"I rather be anywhere, but here." Is the quote Angus could use to sum up his life. Granted, he's 99% sure everyone feels that way one point or another in their lives, but he's also sure that anyone who has uttered that sentence was probably some angsty teenager who thinks their parents were ruining their lives when all said parents wants is for them to be safe, and to keep out of trouble.
No, he wasn't thinking of anyone in particular, thank you for asking.
And yeah, the simile used left a bitter taste in Angus' mouth; for one, he wished his parents cared about him the same way he's seen other kid's parents do. He has seen kids with their parents, and compared them to his own, and when he thought about it, it leaves him feeling isolated. Like, he couldn't connect with reality when he sees kids happy and running towards their parents with arms wide open, and Angus' parents? No where to be seen. Observing everyone else as the world turns, and not understanding why he was so different, why he was treated different, it brought up some ugly feelings inside him. So Angus tries to forget them. He tries not to think about life at home, tries not to be bitter at the happy kids, and he tries not to think about the bruises left behind after one particular fight by his parents. He tries his best to be normal.
In the end, Angus was isolated from society.
No one has ever tried and approach him as a friend. No, they merely glance at him, whisper to each other, look at his outfit, and Angus could see it in their eyes that they were curious about him, but not enough to befriend him. It had hurt, and for the life of him, he couldn't understand why. Why, why, why, why does no one want to be his friend? Why does his parents hate him so much? Will the bruises ever go away? Why is he hurting like this? What had he done to make everyone distant from him?
Tears swell up in his eyes, and he could feel his heart breaking, and he just wants to understand why. Late at night, when his mother shoves him into the cubby, and slams the door hard enough for the can goods among other things falls on him, Angus falls to his knees with tears in his eyes.
You'll never understand why.
Angus one day meets a nice lady who tells him the story about God. He's listening with both ears up, eyes big and wonder, and when she finishes her story, Angus only wants an answer to a question he's been dying to ask.
"Why does bad things happen to good people, if God can prevent them?"
The lady blinks, and she looks down at him with a raised eyebrow, and Angus has seen that look so many times, he's starting to get sick of it.
"I...don't know," She said, before smiling in a way that kind of offends Angus. "Maybe they have done something to offend God in the past?"
Bullshit, Angus thinks bitterly. What a load of bullshit. Because if that was the case, then that meant God was offended by Angus' existence, and after everything this lady had just said to him, telling him that God thinks everyone is his children and He loves them equally, and He'll always be there when needed, how could all of that be thrown under the bus if a good person probably has never offended God? Or make Him angry? A good person who believes in God typically should be the one that has good things coming their way - not bad.
It's always the good ones that get punish.
And suddenly, Angus thinks the lady isn't so kind, but he doesn't say anything about it. He simply nods his head in false understanding, and then walks away from her, angry, but doesn't know who at, or what for.
All he knows is that religion is bullshit, and God is bullshit. Fuck God.
Angus decides he's okay with being an introvert; the less people can see his scars, the better. Plus, he finds himself lost in the world of books. Books were nice. They make him forget all the bad things he's going through, forget the loneliness of being a loner, and just helps him escape to a better place. He realizes that's what he truly wants, to escape and never turn back. If he could live his life like so many protags in the book, that'll be pretty great. He'll never have to worry about his parents again, and he'll have as many adventures as he wants, and there'll be nothing anyone could do about it.
He loves the idea, he wants to sell the idea, but he can't. He momentarily rubs his arm, and he couldn't stop flinching from the last time his dad had abused him. He's still sore, and he knows the purple disfigured color wasn't going away anytime soon, so he tries not to let people see it, as he's done with the others. He slowly lets his arm down and he could feel tears swell up in his eyes, but he refuses to cry again.
It doesn't matter how many books Angus reads, he still doesn't understand why.
When he decided to join the scouts, he did not expect to make any friends, or at least get very close to anyone. He's wrong on both accounts.
Joining the scouts had to be the best thing he's ever been forced to do. Even though he was a still shy and awkward, the people liked him, and he had lots of fun with outdoor activities. For once, he forgets about the books, forget about the abuse, forget about his empty shell of a life he lives, and focus on what's in front of him. The kids treated him a lot better than most did in his town, and adults didn't stare at him as if he's something wrong. It felt nice.
He even made a friend there too.
For Angus, it started out normal, and kid insisted on staying by his side. They earned badges, made friendship bracelets, and when they were around the campfire, the boy would always be the one that wants a horror story, just to cuddle underneath Angus. He'd blush, and he wasn't quite sure why he didn't feel uncomfortable about it - cause do friends even cuddle? - but he likes it, so he doesn't complain. He doesn't complain when the boy holds his hand, and then ends up falling asleep, mouth open, drool dripping onto Angus' shoulder. Angus should be disgusted, should shove him off, but he doesn't, and that warm, fuzzy feeling spreads. Angus, instead, pulls him close until they have to go to their cabin, and Angus is the one that has to put him into bed.
Later, when it's time for the scouts to go home, the boy runs up to Angus and kisses him on the cheek, surprising him. He says since it'll be the last time they see each other, he thought he might as well tell Angus that he had always liked him, in the way that boys likes girls.
Angus discovers that he likes boys in the way boys likes girls too.
Middle school wasn't as hellish as most people claim it was.
Then again, Angus doesn't really pay attention to people - he has his books, after all - so he can't really know that for sure. What he do know, however, is that everything is loud and cheery and colorful, and Angus feels slightly out of place. Kids were talking to each other, excitedly, and the teacher wasn't there yet, so Angus figures they must be running late. He decides to sit down in the furthest seat away from the front, he doesn't need the attention from the other students, and he was almost certain that, if he did get it, he'll probably stumble over his words, and make a fool out of himself.
The moment he'd sat down, a fox came over and started waving his hands in the air, smiling a smile too big and bright for his face, and was basically screaming at him. Angus couldn't help but flinch, the volume too much for his ears, and he just stared. He was just staring long after that big introduction, and he could see the fox was getting uncomfortable, so, without even realizing it, Angus opened his mouth and began speaking to him. It had shocked him for a long period, but after everything that has happened in the scouts, Angus was slowly getting better with socialization. Even if he still likes his privacy.
The fox's name was Gregg, and suddenly Angus was getting flashbacks to a particular cat female named Mae. He often sees her running around in halls, laughing crazily, and he would sometimes see her talking, but Angus never caught the person she was talking to. He once heard her say the name, Gregg, but he has never caught the sight of him. He wonders if this was the same Gregg Mae was talking to.
Class starts, and Gregg's still talking, but Angus finds he doesn't mind the chatter. They work together, Angus answering Gregg's questions, and helping him, and Angus couldn't help but remember the times he had in the scouts, about the boy whose name he doesn't remember, and Angus could feel his heart tightening at the mention of the memory. He looks over at Gregg, and suddenly, his heart clenches even more so than before. More than it had with that boy in the scouts.
Angus wonders if Gregg's heart is doing the same.
Gregg comes out and tells Angus that he thinks he's gay. Tears are forming in his eyes, and Angus could feel his heart clench again, but it was unpleasant, not the good kind. He believes Gregg's beautiful when he's happy, and when he sees him cry, Angus is at a loss.
Happy people shouldn't be sad - it's a travesty, he thinks.
He allows Gregg to tell him why he thinks he's gay, and he couldn't help but be a little upset at the fact that Gregg's basically checking out guys that aren't him. He knows it's silly, because it's obvious Gregg's distress about this, and he thinks he isn't normal because of it, but he can't help but feel the way he feels. He loves Gregg, he knows that now, and Angus doesn't want to share. He's never had anything to call his own except books, but books can't love him back. They help, but they can't heal the wounded.
After Gregg goes silent, Angus decides to reveal the truth - slightly. He tells him he's gay as well, that he had always known he's attracted to boys, and that was nothing to be ashamed of. Angus had assumed that if his parents found about it, they'll most likely be ashamed to have a gay son, but then, his parents are ashamed of him for a lot of things, so them being upset about him being gay would roll right off his back. He doesn't tell him the other part - that he has a crush on him since middle school, that slowly turned into love, and how much he wants to be Gregg's. He doesn't say that, because now's not the right time, but he will eventually.
Gregg ends up crying again, and Angus wonders if he'd said something wrong.
They go to a party out in the woods, and Angus is feeling awful. Being socially inept, Angus really doesn't have the best social skills around, and he doesn't drink, he wants to stay sober as Gregg and Mae have their fun. Bea's smoking with another person, and Angus doubts she plans on drinking either. The whole thing is awkward to him, because he doesn't know these people, and he's envious at how well his three friends were able to adapt to their environment, while he's stuck in the corner, tucked away like some child's toy.
The analogy makes him scowl, and he gets up to, at least, walk around to clear his head. He doesn't get very far when he sees a sight that's going to haunt his dreams, and hurt his heart.
Gregg's pushed against a tree, eyes closed, while kissing another guy, possibly drunk. Their hands goes everywhere, but Angus blanks out at the time and swiftly turns away, walking as stiffly as he could. Tears are starting swell in his eyes, and that same ol' question comes back inside his head.
Just fucking why?!
Angus doesn't go to school for two days, and when his parents finds out, they're furious. His mother is screaming at him, and his father is giving him this look that honestly made Angus fear for his life. When his mother is done, his father takes him around back, and pummels him. Angus remembers screaming, pleading for his father to stop, but by the time he was done, Angus' blacks out. When he wakes, he's hurting everywhere and he doesn't think he can move. Laying on the ground, he looks up at the sky, at the stars, and when he reaches up, pain enters his system, making him wince, and he starts crying again. He's not aware of how long he's been crying, but when his head starts to hurt, and he ends up sniffling, Angus could hear his voice.
Gregg's there, looking worried, and angry, and he's helping him, but Angus pushes him away. He's broken, and he doesn't want Gregg to see him like this, so he tries to remedy it by saying he doesn't need help and he's going to go home. It was hard to, since everything was blurry, and his head wouldn't stop hurting, and he feels like he's about to throw up, but he can do it. He's done it before. Then, Gregg's there, helping him, and Angus is refusing, earning him a bit of a fuss, before Gregg picks up his glasses and gives it to him. When he puts them on, he notices Gregg looks angry. He wonders why until Gregg ask him questions that he wish he could refuse to answer, wish he could lie about it, but didn't.
Instead, he does what that guy in the scouts did; he kissed him on the cheek, and then tells him he has a crush on him. He admits to being jealous when he'd saw Gregg and some other guy making out, and doesn't want Gregg to go away. He likes him, and he wants him, but he wasn't sure how to go about making Gregg his if Gregg doesn't feel the same way.
Gregg blinks, and before Angus knows it, he's all over him, kissing him, admitting to his feelings, and suddenly, Angus' okay.
He's hurting, but he's okay. Because he now has Gregg.
When Angus opens up about his abuse, of course Gregg explodes. He thinks it's not right, and Angus knows that - has known since he'd began to understand that what his parents are doing is NOT okay - and he wants to call the cops, or something, but Angus doubt the cops in this town are much help. He wants to beat them up, but Angus talks him out of it; while he may not like the things his parents has done to him, that doesn't mean Angus wants them thrown in jail. Gregg gives him this look that tells him that he isn't buying it, and still wants to do something. He claims that his parents are either going to kill him the longer he stays in that house, or until he leaves the town and never look back.
The two looks at each other, and Angus could see the exact moment the lightbulbs went off inside their heads. Angus smiles because hell yeah, he gets to live his dreams, and he's going to do it with the one person that means more to Angus than anyone. He's finally going to live out his fantasy of escaping. He cannot wait, and he giggling, even when Gregg plants kisses over his face.
Angus is happy.
A/n: Heh. Kind of had fun writing this. Tis the last chapter, follks. It IS a two-shot after all. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I like writing it :D