Chapter 2 - Madness
It was the smell that dragged her up from her dreams: a reeking combination of burning wood, wet dog and too many people packed in together. She became aware of cold air on her face, far too cold for indoors, even with the power off. Her bed was too hard and very uncomfortable – she was covered with rough blankets not her thick goose-feather duvet. She blinked her eyes and a slanting canvas roof came into focus.
"What the hell?!" she exclaimed, bolting up from the bed. "Where am I?"
She looked around. She was in a small tent, just big enough for the bed-roll she'd abandoned. She looked down at herself – she was wearing trousers and shirt in rough, heavy wool and her feet were encased in thick stockings. Next to the bed roll was a furry mound that appeared to be breathing gently. About to poke at it Ceri started as a voice spoke just outside the tent flap.
"Lady Ceridwen? Are you awake?" The voice was deep and calm. It sounded familiar.
Ceri steeled herself and pushed back the canvas flap. Her senses reeled at the vast open space outside. The tent was on the edge of what looked like a ruined city. A huge fire was blazing merrily in the space in front of her – looking left and right she saw several similar tents. Beyond the fire was a massive camp, row after row of tents and fires. In the distance she could see two massive pavilions, one in blue and yellow, the other gold and green. The sounds of voices and dogs barking carried on the wind.
"Ah, you are awake," the voice spoke again.
Ceri looked round and saw a man watching her from beside the fire. He appeared to be in his fifties, although his hair and beard were still dark, there were lines around his eyes and he looked tired. She knew him.
"D-Duncan?" she said, her voice trembling.
"I must apologise for the accommodation," the Grey Warden said with a half smile. "It does not compare to the Teyrn's halls at Highever, I know."
Ceri shook her head, her mind whirling. She must still be dreaming, that was it. Dreaming or hallucinating. Too much PlayStation before bed, her mother would say. She dropped to the ground next to the fire, shivering from a cold that seemed to well up from inside her bones. Resting her head on her drawn up knees she fought down the urge to scream. This was all wrong. She knew where she was, of course: this was Ostergar, where King Cailan's army were preparing to face the Darkspawn Hoard. But it was insane. You just don't go to sleep in your own bed and then wake up in a place that only exists in a computer game. She drew in a deep breath and swallowed against the bile rising in her throat. What was she going to do? The first thing that came to mind was to retreat to the tent and hide under the blankets. She flinched when a large hand closed over her shoulder.
"Lady Ceridwen?" There was genuine concern in Duncan's voice. "I realise you have been through a great deal, but we do need to move swiftly."
Ceri could hear someone whimpering softly, a thin plaintive sound. It took her a moment to realise that the sound was coming from her.
"I can't," she said, voice muffled against her knees. "I don't belong here."
"The prospect of becoming a Grey Warden is daunting," Duncan said kindly. "But you will be fine. As I said before, I came to Highever with the idea of recruiting you. You are exactly what the Wardens need."
"You don't understand," she wailed, turning her head so she could see him. At least she would have if the tears welling up in her eyes hadn't blurred her vision to the point where she couldn't really see anything properly. "I don't belong here. Not here, not at all."
Duncan tried to calm her, but after a moment she buried her face in her knees once more and began to sob in earnest. Ceri didn't notice when he left but after some time, when her fear waned through sheer exhaustion she heard him talking to someone out of sight.
"I didn't realise the extent of her trauma. It seems that she doesn't remember who she is or why she is here."
"What happened to her?" This voice belonged to a woman. It was low and warm. "I need details, Duncan, if you want me to help her."
"Her entire family was murdered in front of her," the Warden replied. "Ceridwen was the only survivor."
"I see," the woman said. "Well I will try, Duncan."
Ceri heard footsteps approach and then someone sat beside her. She turned her head to see a white-haired woman dressed in soft brown robes, her lined face set in an expression of friendly concern.
"Duncan said you were unwell and asked me to speak with you. My name is Wynne. I am a mage."
"I'm Ceri," she said, her voice rough. "I don't understand how I got here but I don't belong here. I'm scared."
"Well, it is not unusual in these circumstances to feel afraid," Wynne said, laying a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you tell me the last thing you remember?"
"I went to bed. I was at home and I went to bed and then I woke up here." Ceri clutched the hand Wynne offered. "I don't know how I got here and I'm scared."
"Duncan says he brought you here from Highever. Is that where you remember being last?"
"You don't understand," Ceri wailed. "I don't come from Highever; I've never even been to Highever. I just woke up here and here shouldn't exist. This is all in my head. That must be it. I'm still dreaming right? Right?"
"Is that what you think then? That this is a dream?"
"It must be, this place is make believe, just pretend." Ceri's eyes filled with tears at the pitying look on Wynne's face. "You have to believe me, please. I don't belong here. I don't know what's happened to the girl Duncan brought from Highever but I'm not her."
"Lady Ceridwen, you are the girl I brought from Highever," Duncan said as he approached the fire. "You have not been out of my sight since we left your father's estate. There is no possibility of a mistake."
"It is more likely that Ceri has suppressed the memory as a way of coping," Wynne added. "However I am concerned that she is so convinced that none of this is real, Duncan. Would it be fair to her to make her undergo the Joining in her present state?"
"We have no choice in the matter," Duncan said. "I'm sorry. I think it would be best for Lady Ceridwen to be busy at this time. Perhaps her memory will come back to her quicker if she has some other task to focus on."
"I think you're making a mistake Duncan but it is yours to make." Wynne got to her feet with a groan. She laid a kindly hand on Ceri's shoulder. "I will be in the mages' enclosure if you need someone to talk to, child."
Ceri watched her leave, feeling numb. She'd only just got to this part of the game when the power had gone out, she had no idea of what was supposed to happen next. She stared into the fire, trying to decide what to do.
Well you have a choice, her inner voice said, sounding a little annoyed. You can sit here and feel sorry for yourself, you can go and hide in your tent or you can find something to do and make yourself useful.
Feeling sorry for herself wasn't really working, was it? All that had done was give her a headache and sore eyes from crying. Somehow she didn't think hiding was going to be of much help either. Her mum always said that if you didn't know what to do, then it was best to do something practical until you worked it out. She'd never had any patience with Ceri's crying fits, which although not frequent were usually stormy to say the least. Ceri's trouble was that once she was miserable enough to cry, she couldn't stop. She would spiral downwards in her misery, feeling guilty and stupid for being so childish, which in turn only served to worsen her mood. She had finally managed to control the shaking in her limbs and was having a fair degree of success in smoothing the miserable down-turn of her lips when a nudge at her elbow caught her attention. Looking round she met the eyes of the ugliest dog she had ever seen in her entire life. His head was square, body thickset and blocky with heavy powerful limbs and a short stumpy tail. It looked like a cross between a mastiff and a black bear, a huge brindled creature with a patch of black fur over one eye that gave it a rakish pirate look. The tail began to wag furiously, stirring the dust up in aggravated puffs. Adoring brown eyes locked on hers and a long pink tongue lolled out in a canine grin.
Where'd you go? I was worried about you. Are you alright?
Ceri stared in wonder at the beast. He hadn't spoken, she was sure of that, but all the same she knew exactly what that look meant. The dog nudged her elbow again then leaned up and licked her face from chin to hairline.
Come on, cheer up! This is fun! New people, new smells. It's fun, yes?
She sighed and found that a smile was tugging at her lips. The dog's enthusiasm was infectious, chasing away the cold fear that was gnawing on her heart and mind. The stumpy tail began to wag again as she scrubbed her fingers into the short fur around his ears.
"You're a good boy aren't you?" Her voice was worn down from crying and she couldn't speak much about a whisper without her throat hurting. "You're a good, clever, brave boy."
Of course! The wagging tail and bright eyes seemed to say. Your boy, yes?
"Yes, you're my clever boy, my brave Khan-dog." Ceri didn't know why that name had jumped into her mind but it seemed to fit him.
"I see Khan has awakened," Duncan said. He was smiling down at them. "He was worried about you, Lady Ceridwen. You are fortunate to have a Mabari hound of your own."
Ceri looked from dog to man and sighed again. This was insane. She was in a world that didn't exist, talking to a man who couldn't be there and being leaned on by a dog that reeked of, well, damp dog. She contemplated again the idea of sitting where she was or hiding away in the tent. It wasn't going to happen though, was it? Sitting around thinking about her problem was only going to make her feel miserable again, then she'd start crying and then she'd end up with an even worse headache. Finding something practical to do seemed to be the only solution.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked Duncan, her fingers still busy about Khan's ears. "Even if I've gone mad I can't just sit here, can I? What can I do to help?"
"Go to the north of the camp and find a Grey Warden named Alistair," Duncan told her. "Tell him you need armour and weapons. He will take you to the quartermaster."
Ceri nodded and got to her feet. She'd taken two steps when she felt a tug on the back of her shirt. Turning she saw Khan sitting, looking expectantly at her with a pair of leather boots beside him. She looked down at her stocking feet and sighed for the third time. Not only mad but daft too. Fancy going off through an army camp without putting your boots on.
A/N - Ceri's first glimpse of Ostergar, and she's noticed what everyone else has - apparently Ferelden smells of wet dog. I know that in the game you only meet Wynne in passing at this point, but since when you speak to her she refers to Duncan by name I'm assuming that she already knows him. So who better to comfort a hysterical girl than everyone's favourite grandmotherly mage?
Khan was the name of my parents' Labrador/Alsatian cross when I was little - he was the most intellegent (and human) dog I have ever known, as Ser Gilmore says 'smart enough not to talk', unswervingly loyal, fiercely protective and he had a sense of humour that I have never come across in another dog. After playing through the city elf origin and getting 'Dog' and discovering what a scamp he was, it seemed only fitting to name Ceri's dog after the only Mabari I've ever known in the real world.