2.
They met at a training area every day, one with a space of flat green grass surrounded on three sides by a forest. The first day, Anko took a poll:
"Raise your hand if you're on a diet," she said.
All three girls raised their hands, rather proudly. They were sure a fellow kunoichi, one not parental, would understand and applaud their efforts.
"Yeah," said Anko, "cut that shit out."
The girls' hands drooped as horror filled their faces.
"But Sensei, we have to look good for guys!" Ino cried out. Sakura and Hinata were less vocal, but it was clear they agreed with her.
"Okay," said Anko, who had expected this, "let me put it to you this way. Start running laps. I'll tell you when to stop."
Running laps was something they had done in the Academy, so the girls all stood up and started running.
What they were not expecting was for Anko to start running right beside them, yelling, "Run faster! Run faster, you pathetic piece of shit!" She ran right beside them, constantly yelling out calls and insults the entire time.
And they just kept running. And running. And running. In the hot sun. Sweat pouring down their bodies and faces. Their heads spinning.
At last, Sakura stopped, panting, with her hands on her knees.
"Are you stupid?! I told you to keep running!" Anko yelled right in her ear.
"I'm tired!" Sakura shot out heatedly. Inner Sakura was furious: Damnit! Is this crazy teacher trying to kill us?!
"You're tired?! My Grandma runs better than you! I don't give a fuck if you're tired, I want you to keep on running!"
And so Sakura had to return to her runs, wailing out protests. Her cries went unheard.
Hinata, pushing herself hardest in an effort to please, was the first to pass out. Ino went to hurry over to her, and Anko shouted, "Keep running, Yamanaka!"
"But Sensei, Hinata is -!"
"What?! You're going to run over to a loser?" Anko sneered, throwing the words back in Ino's face.
Ino got defensive, but she stayed to her original point. "Sensei, Hinata could be sick!"
"Let me worry about that. I told you to KEEP RUNNING!"
Ino stood there, warring with herself for a moment. Sakura had paused and was staring between the two with wide eyes. "Fine!" Ino spat out at last, and she went back to her running.
Ino was actually the last to pass out. Sakura did not long after Hinata, and then Ino was running alone.
"Congratulations, Yamanaka, you're the least pathetic of the bunch, though that ain't sayin' much!" Anko called, running along beside her. She had barely broken a sweat.
Ino spat out the words as she ran, dripping sweat. "They're not - pathetic - you're just - crazy!" Of the three, Ino was the only one with the guts to say this to a teacher as scary as Anko. After all, she had faced down screaming mothers and police officers.
"What was that?!" Anko yelled in her ear.
"I SAID YOU'RE CRAZY!" Ino shrieked. And then she blacked out.
The girls woke up to splashes of cold water being thrown on their faces, both nauseous and hungry, their heads pounding. Anko set a huge, home-cooked bento and a water bottle down in front of each of them, and said, "Eat and drink up."
The girls rushed forward, chugging water, cramming food into their mouths.
"Slow down," said Anko quietly, "or you'll make yourselves throw up."
Reluctantly, they slowed down. Once they had all recovered and were sitting there, weary, Anko said, now completely human again, "That's just one of the activities I'll have you doing pretty much every day. I don't give a fuck what sorts of personal reasons you have for being on a diet at thirteen. You don't diet on my watch.
"Hate me if you want. But if you keep dieting while I'm your Sensei, you're just going to keep passing out and feeling like this."
"We'll get fat! We have years of this ahead of us!" Ino protested.
"I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret," said Anko, her eyes widening sarcastically. "If you eat correctly and work out enough, it shouldn't matter how much you eat.
"More on eating correctly tomorrow. Break."
"That teacher is freaking crazy!" said Ino incredulously as they left the training ground, walking back to their respective homes. "I'm so tired I won't even be able to go out with my friends later!"
Sakura and Hinata knew what she meant - tonight Sakura would have no time to be perfectionistic about anything, and Hinata would not have much time to consider anything remotely like failure or depression either.
"I can't believe how awful I did," Sakura muttered, and Hinata nodded in agreement.
"You didn't do all that much worse than me, and I'm certainly not at fault!" said Ino heatedly. "It's that stupid crazy teacher!"
Hinata perked up. "I guess we all did badly," she said hopefully. Maybe it wasn't just her after all. "Perhaps we should follow Anko-sensei's advice and stop dieting."
"Oh, I'm sure as hell not feeling that way again," said Ino in agreement. "I'm just mad as hell about it."
"She said she'd teach us about how to eat while exercising so we don't get fat, though," Sakura pointed out thoughtfully. "I think we should all take notebooks tomorrow and take notes."
"You would, Forehead Girl."
But Ino did not have her posse behind her, and Hinata agreed with Sakura. "I-I'm taking my notebook, too," she decided tentatively. Sakura offered her a smile and Hinata gave a shy smile back.
Ino scoffed. "I can't believe I'm on a team with such losers," she muttered.
And it looked like these would be the only people she had time for. If Anko-sensei's first day of training was any indication, she wasn't going to have the time or energy for any of her old friends anymore. All that time spent building up popularity - gone to waste.
The saving grace was that Ino was too tired to consider this much. She took a shower, put on her PJs, collapsed down onto her bed, and fell asleep.
Her parents woke up the next morning and realized: "We weren't troubled by any ruckus caused by our daughter last night, were we?" said her mother wonderingly.
Her father chuckled into his coffee. "I used to work with Mitarashi Anko in ANBU Black Ops," he muttered. "I'm not surprised."
Next day, Anko-sensei gave them the low-down on eating healthily both before and after exercise. "I will be putting you through intense physical training seven days a week, so this is important information," she said. (The girls bit back despairing moans. They were a little afraid of what Anko-sensei's reaction might be to such a show of weakness.)
And, on Sakura's recommendation, even Ino reluctantly took notes:
"You should eat three kinds of things in the mornings before exercising.
"First, what are called 'quality' carbohydrates. These include breads, cereals, pasta, rice, fruits, and vegetables.
"Second, lean proteins. Proteins include meat, poultry, seafood, dry beans and peas, eggs, nuts, and seeds. When possible, always try leaner choices. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts and turkey cutlets. Leaner cuts of ground beef, turkey breast, or chicken breast. Lean turkey, roast beef, and ham. Never fry food. No high-fat sauces. Seafood is good, especially salmon, trout, and herring, which include heart-healthy omega 3 fatty acids. Bean and pea dishes, such as chilis, stews, casseroles. Cooked eggs. Peanut butter with whole wheat bread. Rice and beans. Unsalted nuts, in salads or yogurts or otherwise. All good choices.
"Third, heart-healthy fats. These include polyunsaturated fats - such as the kind found in nuts, seeds, vegetable oils such as corn and safflower oil, and fatty fish. Unsaturated fats - such as the kind found in olive and vegetable oils, seafood, and unsalted nuts. Monounsaturated fats - such as the kind found in olive oil, peanut oil, nuts, seeds, and avocado. Hummus, guacamole, vegetables - all good. Omega 3 fatty acids - such as the kind found in fatty fish, like albacore tuna, salmon, mackerel, and sardines. Also soy, walnuts, and some vegetable oils are good sources.
"You'll notice some of these things overlap. That's because some shit is just good for you. Aren't you amazed by my very scientific reason.
"You also need to drink fluids. Lots and lots of fluids. By the time the day is over, you should have peed, like, a gallon of piss. Seriously.
"Basically, focus on a few things: Low fat. Moderate in carbs and proteins. Low in fiber. Lots of fluids. Made up of familiar foods you can tolerate well. Most importantly, stay away from fried and greasy foods and soft drinks."
Anko smirked as the girls looked surprise. "You guys were expecting me to tell you to eat lots of burgers and pizza, weren't you? Well, surprise, assholes. Just because you're eating a lot, doesn't mean you have to eat unhealthily. Just remember to eat a lot of it. You should get to the point where if you like the food, you can comfortably eat two to three platefuls.
"Also, on the note of fluids, water is good, but so are sports drinks like Gatorade. I would use a combination of both when you exercise.
"After exercising, remember to eat protein. Eggs. Milk. Whey protein shakes. You don't need to consume very much, but consuming protein after you exercise helps your muscles recover and grow. And when your muscles grow, exercising won't hurt as much the next time. Get it?
"Oh, and I can't believe I have to say this. Eat three meals a day. At least two of them big ones. I will give you a lunch break during PT. You can use that to scarf down a bagel or a piece of fruit, but make sure to eat a big breakfast and a big dinner. If you don't, you'll just keep passing out.
"Okay. Break. Let's get exercising."
And then they started doing PT seven times a week. Rain or shine. Mud or grass. When it got cold and snowy? They moved indoors and worked out at the gym instead.
They always started with calisthenics. Then they did pushups, situps, and pullups in endless, endless numbers. Or sometimes they were made to climb hills and stairs at high running speeds - going up, and back down, and up, and back down, in endless, endless rows.
Anko-sensei of course put them through more runs. She made them take laps around the local pool, do rock climbing.
There were two particularly hard exercises.
The first was weight-lifting.
"I'm - going to look like - a boy!" Ino puffed out one day while lifting weights.
"I can't hear your weight lifting, Yamanaka! There's this annoying whining sound in my ear!" Anko barked, stalking over to her.
The second was crawling. That's right, crawling. Anko-sensei took them out to a training area made up of explosive tag rigged ninja wire, and made them crawl on their hands and knees in the mud underneath the ninja wire without setting off any of the explosive tags. Of course, if one of them did brush a tag, they might all die.
"I can't do this," Hinata said pitifully as they were crawling through the mud.
"Why did Hokage-sama do this to us?" Sakura pleaded to the hot blue skies.
"SHUT UP AND KEEP CRAWLING!" shouted Anko from the other side of the training field.
Pretty soon, it was a gritty routine they'd become accustomed to. Eat a lot. Tie your hair back in a bun or ponytail. Go outside, get dirty and muscular, sweat like a pig. Go home, eat a lot more, take a shower, fall asleep. Get up and do the same thing all over again.
Ino was afraid to even face her friends at school. Perfume and sweat did not mix, and neither did perfume and makeup - she looked terrible. Boyish. All three girls hated their Sensei. And their bickering with each other was constant. Especially the bickering between Ino and Sakura.
One day, silently to herself, Anko decided to do something about the last problem. All the arguing was giving her a headache.
She took her team to a different training area this time. They didn't turn at the explosive tag rigged ninja wire, or the hill, or the stairs, or the pool, or even their usual forested field. Instead, they were led up to a huge forest. It was surrounded by chain-link fencing littered with "Keep Out" and "Danger" signs. They could hear animal cries from far beyond in the dark forest.
"I asked you all to bring packs full of rations and water and camping materials today," said Anko. Sure enough, they each had a pack on their back. "That's because I haven't put you through survival training yet, so it would be unfair of me to do otherwise. But I take it you've all been camping before."
They all nodded.
Anko beamed and pointed behind herself at the forest. "You're going to camp for one night in there! Training Area 44, The Forest of Death!" She said it so cheerfully.
"Sensei, what if we die?" Sakura asked, horrified.
"I'll tell your mother you died for a good cause, Sakura. I'll make something up. I'll say you saved puppies or something."
Hinata looked like she was about to piss herself.
"Okay, have fun!" Anko jumped back and waved toward the forest.
None of them moved.
"What if we just… don't do it?" Ino whispered. "What if we all just… refuse?" She sounded deranged and hopeful.
Anko thought they needed a little incentive, so she took out a scroll, bit her thumb, swiped some blood across the scroll and cried, "Summoning Technique!"
And a gigantic goddamn snake appeared right behind the three girls. It opened its mouth and hissed at them. The girls screamed and ran as fast as they could into the open fencing leading into the forest.
Anko smirked and patted the snake. "Thanks, Manda," she said smugly.
Now to follow the girls covertly using stealth and watch what happened. (Unbeknownst to the girls, the explosive tags in the other field hadn't been activated either.)
"What do we do?!"
"How should I know?!"
"Well, since you're so talented, Ino -"
"And what about you, Forehead Girl? You're supposed to be so smart -"
And finally, after all the weeks of constant bickering, Hinata snapped. She did not plead with them. She did not murmur, "Please stop fighting." She did not hide or put her hands over her ears. She did not pretend to ignore them.
Instead what she said was this:
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Sakura and Ino turned to her, stunned.
Hinata was furious. She was mad. "All you two do is bicker! Over who's more popular, who's going to get the guy, who's smarter, who's more talented, who's prettier! It's obvious you secretly care about each other, so could you just shut up? We're in the middle of a forest full of dangerous creatures with nothing but a set of rations, a tent, and a few sleeping bags, and it will be nighttime soon! Our deranged Sensei could have sent that hungry snake after us and all we are doing is standing on a tree branch a few minutes inside a place called The Forest of Death, ARGUING!"
There was a moment of stunned silence. Then Hinata sagged and put her hand over her mouth, going red-faced. "Oh, God, I am so sorry."
"No, don't worry about it, do -" Ino turned to Sakura. "Do you really care about me?"
"... Well, yeah," Sakura muttered, looking away. "I mean, we used to be, like, best friends. I didn't think you still cared about me."
"I'm not the one who broke up the friendship."
Sakura winced. "I just… I envied you. You know? I didn't think we could -"
"And I fed that envy," Ino realized.
There was a moment of silence.
"I want to be friends with both of you," said Hinata at last, tiredly. "So could you please stop fighting?"
"Yes." Sakura and Ino turned back, their eyes determined. "Let's work together and survive this night in the forest."
"I have a compass," Hinata offered, holding it up. "And I think I hear a river somewhere nearby."
"I'll set up the tents near the river," said Ino.
"I'll start the fire," said Sakura.
"And I'll cook the rations," said Hinata.
They were sitting around the campfire after dinner, tired and quiet, about to head back to their sleeping bags.
"... I was really surprised when I got this assignment," Sakura admitted at last. "I mean, yeah, I'm super perfectionistic and I'm really smart, but I've got nothing else going for me. I don't even have ninja parents."
"You were surprised?" Ino snorted wryly. "I got drunk every weekend and was on my way to either teenage parenthood or a juvenile detention center."
They both turned to Hinata. "... You've both got nothing on me," she admitted. "I was supposed to be the heiress of my clan, but I'm so weak and timid I was passed up in favor of my little sister. I'm a huge disappointment to my father; he tells me so all the time."
"... That's a shitty thing to tell your daughter," said Ino.
"Well, he's just -"
"No, she's right," said Sakura. "That's terrible. And I'd tell you if it wasn't."
There was a pause.
"I guess none of us expected we were about to become anything great," Hinata pointed out.
"Yeah." Ino snorted. "We're the dream-team, alright. The biggest fuckups in the Academy. That's why Anko-sensei's so hard on us."
There was a moment of silent depression. Then: "But I guess we have each other," said Sakura. "Right?"
Hinata looked up.
"It sounds cheesy…" said Ino. "But yeah. We do."
Just then, they heard a growling sound in the darkness beyond their circle of firelight. They all looked up. Hinata made a hand seal and her eyes bulged with power. "Byakugan!"
"Whoa. What the hell is that?" said Ino, staring at Hinata's eyes. The veins had bulged and the eyes had gained intense-looking pupils.
"It's my clan's bloodline ability," said Hinata. "The Byakugan. We can see through anything!" She squinted, looking closer. "It's a tiger," she said, tensing.
"Alright, where is it?" said Ino determinedly, even as Sakura froze.
Hinata pointed. "There."
Ino made a hand seal. "I'm about to take over its mind. Hinata, watch my body; Sakura, tie the tiger up. Mind Body Switch Technique!" Ino's body collapsed over; Hinata caught it… and then the tiger pranced serenely into the circle of firelight.
"This must be Ino's clan's ability," Sakura whispered. She tied up the tiger with ninja wire, and then the tiger slumped over and Ino's body woke up again.
The tiger immediately started snarling, thrashing - Sakura knew she had to make this quick, before the tiger cut through the ninja wire - she wrapped an explosive tag around a kunai knife, prepped the tag, and threw the kunai -
There was a whimper and then the tiger exploded in a wash of blood and guts that splashed all over them. Hinata leaned over and threw up.
"... Well," said Ino grimly, "I really hope Anko-sensei doesn't have anything worse planned for us than that."
To their surprise, she didn't.
She leaped down brightly into their clearing the next morning to find them beat up, covered in dirt and blood and guts, tired, rough-handed, and glaring flatly at her.
"Congratulations!" she said cheerfully. "You all survived!"
They continued glaring.
"Now on to the harder stuff!"
They blanched.
Anko laughed. "Just kidding," she said. "I'll lead you out of the forest. Take the rest of the day off, alright?"
She wasn't winning any brownie points with her students, but her methods were working. Their cheeks were already more flushed, their bodies already changing and becoming more lithely muscular, they were getting much less whiny - and as she watched them walk off, laughing and smiling and teasing each other playfully, she knew she'd done the right thing.
These girls might just survive her methods, after all.