He fumbled with his key in the lock. The porch light was on, but the indoor lights were all off. The key slid into the lock, and he turned it, letting himself in.
"Where were you?" He peered in the darkness for the source of the accusatory wife.
"Nowhere. Just at the bar with the guys."
"At the bar." She let out a humorless laugh. "Of course. Should've seen it coming."
"Don't you use that tone with me!" he said, pointing a finger and raising his voice.
"Would you keep your voice down? Your daughter– our daughter is upstairs sleeping."
Their six-year-old daughter scooted back a bit from her perch at the top of the stairs, clutching a stuffed penguin tightly in her arms. She shut her eyes and started counting in her head, mouthing the numbers silently as she went.
"What the hell do I care? You're always up late accusing me of sleeping around!"
The blonde girl at the top of the stairs whimpered softly, opening her eyes to get a peek downstairs.
"I talked to Gary. He didn't see you on Sunday. What are you hiding from me?"
"I'm not hiding anything, dammit!" He staggered forward threateningly, but she took two quick steps back.
"Get out."
"What?"
"I will not have you in this house around our daughter like this. Find somewhere else to sleep."
"You bitch." He grabbed a vase off a nearby table and threw it to the ground. The girl at the top of the stairs let out a frightened cry.
"Candi..." The mother's eyes snapped up to her daughter, who scrambled back into her room. "Get OUT!" she spat at her husband.
He shook his head and dismissed her with a wave of his hand before heading back to the door and exiting, making sure to slam it behind him. The mother rushed up to her daughter's room and knelt beside her bed. "Candi, honey..."
No response. She was pretending to sleep. The mother tried again. "Honey... what you saw down there..."
"You fight so much," her daughter squeaked out, still holding onto Waddles as tightly as she could.
"Honey... your dad and I, we're just..."
"...you still love Daddy?"
A tear ran down the mother's face. She never thought they would end up being one of these families. "Your daddy and I, we're just... growing apart... Do you understand that?"
"Mmh-mmh." The girl shook her head emphatically.
The mother hung her head. She didn't expect that explanation to work anyway. "Candi, I promise you that someday soon, everything will be amazing again. I promise. It'll all be okay someday...."
She stood up and leaned over the bed, rearranging her daughter's blankets and bringing one of Waddles's wings over her. "Everything will be wonderful someday, Honey. I promise."
- - -
"Give it a rest, Lindsay," Candida said as she fixed her hair in the mirror. "You don't really think that Joel Puckerman is going to go after you, do you? I am, after all, the Pickford Princess.... but that's alright. You're young. You still need to learn the pecking order."
The brunette girl called Lindsay fell silent as her smile faltered. "....oh."
"It's alright. You'll find someone. We'll find you someone," she self-corrected, glancing at the gaggle of girls standing behind her.
Lindsay wasn't very reassured by this, but she smiled nonetheless.
"Did you get the Yuletide Star yet?" a short blonde asked.
"Not yet. But soon," Candida said matter-of-factly as she wiped a clump of mascara out of the corner of her eye.
The bell rang, signaling the end of zero period, and the girls eventually dispersed, leaving for their classes. Candida was heading for the door when her phone rang. Seeing that it was her mother calling, she answered.
Keely pushed on the restroom door when she heard a voice from inside. "Hello?" She jumped back and glanced around nervously, when the voice continued. She sounded familiar, but Keely couldn't place who it could have been. "Oh, hey.... what?.... No, didn't you say.....no, I don't–.... Mom, that's not fair!" An annoyed sigh followed. "You can't do this to me!.... You can't– wow. Wow. I can't even... no. Never mind. Goodbye."
Keely pushed open the door and Candida hurried past her, her eyes shut tight and her hands balled into fists. "Wonder what her deal is..." Keely muttered to herself.
- - -
Candida took a stutter step as she walked in the front door after school that day. "Um... hello."
"Oh! Candida," her mother said, standing upon seeing her daughter, "I want you to meet Jeff." He stood up as Candida gave him an obviously fake smile.
"Gee, Mom, where'd you pick this one up?" she asked, looking up and raising an eyebrow. She struggled not to grin as she saw her mother's expression falter.
"Candi..." her mother warned in an undertone. "Um... I'm going to get us some drinks... Jeff, why don't you get to know my daughter here?"
Candida rolled her eyes as Jeff watched her mother leave the room, then sighed and sat down on the edge of the chair.
"So. You're Jeff," she said, after an awkward pause.
"Yeah," he said, rubbing his stubbly chin.
Candida smirked, then spoke up again. "Sorry about earlier, I should really be more used to this. You're the, um... the fifth man she's brought home this year. Sixth? Something like that."
She grinned as she watched the brown-haired man raise his eyebrows. She guessed him to be in his early thirties, which would make him several years younger than her mother.
"You didn't seem surprised when I came home though," she pressed on, "so I'm guessing she actually mentioned me this time. I guess that's a welcome change."
He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably and tried to change the subject. "Your mother's a really interesting person..."
"Ohhh, I know what that means. You met her at a bar, didn't you? Ha, yeah, get some of that in her, and—"
"What? No, I—"
"Funny, she usually doesn't bring them home from the bar. They'll bring her home, sure, but—..."
Candida trailed off as she saw her mother come into the room. Jeff stood up, then turned around and saw her, drinks in hand. "You know what," he said, "I actually... I forgot, I have to go; I have, um, I have this appointment... that I really need to get to. Doctor's appointment."
"...Oh," her mother said as she grabbed her backpack and headed upstairs. "Okay, well... I'll be here if you want to drop by again..."
He offered a polite smile, then hastily walked out the door. Candida sighed in relief as she heard the front door close.
- - -
Keely picked up her bag after school and headed towards the side doors of the school to meet Phil, when she heard a noise coming from one of the classrooms. Curious, she doubled back and peeked in, seeing a girl leaning forward on a desk, resting her head face-down on her arms.
Keely knocked on the open door to announce her presence. "Um... hey, you okay?"
Candida picked her head up and looked over, after subtly wiping her tears off her face.
"Candida? What are you still doing here?"
"Um...... nothing," Candida said after a beat, unable to think of any reasonable excuse.
"Is everything okay?" Keely asked upon seeing Candida's reddened eyes.
"Totally. Totally fine."
"You sure about that?"
Candida sighed and let her head drop again.
"Come on. Talk to me about it."
"I just– I don't want to go home, okay? Is that what you want to hear?"
"Why not?"
She picked up her head again. "Your parents aren't still together, are they?"
Keely sighed and sat down next to her. "No. My dad left when I was really young. I was like... four. Maybe three: I don't really remember him."
"Well. I remember my dad. At least, I remember him fighting with my mom all the time. Seems like it's all they ever did."
"I'm sorry..."
"...and now she's with this new guy, and I just... I don't know. I don't like it. I feel like all they did was make my life miserable. I hate them for it."
"But... they're your parents..."
"I don't care. I shouldn't have to love them if they don't deserve it."
Keely sighed. "I just... I don't know if you realize how hard it is to raise a kid on your own..."
"Well sure, but... I just... I don't want two homes anymore. I don't want two rooms. I don't want to have to split my holidays all the time," she said, her voice growing stronger and more bitter with each sentence. "I just want my life to be like it used to be!"
Keely's shoulders drooped. "Well..."
"I know, I know... and now my boyfriend's breaking up with me, too..."
"Aww, why?"
"I don't know," she said, lifting her head and wiping angrily at her eyes. "I'm too clingy, or something. He said he 'needs his space'..."
Keely sighed and put a hand on Candida's back. "I know you've probably heard this plenty of times already, but it does get better. Things won't be so bad after a while."
Candida scoffed and shook her head. "You're right. I have heard that before."
"And if you ever need to talk to someone... you can let me know... okay?"
Candida sniffled and nodded. Keely smiled, then quietly stood up and left.
- - -
From atop the ladder, Candida beamed as she looked down on all the grinning faces looking up at her. Finally, a moment all her own. She spotted her mother near the front of the crowd, and even offered her a small smile. Her mother waved back at her.
She gripped the Yuletide Star and gently placed it atop the tree. The crowd cheered and clapped as she bathed in the glow of the light. She scanned the crowd, and her smile faltered as she noticed Phil and Keely standing next to each other. She looked behind them and saw Mr. and Mrs. Diffy (Pim had apparently not seen any point in attending the tree-lighting ceremony), and beside them, another family looking up at her. Families all over. Husbands and wives. Fathers and daughters. Mothers and sons. She smiled once more, much weaker this time, then gave the crowd a final wave and stepped down from the ladder.
Keely frowned as she watched Candida try to slip unnoticed behind the stage which had been set up for the occasion.
"You know," Phil mused, "Pim not coming here was probably the nicest thing she's ever done for Candida. I can't imagine what she would've done if she came. I don't even want to imagine."
Keely nodded in agreement. "Um, hey, would you excuse me for like, two minutes?"
"Oh, sure thing," Phil said, not concerned to the point of asking her where she was going. He simply nodded and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He then turned his focus back to the stage and felt a tinge of discomfort when Mayor Da Luca took the stage with his daughter. Upon seeing her slowly looking in his direction, he tried to hide his face. "Hurry back, will you?" he called to Keely just as she headed off.
Keely walked behind the curtains at the rear of the stage and saw Candida sitting on a park bench by the side of the street. "Hey, you looked good up there," she said gently as she sat down next to her.
Candida sniffled and lifted her head. "Who cares?"
"...what's wrong? Is there a problem?"
"Them. Them," she repeated, jabbing a finger in the direction of the crowd. "They're the problem. All so happy and cheerful... it's so unfair... she ruined my life!"
"Ohh... I'm sure that's not true..."
She wiped a tear away and sighed. "Yes it is. Of course it is. I might as well not even have a dad... and every guy I see always ends up leaving me... I can't even form a meaningful relationship with anyone! I hate her!"
"That's an... awfully strong statement."
"I just..." Candida pounded her fists on her thighs. "I just hate everything some days. Everyone. They don't get what it's like."
"You can't really expect them to understand, can you?"
She sighed and covered her face with her hands.
"Love is... tricky," Keely said, leaning back on the bench. "I guess it can't always last forever."
Candida slowly looked up at Keely and laughed. "Oh, like you should be talking about love not lasting forever. I know about you and Phil."
Keely suddenly grew defensive. "Who told you about Phil?"
"What? No, I mean you two. Been together since, what, ninth grade?.. Now you're both seniors, still as blissful as ever. How can you say that love doesn't last forever? Of course love lasts forever. True love, anyway," she clarified, sighing and looking down at the ground. "True love never fades. Romance fades. Infatuation fades. Guess they never loved each other. The only reason they stayed together as long as they did was because of me."
"... you know their splitting up wasn't your fault, right?"
Candida waved her hand, dismissing the thought. "That doesn't matter. I just wish I had a chance at a normal life."
"What's stopping you from having one? Have you ever talked to your mom about this? Or your dad?"
"Like he'd listen..."
"All I can say is... just try and have a conversation with them. Or even just your mom, if you don't want to talk to your dad. You'd be surprised how much just talking about things can help."
Candida sniffled. "I guess."
"You gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine."
Keely nodded and slowly walked away, back to be with Phil, and Candida groaned at the thought of the two of them standing there, wrapped in each other's arms, standing beside Mr. and Mrs. Diffy, the four of them bathed from the light of the large tree in the center of the park.
She stood up, took off her shoes, and walked home, alone.
- - -
She looked at herself in her bedroom mirror. She smiled. Then frowned. It looked too fake. Too forced. She sighed.
She wasn't going to get a much better opportunity than she had. It was 10:43, and her mother would undoubtedly be on the couch downstairs, reading. She took a breath, sighed, and left her bedroom.
"Mom?"
Candida's mother looked up from her book and looked at the top of the stairs, where her daughter was standing. "What's up, Candi?"
Her mind fired off like a loose cannon, offering her plenty of things to start with.
I want to talk.
I need to talk.
I hate what happened between you and Dad.
I know you did your best to raise me on your own.
I'm sorry for being so nasty to your boyfriends. I just don't want to start over.
I know I haven't been the best daughter, and I apologize for that.
I know we fight a lot, and I know you think I love fighting with you, but I don't. I hate it.
...
You've damaged me. You and Dad damaged me.
Because of you, I find it hard to trust people.
Because of you, the people I call my friends don't even know how much I hate my life.
Because of you, I drive people away from me because my fear of abandonment leads to me clinging too hard and thinking paranoid thoughts.
Because of you, I'm insecure.
Because of you, I'm lonely.
I don't even feel loved. I never have.
She opened her mouth and spoke quietly. "You were wrong."
Her mother paused. "Wrong about what, Honey?"
"It's not okay. Nothing's okay. You were wrong. You lied."
"..."
"I wouldn't expect you to remember. Just empty promises. What was I thinking..." Candida shook her head and went back to her room, ignoring her mother calling her name. She shut and locked her door and put on some music to drown out the inevitable knocking that would come soon.
She took out her phone and looked at a date on its calendar twenty-three months in the future. She marked it.
November 16 - 18th birthday
She shook her head, and got ready for bed. While she was brushing her teeth, her mother sighed and gave up knocking on the door, deciding to try and talk to her the next morning.
She hopped into bed and gazed out the window. It was going to be a long break from school. In three days, she was going to have to take a trip up to her father's house for the holiday. The thought of the trip was enough to make her groan.
She sighed and, pulling her blankets tight, laid herself to sleep. She caught a glimpse of a familiar black and white figure out of the corner of her eye as she rolled onto her back.
"'Night, Waddles," she whispered, then let out a short, soft chuckle.
The penguin stood like a sentry on the nightstand, casting a watchful, beady eye over her dormant form.