Elden let the doors swing shut behind him, blocking out the raised voices as the Council erupted into chaos. His friends were there waiting for him, all looking grim with the news he had brought. Dorian wasn't among them. Of course, it must be past morning now, and he had a ship to catch. Elden tried not to feel. Not yet. It was easier, but the whole world was swimming before him and he felt dizzy from strain. Vivienne wordlessly passed him another potion and he hurried past them all as he downed it and headed for his room.
Luckily he made it there before his legs gave out. As soon as the door was closed behind him he let the mask of the Inquisitor finally slip away, most likely for the last time, and leaned heavily against the wall. He sank to the ground, hiding his face in his hand. Everything was falling down around him. The Inquisition was gone and with it his companions. They all had their own lives to get back to, but this had been Elden's life. He was nothing now, and he would be alone again. All he could do was sit there silently, unable to stop the tears. What was he supposed to do? He didn't have a home to go back to. He had been no one before all of this, and now—having failed them all—he was even less than that.
As he sat there, he realized he wished he had died. He hated himself for it, but it had been so much easier when he was lying there knowing that at least for the moment Dorian and the others were alive and safe. He had done all he could; it was okay for him to finally give in, right? But he had lived anyway, and no one was safe. Soon they were all going to die and there was no stopping it. Now that he was still alive he had to face it, and he wasn't sure he had the strength for it. He wanted to fight until everyone was safe but he was already so hollow and he just wanted it all to end. He was just so tired. Everything would have been easier if he had died. Then Dorian would have been free of him, able to continue his life in Tevinter and find someone who could be there with him and actually help him achieve something. Elden had failed even after Solas had given him everything needed to succeed and he wasn't even sure he still could be happy, could make Dorian happy.
Elden had always thought that the Maker was looking out for them in some capacity, but now that he knew that Solas had been manipulating him every step of the way, he wasn't so sure. How could the Maker allow any of this to happen? How could someone he trusted, someone he had considered a friend, betray them so easily, planning to destroy them all for something that no longer existed? Could the Maker even still exist with what Elden now new to be the truth? Was he just another powerful elf lauding himself as a god? Had everything he believed in been a lie? Elden wanted to be angry with Solas and with everything, but he just couldn't. None of it truly mattered anyway. None of them had any hope of defeating someone so powerful.
He reached up and gripped his left arm, but he still couldn't look at it. Looking at the mark on his hand had made him queasy, but this was so much worse. It felt like his insides had been ripped out, leaving him aching and empty. The worst part was that he could still feel it. He could still feel his hand and the mark and the agony of it when he had lost control of it, only now it was all gone, leaving him with nothing. He wasn't the Herald of Andraste, he wasn't the Inquisitor, he wasn't anything. He hadn't been chosen to save the world and the Maker wasn't guiding his steps. He had been manipulated from the beginning and it was all for nothing.
The door opened suddenly, making him jump. Had he forgotten to lock it? He couldn't be seen like this. He tried to scramble away further into the darkened corners of the room but he tried to put out his left arm to catch himself and fell heavily. He curled in on himself, biting his lip trying to stop the shaking. Suddenly gentle arms were wrapping around him and he couldn't suppress the sob that escaped him.
"Amatus," Dorian whispered as he placed kiss after kiss over Elden's face. "It's all right now. It's over." He rubbed Elden's left arm soothingly like he had done in the past when the mark was causing him pain and Elden couldn't help but lean into him, cling to him. "I'm not leaving for Tevinter," Dorian said. "I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere."
It was too much. Elden broke down completely, the numbness he had tried to pull up around him collapsing as agony and despair overwhelmed him and he thought he would be crushed by it all. Sobs wracked his body and all he could do was cling to Dorian as he doubled over, hating himself for all of this. For failing to save the world, for failing to sway Solas, and for making Dorian even consider abandoning something that meant so much to him. And most of all he hated himself for wanting to give up and wanting so badly for Dorian to stay. He wasn't the hero everyone thought he was. He was nothing, and he couldn't save anyone.