"DAOMING SI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
Si stood up from his slouch against the elevator walls, drawing himself to his full height.
He smirked.
"I'm one of the judges. Why, are you competing?"
Shancai desperately pressed the open button of the elevator almost 10 times, each push of the button more frantic than the one before, but it was too late: the elevator had already closed, and was now on its incline to the sixteenth floor.
She swore under her breath, then squeezed herself into the corner of the elevator farthest away from Daoming Si, her breath coming out in shallow gasps as she tried to calm herself. She flinched as he suddenly spoke, his voice cautious, yet still somehow seeming like he was finding the entire situation funny.
"Hey. . . you. . . are you okay?"
Am I okay? Seeing you of all people, the one person I gave up on ever seeing again? I think it should be clear that I'm not okay, not at all. And you, you. . . Shancai closed her eyes. "You can't be a judge."
Si looked amused at her unexpectedly scathing response. "Why not?"
"Well, b—because," Shancai spluttered, getting more and more flustered as his horrible smirk grew. How was she supposed to explain the obvious to him?
"Why not?" Si asked again. His eyebrows were raised all the way up his forehead, and his tone wasn't much better. It was mocking and derisive, which annoyed her.
Shancai knew he was goading her into getting angry and although she knew it was working, she still snapped. Somewhere deep inside she knew his behavior, considering hers just three years ago when she broke up with him and moved to the other end of the country without an explanation, was pretty justified, but at that moment she absolutely couldn't bring herself to care.
Are you just pretending not to know, Ah Si? Really, are you making fun of me?
Shancai swiftly looked up at Si with a fierce expression. "B—because if you're a judge, Daoming Si, obviously I'm not going to win the competition!"
There was deathly silence.
What did I just say?
As the silence dragged further Shancai gradually began to understand she had just said something wrong, but she was nothing if not prideful, so she couldn't take it back. She couldn't! Even if the aggravating man-child was looking at her with that wounded look on his face, like she had just broken his heart. . . or, or something.
"Do you really think that, Shancai?" He said slowly, his gaze burning a hole into her as he moved closer to her, so close she couldn't back up against the walls of the elevator anymore.
". . . yes." Shancai closed her eyes.
Si's smirk was still on but now it looked strained and forced. And his eyes never lied: they were angry now, cold. Shancai had always hated that expression of his with a passion. Sometimes she wished she could just reach into his mind, sift through his immensely complicated thoughts one by one, and find out what he was really thinking. In a totally non-creepy way, of course.
Shancai avoided Si's gaze as he spoke up in that same scarily quiet voice again. "Really? So. . . because of something that happened between us years ago, I would take this as an amazing opportunity for revenge? . . . on you?"
He was so close now to her, that their noses were almost touching. And it was so quiet she could almost hear his racing heartbeat, though it was nothing compared to how her heart was threatening to burst out of her chest at excitement of his proximity. She forced herself to calm down for probably the tenth time that day, and tried to consider his words.
Revenge. . . that's a harsh word.
Ah Si, love. . . I'm happy for you, of course I am. I made a choice to not tell you why I was going to leave, or that I even was going to leave, and, well.
Look where you are now.
A world famous musician.
So, no. I guess I don't think this is revenge. Because you aren't that kind of person, petty and grudge-holding, and just waiting to get to avenge yourself.
"I. . ." Shancai felt a bit uncomfortable, being on the receiving end of his piercing gaze, and she forced herself to tear her eyes from his glacial ones. "I suppose it would be too far to say you would try to sabotage me because of your own personal feelings, yes."
Si shook his head, rolling his eyes. His painful smile still hadn't gone. ". . . whatever. I don't care what you think of me."
Shancai stayed pressed back in the corner of the elevator as Si backed away from her, avoiding her gaze. She was a bit shocked at his odd, couldn't-care-less behavior, but she knew him well enough to know that it was all a farce.
Still, knowing that she was the reason for his pain that made him act this way, forced Shancai to stare up at the ceiling of the elevator, willing her tears to stay put, right where they were.
She was unsettled, because the real Si would have demanded to know why she had left suddenly, leaving absolutely no clue as to where she had gone for three real Si would have wanted an explanation from Shancai, and would be angry yet gentle with her if he didn't like her answer.
This Si was different.
He was hurting.
And she'd be willing to bet money with anyone that that was why he had put on this apathetic facade.
When they had finally reached the sixteenth floor after a long an awkward quarter of a minute, Shancai muttered a quick and nervous "well, goodbye" to him, but Si strode past her roughly out of the elevator, as if she didn't exist.
Shancai stared at his retreating figure for a few seconds, in shock. She'd been holding it in for the entire time he was right there with her, but now that he was gone there was no need to force her features to stay neutral.
Shancai could pretend like his obvious disgust with her didn't hurt her, but it did.
So, so much.
It stung and it burned, and she didn't see the elevator door closing until she was a complete mess, tears and all, sinking down to her knees in the corner of the elevator where Si had been so close to her. She sobbed into her thighs.
Would it be different if I told you, Si?
That this was all for you?
That. . . I sacrificed the only person I've ever loved more than anything, anyone, so he—you, could become the great, amazing star I always knew you would be?
Shancai sniffled. She could picture his half bitter and half cold face like he was standing so close to her again, except this time he knew all she had done and was asking her if it was worth it. The lying to him, the decision she'd made to not tell him about her brother's cancer because she knew, she just knew he would come running after her to Kashgar and then everything he'd worked for—getting into Mingde, all those choir rehearsals, music club meetings, song writing and composing classes. . . would be in vain.
All because of her.
She heaved a long, shuddering sigh, and pressed the open button, rubbing the tears roughly off of her face.
I was right to break up with him, not give him a reason, and leave without saying anything like I did. It sounds horrible saying it, but the truth is that it was a good thing, obviously good for him, seeing the level he's at right now. He doesn't know how all the time I'm just ragging and making fun of his stupid, amazing band—but when I'm alone, and by myself, all I'm listening to is his voice.
His sweet and soulful voice coming out of another beautiful song from 4 Seconds to Shanghai's new and old albums.
And right now. . . right now, it's not the time to start having regrets. I didn't tell Si the truth, and he flourished because of it, instead of what would've happened if I did.
And that is why what I did was completely right.
Because, instead of breaking up with him and leaving silently. . .
If I'd told him the truth three years ago, that I was going to move to the other end of the country to Kashgar, and Shanyuan's cancer was the sole reason I was leaving, he'd have followed me all the way there to be with me, and therefore the truth would have just brought him down.
"I would have brought him down," Shancai whispered, as she finally stepped out of the elevator. She pulled her suitcase after her, and took out the flyer of 4 Seconds to Shanghai that she already had quite a few copies of, carefully placing it in her back pocket.
"And that's just something I couldn't let happen."
Shancai knocked on the door of room number 371P, feeling a little nervous to meet her three new roommates, who would also be competing against her. Hopefully, although competitors, they could become good friends. New friends. . . that was one of the things she was looking forward to in the competition besides, of course, the ¥50,000 Yuan prize.
In Kashgar, Shancai wasn't in highschool anymore, so it wasn't as easy to make friends. And between all the jobs she was working to raise money for Shanyuan's medical bills, and the time she spent at home helping her parents homeschool her little brother, there wasn't really any time at all to go out with friends. And of course, she fell out of touch with almost all of her friends in high school, back in Shanghai besides maybe Chen Qinghe, who she was extremely grateful for, as he was probably the only person who still called her up now and then.
Shancai fumbled in her pocket for the hotel keycard and pressed it to the door handle. Her heart fluttered with confusion, then an acute anxiety, as the handle lit up bright red, buzzing, and the door remained locked. She took the card away and pressed the keycard to the handle again, but the same thing happened. "What?" She said under her breath. Why was this happening? Had she gotten the wrong keycard?
She suddenly heard fast footsteps behind her, like someone was running towards her, and turned around to see a pretty looking girl beaming and panting at the same time. Her hair was probably twice as long as Shancai's, even though Shancai had been letting it grow out since she graduated high school and moved to Kashgar.
"Oh, hi, Shancai! Sorry if I'm late, I just missed the elevator."
"Huh?" Shancai said, confused. How do you know my name? And why the sorry?
The girl grinned sheepishly. "Ah sorry—! Basically, I came here really early, and the same thing happened with my keycard," she gestured at the buzzing red door handle of Shancai's hotel room. She didn't wait for Shancai to say anything in response, and continued.
"So I'm downstairs at the hotel staff desk, right?"
"Oh, really—"
"And then when I explained what happened to them, they tell me they're really sorry, but they accidentally handed out some keycards to guests that were expired and didn't work anymore. The staff wasn't really sure, but it was some kind of mix up, I guess."
Shancai tried not to laugh. She just won't stop talking! "Wow, I—" Shancai tried.
"But you should have seen the looks on their faces! They were so sad and apologized so much, like they'd get fired because of this or something! I mean, I guess this is a six star hotel, but still. . ." The girl ended her spiel, beaming at Shancai.
She seems nice, though, somehow. If a bit enthusiastic.
Shancai shook her head, smiling. "And you are. . . ?"
"He Yuanzi." She looked embarrassed for a second. "But I hate that name, so you can call me Xiaozi."
Shancai mulled it over as Xiaozi handed her the correct keycard, and when the handle finally beeped and flashed green, the two walked into the room they shared. "Xiaozi. . . how did you know my name?" Shancai left the door open for the other two competitors-slash-roomates she was yet to meet.
Xiaozi turned away, smoothing her hand over the leather of a sofa next to a beautiful wooden bunk bed. "I. . . looked up everyone who passed auditions to know who my competition was." She smiled, sighing. "Is that weird? By the way, I call top bunk!"
"Not at all," Shancai assured her, as she took off her sneakers and placed her suitcase in the corner of the huge room. Try to talk to her more, Shancai reminded herself. You could possibly make your first new friend!
"It makes sense, actually," Shancai added. "To want to know what the people you're going against are like, I mean. And I'm completely okay with being at the bottom bunk, I can't stand how it gets so hot at the top of a bunk bed."
Xiaozi shrugged off her backpack, and turned to Shancai with an odd smile on her face. "That's great. You know, Shancai. . . I really hate people who get in my way." Her tone was cold and sharp, a striking difference from her bubbliness outside the room just a few minutes ago.
But as soon as Xiaozi had said so, her weird expression vanished, and she smiled widely and stuck out her hand to Shancai.
"Let's be friends!"
Was it Shancai, or was something up with this girl? "Sure. . ." Shancai said weakly, placing her hand in Xiaozi's and shaking, wondering if she'd just imagined the girl's sudden change in demeanor.
Xiaozi giggled and settled herself into the sofa. "Oh, by the way, Shancai. . ."
"Hmm?"
"I didn't know your name because I looked it up or anything. . . I'm not that creepy, or, like, a stalker or anything." Xiaozi grimaced at the floor. "It's just that my future fiancé talks about you a lot. So that's how I knew."
Shancai's brow furrowed, and she almost laughed out of just how confused she was, again. What in the world was going on? "Your. . . fiancé. . . knows—knew me? How, exactly? What's his name?" She couldn't tell why, but for some reason, Shancai had a bad feeling about this.
"Future fiancé," Xiaozi corrected. "Not fiancé. Yet. Of course we're going to be engaged, I mean, we're made for each other! But the poor thing, he's just so busy with work and all, that nothing's really happened yet, but. . . but any day now, I just know he'll propose! And. . . as for who he is. . ." Xiaozi let out a small smile. "His name is Daoming Si. As in, the Daoming Si from 4 Seconds of Shanghai. You've heard of them, of course?"
Xiaozi was watching Shancai closely, as if expecting a reaction. Shancai swallowed, not letting the shock and. . . betrayal, for some reason, show on her face. She composed herself and smiled, making the smile reach her eyes, so it didn't look fake.
"Oh, of course! Wow, he's your fiancé? And yes, it's so crazy, but I knew Ah—I mean, Daoming Si, in high school. I think he was in our school's choir, so I. . . I suppose that's how I knew him. And—and here he is three years later, the lead singer in a world famous boy band. Weird the way things happen sometimes, isn't it?"
Xiaozi looked relieved. "Yes! Exactly. In fact, I—"
"Would you excuse me?" Shancai interrupted, her smile growing wider, almost to the point of pain, as she stared Xiaozi down so she would agree.
Xiaozi nodded. "Um. . . okay, sure."
Shancai swiftly turned away and walked out of the open room's door as she called over her shoulder to Xiaozi that she was going for a walk.
As soon as she was a safe distance away, Shancai started crying. For the second time that day. Was this competition cursed?
She sobbed as quietly as she could, walking to the bathrooms on her floor, and then hid herself in one of the stalls so no one would see her.
How could Daoming Si be engaged?
Hadn't he. . . hadn't he promised her it was going to be her, that he would—? Then again. . .
You didn't exactly keep your promises to him, either, Shancai.
Especially not the one where you told him you'd always be with him.
Who. . . who can blame him for falling in love with someone else?
Still, she struggled to understand that feeling of betrayal and hurt that coursed through her veins. Shancai shook her head, rolling out some toilet paper to wipe her tears away.
Then, suddenly—
"Hello? Is someone in there?"
Shancai abruptly stopped her crying, and shivered.
Then she sighed, rubbing at her eyes, and opened the stall door to come out.
There was a gasp as soon as she walked out. ". . . Shancai? Dong Shancai, from high school? Is that really you?"
In front of Shancai was Xiaoyou, a fellow music club member that she remembered fondly as a girl in her circle of friends who stood next to her in the first soprano section of her high school's choir.
"Ah. . . yes, it's me! And you are Jiang Xiaoyou, is that right?"
Xiaoyou laughed. "Yes, it is. I can't believe it's you again! None of us knew where you'd gone after high school, it was like you had disappeared!" Xiaoyou gasped. "Wait, don't tell me, are you competing, too. . .?"
Shancai nodded, smiling a little. It's such an absolutely wonderful feeling to see an old friend, no matter how close or not you were to them before.
"And you're on the sixteenth floor as well! This is so amazing, I think we'll even be in the same room—!" She stopped abruptly as she noticed Shancai's red rimmed eyes. "Hey, um. . . was that. . . you in there, crying?"
Shancai knew she couldn't talk herself out of this one. After all, she had been the only one in the bathroom before Xiaoyou came in.
Shancai nodded slowly, looking away.
I still can't believe it. It still hurts. A part of me thought crying would remove some of the pain, but it hasn't.
"Do you. . . do you want to talk about it? We could, maybe, go to our room and then you could tell me—"
Seeing Xiaoyou's wide, and uncertain but friendly eyes, and the kind set of her mouth that reminded her of the warmth of the support only a friend could give made Shancai lose it again.
"He's engaged to someone else, Xiaoyou," Shancai burst out, tears filling her eyes. "They're going to be m—married!" Without thinking, she launched herself into the surprised girl's arms, and sobbed brokenly.
Xiaoyou stiffened in surprise at first, then let Shancai sink into her embrace, and with an arm around her, gently walked her out of the bathroom. "Hey, Shancai. . . don't cry, dear. . . is this. . . is this about Daoming Si? Your boyfriend from high school?"
Shancai sniffled into Xiaoyou's shoulder, nodding sadly and berating herself for being so pathetic. "He's engaged to someone else, and for some reason I can't take it. . . " Shancai whispered.
Xiaoyou continued in a soft voice, rubbing Shancai's back. "Hmm. . . well. He's part of the F4, from that band 4 Seconds to Shanghai, isn't he? So. . . if you don't mind me asking, don't you think the press or local news networks would've reported about an F4 engagement happening? And wouldn't they have noticed, the paparazzi at the very least, that Daoming Si had a girlfriend before he proposed to her?"
Shancai drew away, her eyes wide. "Oh, that's true, Xiaoyou. . . I didn't think of that!"
She wiped the remaining tears off of her face with a handkerchief Xiaoyou had just handed to her. Wow. What Xiaoyou is saying actually makes sense. But, could it be that Xiaozi was lying, then?
Xiaoyou linked her arm with Shancai's as the both of them started walking back to their room. "Who told you that, anyway?"
"Um. . . Xiaozi. She told me that they were going to be engaged, and that Si—" Shancai broke off as Xiaoyou let out a huge laugh, pinching her cheek.
"Shancai! She was the reason you were crying here? He Yuanzi? I can't believe she's in this competition. I met her in one of the vocal training classes I went to a few months ago to prepare for auditions, and she," Xiaoyou beckoned Shancai closer and lowered her voice. "Is a total nutcase! She's manipulative and sneaky and just plain annoying. Do yourself a favor and don't listen to anything that comes out of that girl's big mouth."
"Ah, really? I kind of got a weird feeling about her as well, I'm glad it wasn't just me."
Xiaoyou smiled and squeezed Shancai's hand. Shancai squeezed back, grinning.
"It definitely wasn't just you. Just forget about it and ignore her is the advice I'll give you. Now let's go meet our last roommate!"
When Shancai and Xiaoyou had returned to their room, it was almost eight o' clock, the competition's curfew, and their fourth roommate and competitor had arrived.
Shancai thought their new roommate looked a bit plain, not at all like the type she'd have expected to come on a televised singing competition, but. . . still sweet all the same. When asked to introduce herself, she shyly mumbled a "hi" so quiet that Shancai had to ask the girl to repeat the word three times before she understood what the girl, Li Zhen, was trying to say.
Xiaozi was strangely quiet the entire time Shancai and Xiaoyou were catching up in their shared room and getting to know Li Zhen, but Shancai didn't mind. To be honest, Xiaozi gave her a bit of a headache and, also. . . she didn't like how the girl had observed her earlier that day, as if waiting for an upset reaction when she'd told Shancai that Daoming Si was her fiancé.
As the sun went down, Shancai stopped herself from scrolling through updates from the competition's Twitter account so she wouldn't have trouble sleeping. There was also the fact that she had way too much of an urge to check up on 4 Seconds to Shanghai's social media online, and knew it wasn't exactly the best thing to be doing, especially when she'd be seeing the F4 tomorrow.
Meeting the judges and other competitors for the first episode of the competition was definitely going to be taxing, especially because of the tension with Si after their meeting in the elevator, and the stress of knowing that her brother's future depended on her.
Before she finally put her phone away to sleep, Shancai typed out a quick text to Shanyuan, her little brother.
10:31 PM weed4ever you still in the hospital? I just got settled in. call me tmr and ill tell u everything that's happened so far 😉
10:34 PM fortniteISmylife omg. Stop bothering me. ur not my mom Shancai
Shancai rolled her eyes. This idiot.
10:34 PM weed4ever shut up Shanny boy! And please get rid of that horrible username 😬
She snickered then immediately gasped when she saw what her brother had changed it to. What the hell?
10:35 PM mysisterisinLUVwithDAOMINGSI ok I did. Hope you like it idiot 😌😌
10:37 PM weed4ever CHANGE IT NOW. RIGHT. NOW. IDIOT
Shancai sighed and put her phone away. Maybe she'd hold out on calling Shanyuan, just to make him pay for embarrassing her. She couldn't believe the gall he had these days, playing jokes and teasing her. Hadn't it been just a few years ago when he was a shy middle schooler?
She smiled slightly and pulled her blanket tighter around her. After a few hours of trying to sleep, but being unable to from the excitement of what the next day would bring, Shancai suddenly got interrupted by a ping from her phone, and confused, unlocked it with her finger, and opened up the notification from messenger.
12:27 AM mysisterisinLUVwithDAOMINGSI good luck. I love you sis, I know ull win x
12:28 AM mysisterisinLUVwithDAOMINGSI btw im never changing my username! HA 😂
Shancai giggled, her eyes tearing up as she thought of Shanyuan, his nostrils connected to the oxygen tanks in his hospital bed, and of the poor boy being bedridden all day, even if he wasn't currently in treatment. . . how she missed him.
And also. . .
Her little brother must've been so lonely.
She sighed heavily, again.
One thing was for sure, she thought to herself as Shancai settled back into her bottom bunk again, fluffing up the pillow.
She had to win this competition, Daoming Si or no Daoming Si, for her brother!
A/N~ Hi guys!
Isn't Xiaoyou the friend we all wish we had but don't? (atleast *i* dont have a friend like her 😭😭)
And Xiaozi, like always, is such a lunatic and so crazy. (To be honest, I kinda liked her on the show, and feel a bit bad since I'm making her evil here haha 😁)
Anyway, it's almost time! The competition is about to start. Shancai will see Si after that awkard encounter in the elevator!
I can't wait.
To. . . write it. 😅😅😅
Hope you enjoyed.
Thanks so much dear readers,
- Lilli 3333
P.S. the title of this chapter is from The Turtles' song 'Happy Together'. Idk why but I feel it fits our Caisi really well.