Georg von Trapp knew that he was a brilliant strategist. He had many of his country's highest honours and a drawer full of medals as proof. Many of his legendary naval campaigns were based on nothing but pure instinct, a sixth sense that few of his peers or superiors possessed. Given any myriad of facts and details, he could quickly devise a clear plan, predict what the enemy would do and then sit back and enjoy the sweet taste of victory.
However, this gift seem to totally desert him when he was dealing with women and matters of the heart. He had no idea what a woman was thinking, was often completely clueless. They were utterly unpredictable. There was no way to guess how they would behave. They would often react in the complete reverse to what he expected. This made planning difficult. Impossible. How could he be expected to devise a strategy and follow it when what he really needed was multiple and opposing strategies, and even then he didn't believe that he could cover every possibility. It was too much to expect from a man, even one with his brilliant mind.
Having spent so much of his childhood at boarding school and then in the navy, women had been absent during many of his formative years. And in his youth he didn't need to understand their complexities. He cringed as he thought of his many meaningless encounters with women who were only too willing to entertain a young naval cadet.
Of course, that all changed when he met Agathe. The moment they locked eyes, he knew he needed her. Just her. Always her. He could still remember that moment, those seconds, where his world was suspended, where everything changed. In that moment nothing else mattered except her. He closed his eyes as he struggled past the lump in his throat. Agathe had plucked the heart of his mystery from the beginning. Had seen right through him. There had been nowhere to hide.
Although she herself had been a complete mystery to him in the beginning, as the years passed he came to read and understand her many moods, predict her reactions. Especially as they spent more time together after he left the navy. But how he would gladly have spent a lifetime learning even more of the mysteries of the beautiful, complex woman who had held his heart hostage. Still did.
And so Georg found himself, deep in thought, sitting at his dining table. He knew that he could have showered, shaved and dressed for dinner ten times over and would still not have landed on a real strategy for his current dilemma. Or at least a strategy befitting a man with his talent. He didn't know what was more troubling. The fact that he didn't have any real plan, or knowing that even if he did, there was a possibility that he couldn't be trusted to follow it.
Perhaps that was the greatest concern, there were times around women when he was incapable of predicting his own behaviour. He feared that this may be one of those times.
Fraulein Maria was the children's governess, so avoiding her entirely was impossible. He knew that. He had only just rediscovered his children. Had only just remembered what it was to spend time with them. He wanted to make up for the years he'd missed. The year's they'd all lost as a family.
No, he couldn't avoid Fraulein Maria entirely. That would be impossible. He would just have to ignore her. Pretend that she wasn't there. Not look at her. Not let his gaze linger. This was the only way he knew to stop the wayward thoughts before they took hold. It really wasn't a strategy, he knew that. But under the circumstances it was all he could come up with. It would have to do.
Tonight he was more thankful than usual for the fact that Fraulein Maria was late to dinner. Again. She was late for every meal. But at least tonight this gave him time to take his seat, take in some much needed air and clear his head. Although he was starting to wonder if perhaps his head wasn't too clear. If it wasn't working against itself. If he was honest with himself, he couldn't wait to see her again. Almost as much as he was dreading it.
Thankfully the children were excited about tonight's puppet show, so the racket in the dining room was even greater than usual. Details of the performance had been kept "Top Secret". He smiled to himself. Didn't his own family realise that he was the Captain and outranked them all? Clearly they didn't understand the chain of command. But then neither did their governess. How he had delighted in trying to sneak up on them while they were practicing in the ballroom, only to be shooed away by their raucous cries and a roll of the eyes from Fraulein Maria. Tonight around the table the children still weren't giving anything away. They were busy reliving the day's adventures amongst themselves, more excited than usual.
He could hear Louisa explaining to Brigitta and Marta that the tadpoles she'd found amongst the reeds by the lake had sprouted legs, which meant that soon they could all chase the small frogs along the bank. How he hoped Elsa wasn't listening. She would be horrified at how unladylike his young ladies were!
Elsa and Max were seated either side of him, still dissecting the gossip that had occupied them earlier on the terrace. As they paused to consider the implications, Georg reached over to squeeze Elsa's hand. He knew she would see it as a sign of affection, but he knew better. He knew that it was a gesture borne out of guilt. An unspoken apology for his earlier lapse, a lapse he hoped had gone unnoticed.
Elsa gave him a look of exasperation. He knew she didn't care for the noise around the table. And he'd also picked up on her disapproval of the governess joining them for meals. He knew that she certainly didn't appreciate having to wait for the governess to arrive before every meal, especially when the food was getting cold in front of them.
There was a time when he'd shared her frustration. When he couldn't understand what was so impossible about making it to the same room at the same times every day. But not now.
Now he found that he quite liked her late entrances. He'd grown quite fond of the pattern they followed – her rushing, slowing, apologising, sitting down breathless and then taking a minute to catch her breath. He especially liked his view from the opposite end of the table. Watching from the moment she sat down, out of breath, captivated by the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she took in mouthfuls of air. Smiling to himself, he had to admit that he found it all rather breathtaking to watch.
He wasn't supposed to be thinking about Fraulein Maria, but he really hadn't thought about much else. It made him realise how desperately he needed to see her again. It had been far too long since he'd watched her turn at the top of the stairs towards the servant's wing no more than an hour ago. How he missed her. Wondered what was keeping her. How much longer would she be? This was excruciating.
Goddamn! He must be completely mad! His plan was already unravelling and she hadn't even arrived! He tried to turn his focus away from the governess and towards the conversation Elsa had resumed with Max. Thankfully, he hadn't missed anything. Still analysing the same poor sod's scandalous behaviour. Unfortunately, the poor scoundrel had a long, colourful past, so this conversation could run on for hours.
As usual, he heard Fraulein Maria well before she was anywhere near the dining room. He knew she was now hurrying down the stairs from the landing and across the foyer, slowing as she approached the doorway to the dining room. The children's chatter had stopped as they all looked up. Did they feel her absence as much as he did? Was that possible? Elsa and Max looked to the doorway behind him as Maria mumbled an apology.
God, he wasn't ready for this. He needed more time. He couldn't trust himself, couldn't let his eyes follow her as she made her way from the doorway to the end of the table. Turning away from where he knew Maria would be walking past him, he turned to smile at Elsa.
But as much as he tried to ignore Maria as she passed him, there was no mistaking that wonderful perfume that was Maria. He was almost giddy as it drifted by. He'd long pondered whether a postulant would wear perfume. The thought was ridiculous. But her scent would linger well after she passed by. Long after she left a room. He would notice a hint of it sometimes when he hugged one of the children. Was it a trace of gardenia? Perhaps orange blossom, or jasmine? It was a question that had occupied his thoughts for days now, or was it weeks? Whatever it was, it was fresh and heady. Just like her. He smiled to himself as he considered how entirely appropriate that such a scent should belong to her.
He turned to look toward the opposite end of the table as Fraulein Maria took her seat. As she caught her breath, he held his. He always did. She looked up at him, giving him a wry smile and a little shrug. An apology, but also an honest acknowledgement that punctuality was never something she would master. He gave her a small smile and the tiniest shake of his head. Acceptance of her apology, and acknowledgement that he gave up all hope of ever being able to teach her discipline. Teach her discipline. He sucked in a breath. The thought was almost too tantalising. He really needed to stop these stray thoughts. It struck him that he probably should stop communicating with the governess through looks, smiles and gestures. It was far too intimate. It was far too entertaining.
She hadn't caught her breath yet. He was losing his.
Taking her in properly for the first time since she sat down, he realised that she was wearing the most beautiful blue dress. He hadn't seen it before, it must be new. Did she make it herself? Where ever did she find the time? Could it be more perfect? Could it be worn by a more perfect woman? It matched the blue of her eyes. Or did her eyes accentuate the dress? Either way, her eyes seemed bluer, more intense. Was that even possible, he wondered. He started listing the ways he could increase the intensity of her eyes.
As he started working his way through the list, someone cleared their throat. Was it Brigitta? He quickly glanced at his daughter, who was giving him the most curious look. She really did notice too much. God, what had she seen? She'd clearly noticed his distraction, he hoped that was all. As always, Maria was waiting for his nod of approval before saying grace. Realising that she was still waiting for his signal, he finally nodded to her. This really was proving to be much harder than he expected. Almost impossible.
She dropped her head and clasped her hands together, thanking the Lord for their meal. Georg realised he was still staring at her when she lifted her head. She gave him a broad smile, as she turned to Marta who was tugging at her sleeve. The sound of cutlery against china reminded him that they were at the dining table and that he should pick up his own utensils, the cold metal cooling his fingers. It wasn't enough.
He was still completely engrossed in the adorable sight of Marta talking so quietly and seriously to Maria, no doubt last minute concerns regarding the puppet show. Maria seemed to have allayed Marta's fears. She always did.
Now that Maria had returned to the plate in front of her, Georg couldn't help noticing the stray lock of hair. God, how he wanted to gently tuck it behind her ear. To feel her hair between his fingers. To touch her skin. To linger. Again, he felt the unbearable burning in his fingers. He placed the cutlery on his plate and pressed his fingers together.
He cursed himself again. He really was doing such a hopeless job at ignoring his children's governess. He'd barely touched the main course. In fact, he wasn't even sure what he was eating. He looked down. Schnitzel. Oh, how his strategy was unravelling before it even began.
Although the children had quietened a little while they ate, there was still loud chattering around the table. There was a time not long ago when he expected meals to be eaten in silence. Commanded it. But not now. Tonight, he was even more thankful than ever that dinner was such a noisy affair. Above the din of the children recounting their day's adventures, Max was now entertaining Elsa with tales of his day's efforts trying to secure some local talent for the festival.
Georg reached for Elsa's hand again, giving it another squeeze. Another attempt to relieve some of the guilt. Bringing his hands back to straighten his napkin, he realised that although he had just held the hand of the woman he was expected to marry, supposed to marry, he had felt nothing. He knew that Elsa was more like a friend to him and would never replace Agathe as the love of his life, but the thought concerned him. How could his fingers burn just at the thought, the need, to touch his governess? And yet he felt nothing when he touched Elsa.
Still fighting with this unnerving thought, he was grateful for the distraction of the half touched plate in front of him being replaced by dessert. Waiting until everyone had a strudel in front of them, he picked up his spoon, determined not to let his thoughts completely ruin his meal.
If there's was one thing that quietened each and every one of his children, it was a serving of apple strudel placed in front of them. Almost as effective as that damned whistle, he smiled to himself. The children devoured their dessert in record time, unable to contain their excitement as the meal was quickly coming to an end. Catching up to her brothers and sisters, the clang of Gretl's spoon as she dropped it into her empty bowl was the signal that the meal was over as far as the children were concerned.
The children all looked to their governess who raised an eyebrow their way. It was exaggerated and it was adorable, and it brought a giggle from Gretl that she tried her best to hide.
Maria hadn't finished her dessert, but turned to Georg with a questioning look, permission for the children to leave the table and go prepare the puppets for the show. He really did wonder when she had last eaten a full meal. The children would always eat their meals like they hadn't seen food for days. Maria would often be whisked up in their whirlwind, out the door and onto the next activity.
His eyes dropped from her beautiful eyes to the half serving of strudel in front of her. Looking back into her blue eyes, with his head slightly cocked. Surely he could enjoy the wonder of having her seated in front of him for a few more minutes.
But she smiled, and with the slightest shake of her head, quietly clapped her hands.
"Come on children. Let's get you and the puppets ready for the show!"
The children jumped up as one, letting out all sorts of squeals and yelps of delight and raced out of the dining room towards the ballroom. The din in the background disappeared as soon as the ballroom doors could be heard banging closed behind the children.
Elsa let out a sigh and straightened a stray hair. Georg could see that she was uncomfortable around the children and that she didn't appreciate the noisy meal times. He reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.
"Really, finding the right talent for the festival is proving a difficult task…" Max continued sharing his afternoon's exploits, while Georg continued sipping his wine. He really couldn't remember when the children were so excited, so happy. It was wonderful to watch.
As Max finally finished the story of the latest talent he had observed that afternoon, and with the wine glasses drained, they made their way to the ballroom, certain that the children had been given enough time to get everything ready.
Georg knocked on the ballroom door and waited for Maria to call out for them to enter. He smiled at how far things had come. How much things had changed. How on her first day, in less than an hour of her arrival, he had all but physically chased her from the dusty ballroom that had been shut off for four years, bellowing at her like a tyrant. But not now.
Now she had him knocking and waiting for permission to enter his own ballroom! She'd asked him some weeks ago if it could be cleaned and opened up for the children to use for some of their activities. Of course he'd agreed. Would he ever be able to deny this woman anything? He knew the answer. It was hidden behind those blue eyes.
He opened the door, letting Elsa and Max pass through before following them. There were three seats for the "audience" placed in front of the puppet stage. The children were whispering last minute instructions and encouragement to each other. Even before the show even started, he wondered if he could feel prouder of how far his children had come in such a short time. It was nothing short of a miracle.
As Elsa and Max took their seats, Georg realised that he had forgotten to ask Maria to meet him tonight in his study after the children had gone to bed. He really did want to stamp out any nonsense between Liesl and that insolent boy who thought he could just ride his bike through his grounds whenever he felt like it. He clenched his fists at the thought as he walked around the side of the puppet stage. Maria was just giving Marta some last minute encouragement. Goodness. He'd almost bumped into her.
She gave him her best governess look. One that told him he was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be.
"Ehm, Fraulein, err…would you please join me in my study after the children are in bed?" Why was he stammering like a fool? It was utterly ridiculous. Just one look from this woman and he was a mess.
She smiled and nodded, easing his nervousness. Marta politely told him to go and sit down, in mock indignation he turned towards the empty seat next to Elsa, animatedly shushing the rest of the audience and then encouraging them all to clap as the curtain was raised.
As soon as the performance started, he was lost. It could have been Maria's glorious voice singing the opening strains. It was probably the way his older children were able to work the puppets with such ease. It was possibly that his youngest daughters were fulfilling their roles as stage hands so confidently. He knew it was all these things, and so much more. He hoped that Agathe was also watching and could also see how wonderfully their children had grown. What beautiful, talented children they were.
As Maria "stage whispered" for Gretl to push the prince on stage, he realised that without this amazing woman his family would still be miserable. He would still struggle through each day, numb. An absent father, a tyrant. His children would have been through another five governesses by now. How could he ever forgive himself? Realising that he didn't want to spoil his children's performance with such dark thoughts, he pushed them to the back of his mind and focused on the puppet show.
His children hadn't sung for years, and now here they were yodelling for heaven's sake! As he watched the children spin three pairs of waltzing puppets around the stage, he just had to laugh from the sheer joy. And above it all, Maria was yodelling and encouraging the children every step of the way. Goats, princes, tankards of beer – it was all too much!
As the show came to an end, he couldn't contain his laughter, his clapping and cheering. Over his shouts of "Bravo!" he could hear Max joining him and then Elsa. He was on his feet before he realised, racing towards his children who were now bowing in front of the stage. He was kissing them, bowing to them, shaking Kurt's hand and stroking Liesl's check affectionately.
They all raced towards Max begging to keep the puppets. Georg knew then that despite the teasing comments Max threw his way, he would give his children anything just to see such joy on their faces. Just so he could feel alive.
As Max was escaping the ballroom with all the children around him, Georg turned to the edge of the puppet stage. Maria was leaning on the edge catching her breath. "Well done Fraulein", he said as he walked to stand in front of her. "I really am very, very much impressed".
"Well they're your children, Captain". She smiled, sweeping her arms wide, still trying to catch her breath.
Yes, he thought as he held her eyes, they may be my children, but after four long years you made me realise. You made me see them. You made me see myself. You opened my eyes to everything. He could feel the lump in his throat as all his emotions fought to be free. He swallowed hard.
Then Elsa walked up beside him and the spell was broken. God, he'd forgotten about her. Again. He nodded, mumbled something incoherent and gave an awkward grin as he turned and grabbed Elsa's arm before he gave away too much. Gave away any more.
He desperately needed a drink to calm him before things got any more out of hand.
As they were leaving the ballroom, he'd tried to laugh off Elsa's sarcastic comments to Maria. He realised then she knew. Elsa knew. As they joined everyone in the foyer, he'd tried to deflect Max's insistence that his children should be his act for the festival. Didn't Max understand that he didn't want to share his children with strangers? He was still discovering them himself. He still had so much to learn about them. He wouldn't share them.
Finally, he was in the corner of the salon pouring drinks for Elsa, Max and himself. But before he could even bring the glass to his mouth, he sensed Maria behind him. He turned towards the middle of the room to find her standing in front of him holding her guitar towards him in her outstretched hands.
"Ehrm" she cleared her throat. "The vote is unanimous. You, Captain" she proudly declared.
Apparently, while he was pouring the drinks, the children were huddled at the other end of the room, convincing their governess to ask him to play. She was now leading the children in a mutiny against him! This would not do.
"Me? I, er, I don't understand." He mumbled, shaking his head and squaring his shoulders in case she was in any doubt about his willingness to perform in front of his children and guests. It had been too long. He was too emotional. It would be too painful. What was she doing? He thought she understood him.
"Please." She was smiling. Reassuring him with a nod. Pleading with those blue eyes.
He put his drink down. Walked away. Turning his back on her, on those eyes. As long as he didn't look into those eyes, he may win this battle.
"I'm told that a long time ago you were quite good." Now she was openly challenging him. This woman was ruthless! It wasn't that long ago. And he was probably better than quite good. Really! As the children joined in, he turned to face them all and continued deflecting their pleas, telling the children that it was a very, very, very long time ago! Now he was making himself sound like an old man!
And then as Maria thrust the guitar at him again with one final, heartfelt "Please", he knew that was it. Battle lost. He couldn't refuse her. He reached for the guitar, and gave her a nod. Acknowledging that he had conceded. That she had won. Again. He had surrendered to her now, and probably would again a thousand times over. But her smile was all the reward he needed. He smiled back as she started settling the children on the floor in front of him as he nervously tried to remember how to strum the strings and where those blasted chords were. It had been far too long.
He sat down and started playing and singing Edelweiss. A simple lullaby that Agathe used to sing when the children were drifting off to sleep, one that the older children would remember. An anthem to his homeland that had been drifting away from him in recent times. A song of love for a woman who was no longer with him, but who he saw in each of his children every day. And a dedication to the woman who had brought his family back to life. Brought him back to life.
As he came to the end of the first verse, he turned to Maria who was leaning against the wall and as he sang the words "…you look happy to meet me", he gave her a small bow of gratitude and a smile for the sheer joy of singing again. He'd forgotten. Thank you. For everything.
Liesl sang the second verse with him. She used to sing along with her mother, he thought wistfully. She sounded like her mother. He could feel the lump rising. He tried to stop the tears from filling his eyes.
As he sang the last verse alone, he could feel the emotion building up again. The memories that flooded back were almost too much. But they were beautiful. They should be celebrated, not ignored. Not forgotten. How wrong he'd been.
As he sang the final "Bless my homeland forever", he turned to Maria. He needed her to understand that his home had been blessed by her presence. She had made this a home again. His children needed her. He needed her. God, how he wanted her.
He'd stopped singing. He'd stopped strumming the guitar. The world stopped. He didn't know when. He didn't know how long he'd been staring into her blue eyes. Lost. It may have been seconds. He wished it could be hours. As he looked at her he could see her breathing was shallow now, her lips parted as her breathing quickened. He was surprised to see her eyes had darkened. Surely he was mistaken! Surely she wasn't mirroring his own desire? The thought was exhilarating. The sheer elation that she might feel something, anything, for him was almost overwhelming.
He gave her a little grin and a shrug of the shoulders. See, still quite good. She smiled back at him. Nodding, confirming that she knew that he could do it.
Then thankfully Max interrupted, turning the conversation back to recruiting him to now sing with the children for the festival. Elsa swept across the room saying something about really filling the house with music. Oh, God, did he just agree to hold a party for Elsa? The children were squealing with excitement as Maria gathered them up. He detested parties more than anything. What had he agreed to? How could he get out of this?
Maria waited in the doorway as the children said goodnight, giving him one last look. He nodded, confirming that he would see her later. She nodded and smiled back.
Soon after, Elsa and Max retired for the evening, leaving him alone with his own thoughts and a glass of brandy.
He knew that the children would be so excited after tonight and that it may take Maria longer than usual to settle them down. He knew he should have told her that he would meet her in the morning after breakfast, rather than later that evening. He knew that he needed to give himself time to calm down. To gather his thoughts. To rein in his emotions.
But he knew that he couldn't wait that long to see her again. The morning was too far away. He ran his hand through his hair and loosened his tie.
Hell, he missed her already.
So, I decided to keep going with this story. Apologies for the really long chapter, but I guess that's what happens when the puppet show and Edelweiss all happen on the same night!
I don't own TSOM. Again, just borrowed the characters for a short while! I also borrowed a few lines from CP's autobiography and used them where the Captain describes meeting Agathe. CP used them when retelling how he met his wife almost 50 years ago.