A/N: First off, I'd like to appoigize for how late this is. I fully take all blame, well, at least me and my life take blame. -.- So, no more blabing from me, oh wait, one more thing. Could you PLEASE take my poll? It helps me determine where to go with my writing. :) Thank you soo much. And please leave fully honest reviews. Even if my story stinks, tell me. Now, without further ado, introducing:
I watched as N slipped his long, pale forearm deep into his jacket's opening. When he had removed his arm, it revealed a thin hand full of old pieces of ratty newspaper clippings. A thought hit me. Could he really know?
N handed the papers to Cheren; I saw a look of curiosity on Cheren's face. "What are these?" N nodded towards the papers, telling Cheren to inspect them. Cheren started to shift through the paper; I noticed an unidentifiable look cross his dark, round eyes. Was it doubt? Disappointment? Confusion? All of the sudden, I saw a look of surprise hit his eyes.
"Shocking?" N asked.
"It's… It's…" Cheren couldn't answer. For what seemed the first time in his life, Cheren couldn't respond.
"The articles written by Jade Smith," N finished. Oh shit. He knew. I had to stop him.
"What do these have to do with Touko?" Cheren held the paper up.
I couldn't let N answer, I interrupted their conversation. "N, please. Don't, I'm sorry. I didn't want to."
"Touko, what do you mean you didn't want to, didn't want to what?" I couldn't let Cheren know.
"Yes Touko, care to explain to Cheren? Or I can do it for you. Which will it be? He's going to find out eventually." I looked at N. I tried to make him understand, Cheren couldn't know. Cheren wouldn't get it; he wouldn't be able to understand why I did it. But I knew if I just had a moment with N to explain, he'd understand.
"Touko, what's going on? Please tell me. I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything." But Cheren, I wanted to scream, I can't! If you knew you'd hate me, like… like… Like N did now. But N would be easier to convince. Cheren would leave me friendless. Bianca had always believed Cheren over me. Even when we were little, Bianca had taken Cheren's side when we had bet over what Bianca would get for her birthday from her parents. A stuffed Purrlion or Lillipup; even if Cheren was right about it being a Purlion doesn't mean he's always right. I mean, I've been right over a few things… Well at least one. I couldn't let this wreck our friendship.
N N N
I looked at Touko, waiting for her to respond. Touko was looking down slightly, just enough for her wavy, maple-brown bangs to cover her deep, crystal-blue eyes. Even though her eyes were covered, I could tell she was nervously thinking. I felt a half an ounce of guilt, but not enough to stop me from confronting Touko's "secret". I mean, she had to know someone would find out.
After a few minutes of silence, I spoke up. "Well, I assume I should take your silence to mean you're not going to explain?" Touko looked up suddenly, pleading with those eyes. I had half a mind not to say anything, just let it go. But no, not this time. Her eyes had won me over a million times, but I couldn't stand here and just let her stop me. This didn't just hurt me.
T T T
"Cheren, look closer at the newspaper. Do you notice a pattern?" N. How could he? I understood I'd made a mistake, but so did everyone every once in a while. I shivered at the thought of my soon to be ruined life.
"Hmfp, I don't see anything. They're all just newspaper clippings that practically ruined my, our lives. How this had anything to do with Touko, I truthfully don't understand. Why don't you just give up on trying to make Touko be like you? Evil." Well, at the moment Cheren was passionately defending me, but would he be just as passionate about hating me? When he found out, I just didn't want to think about it.
"That's because those articles have nothing to do with Touko, look through them for any sign of her." N wasn't going to stop; he'd never planned on it. I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. No, I couldn't cry. That would let N win. I felt like I didn't know anything anymore. I should have listened to my mom. She'd told me to think before I acted. If only I'd listened. If I had, maybe I wouldn't be in the middle of an unpredictable mess, with no way to fix it. I was so stupid.
N N N
I watched the events unfold. Cheren was, again, silently sorting through my papers. I should have felt a victorious happiness running through me. But all I felt was an overwhelming guilt. What I was doing was right. So why was I upset? Why wasn't I jumping for joy, I'd be able to beat Touko right after she'd beat me. But I wasn't enthusiastic, I was just plain grumpy… Who was I?
"What is this?" Cheren's voice cut off my thoughts, "Is this your idea of some kind of a cruel joke? N, she's not in here anywhere, what does it all mean?" I could tell he was truly puzzled, I just didn't know if it was a good thing.
"That's just it, Cheren. She's not in them. She's not in the stories because she wrote them." I gestured towards Touko, "Meet Jade Smith."
I'd glanced at Cheren's reaction for a moment, just long enough to see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. But I was really focused on Touko. I heard a loud object slam into the cold, tiled floor. I turned around to see Touko, tearstained face in her delicate, soft hands, and curled up in a small ball. I felt sick. I looked at her and knew I'd become the thing I despised the most, my own flesh and bone. Ghetsis.
T T T
I knew I looked like an idiot. I was curled up in a pathetic mess. I couldn't help it. The tears had come running down my face the moment I'd seen Cheren react. And it was instinct to hide my tears. His reaction had hurt. Betrayal. Anger. Disappointment. I'd hurt him. Me and my stupid writing had hurt the ones I'd cared about the most. And now there was no one here to comfort me in my aching. I'd turned them against me. Cheren was sure to inform my mother, and one she found it was me, she'd disown me. Then I'd truthfully have no one. I'd be all alone to die. I wept harder.
"Touko," I heard Cheren using a harsh tone, one that I'd hadn't known existed in him, speak, "how could you do this to me? To us? All the facts add up, but the motives don't. What could you possibly get from hurting your loved ones, huh?" The words burned me. Pure questions, but coming from Cheren, they were so much more. They were his conclusions. I'd made the mistake of looking up towards Cheren. I saw pure disgust now. And N. I hated N so much. In one sentence, he'd ruined my life. I felt a hot, fresh tear roll down my already stained cheeks. Cheren saw me looking up and threw the newspaper at me. "Bitch. I hope you end up with no one, it would serve you right." Cheren. My friend. Now hated me. I couldn't take the pain it caused, being around him. I bolted.
o o o
I didn't know where I was going. Anywhere, just away from the dark, sorrowful throne room and the pain it had caused me. I ran down a flight of stairs. As I neared the next, I stopped. N's room. I ran inside to the comfort of children's toys, N's toys. This was all he'd had growing up. This room, Ghetsis, and the abused Pokémon. It must have been a devastating childhood. I couldn't blame N for my flaws, it's not his fault I'd written those stories. I knew at the time it was a mistake to take the job. I was just so desperate. I needed money, and I needed it fast. It had been the easiest way for me to make a lot of it in a short time. I now wished I hadn't taken that job for the news station in Castelia City. I shouldn't have taken the easy way out. I… I… I couldn't change the past now. I was desperate, Karis was sick, if I hadn't had paid for the treatment, well, a Stoutland can only last so long. I couldn't have let that happen, she was one of my many friends. I would have done the same for all of my Pokémon; they were my home no matter where I was. I couldn't live without them. The idea of Karis's possible death brought new tears to my eyes.
I looked down at my hands. I hadn't realized 'til right then that I was still had hold of an article that Cheren had thrown at me. It read:
Another Lonely Soul
Lately, gossip has been going around about the adorable couple Bianca and Cheren. What Bianca doesn't know is the secret that her oh so wonderful boyfriend has been hiding. While away from home and his girlfriend, Cheren was seen on the Ferris wheel, with another girl. Though the girl wasn't identified, she is rumored to have just been dumped by her previous boyfriend. In attempts to help the girl, Cheren rode with her. A witness reported that Cheren was seen kissing her at the top, though this has not been confirmed. Boy Bianca, looks like Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect after all. If I was you, I'd dump his sorry butt.
Jade Smith
I knew why Cheren hated me. I mean, I guess at the time I wasn't thinking, well duh. I don't know. I mean, I was acting like such a victim. I was in a way, but maybe Cheren was too. I guess, I'd almost ruined his life. Luck enough for him, Bianca was kind and forgiving. I really had seen him at the top of the Ferris wheel, with another girl in his arms; just not in a cheating sort of way. In a Cheren sort of way, he was comforting her. Like Cheren used to do for me every time I got hurt. But I guess he can't comfort himself and the one that hurt him. That was too hard even for Cheren.
I though back to a time when Cheren had been complaining to me about Jade Smith. I remember wincing every time Cheren mention how much it hurt him to have this person, who didn't even know him, attempt to ruin his life. Cheren has always been that way. It didn't matter to him what damaged was caused, but what the original motive behind what had caused the damage. In other words, if I'd punch Cheren playfully and it hurt him, he'd forgive me right away. Because I hadn't meant harm. But if I was mad and Cheren and tried to hurt him and didn't. He wouldn't forgive me for a week, because I had attempted to bring him down. He had the mindset that he could fix any damaged caused; he only cared about why the damaged had happened. To him, it showed the truth behind the person.
I really didn't want to hurt them, but it was a part of the job. I didn't think I'd have to hurt anyone when I took it. I just thought I would be able to like give background info on people. But my boss disagreed; he had said the public wanted grime. They wanted to see that no one was perfect. So, I did my stories on people I knew, I hadn't thought about how that might affect me in the end. And now I had to face the side of the matter I'd never thought I'd see. And it was slowly, but surely killing me.
N N N
I'd watched her run. I wanted to do something for her, to comfort her, to make her smile. I felt as if I'd caused Touko her trouble. I knew I hadn't, but at the back of my head a voice nagged. You didn't help. I wanted to run after her, but I was in too much shock at what Cheren had said. It seemed unbelievable that it had come from his mouth. How could Touko's best friend turn harsh towards her so quickly? I really thought he was going to kill for saying… saying… what I had to Touko. The memory came flooding back. I'd called Touko a bitch. I'd done that and I was criticizing Cheren for doing the exact same thing? I had exploded at Touko from anger. My father did the same to me; he'd never listen to what I had to say before he attacked. I had to find Touko.
I looked at Cheren, who was still fuming. I was about to look away when, Cheren turned towards me. "What are you looking at?" I'd been caught; I had no idea how to respond. Something told me he hadn't wanted a real answer. "Why would she do it?" I couldn't tell if he was talking to himself or me. "I mean, why would she hurt herself, 'cause that's what she was doing, by betraying her friends and family." I still couldn't tell who he was talking to, but it didn't matter anymore. I needed to defend Touko. It was the least I could do, I'd caused this.
"Have you ever thought, that maybe, it wasn't her choice? That she didn't want to do it?" I calmly said. I didn't know where I was going with this. It seemed to come from, my heart? Maybe, I didn't know.
"Oh, like you have room to talk. If you thought that was true, you wouldn't have tried to hurt Touko. Even if it was her fault." The fact that Cheren had nailed me in my doings, stung.
"I reacted out of anger." I tried to calmly explain, "If I would have taken a minute to think, to calm down, I probably wouldn't have said anything. If you'd just take a second-"
"Yeah," Cheren cut me off, "sure you would. I know you're only standing up for Touko 'cause you feel guilty, but guess what. This time you're not the hero. You can't be the knight in shining armor. 'Cause this time she has to deal with the consequences on her own."
You're wrong! I wanted to say it, that he was wrong, but useless squabbles would get me nowhere. If there's one thing I learned from Touko, it was that you can't turn away as others hurt. They can always be helped, and right now Cheren's best friend is hurting. She'd made a mistake. How could he not realize that? I felt terrible for causing this mess. It wasn't my intention. It might have hurt him in the process, too. But I'd bet he's made mistakes too. And I'd bet Touko forgave him for every, single one. Would she forgive me? I didn't understand myself, let alone Cheren.
Cheren looked at me, waiting for my response. I, I couldn't waste my time trying to convince Cheren of something he'd never believe. I doubted he'd even hear me, let alone listen to me. What I didn't get was where these thoughts had come from, my brain said why are you worrying about this guy, he's not worth your time? But my soul and heart won't listen. They won't let Cheren bash Touko. I was listening to my brain, but my heart and soul kept fighting back. They wanted me to say: Maybe, it isn't all right for your group of friends to make mistakes, but if that's the case, you don't deserve having Touko be a part of it. I can't believe you give yourself the title of her best friend and don't even help her when she hurts. No, you cause her to run instead. I know that I'm not her favorite person. She most likely hates me, but I'm not going to stand here and let her suffer because of me and my mistakes. She may have hurt me, but I know I've hurt so many more people on my own watch. I've made lots of mistakes, I admit it. But just watching someone suffer is just as bad as adding to their suffering. And if there suffering brings you joy; well, have a nice life in hell! But my brain told me that was stupid, and my brain had never been wrong before, had it?
I blew off Cheren, and started to run. I was a coward, but I figured I could deal with him later. Touko was the one I was worried about. I started to sprint now. I hoped I still had a chance of finding her.
T T T
I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep. The last thing I had remembered was crying to myself, in hopes it could possibly change something, even though I knew tears would never do anything for me. I knew… I knew… Well, I knew I was still living. That this maybe be the end of my so called perfect world, but it wasn't the end of my life. I hoped. I wanted to talk to Cheren, even if he didn't listen; I still wanted him to know the truth. Why I had done. I stopped. What was that? I heard the floor creak, was someone coming? I looked up to see a shadow. "Hello Touko. I hope you don't think you could just run."
A/N: Haha, cliffhanger, ;) I know you're all wait for the next one now. Ok, this is the deal, I can't promise every 2 weeks. Maybe about once a month. with my schedule I can't promise anything. SO, I'll try to update extra, or whenever I have free time. So, maybe about the 4th of July... haha. Maybe not... The 5thish? Thanks all. And thank you my wonderful beta, who without you my story would suck.