2. Unrequited love; I recently returned to my village after half a decade's worth of bad decision-making. I feel slighted in spite of my attempts to regain my fellow villagers' confidence, and face an uphill battle to regain the trust of my former superiors. I am grateful for the help my friends, however I have realized that the one person who loved me unconditionally has somehow become the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with… and that I may have missed my chance with her. She's the world to me, and I want to rebuild my clan with her and show her how much she means to me, but she has been distant and distracted when I've tried to subtly bring up the fact I want to impregnate her immediately and chain her to my bed. What do you advise?
-Confused in Konoha
LV: Honestly, it's like they don't teach you kids Imperio at Hogwarts anymore. Stop complaining and get the chains. I also recommend you polish your Basilisk and take an Endurance & Strengthening Potion Cocktail to ensure success. Make sure she bathes first, if she's a Mudblood.
IU: You are too late, foolish little brother. Coincidentally, no need for you to rush on rebuilding the clan.