved her! Loved her more than me!"

"He defied the gods for you! He stole you away he hid you from them and tricked you into eating the seeds to keep you with him! He loves you! "I shouted in her face.

"Not enough. He didn't love me enough Niccolo. Ever since I vanquished her he won't touch me. Barely looks at me. Never speaks to me unless he has to. I messed up. And from the looks of it I hurt more than just him. I see you suffering and I'm so so sorry. I can't offer you much Niccolo but... you need a mother. I can't replace her and I know you hate me in this moment. But if you will let me I want to extend my hand to you. To be your mother. Adopt you so to speak. I'm so sorry Niccolo but I know your having a hard time and I'm sorry to make it harder in the moment but I felt you deserved the truth so that you knew that searching was futile. You deserve the truth more than anyone."

"I don't want your truth or your hand or anything from you! You deserve his distaste. Your not a goddess your a monster! A monster that took away a child's possible peace of mind that he could be loved!"

"You are loved Nico! Your father loves you. Your people here to love you! Even I.. I do love you. Your remind me of him. The softer side of him. The side I've loved for centuries. I know it will take time but please think of my offer. Consider it. It will always be on the table and nothing you can do can make me reconsider."

I spat on her face.

"Leave..now" it came out barely a whisper.

In a swirl of light and shadows she dissipated infront of me leaving the end of my bed covered in moss and greenery. Great that will never wash out. I'll be sleeping in a flower blanket for the rest of my stay here.

My breathing started to quicken as my tears fell and my ears rang at the news. My mother was gone. Permanently. I wouldn't even see her in the afterlife when I died. Never again would I lay eyes on my mother. I could barely even remember what she looked like. Her voice all but gone from my mind. My first language is all I have left of her. It's bad enough I may never see Bianca again since she was reborn but there was a chance.

I don't even remember running to the bathroom. I came to and realized there was vomit in the toilet and my knuckles were bloody. My ribs felt bruised and I was more ham certain my knuckles and parts of my hands were also broken. I was never going to catch a break it seemed. I started hitting my head against the wall hoping to knock myself out. I didn't want to be conscious right now I didn't want to feel right now. All I could do is wish for the numb to come back but it all seemed like my skin was peeled back and every nerve exposed and rubbing alcohol was being poured over it.

Hate and fear and pain all swallowed into one and I couldn't heave my stomach enough to expel it. I either needed more pain or none at all and neither were really an option. People never would understand why I like to hurt myself. It's a controlled pain. A way of telling myself that the only person that could hurt me is me. Like bringing a problem inside to the surface showing it on the outside. Making yourself as ugly in the outside to show all the ugliness that lies within. Then watching it heal. It's soothing. Like the problem is healing too. Then it goes away. Gone but not forgotten. A scar to remember that problems can heal and go away.

They never really go away though. Especially in my case. I couldn't move. I was exhausted. Bloody and crying on the bathroom floor again. Always me. Forever on some bathroom floor. On the floor covered in scantily clad shame. I could feel something hot run down from my forehead. I must have split my forehead open pounding my head.

Footsteps.

His footsteps.

Fresh shame came over me. Once again he would find me here. Maybe this time he would see how hopeless I am. Like everyone else he would leave. The thought made me want to vomit again even though I have nothing else to retch.

The door creaking open he rushed to me. Flushing the toilet he lowered the seat and sat me on it. Grabbing the mouth wash and a cup he made me swish and rinse and few times wordlessly. Placing the cup on the vanity he pulled me up and walked me to my bed. Sitting me at the head board and placing my legs in front of me he reached into his medical pouch and pulled out a few things.

"Will.. I"

"I already know. She explained to me what happened. I came as soon as she was gone."

"You knew this would happen huh?"

"Oh I was more than sure of it. Honestly I'm more surprised I don't have more to clean up. I'm kind of proud of you."

"Proud?! Are you fucking stupid! My hands are broken and I split my head open trying to knock myself out!"

"Yeah and I kind of expected he room to also be trashed too. One less thing I have to clean up. Thank you for not trashing the room. How much do you remember about hurting yourself?"

"Wait.. wha.. um.. I only remember the head wound. I don't remember my hands."

"Good that means that your zoned states are getting shorter and your snapping out of things quicker."

"Do you always see the good side to everything? It's annoying as fuck"

This entire time he is cleaning my cuts and applying creams and pastes to my cuts.

"Yes I'm annoying as fuck Nico. I'm also super hungry. I brought lunch."

"You mean breakfast?"

"No I mean it's 1 in the afternoon and I made sandwiches and pasta salad."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because if I don't these won't heal prope.." I cut him off

"You know what I mean!"

"Because Nico this isn't something that goes away like a headache. It's more like it goes away like cancer. It takes months of chemo and radiation to cure cancer. Not a single aspirin. This is going to take a long time Nico. I knew that getting into it and I'm going to see it through whether you like it or not."

"You deserve better"

"We except the love we feel we deserve"

"Is that a fucking bumper sticker?"

"No its a quote from a good book. You should read one sometime."

"So what you think you deserve stress and pain and a hopeless case"

"I think you think you deserve better. I think you think you deserve to be happy. Which is why you accept my help. You accept my affection and you enjoy spending time with me"

"Someone thinks a lot of themselves"

"I have enough self esteem for the both of us."

"What do you want from me Will?"

He put down the gauze and creams. Looking thoughtful for a moment he finally spoke.

"I want to go to the movies with you. I want to hold your hands no matter how broken and bloody they are. I want to be the one you scream to when everything is to much. I want to kiss you when your sad and hug you when you need it. You think your broken but your not. You are... misarranged so to speak. Your pieces are whole Nico they are just in the wrong places. I want to help you put them back the right way. The heart wants what the heart wants and at the end of the day I would rather be cleaning blood off your knuckles than laughing with anyone else."

Fresh tears welled in my eyes and my throat tightened at his words. Trying to break the seriousness I flicked at his medical pouch.

"Those are deep words from a guy wearing a fanny pack"

"Those are fighting words from someone who can barely move"

"Oh you wanna fight me"

"Oh yeah.. and I don't fight fair by the way"

"You are not a fighter Will"

"No but I will tickle the shit out of you."

"Don't you fucking dare!"

"Then leave the fanny pack out of it sir"

"Oh blow me"

"Don't tempt me"

Blush

"We are not quite there yet my dear."

"Ya... well.. I... um"

"Your adorable when your flustered"

"Shut up Will"