For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.
I've never done anything of this sort before. Writing, yes, but FanFic... not so much. I've been really bored this summer and this kind of popped into my head. I'm DYING for season 4 and so... yeah. Anyway. Any advice for a new comer? Thanks. Hope you enjoy. I'll try to update soon if anyone likes it. Reviews? Critiques?
Thank :)
M
Part 2
Good God, we were starting with that? Come on, Castle, give me a minute to breathe! "Um… not much," I lied, "I remember you diving on me and then hearing something about Lanie. And then… nothing."
He looked somewhere between crestfallen and relieved, "Oh."
"Yeah…"
We were quiet again. I studied him more. His hair looked like it hadn't been combed in a couple of days. His light green t-shirt was wrinkled as were his faded jeans and the stubble on his face looked a tiny bit gray in places. There were deep circles under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped. This was not the overly confident, loud author that I'd grown to know and… well you get the picture. He was a broken man.
"Castle?" I squeezed his hand and he turned to me, tired blue eyes expectant.
Instantly I felt bad for lying to him about what I remembered. He deserved to know that I'd heard him. That I … what? Did I feel the same way? The Lanie part of my brain screamed Yes! Katherine Beckett, don't you dare pretend that you don't love that boy any less than he loves you. But the rest of me wouldn't let that come out of my mouth. Three simple, little, terrifying words. I had to tell him I was lying.
What came out of my mouth was, "You didn't have to stay. You should have gone home. Alexis needed you, I'm sure."
Castle broke into a laugh at that and my guilt dropped a couple of notches. It was a warm familiar noise. Hearing it made the situation less foreign.
"Alexis told me to stay here. I believe her exact words were, 'Dad if you leave her I swear I will show Ryan and Esposito your collection of vintage Barbies,' and then I told her that that was her collection and she said the boys didn't have to know that."
I started to laugh but stopped instantly as pain shot through my chest, 'Oh don't make me laugh Castle."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" his hands fluttered over me, unsure of what to do, where to touch me.
"It's fine," I gasped, grabbing his hand again, "Calm down." I settled back and the pain lessened.
"Are you sure? I can-"
"I'm fine, Castle." I squeezed his fingers and smirked up at him, "So you have a Barbie collection?"
Castle laughed and the room seemed to warm up several degrees, "I knew if I told you that, you'd give me hell!"
I tried not to laugh again, "Yeah well. You wouldn't want it any other way."
He smiled, serious again, "True enough."
I was about to say more when the door opened. A wave of my favorite people crashed into the tiny room. Esposito, Ryan, Lanie, Martha, Alexis and even Jenny.
"Hey girl." Lanie slipped her hand away from Esposito and ran the last few steps to my bed. Her arms wound around my neck in a gentle hug.
"Hey, Lanie," I smiled against her shoulder as I wrapped my free arm around her back.
"You gave us quite the scare there," She whispered and as she did her voice shook.
"I'm okay now. I promise" I squeezed her lightly and she pulled back scratching her nose to hide the fact that she was wiping away a tear. My heart twisted watching my best friend. She was usually so strong, it was foreign to see her so emotional. It was my fault. I'm sorry Lanie, I screamed in my mind.
"Hey, boss." Esposito leaned down and kissed my cheek.
"You're gonna have one badass scar," Ryan joked feebly, kissing my cheek like his partner.
"You know it." I grimaced, "That way I'll look even more badass than the two of you."
The boys smiled at each other and shook their heads. Jenny hugged me lightly as Lanie had then returned to Ryan's side, wrapping her hand around his. Lanie leaned her head against Esposito's shoulder and he kissed the top of her head.
Martha came to my bedside next, "Hey kiddo. You're looking better. Maybe now Richard will come home and shave."
"I don't know, Mother," Castle interjected, "I'm kind of digging the facial hair. Makes me more rugged. What do you think, Beckett?"
I giggled and rolled my eyes, "What ever you say Castle."
"Finally! I've been three years to hear you say that."
"Yeah well, chalk it up to the pain meds," I groaned as Alexis sat down next to my knee.
"I'm so glad you're awake Detective Beckett," she grabbed my free hand and smiled.
"Thank you Alexis," She was such a sweetie. I lowered my voice to a stage whisper, "So did you have to show the boys your dad's special collection?"
Little Castle's eyes lit up with the same mischief I'd seen in her fathers eyes so many times, "No, but I'm keeping it in reserve just in case."
"What collection?" Ryan and Esposito asked simultaneously.
"It's nothing," Castle interrupted again, and then turned to us, "Not cool girls." I coughed a laugh and winced, trying to hide it from the majority. Castle didn't miss it and squeezed my fingers gently.
I glanced around the room and found everyone staring at me. Lanie looked like she was biting the inside of her cheek. When she caught me looking at her, she flicked her eyes down to Castle's hand secure around mine and then back up to my eyes, raising an eyebrow a fraction of an inch. I rolled my eyes and jerked my head a little trying to say, it's no big thing. But I'm sure you'll want to talk about it later. Her look clearly replied, DUH.
The room was way too quiet for the number of people in it. Everyone seemed to be staring at me, as if waiting for something to happen, for me to say something. Well why not.
"Why the hell is everyone looking at me like that? I'm fine. Talk to me, tell me new things. Any leads on the son of a bitch who shot me?" that seemed to jolt everyone out of their stupor. But the temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees and I was glad of Castle's jacket thrown over me.
"Just a bullet casing. A throw away gun," Esposito growled, "We went after him but he was already in the wind."
"We asked everyone at the funeral if they saw something. Castle was the only one," Ryan continued, tightening his hand around Jenny's.
"If he hadn't seen the reflection on the muzzle, they never would have known which way to go," Lanie chimed in.
I looked toward Castle who being uncharacteristically quiet and modest, "Thank you," I whispered, slightly embarrassed.
His reply was a thin lipped smile and a gentle squeeze of my hand.
There were several more moments of silence. The only noise came from my heart monitor and it just seemed to be getting louder and louder.
"Seriously guys, I'm fine," I lied, brushing back my emotions, ignoring the pain coursing through my body and how terrified I was to close my already heavy eyelids and tried to break the ice. I hated seeing them all so solemn, "Lighten up. Roy…" I almost faltered from the return of the non-stitches related tightness in my chest, but my bravado returned quickly enough, "Roy's gone and we can all mourn that but… life goes on. Our lives will go on. He wouldn't want us to act like this. We'll catch that guy and then everything will go back to normal," I couldn't stop the slight tremor in my voice as I finished, knowing that it wasn't true, but hoping it was ease them somewhat.
The room seemed to ring after my pronouncement and everyone looked at me incredulously.
"Beckett…" Castle started staring at me. Alexis shivered and Martha lay a comforting had on her shoulder. What had I said?
"Honey, you got shot. We all watched you get shot. Everything has change," Lanie said shuddering.
"You aren't alright, Kate," Jenny whispered.
"No. I am. I really am," I swallowed the lump that had appeared in my throat. They were right. It was my fault. I'd opened my mom's case again. I'd gotten so deeply buried in it that I hadn't cared what happened, who got hurt, as long as my mother was avenged. I had gotten Captain Montgomery killed, been unable to save him. I'd acted irrationally and said terrible things. Oh Castle. I'd been so awful to him, pushed him away as hard as I possibly could, and still he stood by me. I didn't deserve to have any of them around my bed side. I should be alone, contemplating my selfishness
Castle stood up, pulling his hand away from mine for the first time since I'd awakened. I was instantly colder actually missing the feel of his hand in mine.
"Kate… You-" he began, pacing at the foot of my bed when the doctor entered the room, carrying a chart. He paused just inside the door, taking in all our expressions, Castle pacing.
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" he asked, looking between me and Castle.
"No," I answered, as Castle replied at the same moment, "Yes,"
The doctor looked even more confused but shook it off quickly, "It's nice to see you awake, Detective Beckett. I am Doctor Carlson. I've been put in charge of your post-op." He was young, maybe thirty, sandy hair, brown eyes. He seemed nice enough, competent.
"Nice to meet you, Doctor," I replied, holding out the hand that Castle had recently dropped.
"And you," the doctor shook my hand and Alexis moved off my bed, slipping her hand out of mine. I felt alone, terrifyingly alone; even with my people huddled around, not ten feet away.
"So how're you feeling?" Dr. Carlson asked, looking at his chart and then the various monitors around my bed.
"Fine," I replied automatically.
"Really?" the doctor asked, not bothering to look up from his chart.
"Well," I amended, "as well as I expect I'd feel after getting shot."
"Have you noticed any seeping from your bandage?"
"Truthfully, I didn't notice I had a bandage," I lifted Castle's jacket and my blanket gingerly and checked myself out. I was unfortunately dressed in one of the threadbare, backless hospital gowns. But it seemed to be clean, no wet spots around the center of the pain in my chest.
"I don't think so," I replied after replacing the blanket and pulling Castle's jacket up more on my chest.
"That's good," Doctor Carlson finally looked away from annotating his chart and turned to me, "Well, Detective, it seems like you are in remarkable condition for someone who was shot three days ago. It will still be about five days before you can go home. We just want to continue monitoring you, just in case. When you are discharged, you'll need someone to stay with for at least three weeks, maybe four, just help you move, make sure you don't fall. After that, I don't want you back on active duty for another month and a half. Just build up your strength. Take it slow. Your only pressing issue will be to figure out which of your entourage you'll be spending three weeks with. It should be a problem for you though. They've hardly left your side."
I forced a smile at the doctor. There was no way I could burden any of them with this and I was in for a hell of a fight to get them to understand that, "Thank you, Dr. Carlson,"
"I'll be back tomorrow to check on you again. Try to rest soon." With a smile around the room, the doctor exited.
The echo of the shutting door hadn't finished reverberating off the walls before everyone was talking at once, telling me to stay with them, but I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to think about it. Something had just occurred to me. The man who shot me. When he found out I was still alive he wouldn't stop until I was dead. I could not put any of these people in any more danger. They were my family. They couldn't die for me. Couldn't even get hurt for me. It would kill me.
"Guys," I tried to yell over them, "please."
They all fell silent. I was suddenly exhausted. All I wanted was to sleep, "I don't want to talk about this now. Please. Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out later."
They all started to protest but I continued as my eyes drooped, "I'm going to go to sleep. You should all go. Go home, go to work, go to school, shave. I'm fine. I'm talking to you. I can't order all of you, but you three," I looked at Ryan, Esposito, and Castle, "Get out of here."
There was another wave of arguments but it was further off. I saw a flash of red and felt the bed near my knee sink down a little. Alexis. Her smaller hand snuck into mine and I barely heard her whisper, "Get well soon, Detective Beckett. I hoisted what I was sure was a dopey smile on my face and squeezed her hand lightly. With that, I fell back to sleep.