GUILT RIDDEN BY MIDNIGHT

nyaoh... tired...two am...

I walked through the grime covered alleys. I didn't really wanna be here. Didn't want sex tonight. Didn't want anything except maybe twelve pain relievers and a glass of vodka. And both were easy to obtain, considering where I lived.

I decided to step into the light flooded streets of the city. Couples were out enjoying games. A festival was coming up, so tourists were here and the people were out. I flirted with the idea of finding a drunk girl to take advantage of, but dismissed it.

I passed a small, rickety old booth wedged between two food booths. I would have passed it, had a not seen an orange head, bent over the books and comics that were being sold there. As I approached, I heard him muttering, half to the kind old vendor and half to himself.

"I know I have the rest I swear I do." he muttered repeatedly, counting his money, then counting again.

"Hey, Ichigo, what's up?" I ask. He grabs my interest. My idle suicidal thoughts (as stupid and pointless as they may be) are lost for the moment, my mind completely focused on him. He looked up at me, his face distressed.

"I know I counted out all the money I needed to pay for it." it being the purple covered book in his hand. "But I can't find the 200 yen extra that I need!" I thought for a second. Ichigo dug around his pockets, counting his change again. I pulled out my wallet and reach past Ichigo to drop 200 yen into the old vendor's hand.

"Wh- but..." Ichigo stammered. He looked at the book in his hand. Then at me. "Thanks..." I smiled at him, but I think that only made him more uncertain. "I'll pay you back, ok? Pick whatever you want." heh. How obvious Ichigo is. I knew he was going to do that.

Instead of denying his offer, I pointed at another booth further down. "How about we go check that out?" it turned out to be selling cinnamon buns. From the way Ichigo was eying the pastries down, I could tell he was happy I picked it out. I bought us some, he didn't seem to notice that I'd payed once again.

"Oh my god..." he whispered, simply enjoying the smell and warmth in his hands. He took a bite, forgetting about his fork and knife, because honestly, who eats those things like that? By the time we were done our sticky treats we were covered in sugar and crumbs. "You look like a clown." he laughed. I said nothing, simply wondering how he managed to get icing on the forehead. We made use of the tons of napkins given to us.

"I gotta run. Enjoy your book." he waved. He was already reading it.

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I snuck back into the house, listening intently for any sudden noise, any footsteps. 9 times out of 10, one of Kaa-chan's clients were over. And Kaa-chan was probably in bed, degrading herself even further.

But who was I to say anything?

I glanced at the clock. 9 PM. It was too early. Maybe I should just head back... "CUNT! Did I give you permission to go outside?! And you got your face covered in Sugar! Who the hell were you out with?! Some bitch?!" Kaa-chan was still drunk. She was on the stairs, I could see a figure behind her. So she did have a client.

I walked backwards slowly, hoping she wouldn't notice. She yelled, stumbled as she tried to run down the stairs. But I was already down the street.

Couldn't stay in there for long. I'd learned to leave when she had a client. She was never in a good mood.

At least not when she was around me. I was the embodiment of all her mistakes.

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I didn't stop running until I was four bocks away. I heard yelling, and perverted laughter. "Come on sweet thing. We'll give you a good time." that voice was yelling in pain minutes later. "You're going to pay for that."

I kept running. But lucky me, guess who I passed? Our favorite little strawberry of course!

And what are fake friends for, but to help each other fight?

Before I even thought about it, I turned sharply and kicked the guy in the stomach. I didn't stop kicking till he was out cold. I looked up, finding four other guys on the ground, and Ichigo giving a good beating to the last one.

"Thanks." he said breathlessly. I shrugged. I wanted to blow off some steam anyway. "We keep running into each other. Do you live around here or something?"

"Uh, yea. Four blocks down." Ichigo nodded. "Your fist is bloody, you should put something on it." I was about to walk away, looking for some one else to beat up, because adrenalin was pulsing through my veins, making my heart beat in my ears and my lungs swell in my throat.

"No wait. That was a really good kick. Where'd you learn it?" I found myself talking to Ichigo about my old tae kwon do lessons. I was following him home, and I didn't even notice. I'm getting to attached. Why should I be talking to him? He doesn't need to know me, I don't need to know him. Or maybe I do. Maybe I need something more than what I've got.

Maybe I need someone to tell me I'm not just dirt. I look over at Ichigo. He's chatting excitedly about a book he's writing. Of course he's writing a book. That's clearly something he would do.

"It's based a lot on greek mythology, because it has so much detail. That and my favorite god is Athena. To be the goddess of wisdom. I would love that..." he caught the look I gave him. "Except I would be a god. Of course." I just smirked, and he scowled, a blush dusting his cheeks. He looked so damn cute. I wanted to kiss him. Instead I flicked his forehead.

"I gotta go. It's time for work." ichigo nodded once.

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Work only meant serving drinks at a bar. Kaa-chan only worked enough to support herself. She just happened to let me live with her. Everything else was my responsibility. I had to cook, I had to clean, I had to work and shop and do everything else.

Really, I wondered why I tried. It was like...my last show of humanity or something. One day, I would leave that broken house. One day I would live on my own, and I would be free. One day, I'll do something with my life.

Or, maybe not.

"Shiro, baby, what's wrong?" one of my favorite whores, Ako , came up to me, draping an arm around my shoulders. "You look so said. Was Miho teasing you again?" she giggling, and I cracked a strained smile.

"Nah, I gotta get back to work." I gave her a tequila, holding out my hand for her to pay me. She stuck out her tongue with a smirk, dropping the money into my hand. I watched the door intently, and was shocked to see Rukia step through with her normal posse of girls. Rukia and the others went strait to the dance floor, but one girl broke away, and headed to the bar instead.

It was Nemu. "I'd like a butterfly mix, please." she said softly. Her dark eyes glittered, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I nodded. That was a hard drink. I mixed it for her, set it down on the counter and served a few other people. "Shirosaki-kun. How have you been?" Nemu asked me. She was the only person who ever called me by my proper name.

"I've been living, Nemu-san." I answered. Which was strange. I never used honorifics. I'm never just living. I never even talk to Nemu. I rarely talk to any people, save for the other school punks.

Nemu nodded. She hadn't touched her drink, merely twirling her fingers around the rim, watching me. Rukia called her a few hours later, telling her they were leaving. But she stayed at the bar, still watching me. She sipped slowly at her drink, which she wasn't even half way done.

"The bar is closing soon." I remind her. She only nods, watching as I help the others stack chairs on top of tables. She gets up and put her jacket on, leaving her money on the counter. I looked at her retreating form. "Wait!" I called. She stopped at the door. I shoulder my jacket and open the door for her. "It's late. I'll walk you home."

I wonder what had possessed me to say that... Nemu nodded. And we walked slowly through the brisk autumn air.

We stopped outside the door to an apartment building. She stood there, her face flushed from cold. I was about to turn and walk away, but she grabbed my coat color, pressing her lips to mine. I reacted before I thought about it. I combed my hand through her hair, before pulling her away. I've gone crazy.

"Uh...bye..." I told her. She smiled faintly, and waved. I've defiantly gone crazy.

How could I kiss her when...when what? I'm not with anyone. I'm not dating Ichigo, so he shouldn't be in my head.

He shouldn't be in my head, god dammit. I shouldn't be thinking that her lips are soft...and that his would be too.

OWARI

bleh. Review!