I still can't find the energy to update my other story. So I wrote another one-shot. I heard the song on the radio today, and even though it tends to generally annoy me, I decided I could make an Addek story out of it. And I also needed a break from the two huge papers I have to write.

I promise this isn't as depressing as the title makes it sound.

I Hate Everything

It had been a long day. Quite possibly the longest day in the history of the world, complete with three crazy interns, two grueling surgeries, and one exhausting wife. All Derek Shepherd wanted to do was sleep, possibly for the rest of his life. And if that wasn't an option, he wanted at least six solid hours of blissful, uninterrupted slumber.

Unfortunately, a good night's sleep entailed going home. And at home, there was Addison. And dealing with Addison was not conducive to a peaceful siesta. So instead, Derek chose to go to Joe's, grab a drink, and relax for a while before embracing the madness that was Addison and their marriage.

Their marriage. It barely qualified as a marriage anymore. Yes, he chose her, and yes, they were living together again. But all they were really doing was coexisting. He hadn't forgiven her by any means. What she had done was inexcusable, and she had hurt him more deeply than anyone else ever could. But even so, he couldn't just give up on his marriage. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

He made his way over to the bar and sat down with a deep sigh. Joe looked at him sympathetically.

"Rough day?" he asked.

Derek nodded. "You could say that."

"The usual?"

"Please."

Joe brought him his drink a few minutes later. Derek took a sip and set his glass down on the counter, absently staring into it.

Addison.

She was the only woman he had ever loved. On their wedding day, he had felt like the luckiest man in the world. But now, almost twelve years later, he couldn't even manage to tell her that he loved her because he wasn't even sure of it himself.

He knew he would always love her on some level, but was he still in love with her? He didn't know. And neither did she. He could tell how alone she felt by the way she looked at him and the way she cried at night after she thought he was asleep. He hated that he sometimes got pleasure from her pain, as if he thought that making her feel this way somehow made them even. It was stupid, and he knew it, yet he couldn't make himself stop. He used to have the overwhelming urge to punch anyone and everyone who made Addison cry, and now he was the one causing her tears. How ironic was that?

He took another swig of his drink as a man he didn't know sat down beside him. Derek looked over and acknowledged the man with a nod of his head before looking back down at his glass and swirling his drink around.

He heard the man order two shots of tequila, and a few moments later, Derek watched as the man quickly threw back both shots and motioned to Joe for another round.

After throwing back the third and fourth shots, the man finally noticed Derek staring at him. He pushed the shot glasses away from him and turned slightly to face Derek.

"Would you believe me if I told you that I actually hate tequila?"

Derek chuckled. "No, I wouldn't."

"Well, I do. And I kinda hate this bar, too. It's a weird place… like everyone here knows everybody else's business. I don't like that."

"Oh," Derek replied, slightly confused, and took another drink, trying to turn away from the crazy stranger who he had somehow led to believe that he wanted to have a conversation.

"You know what," the man continued, obliviously, "now that I think of it… I hate pretty much everything right now."

"Hmmm…" Derek mumbled, not sure of how to respond to the man.

"Scott Graham," the man introduced himself as he stuck out his hand.

Derek gripped the man's hand and shook it politely. "Derek Shepherd."

Scott pushed his empty glasses further away from him and reached around to pull his wallet from his back pocket. He opened it up and pulled out a few bills, and as he did, a faded piece of paper fell out and fluttered to the ground.

"I got it," Derek said as he reached down to pick it up. He glanced quickly at the faded picture before handing it back to Scott.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

Scott stared at the picture quietly with a look of contempt covering his face. "This is all her fault," he finally said.

"Excuse me?" Derek stammered.

"This. Me being here. Drinking. Feeling miserable all the time. It's her fault. It's all her fault."

Derek just stared at Scott in astonishment, wondering if the man had somehow managed to pull a page out of the book of his life.

Scott continued his rant. "This woman… she's my ex-wife. I thought we had it all, you know. The perfect house, perfect marriage, two great kids… turns out it wasn't so perfect after all. And if it weren't for those two kids, I'd absolutely hate her. She's made my life miserable. I lost my job after the divorce. I live in a one-bedroom apartment that feels like a jail cell. I don't get to see my kids every day. I hate it. I hate it all." He slammed his fist down on the bar, then turned to Derek. "You married?"

Derek hesitated. "Uh… yeah. I am."

"Then I'm sure you can understand what I'm going through. She left me for another man. A few months ago now. Wouldn't you feel this way if your wife did this to you?"

Derek's stomach jumped. This situation was eerily familiar, and Derek was thankful that this seemed to be a rhetorical question. He was pretty sure that the man didn't want to hear that he was in a very similar situation and that he was giving his wife another chance. Especially when Derek couldn't really justify his reasons for doing so other than by simply saying that Addison was his wife.

Scott didn't seem to notice Derek's hesitation. "I just can't get over the fact that she left me for him," he said, shaking his head. "I gave her everything she ever wanted. I had a great job and worked long hours to provide for her and the kids. And then she just up and leaves me. And takes my kids away on top of that."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Derek said quietly.

"Bartender!" Scott yelled, seemingly ignoring Derek. "I'll have what he's having," he pointed to Derek as Joe approached them.

Scott began twirling his wedding ring around on his finger as he waited for his drink. Derek looked down at his own bare ring finger, thinking about everything that this man had been ranting about. It was as if all the good in his life had been sucked out of it before he knew what had hit him, leaving behind bitterness and unrelenting rage in its place.

Joe brought his drink, and Scott downed it in one swallow, sighed loudly, and said loudly, "I hate everything!"

This guy was getting on Derek's last nerve. Yes, it was terrible what the man was going through, but dealing with more problems than he already had was the last thing that Derek wanted to do tonight. He had enough of those on his own with work and with Addison.

Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. This was the road that Derek was headed down. Not yet. But if he let things continue on the way they had been going lately, he would be this man before he knew it.

I don't want to be that man, Derek decided.

He didn't want to be the bitter, angry man making his home at the bar each night telling random strangers how much he hated his life. He didn't want to end up alone because he couldn't own up to his mistakes, forgive his wife, and give his marriage a real shot. He didn't want to be that man.

He wanted someone to grow old with, someone to laugh and cry with and share every moment in between with. And when he imagined himself ten, twenty, thirty years down the road, the woman he saw beside him was Addison.

Derek pulled his wallet from pocket and opened it, reaching into the corner and pulling his wedding ring from the spot it had been since he took it off the night he left New York. He quickly slipped it back onto his finger and smiled.

"Listen, it was good talking with you, but there's something else I need to do," he said to Scott. "I got your drink, though."

"Thanks, man."

"No problem," Derek replied. "And thanks. Thanks for everything."

"Uh… sure…?" Scott said, visibly puzzled, as Derek walked toward the door smiling.

Once he was outside, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and quickly punched in the familiar digits. It rang three times before she answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Oh… hi," Addison replied quietly from the other end.

"I'm on my way home."

"Okay."

"We're going to work this out, Addie. Work us out, even if it takes all night. I can't spend the rest of my life without you. We're going to get through this. Okay?" He paused. "I love you," he said resolutely.

He heard her sniffling on the other end of the phone and knew she was crying. He just hoped they were happy tears.

"Okay…"

"I mean it, Addie."

There was a long pause on the other end before she responded. "Hurry home."

"I will," he said excitedly.

"Oh, and Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

Comments? Feelings? Volunteers to write my sponsorship proposal?